Eversince I was little, I already hear people talk about how being a lesbian, or liking the same sex, is a sin. I also hear them talking about how lesbians love differently. That don't ever be in a relationship with one because they love too much; that it's intense; that they will never let you go that easy.
And as a kid, I didn't really see anything wrong with that. (Surprise, surprise)
I have relatives that are lesbians and bisexuals. I am not that close to them but we visit them from time to time. And whenever they come up on one of our conversations, my other relatives, sometimes even my parents, always brought up their sexuality, like it is a requirement to always mention that they are "different".
So at a young age, I already knew that I shouldn't love that way. That I should like a boy instead of that cute, funny girl I have lunch with everyday. That I should only like things that are for girls like cute dolls and playing house and anything pink.
But I always knew, at the back of my head that I am different. I don't like dolls that much, I'd rather play tag than house, I hate pink,
and I like having lunch with my cute friend way too much.
And now, as an adult, I finally accepted it: I like girls too. And I finally get why they say people like us "love differently".
Atleast they got that one right.
I'm not saying that it's better than any other love. But being inlove with the same gender in a society that doesn't accept it, doesn't even try to understand it, even condemn it is, to put it simply, a mistake.
A mistake that makes you feel things. A mistake that makes you smile in the morning just because of a simple text. A mistake that makes you feel so alive. A mistake that you would never, ever try to "fix".
We love differently because we see clearer than anyone else, that it may end. That this, whatever we have with someone, is more fragile than anything we ever had. In a world where they see loving the same gender as a mistake, a sin, an abnormality, something that is not real, how could you not constantly think about how it will eventually end?
So we love fiercely. Sometimes to a point that it becomes self-destructing. Because somehow we hold on to that person because we might never find another one who will love us as much again.
I understand that now. I know at some point that this might end, that the possibility of us being together until we grow old is a bit slim, that having a life with her will never be smooth-sailing, that at some point we might ask ourselves if all of this is even worth it. But I look at her and despite all that, I would still do anything for her.
And no matter what people say, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.
