ugh

don't follow me unless you know me

[ventastics]

I don't know why I still post here

[ventastics]

sometimes I get upset for such selfish reasons and it makes me feel bad but I can't help it

[calloway]

[ventastics]

I've spent so much time faking and blanking that it's occasionally hard to say what parts of my personality are actually real and which parts are just things that I've been faking for so long in the face of depression smothering everything for so long that I think it's real when it isn't

[ventastics]

oh i accidentally reblogged that nicki minaj thing to the wrong blog

[pinkpurplebluexxx-deactivated20]

💜💜💜

Nicki is so kind and gracious. Now hopefully people/media can focus on the issues she brought up about racism + sexism in the music industry instead of her ‘fight’ with Taylor. 

[ventastics]

So a couple days ago I accidentally jabbed my nail through my skin in my sleep, waking me up, so there's this icky nail-shaped mark by my knee. It's not a big deal (it's a tiny wound and it should scab up very soon), but it out a lot of Bad Nostalgia in my head and every time I feel the sting where it rubs up against my jeans I keep thinking about old sh things and it's been so long and I'm not going to relapse it's been years but I just hate it I hate it

[ventastics]

I need to get out of bed before my grandma gets here but I feel, like. dilapidated or something

[ventastics]

i love to die

[ventastics]

To do list for tomorrow

- take out trash (including old bullshit in fridge) - dishes??? - vacuum???? - read more - eat 2 meals!!! maybe order pizza again - shower @ night? - decide on cute outfit for Tuesday outing - get to bed at a DECENT HOUR

[ventastics]

plenty of people have liked me romantically i guess  but it’s never been anyone that i feel a romantic attraction to and honestly it’s so annoying like... why do i only like people that i have no chance with

[ventastics]

A CONSTANT, REPELLANT DESIRE TO BE LIKED AND WANTED

A CONSTANT, REPELLANT DESIRE TO BE LIKED AND WANTED

[ventastics]

It's been an hour how am j not asleep

[ventastics]

Me: time to sleep! Anxiety: Me: hahahahah nvm nvm

[ventastics]

ALSO, AN UPDATE: 

i am gonna go ahead and bind @ my dads

[ventastics]

Ok so goals for today:

- shower - eat 2 meals - write???? - dishes - check bank??? - get to bed at a decent hour

All pretty simple pretty small I can do it

ok so i gave up on writing but now all i have left to do is hit the hay around 11:30-12ish and i can call today a success 

[ventastics]