Shenanigans

[veryunfortunate]

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[andrewinghart]

[weirhd]

[veryunfortunate]

So today is my last day of being a 20 year old.  My little rule for myself is to keep this picture natural (as in hop out of the shower, let my hair do it’s thang, and then take a picktur) but… whoops.  Here my hair is a day dirty and straightened (because I wanted to actually do this on my last day at this age and that’s just how I happened to be).  I figured the little rule of just taking the picture in the real moment as I am without editing myself was more important than having curly hair. So here I am.  Anyway, I wrote a lot for my 20th year.  So much in fact that I’m cringing over it.  

I don’t want to do that here.  And I don’t want to talk about when I was 11 years old. (Not for any real reason… I had a good childhood, I’m just not feeling very reflective at thy moment).  I just want to say that year 20 taught me the hard way that you really don’t know what will happen next.  Year 20 brought me my first accident, left me in a neck brace for two months, taught me that I’m allergic to cyclobenzaprine, overworked me, and reminded me that I’m not someone that will ever truly burn any bridges I build.  I’ve gotten the honor to talk to people on the suicide hotline in their darkest and most vulnerable states, and I’ve gotten addicted to the high that comes from connecting to people.  I’ve learned that life itself is precious and I’m trying not to take it for granted. 

Year 20 has really taught me a lot.  (Probably way more than I even wanted it to.) So, I’m not even going to begin to guess what 21 has in store for me (besides alcohol…?)

Cheers

[veryunfortunate]

Well.  Every year I do this post (for myself), but this year I didn’t.  I like doing this because it’s raw and organic and me during a reflective and transitional moment every year.  This year it didn’t feel natural - and being natural is the entire point.  I took this picture on my actual birthday (for this post) and I felt free and content and fulfilled and energized and calm and appreciative and sunkissed and excited and stuck and drained and confused and lost and unsure and grateful and safe and funky and light and heavy and good.  I told myself that when the words came, I’d do this post.  They still haven’t come.  So here’s my picture - 4 months later. For this year, it’s all I’ve got. Hello 22.  

[veryunfortunate]

So, here I am - 6 months after turning 23.  Whoops.  I moved across the country.  I painted my room blue, but somehow it turned green.  I feel happy and loved.  I feel messy and brave.  I feel isolated and strong.  I am learning how to recycle and compost properly.  I’m learning how to read pathology reports.  I am learning to accept that death is inevitable.  I am more honestly and unapologetically asking for what I want/need.  I am forgiving, and accepting, and trying.  I am figuring things out (as if that’s even possible).

I had my first kiss at age 13.  At 23, I feel like I’m with my person.  We’ll see.

(God, my year 20 post is obnoxious)   

[memoryslandscape-deactivated202]

I am looking up at the bluest sky I have ever seen, cerulean blue, a heaven sky no one would believe I was under. You are my witness. No day is promised. You are absolution. You are my unwritten to-do list,

January O’Neil, from “Sunday,” Rattle (No. 41, Fall 2013)

[poetryandthesea]

You are those seconds between lightning and thunder; full of everything that’s about to come, telling me how close you actually are.

// a storm j.d.m. (via poetryandthesea)

[fy-perspectives]

I think people would be happier if they admitted things more often. In a sense we are all prisoners of some memory, or fear, or disappointment—we are all defined by something we can’t change.

Simon Van Booy, The Illusion of Separateness (via fyp-philosophy)

[gracewins]

[sunthetika]

When a person tells you you hurt them, you don’t get to decide you didn’t.

Louis C.K.

This has long been one of the most influential quotes I have ever come across. Completely changes my perspective on soooo many situations in my past. 

(via c-isnenegro)

[thequotejournals]

She was transparent, heartbreaking. I would be afraid to be so vulnerable. I’d spent the last three years trying to build up some kind of a skin, so I wouldn’t drip with blood every time I brushed up against something. She was naked, she peeled herself daily.

Janet Fitch, White Oleander (via wordsnquotes)

[s-uiiciide]

[tylerknott]

“Do you have it now, all you have waited to find? Do you feel content?” Daily Haiku on Love by Tyler Knott Gregson

[alyssamonette]

[cyelatm]

[thelovejournals]

That is the saddest part when you lose someone you love—that person keeps changing. And later you wonder, is this the same person I lost?

Amy Tan, The Kitchen God’s Wife (via wordsnquotes)

[stargazerinmoksha]

what if everyday when the sun rises and the universe leans over and asks you, who do you want to be today? how do you want to live? how do you need to live? how would you like to breathe? lean right on over and tell me a little about you. who you could be, everything that you are. it begins anew each day and if i could use this little ball of light to show you the way, i’ll do it everyday. and if you’re a night person, i’ve got a little ball of grey too. you can howl. you can roam. take your adventures into me. some days last longer than most, some days hurt more than others and i’ve only started to count your wishes, but if you could create a new identity for yourself, if you could start over from the womb, if i sprinkled genius all over your dna, if i kissed you into life, if i loved you dearly enough to leave galaxies everywhere, if i made you from the very stars that you kiss under–

could you do me this kindness and

love yourself?

[aarrt1212-deactivated20240709]