TRUTH.

lies can be kind. honesty can be cruel. shuichi saihara. beware of spoilers.

[verityheart]

maskslain:

It felt as though it was an understatement to say her crimes haunted her. It was part of her. Her every thought, her nightmares. Even the scars hidden by her clothes were part of the life forced upon her. Sometimes, she believed that the assassin was all she was. It was all the cult required from her. It was all those who learned the truth saw. The monster, the machine. Not the girl, never the girl.

For years, she’d been left to her own thoughts. To the voices in her head. Voices that were far louder than her own. Voices she long since stopped trying to quell. She’d seen no point. Not when she continued to follow the whims of the cult. Whims she would obey time and time again, lest they threaten those children.

Yet… Saihara wasn’t agreeing. Not with her thoughts, her beliefs. He was insisting against them. Not with the mask she wore. The lie she needed everyone, including herself, to believe. She couldn’t be kind. No..! It would get someone killed. It could get him killed. She wasn’t allowed to be kind or soft. Yet, he would defy the world. She couldn’t understand him.

“…W-Why?” Maki questioned softly. Confusion, vulnerability, and childishness laced her tone. She still refused to look at him, though she could tell he was closer than before. Her gaze remained pointedly downward as her fingers curled tightly into her hair hair. She didn’t understand, didn’t want to see his persistence.

“That’s what I am..! Why don’t you get that..?”

Even though he didn’t see himself as that great of a detective—if he could use his title as the Ultimate Detective to help anyone at all…he would do it. Right now, instead of trying to expose a criminal…he was attempting to expose Maki Harukawa’s own compassion to herself.

But would that be alright? Was it safe for her? It wasn’t right—the more he thought about her position…the more he felt ill. Shuichi dealt with all sorts of cases at his Uncle’s detective agency, sure…but most of them involved infidelity, missing things, people…it was hard to relate to what this girl had gone through.

And yet they were both human. That’s where he could relate. She may not believe it, may not want to see it—but she was and always would be a human being…just like him. He didn’t want to think of her with the title ‘murderer’…it simply didn’t suit her. She wasn’t, and nothing in the world could change his mind. No evidence, no witness accounts—nothing.

“Because Harukawa-san, I…know you.” He inhaled deeply, exhaling gently. He continued to get closer toward her…until he was in as close a proximity as he could get without it being suffocating. What he’d said sounded so Kaito-like. But he wanted her to believe him. What he said wasn’t backed up with evidence, with factual basis. But…his tone was genuine. The brunette in front of him resembled a child—she looked so fragile, so small. One wrong action, one misstep…and he was afraid he’d deeply wound her already lacerated heart.

With hesitance, he grasped her hand…testing the limits, yes, but…he wanted her to at least feel his resolve, if nothing else.

“But that’s wrong. You’re so much more than some title. Even if people called you a murderer, even if they insisted on being wrong...”

She was her. And yet, it was so hard for her to see that. She was an individual Shuichi enjoyed being around. He liked seeing her smile, watching her actually ‘coming out of her shell’...if possible, he wanted her to live life like a normal girl. Maybe that just...couldn’t happen. Was that a silly wish? He tightened the grip on her hand.

“...I’ll...hold your hand, like this...with the person they call a murderer.”

[kosmec-deactivated20181102]

@verityheart        continued        from        here

     He rubs the back of his head. Had he come on too harshly? No. It was his job to guide Shuichi, to lead him to the light under the gauze of his righteous command. Despite his lack of sensibility,Kaito, was perceptive when it came to reading others. Weeks of training together had granted Momota the opportunity to unearth the garden of insecurities caged between Saihara’s ribs.

     He wants to crack them open and release all the hurt ,like a sea of butterflies, into thin air.

     “   Listen,man. I realize I may have come on a lil’ too harshly.But, I’m bein’ damn serious with ya’ when I say yer aloft nature is gonna start makin’ people turn away from ya. No one likes bein’ told ‘no’, especially, when they’re jus’ tryin’ to help.  ” He chews on the inside of his lip. Was that statement definitive of himself? Was he projecting? Maybe, just a little. 

     “   Regardless, I just want ya’ to know I’m always there for ya’! But, ya’ can’t just keep…ya’ can’t just keep pushin’ me away every damn time I’m tryin’ to put my best foot forward. Cos’, fuck, it pisses me off! It feels like we’re runnin’ in circles an’ yer makin’ no progress.  ”

     “   It’s what our trainin’ is all about…It’s me tryin’ t’better ya’…  ”

[verityheart]

There were no words Shuichi could offer in order to accurately articulate the appreciation he’d felt—how grateful he was that Kaito extended his hand towards the detective, tried to get him to take hold of that hand…pull him up, get him to stand tall. Only someone like the astronaut…a front-runner…would be capable of that. It surprised Shuichi, how he’d grown to enjoy their time they spent training.

