The Things I’ll Never Say

[thepersonalquotes]

[vezzavee]

I am so tired, I’m always tired, I’m tired of life’s shit. Surely there is more than this?

[paper-wounds]

[nephritebabie]

the cycle of life

[vezzavee]

There is so much I need to get I feel like I’m going to explode but when I try I can’t find the words, any words. There’s so much, it’s so heavy. How do you start talking and letting it out when you’ve spent your whole life not and just shoving it deeper and deeper down?

But even if I knew how to I can’t, what if I start and can’t stop? What if it sends me into a complete spiral? I am all they have, it’s me. Only me. So no I can’t let it out, not right now.

[vezzavee]

It’s an indescribable - but I’m going to try! How it feels being in this strange no man’s land, like you’re not quite at the end you’re ready but right now there is nothing do just wait. Wait while looking around you and knowing this willl be the last time I share a room with all of my family, share a Christmas or raise a glass. Knowing it’s all going yo change when no one else does, it’s like being on the outside and looking in but with all of your senses muffled and blurred like when you’re under water

[vezzavee]

I am fucking exhausted of having my trust continuously broken by men that I have held to a higher standard, thinking they valued me to the same high standard that I held them too. It’s draining and fills me with deep self doubt.

I will never trust myself to have a relationship of this level ever again in my life, I never want to live with another person and handover that power - even if it means I just have a simple small caravan or similar at least it will be mine and my peace and security can’t be taken from me.

[vezzavee]

I’ve gotten through months, I can get through less than two weeks. But why does it feel so slow? Like I’m going to explode and shout get the fuck out, Im so ready to begin this next. It’s bubbling from deep inside me to just below the surface, how is it harder to keep it in now? It’s so close I feel like I can reach out and touch but it’s just out of reach, I’m so close but yet so far.

[gentleaffirmations]

I am here for the "bad" survivors.

I am here for people who don't perform perfectly as they recovered from their trauma and abuse.

I am here for people who weren't believed.

I am here for people who went back, who reached out, who were unsure about what was happening to them until they were.

I am here for people who behaved chaotically and uncharacteristically in reaction to their trauma.

I am here for people who screamed, yelled, or hit back.

I am here for people who froze, stayed silent, or couldn't fight back.

I am here for people who couldn't get their stories straight, because their own memories of what happened were so fractured by the trauma.

I am here for people who's boundaries became rigid and impermeable as they tried to create a new sense of safety in their life.

I am here for people who lost all boundaries, who felt unsafe setting any boundaries in the wake of having them violated.

Whatever happened that makes you feel like you were a "bad" survivor, I am here for you.

There are no "bad" survivors because there are no "good" survivors. Surviving is hard.

[imaddictedtomyillness]

How do you feel knowing you broke me as a human being, broke my trust, my outlook on love and life, my entire being shattered because of what you did to me

[pinterestxetsna]

[sadghostgirl14]

[almaaspoetry]

Maybe I was never meant for love.

Never meant for hands that stay,

only for fleeting fingers that trace my skin

only for fingers that slip away.

Maybe I’m a puzzle too difficult,

or with too many pieces to put together.

Or maybe with too many missing pieces,

for someone to want to find them and solve.

Maybe I’m the storm before the calm,

too much, too heavy, too loud

or maybe I am nothing at all,

a silence no one ever misses.

Maybe something is missing in me,

Scars so deep that I might scare love away.

A soul too shattered to be whole,

Too flawed to ask for love to stay.

And maybe, maybe,

Love won’t ever find me.

Because love does not look for ghosts.

[fallencalliope]

It's so hard to envision my life without you,

The cruelty of imagining you spending your days,

With someone by your side,

Hits so hard upon my chest,

Cutting deep inside,

My breathing becomes so erratic,

Admist of my dreams that turn into nightmares,

My sleepless nights make it hard,

For me not to find you there lying by my side,

I can just can't rest easy until I get to feel your hand in mine,

Where I want to have you close to me,

Because I don't want to lose you,

Feeling that I am not enough,

As nothing makes sense if you're not a part of me...

©️fallencalliope

[remanence-of-love]

[remanence-of-love]

[remanence-of-love]

[remanence-of-love]