VENT a short essay (only partially chronological)
My grandparents tried throwing me a surprise sweet 16 and it was a surprise I had fun. But I walked in and only two or three of my friends were there. One thatās still my friend to this day, another who is my current boyfriend's best friend, but were on rocky terms now and a basketball teammate. Like I know I should get over it but when youāre told the guest list after the party and realize 10 or so people didnāt show it really sucks. The party ended up being mostly family friends, all of which are my grandparent's age, and family. Like Iām grateful for the people who did show up and I still love them which is why I donāt care if my boyfriend's best friend doesnāt like me anymore heās always gonna be a person Iāll help no matter what. But damn it really fucked up my self-esteem, I feel like most people around me purely tolerate my existence and donāt actually enjoy my company. Iāve been dealing with abandonment issues since I was a child and I canāt even feel happy trying to create a new family of friends because it stopped being worth the effort. I stopped reaching out to see people and now going out to events is a drag. We hang out with my boyfriend and his friends but honestly trying to feel welcomed in a group of people that been together since 1st grade is a long shot at best. I went with two of them to get drinks at one point and they literally stood in a way where I was the 3rd person on a 2 man sidewalk. He so badly wants me to be a part of his group of friends and Iām trying but thereās literally only 1 it seems I get along with. Then his controlling mother and ass hat of a father, literally my entire, ENTIRE, fucking family loves this man I love this man but his fucking family is a GIANT. BAG. OF. DICKS! Like I get it him and I fucked up in our last month of high school and got pregnant. I WASNāT EVEN THE FIRST PERSON TO KNOW AND I WAS THE PREGNANT ONE! My grandma, sheās amazing but also a cunt at her worst, went into MY kaiser account, she had the password, and checked my test results then called me yelling at 8:30am on a Sunday, after Iād just left the house. So in the 10 minutes it took me to go pick up my boyfriend, he was in the car, I answer the phone and its pure rage, I have no idea what's going on, so she says look at the results and hangs up. Well, we went back and told his mom, who literally saysĀ ā what isĀ ācurrent boyfriendā going to think of me?!ā great priorities there. Then I went to my grandparent's house to discuss it with them, and my grandma starts off withĀ ā well you have one optionā, which I didnāt and then after 2 weeks made my final decision but that two weeks was a living hell. My grandma threatened to revoke my brothers and my graduation trip because of everything that was going on and then said we ( oh yeah grandpaās been silent this whole ass time) feel you should move in with your mom. I HAD NEVER BEEN MORE PISSED IN MY LIFE! THIS WOMAN HAD MY FATHER AT 17(I can do simple math) AND WAS SUPPORTED BY HER FAMILY YET SHE COULDNāT DO MORE THAN SCREAM WHEN IT HAPPENED TO SOMEONE ELSE. Then my mother comes at me from the other side saying āoh we're going to run away to Washington state and Iāll help you raise the babyā - not going to lie almost agreed to this... so we told my family cause I couldnāt figure out what to do and was honestly thinking about keeping the baby and raising it or, more likely, adoption. WELL HERE COMES THE GOD DAMN CHOIR. My grandma, a look of disgust. His father Not even dogs give away there young. My mom, and the option I was leaning towards the most actually and wanted to do,Ā ā Your aunt had a hysterectomy and hasnāt been able to have children, is willing to take the baby and raise himā She would have raised him as his aunty which wasnāt necessary I wanted him to feel like the people with him were his real parents, and Iād just have to fly/ drive to Washington to give birth, I was ready for this one, happy about the choice. but happiness canāt last too long right, of course not. His father decides to chime in, āinsert adoption comment hereā oh and theĀ piĆØce de rĆ©sistanceĀ āIf you donāt break up with this girl I will have you castrated or you can dump her.ā the two options and the bonus,Ā āIf you do anything other than abortion Iāll disown youā. Threatening your son into convincing his pregnant girlfriend to have an abortion. Then his mom joins the fray of people, we go out to lunch she tells me her sob story of how she had an abortion in college and felt it was the right thing to do and feels that her son is the same soul she aborted and all that great stuff, that honestly, I donāt even know if itās true or not. But damn I havenāt really gotten over the fact that I went through his phone during that time, yes I know Itās wrong I got over doing that after the first year, HE WAS SCREENSHOTTING OUR TEXTS AND SENDING THEM TO HIS MOTHER AND THEN COPYING AND PASTING HER RESPONSE TO ME, I was pissed so I texted him and mentioned us taking a break because obviously tensions were high and I wasnāt feeling the best towards him and he comes back almost instantly withĀ āwhy? so you can ruin my life?ā HE DOESNāT EVEN REMEMBER SAYING THAT TO ME BUT I SURE AS FUCK DO. Ā That one still comes back up to piss me off every so often. So I ended up having an abortion, the medication made me vomit, I can still remember the cold tone the nurses used towards me and the warm tone to the woman next to me, we were in for the same procedure but theyād accidentally punctured her uterine wall,Ā I still get sad and teary when I think about it and its been 5 years, I still get flashbacks to the feeling of the blood between my thighs, It was more than a period ever prepared you for and the clots are just huge, I cried myself to sleep and he held me the entire time and stayed by my. which is probably why we're still together.
