Hello, itās December 5, 2017. 3:22pm at my office.
I donāt know if I should be glad or worried that I keep tumblr asĀ the mediaĀ for spilling my beans out. This place has begun to seem likeĀ a mental log journal. I noticed the first quasi-depressing entry was on June earlier this year, that means Iāve been living in a limbo gradually getting deeper and lost in it without even realizing for these past six months.
Honestly, I donāt know how I did it. Waking up each morning and dragging myself over the same routine I despise. I am surprised I can actually endure and last this long. Sometimes I want to collapseĀ yet the moment I want to give up, really-really want to give up on being functional, I always choose toĀ wind my springs up. Heaven forbids my fall from grace. Nobody would come to my rescue if anything bad were ever to happen. I donāt put my trust in a soul, either.
If anything, I am angry. So angry than ever I am in agony. Grumpy over silly little nothings, things people say, things they questionĀ or do, it annoys me.Ā With work and my study, IĀ am either bored or I lose grip off everything. I am either in a desert or a raging storm. Thereās nothing in between, no safe haven. I am miserable, and I have come to believe I actually want to be miserable. But deep down, isnāt everyone a little masochistic? I wish I could bring myself to actually care, but I canāt lie to myself that I donāt and neither do I want to.
Post submitted on 3:51pm.
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