And yet…to be told something like this. Shuichi suddenly felt worried. He’d thought he was making progress, albeit, slowly…but progress, nevertheless. Was he just backing away this entire time?

“Momota-kun…” Unable to find the right manner of response, he listlessly countered with the male’s name. Great reply that was. He needed to tell him he was wrong…that he wasn’t pushing anyone away, and certainly not the astronaut trainee. The mere thought of doing such a thing—the fleeting thought that he would do that, cause Kaito to step away from him and never look back—he gulped.

“What…makes you think I’m pushing you away?” His voice became serious, gravely so. He tried his best to stare the Luminary of the Stars directly in the eyes…but he couldn’t. “I know that no one likes to be told ‘no’. I haven’t consciously tried to push anyone away...you thought that I was…trying to push you away,” He paused, his gaze—previously placed away from Kaito—now fixated on him. “…on purpose?”

He knew what Kaito wanted, and he knew that this training was ultimately to help Shuichi…not hinder him. But—the detective couldn’t help but become a bit frustrated. He’d never intentionally shove anyone away and certainly not Kaito. If he thought so, he needed to clear up that misunderstanding—quickly. “You said you were serious—well…well I am too.”

Had he really not made any progress? Were Kaito’s efforts for nothing? He didn’t want to think something so frightening.  

[verityheart]

@maskslain​ | continued from here

She didn’t understand—rather, she couldn’t. To her, it was unfathomable. An assassin, a tool used for killing—too kind…for her own good? And yet, that was exactly what the detective was contending. He knew he was right, there was no changing his mind. He paid attention to her, he saw her for who she was. He didn’t see an assassin…he saw Maki Harukawa. There was more than what met the eye.

Isn’t that what a detective did? See behind the surface, find the truth? He found that truth. The reality inside her…that she wasn’t cold-blooded, that she never could be. That she was deeply compassionate, and such a fact—why, that could deeply hurt her. The brunette had people she killed for. Those children at the orphanage…they were her reason.

“Yes. Yes, you are.”

He retorted in a tone that was as assertive as he could gather, continuing to stare directly at the female—even if she aimed her gaze onto the floor, instead. It was plain to see she was becoming uncomfortable. Unease was setting in for the girl, as she began to fidget with her hair, refusing to look him in the eyes. Shuichi wasn’t going to let this be, though. He couldn’t.

“You aren’t a murderer, Harukawa-san. There’s no way I’d accept that,”

Stepping closer toward her, affirming the fact that he wasn’t about to leave…let her believe such a thing…he gulped. The detective knew she wasn’t a murderer. She…was just a child. A child brought into a cruel world—brought into a world of death and killing. The brunette was doing what she had to…it may not have been right, and yet…he’d never call it murder.

“Even if…that’s what the world said…I wouldn’t accept it. I refuse to.”

[maskslain]

“You’re far too kind. Too kind for your own good.”

Things to be sent anonymously (or not)!! – Accepting!!

He’d sought her company once again. Something that’d become nearly daily, now that her talent was out in the open. Rather, once he’d begun asking her about herself, her work, and her life. She couldn’t understand why he listened to her. Why he engaged her in conversation. Why he didn’t seem to fear her. She couldn’t understand why he treated her as human. She didn’t like it.

Kindness was something she’d grown up without for years. Maki couldn’t even begin to define the word. She purposefully stayed away from others, for free of how they’d see her. Fear of the way they might treat her, if they were to learn the truth.

“I’m… I’m not, Saihara.”

Her voice shook as she responded to him. Eye contact was broken as she dropped her gaze to the floor. She fidgeted with her hair. Her lips pursed together, as her eyes glazed over. It was for the children she’d grown up with, the children younger than her. She’d sacrifice anything to keep them out of this life, tarnished by blood. But reasons weren’t enough to make up for her sins.

“I’m still a murderer…”

[verityheart]

“You need to speak up more often.” [gotta support his bro!!!]

Questions/Comments to be sent anonymously… | accepting!

His twin’s support was appreciated, but that was certainlyeasier said than done. Speak up more often—sure, okay…but he wasn’t going todivulge more than he had to. Shuichi wasn’t really the type to indulge inmindless gossip, and he wasn’t really an individual who’d seek a person out totalk with.  So speaking up…hm. He made ita bit more complicated than it needed to be.

A small sigh escaping his lips, his shoulders droopedconsiderably. “I…I know that…” It’s not that he didn’t have things to say. Butreally, his interests when compared to other students seemed—how should he putit? Boring? He didn’t really have any hobbies to talk about…well, his detectivework was his hobby, but even then…he wasn’t really taking on any cases at themoment.

