‧ 救主 ‧

[verlossen]

his mother: a maneater -- when men weren’t enough she become a godeater; every gesture, a sin in disguise; a nightingale’s tune; a hidden temptation; incandescent, rising from flames; earth’s call for tragedy; tiredness of unanswered prayers; all the boys’ goddess; i’ll do anything for you; bible pleads for escape; miles away from lazarus; hell above her head and heaven beneath her feet; nothing more than a lie or a cry or a perpetual high; searching where the leaves don’t grow; scribbling delusions; tales of warped beginnings -- where eve did not fall from grace, but leapt to freedom.

[passiflor]

[verlossen]

passiflor:

hello friends,

happy holidays for those of you that celebrate around this time of year, and happy new year, i guess!! nearly two months have passed since i started this blog, which is pretty exciting. 2016 has been, hands down, the worst year of my whole life, but thanks to some of the lovely writers i follow, the year wasn’t as shitty as it could have been. i don’t follow very many people, but i love everyone on my dash with my whole heart. under the cut is a list of people that made these past two months with sua spectacular. (also, WOW, thank you to 150+ people for loving my muse and liking my writing enough to follow passiflor! you’re lovely.)

in hopes that 2017 brings you all nothing but good,

yooj :-)

Keep reading

[verlossen]

[ literally alive and breathing only because of your muse. thank you for existing

I’M... HOW DID THIS COME RIGHT AFTER THE DOGGIE MURDER SCENE... i had half the mind to delete it because jae’s mun refuse to reply to it and i’m unsatisfied with the writing as well but thank you so much! you’re honestly too flattering, i don’t deserve such a huge compliment. ;; but i expect you to stay alive and breathe whether my muse is around or not!

[verlossen]

time to bid furwell.

“stay down, you stupid dog!” shin scolds, struggling to hold mickey down. his hands are pretty small compared to the corgi puppy that is as large as his arm, so it takes him both hands to be able to pin down the dog. it writhes against the cutting mat that shin sneaked from mrs. yoon’s art class, its tiny legs scuffling desperately.

he didn’t think it’d be this ruff when he saw the movie last weekend -- the kind that airs late into the night... and also probably unsuitable for children’s viewing. but shin is nine years old! heck, he even knows how to subtract improper fractions. although, his second grade english wasn’t exactly enough for him to understand what the actors were saying.

he was picking his brain trying to remember what ‘empty’ meant when the props caught his attention. it was of two birds frozen in motion. the movie was in black and white, but it only added to the beauty and intrigue. they looked so real it seemed as if someone could just press a play button and their wings would start flapping. the following scene magnified his awe when a huge owl with its majestic wings outstretched was shown hanging on the wall in the background. of course, shin knew nothing about taxidermied animals, but he wanted one for his own. where better to begin than with their pet puppy?

mickey was given to shin and jae shortly after the latter joined the family. shin's mother knew that her son wasn't exactly the most fun of company and didn't want jae distracting his studies, so she thought a cute little dog should easily pacify seven year old jae.

and so here we are, with shin trying to make a stuffed toy out of their pet. the dog is forced to lie on its back with shin’s grip firm on its little hind leg. he gives its stomach a tentative poke with the paring knife he stole from the kitchen, and it only gets more flustered, body twisting in an attempt to roll away.

shin decides he’s had enough of its pawthetic whining. in a swift motion, he pierces the knife right into the center of its torso, drawing it back out within a second. blood spills from the wound but unfurtunately, the little son of a bitch just wails in pain. it’s supposed to be dead, not crying. with a frustrated groan, shin just stabs again at a higher spot so that it’ll be pawsible for him to make a clean line with the previous wound when he makes a larger incision later. mickey’s movements finally cease as life drains out of its pawdy, the noises fading out.

the flowing blood grows into a puddle on the mat and slowly spreads towards the table. shin rushes to grab his towel to surround the puppy with it so the blood will soak up. now that everything is ready, he begins slicing open the torso. the tip of his tongue peeks out as he focuses on cutting a straight line down.

