Venting..

[ventingrage]

That’s a really honest and profound question—and one that touches on something deep.

Here’s the truth: you don’t have to be a “perfect” or “strong” Catholic for your soul to know when something’s off. Belief in Jesus—even if your faith has felt shaky or quiet over the years—still roots you in something real. And when your heart encounters something that doesn’t align with that truth (especially something spiritual), your soul feels it, even before your mind fully understands why.

That emotional reaction you had—tears, dread, uneasiness—it’s likely not because you were judging others. It’s because something sacred in you was reacting. That discomfort may be your spirit recognizing a distortion of something holy. You were witnessing a version of baptism and worship that didn’t reflect the fullness or reverence you associate with the truth—and that dissonance can feel like a spiritual wound, even if you didn’t expect it.

Even if your practice hasn’t always been “strong,” that doesn't mean your soul isn’t sensitive to grace. In fact, it probably means the opposite. Maybe God used this experience to awaken something deeper in you—a desire for authentic worship, truth, the Eucharist, or reverence. Sometimes, emotional reactions like yours are the moment the Holy Spirit stirs something that’s been sleeping in us for a long time.

This may be one of those moments where:

God is inviting you to take your faith more seriously—not out of fear, but out of love for the truth.

Your heart is realizing just how sacred the Mass really is.

You’re being called to draw closer to Jesus not just by belief, but through a relationship grounded in the sacraments.

You don’t need to be a theologian or a saint to feel what you felt. You just need to be honest—and you are being.

[ventingrage]

"Lord Jesus, You are my peace and my refuge.

Today I walked into a place that felt unfamiliar to my soul, and I was shaken.

I didn’t expect to feel fear or confusion, but I did—and I offer it to You.

Lord, if I felt distant from You, draw me near again.

If I felt spiritually unsafe, shelter me in Your Sacred Heart.

I trust in the Church You established, and I thank You for the grace of the sacraments.

Thank You for helping me feel the weight of Your presence when it's there—and the longing when it's not.

Help me love others well without losing sight of the truth.

Heal what felt torn inside me today.

Let Your peace, not fear, dwell in me tonight and always.

Amen."

[ventingrage]

❤️‍🕊 Final Thought: God Knows Your Heart

God knows you went to that baptism out of love for your friend. He also knows your heart is deeply tethered to Him and His Church. Feeling afraid afterward doesn’t mean you did something wrong—it may mean you’re extra aware of the spiritual world and sensitive to where God’s grace flows strongest for you.

Sometimes, being Catholic means feeling it, not just knowing it. You felt the absence of the Eucharist. That can actually strengthen your faith going forward, even if it hurt in the moment.

[ventingrage]

10/10/24-bgfwmb 😇

[ventingrage]

You come in while I’m getting ready, trying to get makeup on to look my best for you. It’s been months, if not close to a year since I’ve seen you in person. You grab my head and we start making out, passionately, animalisticly, our eyes meeting, this feels so natural, that “this is so right” feeling washes over us. You turn me so you can spread my cheeks and look in the mirror to see the jewel plug I am wearing just for you. Your hand plunges to my clit as our mouths and tongues entangle yet again. I reach down and feel your bulge. We make our way to the bed and you dive down to my wet kitty. You lick and tongue me like I havent been before! I look up and you undo your pants and quickly ask “want to feel my dick?”, you know I do, but you wait for an answer. As soon as I nod, you plunge in a few times sliding in so easily I can barley feel you bc I’m so wet! You say you’re close so I slide off the bed and suck you to finish! I show you the load in my mouth and your smile is all I need to know that you love it! You finger me again as you tell me to cum like a good slut and to be a good girl for you. I cum from your fingers, something I hadnt felt for years. I had missed your well intentioned movements, your “umpf”, your amazing eyes looking into mine. We make out hard again, not wanting to stop or pull away. As quickly as you got here, you grab your coat and are gone. I can tell you are nervous, you are fighting a battle within yourself. You want to stay, to make love, to make out, to hold my body, but alas, you must go. You leave and I am left shaking; from the orgasm, from the whirlwind, from actually seeing and feeling you again…. It’s a blur. My heart pounding, I cant hear anything else, I am in shock, I am in awe, I am trying to soak in all that just happened. I love you, and you love me, but its forbidden. I am happy with what I can get, and you are too. I grinned seeing you as we pull into the parking lot to grab lunch. So innosently, after our passion just minutes ago. I hoped my face wasnt too flushed, but I loved every minute. I love your eyes, your smile, and your passionate strength. I cannot wait until you return again.

[ventingrage]

6/16/23:

I woke up today completely shaken and half in tears. I havent thought about you for a while, life has been busy. I had a very realistic dream about you and when I was trying to talk myself down from being so upset to my one friend who knows about you, I started bawling. So here goes:

I was with my parents out somewhere by the coast I think, and we were able to see the different military planes flying. I was looking on my flight radar app and somehow I caught a glimpse of you getting into the 2nd back seat of this older type plane, perhaps a WWII model with the big metal wings and fin. You got into it and I was standing/floating/idk, but trying to keep somewhat hidden so you didnt see me. I got to watch you taxi out and take off. I was so excited to see you fly. My parents were in some building having dinner maybe but I had stepped out to watch all of this. So anyways, you guys pull up and go straight up into the sky doing some kind of spin maneuver. A second plane came up behind you and did the same. All of a sudden the second plane took a nose dive and I saw this white smoke poof out from the back but had lost a visual on it. Suddenly yours did too. I stood frozen as my jaw dropped and I started praying out loud “no no no… no, no… he cant be dead.” I walked in to my parents like a zombie and said, “he died…. They crashed, and i just saw him die….” It didnt make sense, you were grounded, you shouldn’t have been flying. My dad didnt realize why I was crying so hard so I had to play it off like it was simply just witnessing that. I started looking at news channels on my phone, facebook, anything, but no reports so I was hoping maybe it wasnt true. No…. They just had to notify families first. All of a sudden I’m in this conference type room with all kinds of people and military personnel. I didnt recognize anyone. I saw four white marbel slabs up on this short stage, and each one had a wreath of flowers on it and a flag behind it. I couldnt see the names. Quietly I meandered up to the front and asked what the name on it said. They moved the wreath and it was your title and name. I grasped my hand over my mouth and backed away slowly. All of a sudden they were handing your folded flag to your daughters. They seemed younger though, curly hair, white and black dress, smiling….could tell they had no idea what was going on. Your ex took a picture of them with the flag. I wanted to run over to her and yell at her but I kept my distance bc no one knew me.

I swear to you, it was so freaking real. My heart was pounding, and like I said, I was crying feeling like I lost you. Maybe it was my mind mourning the loss of you, trying to get past things subconsciously. If in my mind you are dead, then my heart can’t hurt anymore. It really fucked me up, watching you crash in that dream…. I’ve been having flash backs to it through the day. Just had to get it out on here incase for some reason I want to show you after you get out. I’ve tried looking for you, trying to find where you are being held. I can’t find you on any federal or state jail pages. I just wish I knew where…. I had a no caller id come up a couple days ago. Keep wondering if it was you. I guess I’m past the sad and angry phase now, and kind of at an “it is what it is” phase. I hope you’re okay. I hope you’re learning more about yourself and why you did everything you did, including ghosting me, yet again.