Ignore Me

side account

[ventorsmth]

yo is this mania?

[ventorsmth]

the urge to replace and start cutting but in a like fun cool kinda way >_<

[ventorsmth]

ive felt so alone recently

idk why but i feel like every connection i have is fleeting

one day everyone will find out how terrible i am and they'll leave

im not even so important that my partner will stay awake to comfort me when i say i need attention

i feel like ill always be expected to take care of others but if i need the same care its an inconvenience or unimportant

idk whatever

[ventorsmth]

i was thinking about hurting myself when i got home from work a couple days ago

i have before i have to be at work today

i might do it

just to feel something ya know

idk

[ventorsmth]

i wish i wasn't a terrible person

i wish i was easier to be around and better company than i am now

i used to be good, i don't know what changed

i wish i could kill myself

[tr1ckfuneral]

Suicide ideation is so weird. Making a lovely apple pie while thinking of bleeding out in the tub.

[ventorsmth]

hey if you're he guy who came through the drive thru at my work today and implied to my coworkers that i wasn't doing ny job properly when You ordered wrong and did nothing during one of the several times you had to find and fix the mistake You made. Eat Shit And Die You Useless Braindead Mother Fucker

i hope you and your pig and cow bagels rot in hell where you belong. there is no reason you have to be that much of an asshole to someone at 9 o'clock in the morning. if you're so fucking angry about it write a god damn complaint like a normal fucking person. I Hope You Get Into A Car Crash, And Not Only Did It Total Your Car But Your Insurance Won't Pay For The Damages And You Lose Everything Because Of It. Fuck You snd Fuck Your Fuck Whatever Audacity Gave You The Confidence to Be So Fucking Wrong About Everything

Kill Yourself You Stupid Mold Munching Zombie Son of A Mothering Whore.

[ventorsmth]

i feel useless

i wanna go home

[ventorsmth]

sometimes i remember the first time someone found out i was starving myself. it was my parents wnd they reacted badly, as you could imagine. but instead of being concerned for my health or my mental stability they yelled at me for wasting food. told me it was my fault i could never sleep and wasn't able to think straight anymore. unfortunately i was also 12 years old and a few weeks later my dad tried to kill himself so no proper time to process for me lol

[ventorsmth]

alcohol calories dont count

right?

and i should totally disregard the fact that one shot is 100 calories

right?

uhg i just wanna get drunk without feeling disgusting

[ventorsmth]

how to explain to my beloved that a song he enjoys listening to makes me dissociate without feeling like an asshole whos trying to control what he can listen to cause im anxious and want to encourage his hobbies but also i cant leep having flashbacks while we're hanging out cause i feel like im ruining our very limited time together

[ventorsmth]

yall remember the 16 year old i dated when i was 14? lowkey there was another chick who was trying to get with actually middle school me. all two years i was going before the pandemic

i met her in 6th grade and she was in 8th. and she was like really forward with the fact that she liked me. it was kinda weird. then she went into highschool snd I didn't see her as much cause i was in 7th grade but she like actually got more forward about it. it was strange. then like 2 years later i dated someone her same age

and three years after that, one of my teachers were their age as well

[ventorsmth]

nobody in this god damn house knows how to communicate

[ventorsmth]

maybe you're miserable because you've never actually taken initiative on anything and expect everything to just be fucking handed to you while also never processing any of the emotions that come from those things

"life sucks then you die" no, your life sucks and then you'll die. if you het off your ass and try to make any difference in your situation maybe it won't fucking suck as much

[ventorsmth]

ya know, for a while i was like "what could have possibly happen to me thst made the emotional neglect wound so deep and profound?" then i go to talk to my dad about something and he says get over it this is how your whole life is gonna be! and im like oh yeah

[ventorsmth]

i wish i was skinny

[ventorsmth]

i wish i didn't have to ask to be known