if you can’t already tell, everything he’s doing here is based on his common sense. pardon him for being ignorant, but what's a kid to do when his elementary school didn't own the most extensive of libraries to educate their students on taxidermy. ( they did, however, have one of those arts and crafts books teaching you how to make faux, cartoonish animal mounts out of stuffed toys. not exactly what he was looking for. ) whatevfur, it's not like he needs any books to tell him to cut open an animal and stuff it with cotton anyway.

an hour later, his table is a mess of blood and guts and crafting tools. his hands are bloodied, as is his shirt. bits of doggie innards are scattered all over even though most of it has already been discarded into the bin. he gets startled when jae yells to announce that he’s home like always does. shin panics for a split second but then a shit-eating grin creeps onto his lips.

“jae, come into my room! look what i’m doing!” he gets up from his seat with the entrails -- still connected to the dog -- held in his hands like it’s some sort of christmas lights. since he failed to kill jae, he’s just going to scar him furever.

[xehun]

[verlossen]

aemiliana:

+

it’s not his choice to be here but it’s a good one. high-end restaurants and bars are his go-to suggestions, leaving his clients with the choice to pick racier places instead. he doesn’t care for the “extra services” himself, but a hostess bar is good in that he doesn’t have to do all the entertaining while selling his proposal. he entertains enough at his center.

upon his client’s request, they’re given a table in the corner, quiet and discreet. says something about his wife having alot of connections but shin reassures mr. jung that she probably doesn’t have as many as he does. it’s played off as a joke, though they laugh because they know it’s not. they’re handed two menus by the waiter, one for food and another for drinks. in a place like this, neither are interested in the former. jung asks for a domaine de chevalier and shin buys them chateau giscours instead. always go a mile further, he’s been taught. mr. jung is more than pleased with the choice of wine.

shin takes the opportunity to go through the skeleton of his proposal with jung first before they’re sent any company. while highlighting the last of some minor details, his client is already distracted by the lady approaching their table, their company for the night shin presumes. young, beautiful, but her poise is no doubt what catches the attention of men. shin sets his document file aside as he gets up to greet her with courteous nod of his head, jung following suit.

once the server opens the bottle of wine, shin inspects the cork to ensure that the wine’s been stored on its side. he gives the server a go-ahead before their wine is poured for them. “it’s my second time here,” he answers simply and lets jung ramble about how he’s only been here a couple of times, which is apparently too little for his liking. shin aerates his wine with gentle swirls while jung sips from his glass without much of a thought as he tells her it’s fine, that they’re happy with just her company for now.

“yeah, we’re here to discuss some business, i’m trying to sell my proposal to him. not sure how successful that’s going to go now that you’re here though,” he jests with a light smile, the corners of his eyes forced to crinkle. a whiff of his wine, then a sip from his glass; it spreads in his mouth and slides down his throat like velvet, the earthy aroma drawing an approving hum from him. with the shy notes of tannin and blackberry lingering in his mouth, he sets his glass down, attention returning to the two.

amidst the grace of her movements lies calculation, shin has noticed, from her choice of plain water to how she chooses to sit. he brushed it off as a common habit of such businesses, but his interest is piqued when he senses the increasing strategy. ( still nothing as meticulous as his own, of course. ) instead of mirroring her posture, shin opts to sit comfortably straight, hands resting on the table. “no wine for the lady? i’m sure mr. jung wouldn’t mind sharing.”

[verlossen]

★★★★★ Shin is an excellent therapist not despite but because of his not having a PhD. He has that deep, spiritual touch that you don't find at a regular therapist and he makes you feel like a close friend instead of a patient to be treated. We have such a strong bond now that I would trust him with anything. I highly recommend giving them a call!

★★★★☆ The staff are very friendly, and I was welcomed with bright smiles at each visit. Excellent atmosphere. 

★★★☆☆ The decor is really nice and Mr. Shin is a great listener, but honestly the place gave kind of a creepy vibe. 

★★★★★ Met Jae at my yacht club by chance, and he was the sweetest young man to me. He kept me gentle company all day and eventually invited me for a free session at this center. I am so glad I went. I have now been a regular for a year and I could not be more pleased with their services.

