prcdigalsc-nā:
He leans back into Ianās touch, when he rolls back over, trying to show him that heās not asking for space, that he wants him close, wants to know heās there.Ā
Ā Ā Ā Ā āThat night, when you came over to ask me about the vote,ā he starts, thinking back to it. It feels like a lifetime ago, now, even though it was only a little less than a year. And he hadnāt let himself process, in all that time, how much it had hurt, that their last night together before Ian disappeared had felt like some kind of promise of normal, though he hardly blames Ian for that. No, the blame for that lies on Whiteās shoulders alone.Ā āYou told me the group was thinking of asking Shadow or Black to be the person to step up, and I told you couldnāt commit to a maybeĀ from someone I thought would say no.āĀ
It had been a horrifyingly easy decision to make, in retrospect, even though he knew Ian would be disappointed about it. He hadnāt meant it to be a permanentĀ no. He just didnāt want to get involved when there was still a chance things might not work out, or a chance they mind wind up with a worse replacement taking over for White. He didnāt want⦠well, what had happened to Ian and the others, pretty much, to happen to him. And unlike plenty of the others who seem to only just be realizing that they canāt trust White as far as they can throw her, heās always known that her good will was utterly conditional.Ā
But heād thought heād have a chance to change his mind, somewhere along the way. When Ian and DoppelgƤnger and the others had gotten further along in their plan. Heād wanted to say as much, to explain why he had to say no when he did, but Ian had dropped the conversation as quickly as heād brought it up. Clearly disappointed, but clearly trying his best not to make Jase feel bad about that. And everything else Jase wishes heād had a chance to say, all of it has been sitting with him ever since, with nowhere to put it.Ā
Ā Ā Ā āWhy not you?ā he asks, after a moment, finally asking the question heās been wondering for so long.Ā āWhy not put your own name forward? At least half the Manor would have rallied behind you. I would have, in a heartbeat.ā
It isnāt an accusation. It isnāt Ianās fault, that this went wrong. Itās just a curiosity. Something about him, some piece of him, that Jase feels like he needs to understand. Ian seemed built for leadership, seemed to thrive with it. And heād already been playing mother hen to all of the younger villains who still lived in the Manor when he was there. Thereās no one Jase would follow to the ends of the earth, or anything dramatic like that; heās been unfairly shoehorned by life into being a pragmatist rather than a romantic. He didnāt follow Ian, before. But if he could have imagined the power vacuum left in Whiteās place filled with Ian, there would have been no question.Ā
He nestles back into Jaseās personal space once he sees that his presence is not just welcomed, but wanted as well. He could easily fall asleep in that moment, he thinks briefly, before Jase speaks, enjoying the fact that after months of not being able to sleep next to one another, now they can as much as they like again. But he knows he needs to focus his attention on Jaseās words instead, especially as it seems that whatever he wants to ask has been weighing on him for some time now.Ā
Once his question is posed, he finds its one of the numerous questions heād been agonizing over in his head these last few months, when he was trying to figure out if there was anything he could have done to prevent this whole mess from starting in the first place.Ā
āI threw my name out after Shadow said no,ā he starts quietly with a sigh, resting his head against Jaseās again as he does,Ā ābut Morrigan and Doppelganger both felt like I was too controversial of a choice. That picking me would only widen the discontent that was already brewing between the older villains outside the manor, and the younger ones who still lived in it.āĀ
Out of all of the villains in the Collective, he was among the few with prior experience running a group, what with his years at the head of the Teen Terrors. And even though hearing that he wouldnāt be welcomed by the Collective as a whole was a tough pill to swallow, he understood it to a certain degree. He could easily get the votes of the Catalysts of the Collective, but choosing him would automatically piss off the Dulces of the group.
āI knew deep down youād say no, when I asked before,ā he adds,Ā āwhich is why I didnāt press the topic any further- and my own confidence both in myself and the group, was beginning to falter anyway.āĀ