“…Yeah. I guess you’re right.” 

[verityheart]

withoutalignment:

Put. It. On.

or i’ll pinch your nip-nips

O-okay! Okay, I’m putting it on now! 

(the deed is done)

don’t pinch my nip-nips

[verityheart]

“You’re strong. Stronger than you’ll ever know.”

Questions/Comments to be sent anonymously… | accepting!

Maki was an observant person. She was also much kinder thanshe portrayed herself to be—it was an inner compassion. There was being nice,and then there was being kindhearted. She was the latter. Over the time they’dspent together, the two had formed this bond. A bond that he’d truly treasured…andhe knew that she did, too. Neither of them had to say it, no. They could justfeel it.

To be told that he was strong…initially, Shuichi had noreaction. He merely sat next to her, chin resting upon his knee. His eyes, fixatedon the brunette and her earnest disposition.

The two of them had really come far. In a strange sort of way,he felt…similar to her. No, he knew that their lives weren’t alike in theslightest. Comparing his to hers—it wouldn’t be right. But…they had to fighttheir enemies. They had to stop running. He knew that Maki had the strength,and he…he was trying.

He was trying really hard. The attempts must’ve been prevailing,then—if she was able to observe it, see such feats with her sharpened mind,that keen wit of hers.

“Harukawa-san…” A soft smile on his face, he spoke quietly…faintlaughter escaping his lips. “We’d better keep up the training then, huh?” Hetrusted her. He wanted to make sure…that she could continue to rely on him, aswell.

[verityheart]

“You’ll find your place in this world.”

Questions/Comments to be sent anonymously… | accepting!

Those words kept repeating in his head as he tried to makethem stick. ‘You’ll find your place’…those continued, and then the rest of it—’inthis world’. Easier said than done. What was his place in this world...?

Everything was fiction. What was waiting on the outsideworld? And yet, even so…in that world of fiction, he’d found purpose. He’dformed relationships, he’d found meaning…he’d even been ‘fighting his enemy’. It was such a curious situation.

In that fictional world, he’d been able to fight to survive.It was difficult, it was taxing on his already delicate psyche. But with thesupport of his friends, those bonds he’d forged…he could do it. 

He wasn’t alone anymore. Putting one foot in front of theother—he couldn’t take steps backward. It was too late for that…the outsideworld was waiting. He was going to find his place…he had to. There was no other choice, was there? 

You’ll find your place. In the outside world.

His face looking down, he closed his eyes…speaking in agentle tone of voice, the detective smiled. “Yeah, I think that maybe…maybe Ican.” Maybe it was possible. Just maybe…

[verityheart]

withoutalignment:

Yep!!

(Waits probably a few seconds too long after he’s shirtless.)

Okay, now try this on!

(looks at shirt)(pauses)

...Ah, Akamatsu-san, uh...

Isn’t this a...girl’s shirt?

[verityheart]

“Stop pushing others away.”

Questions/Comments to be sent anonymously… | accepting!

Kaito was so self-assured. He had this magnetic personality—peoplewere just…drawn to him. How couldn’t they be? Shuichi found himself pulled inyet also simultaneously pushing away from that vivacious personality of his.

And yet getting told so curtly that he was ‘pushing othersaway’ surprised him. Only mildly so, though. Perhaps ‘caught off-guard’ was thebetter way to word it. The detective was never a social butterfly. He wasn’tgoing to seek anyone out to chat with—now, if they spoke to him, fine…he wouldn’tignore said person.

But…did he really give off such an impression? Was he doingthat to the astronaut without even realizing it? They were training together atnight, albeit—Shuichi was the one doing all the ‘work’—and that was really besidethe point, but…still. He had never once considered he could be unintentionally ‘pushing’Kaito away…the thought momentarily frightened him.

What if…he pushed him away for good…?

Rubbing his nose, Shuichi found himself taking on a nervousold-habit. Unable to meet Kaito’s intense gaze, he stared anywhere, everywhere—butat him. It was impossible, he just couldn’t. “…Momota-kun…?” His tone of voiceexuding confusion, he hunched his shoulders. “…What brought this up?”

[verityheart]

“Don’t you know how much good you’ve done for others?” -- Kaede :3c

Questions/Comments to be sent anonymously… | accepting! 

She stared at him so sincerely, with eyes that he felt hecould’ve gotten lost in. He never thought he could gaze into a person’s eyes sointensely like this. No, it was only because of Kaede’s encouragement.

It was funny for her to tell him this—no, that should’vebeen his line to her. Did she realize how much good she’d done…for him, forothers? Surely she must’ve. Or perhaps she didn’t need to. The pianist was sopositive, a shining light.

