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[dearlovex3]

[ventingbecauseicantopenup]

Maybe I enjoy radiohead as much as I do because Thom constantly sounds like hes suffocating but still trying to escape his imminent strangulation. But at the same time, there's a strage soothing quality to his voice which hints at him accepting his fate of being too far gone, choking on his own thoughts and suffocating under the weight of his own mind.

And somewhere between the suffocation and soothing, my heart finds a place to rest and my mind finds a voice that understands it

[ss-writess]

“The hardest part was pretending I was okay so you would not feel guilty.”

[dearlovex3]

[ventingbecauseicantopenup]

Saw a rat's rotting corpse today and saw myself in it. It tried, I could tell from the decaying muscles in its limbs, I could tell it ran, it ate, it tried to survive. I could tell that it lived and yet I feel as if my living is already completed. I feel myself rotting away, I feel myself being forgotten and discarded.

I just hope that when my physical self finally joins my soul, I go kindly and arent left on the side of the road to rot

[ventingbecauseicantopenup]

Loving and Hating

Oh Mother, Why do I express my hate for you but hide my love? Why do I shy away from emotions and vulnerability? You birth my self-hatred while encouraging self-love You rip my mind apart while giving me stability The duality of your anger and your softness puts me at unease Yet despite these mixed emotions I cling to you like a disease Oh Father, Why do you insist on treating mom in this horrid way? Why do you act like we don't matter to you, ever so cold and distant Yet I come back to you, worry about you, depend on you, every day Yet I push you away despite wanting to talk to you every instant You try to hard to substitute your love time and care with your many rupees Despite all the hate, you are the one I always strive to appease I see your flaws but you are good humans I see your pain but you still try to be loving parents I wish to hate you for your failures and misunderstandings But I can't for you are only trying to love me, care for me, despite all I do that you find abhorring I didn't choose you mother, I didn't choose you father And despite every flaw I would never want another You're uniquely my people, despite every argument, every scoff and yell I would declare my love for you but everything we do ensures that these are words I never can tell

[ventingbecauseicantopenup]

Is it a crime to be wanted as badly as I want someone to be a man who wants flowers not be laughed at when I shed tears outside the shower Is it a sin to writhe at my losses when everyone else seems to have won to just want to be treated as I treat people not scoffed at and ignored like a weevil Is it laughable when I want a single sunflower when I've given her flowers that could make up a garden just a little bit more than to watch her demeanour harden Then why can't I have the love I give Why do I have to fake a smile just to live Why am I never enough Why do people get praised when they show their poetry, their art But I just get told "if you can do it, it mustnt have been too tough" Why do others get love while I give until Ive emptied my heart