No one is going to care, no one is going to see this, need to empty my brain before I implode. I feel unwanted unless there is a financial gain from me. I've been used, I've been abused. By my family, by my friends. And by those I gave my heart to. I try to make me friends, I try to find that one that will love me for who I am. But I seem cursed. I seem to be the the unlikable and the unlovable. Sure im only 26 and still have time. But who wants to wait. Who wants to see love and happiness around them. Who wants to be alone. Sure I have the perfect mask hiding it all, but my face hurts from the fake smiles. My heart hurts from the need to fix all relationships around me. Yet i can't see past the lies filling my ears from the ones who claim to want me. I seem to be nothing but a sick joke to everyone. Im used as the brunt of every joke around me. Im told its all in good fun, I'm told to man up and shrug it off. But how do you shrug off a torrential down pour. You can't stop a flood by just grinning and bearing it. I'm losing myself, my true self to the lies I've put up to guard my emptiness. All i want is someone to honestly say that they are here for me, to honestly want me in their life. But I think I've come to the conclusion that I will never gain my own heaven on earth, I will never have my slice of happiness. I will be forever alone, made to help but never be helped. Maybe it's for the best, maybe one day I will come to terms with my lot in life. But for now, I am alone. For now i am apart of the unwanted, apart of those who are overlooked by all. Pushed aside with no regrets by anyone and everyone. Maybe one day I will smile for real again, one day it may be true. But for now you'll never tell me apart from any other person, for there are no cracks in my mask, no tell tale signs of this sadness. So smile and wave as you walk by, for you shall never know who I am, let alone who I was.
turnnoffyourmind
vaporwave
origamiaround
tangentwithtanner
germansingergirl
pixelskylines