★☆☆☆☆ I went for just one session and one of the senior staff was hitting on me. Unbelievably unprofessional!

★★★★☆ Shin helped me through a divorce and stress at my job. His sessions has helped me learn more about myself than I ever thought I would. No doctor can read through a patient like he can. Now, even just seeing him calms me down and makes me feel safe. I only wish I would've come to therapy sooner.

★☆☆☆☆ Help

[cleptxs-archival]

Mother is God in the eyes of a child.

Silent Hill, 2006

[verlossen]

« Like any other man I was born with a knife in one hand and a wound in the other »

like any other man i was born with a knife in one hand and a wound in the other.

humans are born into sin, into vulnerability – the supposed fault of eve. still, shin was loved by his mother just like god with all his children: wholeheartedly and unconditionally. upon his birth, she saw the knife shin bore as the sword jesus said to have brought. a weapon that divides and severs to symbolize the cost of faith because in order to believe, you have to be willing to give up everything.

his wound is just as sacred, if not more. it sits at the destot’s space, where christ had a nail driven right through. little did she know, the faux holiness he brought only catalyzed her downfall. the sword was not of jesus’, but of saint paul’s – the very one that persecuted him. the stigmata burned into shin’s palm was the pain and guilt that came with the death of his mother, and it was anything but holy.

but no one needs to know whose sword it is, or what made him bled.

“surrender the knife to me, and let me heal the wound.”

trust that he won’t use the same knife to puncture your wound, that he won’t twist and turn it until the pain is so unbearable you become numb. trust that he won’t convince you that’s what healing feels like.

trust him.

[crookedflesharchive]

i’ve been in the krp community for close to four years now. and i’ve never had a muse last longer than three months. until now. it’s such a big deal to me to know that moonsik has been with me for 366 days now when i’ve given up on other muses way before then. i feel so committed to this character and it only brightens my soul to feel like i still have so many things i want to do with him. moonsik was created on a literal whim ― he started out as a yoongi fc whose only problem was that he was overly sarcastic ― but he’s taken over my heart and soul completely. so know that when i refer to him as my (trash or shit) son, i really mean it.

and i want to thank all of you for making him possible. i’ve almost given up on him three times now, but my muse for him, along with the support of my friends have always dragged me back.

here’s a shout-out to the people who make this experience worth it:

to the special ones that i’ve either known for years or have managed to crack my icy heart in a small amount of time. thank you for existing and for giving me hope in this community.

@selentieun @runest (also @pertir just because) @kabonvi @jongdaewrites @cyphergene @hydriade @archaistes @consilian @anticedes @vuranos @vocalistks @victem @59apothecary @anhyuns @ erica where’s your blog @ joey does she have a blog idk.

to the people who i enjoy writing with, am friends with or those who make me shy in regards to approaching them because their writing is just that great. thank you. keep being awesome.

@rxdmn @verlossen @bangvn @eternalsilxnce @iso2108 @ashekim @theseelenine @illvsionisms @lostambition @chiaso @santozaki @nevermorx @oeciers @voxera @dyncsty @inwolvesteeth @devourtruth @lndnprk @inhyelation @frightsight

[allthingsmusings]

♛ fill in about the muse.

[verlossen]

kitchen:

what is the character’s favorite food? oysters, lobster, seafood in general. also filet mignon. italian cuisine.

are they good at cooking? how good/bad? he can cook himself a decent meal if needed and makes pretty good steak too, but he doesn’t bother with cooking since he has his maid, jae ( @apostello ) for that.

do they leave the dishes out? yes, for jae to wash. shin has more important things to do.

what kind of food is in their refrigerator? fresh foods ( asparagus, carrots, snow peas, enoki mushrooms, soybeans, salad ingredients, etc. ), meat ( mainly beef and some chicken breast for his salad ), seafood. orange juice. marou’s heart of darkness 85% chocolate bar.

do they cook, eat out or get takeaway/delivered food more? delivery / takeaway for when he works overtime and food cooked by jae when he’s around.

living room:

how does the character spend weekends? jogs in the morning. do more work at home during the day. reads books during breaks or at night. works on his taxidermy project. goes out with jae. sometimes fences in the evenings.