Shuichi swallowed audibly, biting his bottom lip…trying tothink of the right words…dozens of combinations of words he desired to say,swirling around inside his mind. Pick some, combine them. Make sure theysounded correct. Don’t screw this up.

He didn’t have a hat to hide behind. All he could do wasface the blond who stared at him head-on—she always faced forward. Telling himsomething that came from the heart…how did she do it? How could she tell himsomething like that? He’d have to try. No, he’d…do it.

“Akamatsu-san…I don’t know if I’ve done so much ‘good’,really, but…” He forced a smile, his head previously looking downward—tilting up.“It’s thanks to you that…” He could face forward.

[verityheart]

withoutalignment:

Do I look like I’m joking Saihara-kun.

Shirt. Off. Now.

Th-that’s seriously the first step?! 

Ah, I mean...I guess, so...?

[memeroundups]

Questions/Comments to be sent anonymously!

(though off anon is fine too!)

“Is there someone you hold dear?”

“Don’t you feel any guilt?”

“You’re actually afraid to be alone, aren’t you?”

“There must be something you fear.”

“Do you have a home?”

“Is there someone you like?”

“Are you really expecting a positive outcome out of this?”

“Aren’t you ashamed?”

“Aren’t you happy?”

“Who do you despise?” 

“How do you sleep at night?”

“How do you manage to keep going despite everything?”

“What do you think of kindness?”

“What do you think of hatred?”

“Why do you fight?”

“Why do you live?”

“How much blood have you spilled?”

“How much death have you seen?”

“Don’t you think your actions are reckless?”

“Don’t you know how much good you’ve done for others?”

“Can’t you tell they love you?”

“Can’t you see he/she would die for you?”

“Can’t you see that they hate you?”

“Can’t you tell the truth for once?”

“You’re not tainted.”

“You’re not alone.”

“You’re awful.”

“You don’t think of anyone but yourself.”

“You’re an emotionless robot.”

“You’re just a lap dog.”

“It’s not over.”

“He/she needs you.”

“Stop lying.”

“Stop fighting.”

“Stop pushing others away.”

“You’re cruel.”

“You’re far too kind. Too kind for your own good.”

“You depend on him/her too often.”

“You’re overprotective, it’s stifling.”

“You’re too impulsive, it’s reckless.”

“You’re too careless, it’s a liability.”

“He/she is bringing you down.”

“You’re too timid, it’s easy to see you as a target.”

“You need to listen.”

“You need to speak up more often.”

“You’re weak.”

“You’re strong. Stronger than you’ll ever know.”

“You’re too proud.”

“Quit blaming others for your mistakes.”

“You won’t always be around to save him/her.”

“One day, he/she won’t need you anymore.”

“You can’t cheat death.”

“You can’t hide forever.”

“They’ll find out the truth eventually.”

“That person is only holding you back.”

“They’re too good for you.”

“You’ll be rewarded for your efforts if you keep trying.”

“It will get better.”

“You look lonely.”

“You look bitter.”

“You look tired.”

“You’re hiding a painful burden.”

“You’re perfect.”

“You’re beautiful.”

“You will always be worthless.”

“Your hands are too dirty, too tainted to be clean.”

“You’re lost in this world. Wandering without a purpose.”

“You’ll rise above them all.” 

“You’ll find your place in this world.”

“Eventually, someone will knock you off your pedestal.”

[anopuff]

finally spent some time watching v3 and SHUICHI IS THE BEST SOFTEST BOY PLS PROTEC

[verityheart]

withoutalignment:

Step 1: No more long sleeves in warm weather! So take your shirt off!!

HUH!? That’s the first step!?

[verityheart]

#kaede: thats it im givin u a makeover

Oh No

[verityheart]

Her smile was as bright as ever, as she approached him. The pianist could be too energetic for her own good. "Saihara-kun!" Kaede chimed, "Will you accompany me to the music room?"

He’d been walking down the hall alone—when he’d heardfootsteps approaching him, and then that energetic voice calling his name.Kaede…he swiftly turned his head to be met directly with the pianist, herbeaming smile aimed right at the detective. It was like he could’ve beenblinded by the female—truly, he considered himself lucky to have met her.

“Akamatsu-san.”

Her sunny outlook on life, her optimism, even her way ofwalking around the school…everything, so different from himself. She was anatural born leader, he could tell. She was someone who could command a roomwithout even realizing it. Kaede—he wanted to get to know her even more.

Of course…it was always the pianist to ask him to accompanyher. Naturally, he was more than willing to oblige. Nodding his head, the maletried not to avert her gaze…no, he was going to look at her—Shuichi stepped upbeside her, in order for them to walk side by side.

“Sure. Are you going to play piano there?”