Dakota Creates

Vent blog for Dakota Grams

[ventsofacreativekid]

i would like to stop

[beardedmrbean]

[theman]

I GOT A FUCKING RAISE THE POTATO WORKED WTF

[tattooedzombigirl]

This potato works. Every. Fucking. Time.

[imanutcase-10]

Then bring me luck

[thirddeadlysin]

the day after I posted this last time I was notified that I was selected for a really cool mentorship gig and got an unrelated glowing review at work

[jackdaw-kraai]

And notice the potato doesn’t guilt you with “if you don’t, something horrible will happen.” Potato wouldn’t betray you like that, because potato is a refined person of good humor and character, and understands that, sometimes, a visit to your dashboard just isn’t convenient right now. Sometimes you just went on a fandom gif reblogging spree or your energy is low, you do not have the time to make your dashboard suitable to guests, and a polite visit just isn’t in the cards. Potato understands this, and doesn’t get upset, or gods forbid, throws a tantrum and wishes ill on your household. Instead, Potato merely stores away their blessings for a later visit and leaves as a good friend should.

Be like Potato. Be a good friend.

[ventsofacreativekid]

ough woof bark my health is going to kill me before i can kill myself and i still have so much to do but no energy to do it

[ventsofacreativekid]

1.21.19

just rip my heart out and feed it to the doves so i can do right by at least one thing in my life.

[ventsofacreativekid]

11.20.18

honestly? never thought i’d get this far

and i didn’t plan on it

i didnt have any sort of plan going into my future. i’ve tried to think about it but i’m just too shitty a person. too lazy. to do anything. i don’t have any motivation to do anything.

i never thought i’d live this long. 

i always thought i’d kill myself before i got here.

and i still think about doing that. quite often. unhealthily so.

and part of me was so hoping i’d just get it handed to me but that’s not how this works. how any of it works at all.

or hell, i was hoping everything would just snap into place when i turned 18. then when that didn’t happen, i was waiting until i was 21.

now im gonna be 22 tomorrow and all i keep thinking is

is this really all worth it?

my new job is already stressing me out with how many tiny nuances there are. i can hardly keep up.

my family is in fucking shambles. my sisters dont talk to my dad which makes it hard to see them, ever. my mom is a hot mess. my dad will do whatever my step mom wants. and my step family doesnt care about me.

[deejay]

Reblog if you need this energy

[depression-healthy-carrier]

I want to kill my self even if everything is fine

[desnos]

[ventsofacreativekid]

it’ll be okay. it’ll work out. everything always falls into place. just be patient. have hope. have faith. 

[ventsofacreativekid]

im never going to be who i want to be, am I? im never going to achieve the things you believe of me.... im going to let you down. i'm going to let me down. we can pretend all we want that this year will change me; but if we're going to be honest not all the glue in the world could put me back together. i feel like i haven't known who i am for a really long time. “this will be the year i help you love yourself!”  no, it won’t

[gothflavored]

what depression is really like:

not showering regularly

not bushing your teeth regularly

living in filth

caring about your grades but not enough to do anything about them

thinking about suicide more than graduating

considering suicide whenever any problem arises

tired

no motivation

no energy

walking is so hard

sometimes even talking is too much work because you’re so god damn tired

laying in bed for hours because you’re too tired to move

feeling nothing but sometimes everything

knowing you’re not alone but still feeling alone

that constant mindset of, “Who cares? I wont be around much longer anyways.”

[ventsofacreativekid]

let's restart the clock folks

[niuniente]

To Anyone who Thinks They're Falling Behind in Life (and aren’t good/creative/ect. enough)

“You don’t need more motivation. You don’t need to be inspired to action. You don’t need to read any more lists and posts about how you’re not doing enough. But, honestly, here’s the thing that nobody really talks about when it comes to success and motivation and willpower and goals and productivity and all those little buzzwords that have come into popularity: you are as you are until you’re not. You change when you want to change. You put your ideas into action in the timing that is best. That’s just how it happens. And what I think we all need more than anything is this: permission to be wherever the fuck we are when we’re there. You’re not a robot. You can’t just conjure up motivation when you don’t have it. Sometimes you’re going through something. Sometimes life has happened. Life! Remember life? Yeah, it teaches you things and sometimes makes you go the long way around for your biggest lessons.