what kind of movies does the character watch? philosophical, film noir, korean period pieces, biographical, documentary, psychological, crime, occasional sci-fi.

what do they do with friends? there is no one he genuinely considers a friend, but he feigns friendliness to everyone and does dedicate some time to entertaining people who are especially useful to him. they usually just go for a meal at a high-end restaurant or some drinks at a bar.

what’s their favorite pastime? it’s a draw between reading and taxidermy.

what’s their favorite tv show/film? doesn’t watch television shows. favorite films are myeongnyang, i saw the devil and gwanghae: the man who became king.

bathroom:

how does the character prepare in the morning? wakes up and immediately downs a glass of warm water. goes to shower for no more than 10 minutes. shaves, washes his face, brushes his teeth. puts on an outfit then sprays a bit of cologne. generally eats a protein-rich breakfast prepared by jae. heads to haengun-dong to grab coffee from gabean coffee roasters before going to work.

do they sing in the shower? no. he likes peace and quiet, especially since he does alot of thinking in the shower.

what kind of hair product/make-up do they use? doesn’t use make up. uses hair gel every now and then to slick his hair back. not too particular about the brand so he just gets whatever looks good at that moment.

how clean is this character? very clean. he showers in the morning and before going to bed. house is kept meticulously clean by jae under shin’s orders.

does the character have thousands of shampoo/shower gel bottles by the shower, or do they use only the bare essentials? just the bare essentials. uses the modern gent’s arber fragrance kit from body shop which consists of a hair and body wash, an aftershave balm, and a spritz eau de toilette ( which he doesn’t use since he already has a signature cologne ).

bedroom:

how do they sleep? ( position, sleeping habits, bedtime routines ) very well. keeps a book on his nightstand to read before sleep. lays on his back most of the time, with his hands nested behind his head. sleeps around twelve to one a.m. has an alarm set for five-thirty a.m and wakes without hesitation.

what are their pyjamas like? plain, dark colored long sleeved shirts or sweaters and sweatpants.

what do they dream about usually? his mother. fire. school environment. people around him.

how neat / tidy are they? being the perfectionist he is, he is extremely organized and tidy, usually with the help of jae.

how affectionate are they? not at all. he can, however, fake it pretty well when required in front of his patients.

attic:

what is the character afraid of? it’s not exactly a fear ( or so he thinks ), but he gets uneasy at the sight of fire. he would be extra cautious around candles or when lighting his cigarette. it stemmed from the days after his parents’ death, where he had suffered consistent nightmares of seeing people being burnt alive, or even himself at times. 

how do they deal with bad memories? there isn’t a particular memory that’s bad enough to affect him too much besides his mother’s death. after the incident, he suffered from panic attacks and persisting nightmares accompanied by night sweats ( that jae made fun of every chance he could ). to counteract those monsters caused by his repressed emotions, he decided to go through some cognitive behavioral therapy that he could administer to himself. it was a slow and strenuous process that required incredible willpower, but he knew better than to take any drugs so self-therapy and time was all he could rely on.

what is this character’s role in a horror movie? the antagonist. impervious to conventional means of attacks by the protagonist. nothing is going to keep him down; he’ll do whatever it takes to make sure he’s the only one left standing. plans to stick around for the rest of the sequels.

how do they hide their secrets? behind a soft smile and a gentle, kind demeanor. have to act like jesus if you want to be jesus.

[verlossen]

get to know the mun.

tagged by: @voxera, @igniso tagging: @runest​, @qiangun​, @anachronisvm​, @sineos​, @infxnitv

1. is there a snack you like to eat while writing? i find food to be too distracting but i think i’ve mentioned this in a previous meme before that i like to sip on a cold drink whenever i have to focus on something, writing included.

2. what time of day do you usually write? usually at night when everyone’s asleep so i don’t have to worry about people peeping behind my back while i’m trying to sin online.

3. where do you write? in the living room, on my laptop.

4. how often do you write a new novel? i can barely reply to my friends’ messages, i don’t think i can write a novel.

