She sucked in a breath as he pulled her over onto his lap. Ronnie was terrified. Downright terrified. Not because they were being forced back into reality, although that was truly frightening in its own right, but because she was being faced with the decision of truly being with someone she cared about. It hadn't taken her long after spending time with Ivan, after experiencing the way her breath caught in her throat every time he winked at her or the way her heart fluttered every time he touched her skin, to realize that Logan hadn't made her feel that way in a long, long time.
And if she was honest with herself she wasn't sure if he had ever made her feel that way.
In a dysfunctional, horrible way, Ronnie had almost preferred their relationship to be like that. Sure, it sucked and he manipulated her all the time to get what he wanted out of her. But Logan never truly had real power over her. Not the way that Ivan did. Ronnie was completely at Ivan's mercy and it scared her to death. She couldn't control herself whenever he was around and letting someone have that much power over her sounded like a great way to get herself hurt. And Ronnie had learned to look out for herself from day one, it was hard to think about being that vulnerable.
As she let him situate her body over his, it was just another testimony of how under his control she really was. She almost pulled away, instinctually revolting against being told, even if she liked it, what to do. But as her brown eyes locked with his hazel eyes, her mind flashed back to the time they had had a very similar conversation.
The morning after their first night together, Ronnie had snuck out before Ivan had woken up. Again, he had scared her with all of the feelings he had managed to pull out of her. But instead of getting pissed off and loosing his patience with her, Ivan had called her to him again, invited her to sit next to him at his piano bench, and played the most beautiful of songs that he'd written for her. He knew she was scared, and through that song he had promised that if she trust him with her heart, he wouldn't break it.
And so far, he'd kept his word.
As his lips leaned up to press against hers, she'd found herself almost pulling away. But after a brief moment of hesitation, she'd pressed herself to him, getting swept up in the kiss that so easily made the rest of the world disappear. He tasted of liquor and smoke and everything that was beautiful in her world and as the kiss deepened, her hand slid from around his neck to grab ahold of his shirt, as if she needed something to hold onto, to keep her grounded.
She nipped at his bottom lip as he pulled away, tugging it as if trying to pull his lips back to hers and when he spoke, she had to wait a few seconds to let the fog in her head clear before she could even think about an answer. Her eyes lowered to where her tiny fist still clenched his shirt as she contemplated not only what he was asking of her, but also what he was offering her.
Chewing on her bottom lip nervously, Ronnie contemplated her escape routes. But no matter what ideas came to mind, she realized she wouldn't be happy. She couldn't be happy if Ivan wasn't apart of her life anymore. And as she came to that realization, she spoke for the first time since he'd kissed her.
The hand that wasn't clenching onto his shirt for dear life, reached up and her fingers traced over the light blue-green veins on his neck. Her eyes stayed focused on her fingers as they slid over his soft skin. "Let's just take things slow." she breathed quietly, much quieter and softer than anyone in Oxford had ever heard Ms. Rough and Tumble Ronnie Cothry. It wasn't the greatest of proclamations of love, in fact it wasn't a proclamation of love at all. But to Ronnie, it was a huge deal. The fact that she wasn't blowing him off and refusing the idea of being with him altogether when she knew just how much he could hurt her, well that was amazing.