You don’t get to control everything. You can wake up at 5 a.m. every day until you’re tired and broken, but if the words or the painting or the ideas don’t want to come to fruition, they won’t. You can show up every day to your best intentions, but if it’s not the time, it’s just not the fucking time. You need to give yourself permission to be a human being.

Sometimes the novel is not ready to be written because you haven’t met the inspiration for your main character yet. Sometimes you need two more years of life experience before you can make your masterpiece into something that will feel real and true and raw to other people. Sometimes you’re not falling in love because whatever you need to know about yourself is only knowable through solitude. Sometimes you haven’t met your next collaborator. Sometimes your sadness encircles you because, one day, it will be the opus upon which you build your life. We all know this: Our experience cannot always be manipulated. Yet, we don’t act as though we know this truth. We try so hard to manipulate and control our lives, to make creativity into a game to win, to shortcut success because others say they have, to process emotions and uncertainty as if these are linear journeys. You don’t get to game the system of your life. You just don’t. You don’t get to control every outcome and aspect as a way to never give in to the uncertainty and unpredictability of something that’s beyond what you understand. It’s the basis of presence: to show up as you are in this moment and let that be enough. Yet, we don’t act in a way that supports this lifestyle. We fill every minute with productivity tools and read 30-point lists on how to better drive out natural, human impulse. We often forget that we are as we are until we’re not. We are the same until we’re changed. We can move that a bit further by putting into place healthy habits and to show up to our lives in a way that fosters growth, but we can’t game timing. Timing is the one thing that we often forget to surrender to. Things are dark until they’re not. Most of our unhappiness stems from the belief that our lives should be different than they are. We believe we have control — and our self-loathing and self-hatred comes from this idea that we should be able to change our circumstances, that we should be richer or hotter or better or happier. While self-responsibility is empowering, it can often lead to this resentment and bitterness that none of us need to be holding within us. We have to put in our best efforts and then give ourselves permission to let whatever happens to happen—and to not feel so directly and vulnerably tied to outcomes. Opportunities often don’t show up in the way we think they will. You don’t need more motivation or inspiration to create the life you want. You need less shame around the idea that you’re not doing your best. You need to stop listening to people who are in vastly different life circumstances and life stages than you tell you that you’re just not doing or being enough. You need to let timing do what it needs to do. You need to see lessons where you see barriers. You need to understand that what’s right now becomes inspiration later. You need to see that wherever you are now is what becomes your identity later.  Sometimes we’re not yet the people we need to be in order to contain the desires we have. Sometimes we have to let ourselves evolve into the place where we can allow what we want to transpire. Let’s just say that whatever you want, you want it enough. So much so that you’re making yourself miserable in order to achieve it. What about chilling out? Maybe your motivation isn’t the problem, but that you keep pushing a boulder up a mountain that only grows in size the more you push. There’s a magic beyond us that works in ways we can’t understand. We can’t game it. We can’t 10-point list it. We can’t control it. We have to just let it be, to take a fucking step back for a moment, stop beating ourselves up into oblivion, and to let the cogs turn as they will. One day, this moment will make sense. Trust that. Give yourself permission to trust that.”   - Jamie Warron

[strangelykatie]

I don’t usually reblog things here, but I think this is a really good thing to read.

[ventsofacreativekid]

me: I'm so cute

me 15 mins later: I hate myself

[i-ekk]

[fdsfjdsfjkf93723679267-deactiva]

being mentally ill + suicidal at a young age (before 18) is. strange, because you grow up with this idea that one day you’ll finally snap, turn off, be brave enough to kill yourself, so you don’t really plan for the future. adulthood- further life, it isn’t for you, nor do you feel included within the future of it. it isn’t.. it isn’t part of your life plan.

and then before you know it you’re 18 and you’re an adult but you never thought you’d get this far and sure it’s great that you’re still alive you guess but also. you feel so alone + lost in a world you never expected or planned to be a part of.

[paprika]

maybe i should send you a bill for all my time you wasted