5. do you listen to music while you write? no, i can’t hear myself think when there’s music playing in my ear.

6. what’s your writing utensil? paper or laptop? does anyone actually even like writing on paper? i only do that when i’m studying and gotta memorize something. otherwise it’s the laptop because it’s easier and also because i have illegible handwriting.

7. do you have a special pre-writing ritual? it’s not a strict ritual, and i only do it sometimes. i like to read other people’s writing ( storybooks, poems, roleplays ) before i write. i find that i will ‘absorb’ abit of the writing and put it in my own. 

8. what do you do to get into the writing mood? reading lolita really gets me in the mood...

9. what do you always have near the place you write? an altar right behind me so god can watch while i write blasphemous things.

10. do you have a reward system for word counts? fuck word counts, i hate word counts, word counts mean nothing to me.

11. is there anything else about your writing process your readers don’t know? i tend to write better ( ? ) when i’m moodier than usual. i have to be satisfied with everything i have written before i can continue writing anything else, as compared to others who spew out everything first and then edit at the end. that’s about it.

[verlossen]

when will you be active again ;;;

@apostello actually dropped tons of asks for me to answer but i’ve been busy with other things and haven’t felt like writing lately... are you looking to write with me?

[verlossen]

[txt] good morning!（*´▽｀*）i hope yuo slept well!!! you looked like a dead log so i asume you did [txt] foods on the counter you just need too heat it up [txt] i went out for a lil errand ill bee back home in 1 hour (￣▽￣)ノ dont burn down the huose whale im gone

it’s always a physical pain to read through his brother’s messages. no fully grown man should text the way jae does. shin is sure he does it on purpose; if he can’t be killed, he might as well be tortured. and tortured he is. with an internal sigh, he deletes the texts so he’ll never have to see that absurd spelling again.

leftover of last night’s pasta covered with cling-wrap sits on the kitchen counter. he goes to take the plate and heads out of his house with his pair of keys, towards jae’s apartment next door. it’s a short stroll to the bedroom before he unwraps the plastic and pours the tomato sauced noodles onto the bed in a messy blob. he brings the plate back home and leaves it in the sink for jae to wash.

breakfast ends up being a spinach and feta sandwich from starbucks.

[verlossen]

url change: incarnos → verlossen.

[verlossen]

fears and discomforts.

tagged by: @voxera tagging: @apostello, @voirdeces, @cespires, @dystroid, @j844 rules: bold any fears which apply to your muse, italicize what makes them uncomfortable.

the dark | fire | open water | deep water | being alone | crowded spaces | confined spaces | change | failure | war | loss of control | powerlessness | prison | blood | drowning | suffocation | public speaking | natural animals | the supernatural | heights | death | intimacy | rejection | abandonment | loss | the unknown | the future | not being good enough | scary stories | speaking to new people | poverty | loud noises | being touched | sex | chains | inner demons | hallucinations | staring | going berserk | betrayal

[verlossen]

but seeds must be planted in good soil to prosper! how can one plant seeds in barren land, and expect them to thrive? perhaps the repose of my soul is unattainable after all. perhaps it was too much of me to request such things. perhaps... but if you promise me, incarnate one, that you will save me... i will give myself wholly unto thee.

suffering is not pretty, never has been. but thanks to poets and writers and their poetic devices, pain can look like a beautiful tragedy. how sad it is that everything needs to be packaged into an easier pill to swallow. this is not self-preservation; this is delusion, this is weakness – this is a point for exploitation. ( he’s learnt from his mother to make use of that. )

“i am not the one you should be promising. change must first come from within. you have to begin by promising yourself that you’re willing to attain salvation even if it means giving up everything that you have. only by leaving behind your material desires and earthly wealth will you be able to receive true grace from god.” 

what they want to hear: “jesus fed five thousand men with merely five loaves of bread and two fish. what you deem impossible is but a small feat as long as you offer yourself and simply believe that god provides.”

what they need to hear: the world will be better off without weaklings like you.

“i am ready to help save you if you’re ready to be saved.”

what they don’t have to hear: but what would the strong be without the weak cowering at their feet?