But then we were put through a test again. We went out drinking one night, played videogames and whenever you lost you took a half shot, spoiler alert I. LOST. EVERY. GAME. I played maybe 6 games and ended up becoming the designated loser (loser stay till they win) I was the drunkest person there. Well it came time to go cause the host's girlfriend wanted to go to a bar but we wanted to go home when I was sober my boyfriend and I agreed to Uber home his friend parked his car in place where we could leave it overnight and it wouldnāt be towed, his friend said itās in the lot across the street (important), well we decide to leave and my boyfriend says heās good to drive, had like 4 beers and a shot is heās 6ā²3ā³ ish and 200lbs. Well, we're heading out and start to go find the car, I realize my jacket is gone, I let him know. NOW ACCORDING TO HIM I RAN BACK TO THE HOUSE TO GET MY JACKET. I donāt remember this however I do remember turning around and my boyfriend was no longer there. So I ran to go find him, still no jacket, I remember checking for headlights and not seeing any so I ran across the street, checked the parking lot and couldnāt find him or his car, so I ran back. As I get back to the other side of the street, everyone's favorite light show starts and I get pulled over by two cops. Well, theY sit me at the bus stop and question me, I HAVE NOTHING ON ME, PHONE, KEYS, WALLET, NOT A SINGLE DAMN THING. So they ask what Iām doing I explain I was at a friend's house drinking a bit and came outside to find my ride, and like clockwork, my boyfriend pulls up and goes to pull up to the curb and see what's going on AND. TAPS. THE. FUCKING. CURB.Ā Immediately the cops sayĀ ādid you see the way he hit that curb?ā He gets out the car to see what's up they yell at him to get back in the car nothing else, so he drives into the parking lot and parks then comes back, they're still talking to me, address, phone number, SSN all that jazz, which I somehow remembered. Then they start focusing on him, they never asked him to come over they allowed him to because he had my wallet. They start giving him the test, pupil, walking, breathalyzer I got kinda cold so they asked him for his jacket to give to me. Iām watching and then I turn around, the cars have multiplied another cop showed up, not even sure when. They start discussing something while we're sitting on the bench, then they say we gotta do one more test and have him come too near the squad car. Well, Iām talking to the other cop then I glance to see how the test is going and heās cuffed and being put in the car. That was all the info I got theyāre taking him in. Of course, drunk me starts crying and I get up and go get his friends and then the cops take his keys and moves his car back to the lot it won't get towed in, well we donāt know what to do so we decide to call his mom, I couldnāt speak because I was crying too hard so his friend spoke. They call me an Uber and it takes me to fucking Aquiās, so now Iām drunk by myself and crying in the middle of downtown Campbell after everything has been shut down and its a ghost area. I call his best friend and donāt know what to do I just feel guilty his friend asks if I need a ride and I say no, cause you can never inconvenience someone for such a trivial matter, and make it seem like I just called crying like a crazy person ( he hasnāt really talked to me since). I get myself in an uber and to my grandparent's house, I live by myself 5 mins from their place but couldnāt be alone that night, I set up on the couch and get the itāll be alright comfort speech. They leave I call my mom, history of abusive junky boyfriends and baby daddiesĀ with drinking problems, who would know more about someone being arrested than her? She gives me the rundown on what's going to happen and tells me not to feel guilty. So I lay my trashed ass down and watch tv and fall asleep, I had called his mom and so I knew someone was looking out for him I just didnāt know what to do and knew to go to a police station absolutely blasted would be a terrible choice, but apparently, his fucking mother was like She should be here all night worried like I am. I woke up at 3am to 5 missed calls from the police station, queue worst guilt I have ever felt in my entire life! and then the alcohol said the parties over, I vomited and dry heaved the worst tasting vomit in my life. He got picked up I wentĀ over around 10:30 11:00 no one was awake but his best friend was outside so I took him to get my boyfriend's car and keys. Literally later that day my boyfriend comes over and he says his mom is pissed and that she literally asked if he was going to dump me and when he said no she said:Ā āthen what's it going to take?ā, she complained about me not doing anything saying she heard it from his friend, didnāt notice the call came from MY PHONE, āyour best friend went to get your car I don't know who took him but he got itā, bitch I took him, and then āyouāre not surrounding yourself with the right peopleā she absolutelyĀ ālovesā his friends andĀ ālovedā me until we started dating, and she greets all his friends with a smile but will barely acknowledge either of us if we come inside. She blames me for this entire thing and I am no longer allowed at his house. She threatened to kick him out and make him come live with me, which would violate the agreement I have with my grandparents upon renting a place from them and is why I told him to not tell his mom I moved out because sheās prone to this line of threat. ( I was threatened once to be kicked out and said fuck your timeline if you want me gone Iām gone and moved in with my mother). His parents literally referred to me asĀ āthat stupid little girl heās datingā and when describing what happened his mom said she was being stupid and running around in the middle of the street then walked up to three cops and started talking to them. I got pulled over, the most I could have done was acted like I hadnāt seen them. The only thing I really feel guilty about is that I got let off without even a warning they just kinda brushed over me and went straight for him. We now have an arrangement that heās never allowed to approach me when Iām with cops. You wouldnāt think youād have to have that talk.
Summary: Iām really fucking done with my boyfriend's shitty parents and Iām about to tell them to fuck off. But my boyfriend just wants peace in this world so now Iām here.
Iām also still recovering from trauma throughout my life.
Edit: He blew a .08 on the field test the legal limit exactly and then .06 in the lab thats less than 15 mins away
