Sex. Drugs. Fake meat.

My name is Laura. This is where I overshare with minimal editing. Sometimes it is poetic. And sometimes it is just lots of things about Portal.

[vegetarianbacon]

Final full-time week at Panera started with one employee getting dumped in the middle of lunch rush and ended with a woman who’s been opening the bakery every day for 8 years walking out. So. There’s that.

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Merry Christmas. Your present is your imagination.

JennaMarbles

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Apparently I'm reaching the age when my friends who aren't Mormon start getting engaged. So. Hi, adulthood.

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Re: my love life.

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I would like to report that today involved me being awake for only 6 hours. Go me.

[humansofnewyork]

"You can make about 75% more money with a cat on your head than you can with a cat on your shoulder."

[vegetarianbacon]

Here is what it's like to watch the documentary Indie Game while consuming an entire growler of high-ABV India Pale Ale: Oh my god he loves his parents so much I'm gonna cry Oh my god his wife is so adorable I'm gonna cry Oh my god he's so adorably socially awkward and nobody appreciates his craft I feel that so hard I'm gonna cry Oh no you did NOT bitch I'm gonna cry PEOPLE NERDS AHHH SO MANY FEELS

[vegetarianbacon]

The following takes place behind the counter of Panera Grandview, when the last customer in a very long line has been served.

Laura: [thrusting her fists into the air triumphantly] STEVE HOLT!

Polly: What does that mean?

Laura: Have you ever seen Arrested Development?

Polly: No, but I just started watching New Girl!

Laura: [headdesks]

[vegetarianbacon]

Benedick: I do love nothing in the world so well as you. Is not that strange?

Beatrice: As strange as the thing I know not. It were as possible for me to say I loved nothing in the world so well as you. But believe me not; and yet I lie not. I confess nothing, nor I deny nothing.

[bachtothefugue-deactivated20150]

drop the bass? no no no, release the bass. gently. in the water. please.

[nationofamanda-blog]

[vegetarianbacon]

Keeping Spotify permanently on private session so that, in the unlikely event he ever looks at my Facebook, he won't have to wonder whether he's the reason I listen to his favorite music.

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Please. I don't get jealous. I make jealous. In other people. I make other people jealous.

Chloe

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OK, well, I can't stand this, so I'm gonna go away, OK?

Anna Conroy

[vegetarianbacon]

OK totally unnecessary brain crack that nobody will care about but I have been living alone for too long for my extroverted self to deal with and I just need to put this out there:

HOLY SHIT the season 2 finale of Slings and Arrows is not only some of the best television ever made but also just so stupidly poignant and artistic and wonderful (EXCEPT for all of the implications that it's OK to change your fight choreography mid-performance to suddenly have swords swinging right in the audience's faces and/or encourage one partner to start improvising swordplay, that shit's DANGEROUS in real life so don't anyone ever do it, but OK suspension of disbelief).

Because it just so perfectly embodies everything that the cynics among us NEED to embrace about Romeo and Juliet, which is that, of course, that kind of love is not realistic long-term, it is not sustainable, it might not even be LOVE, exactly, but IT IS A THING MOST OF US CAN IDENTIFY HAVING FELT, even if we didn't act on it. When we watch the balcony scene, it stirs something in us against our better judgement because we know what it is to be young and at least think you're in love. And even if we pretend to know better, we may very well feel pangs of it again and again and simply choose not to voice it nor act on it with that kind of certainty, because we have learned to know better.

And here's the killer: OUR RESPONSE in an attempt to keep from getting hurt is often TO TAKE THE PATHS OF THE REST OF THE MONTAGUES AND CAPULETS and just fucking hate on people with just as much irrationality as Romeo and Juliet's love. It is the reminder of that innocent choice to love in the face of hurt and damn the consequence that heals the ancient grudge. And that's what's beautiful. Not that Romeo and Juliet love in a way that is a unique paragon of love. But that their nearly universal, irrational passion heals a grudge match just as universal and just as irrational. Because if you're gonna do something baseless and idiotic, it may as well be love instead of hate. And maybe the lovers kill themselves, not out of sorrow for one another, but out of a complete inability to return to their parents' world of senseless grudge-bearing.

And, yeah. Slings and Arrows.

[vegetarianbacon]

I want a Slings and Arrows montage of Maria saying "everyone is released."

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Can we all please accept the part where liking Harry Potter doesn't make you a nerd; it makes you a person who was probably born between 1985 and 1998.