Reader has been selected as a kind of babysitter for the Avengers, picked from a carefully selected pool. Reader was once an operator with Task Force 141. She is still close friends with Ghost, Soap, Roach, Gaz, and Price. One day, she says she's going out and because she never leaves, unless it's important, the Avengers follow her. They watch her as she goes to this little cafe to meet up with her previous comrades. They try to be sneaky, she catches them, and sends them home. Once they get home, the team tries to research her and finds little to nothing. They find a social media page, a woman who died a month ago, and... is that a... US Military page?
Callsign: Cherry
How you got it: You decide, just make it an embarrassing story (or don’t, idc)
“Hey! Meeting in the living room!” You call everyone down, arms crossed, standing in the commons.
As the Avengers all shuffle in, taking their spots. Thor sits in the recliner on your left and Steve sits in an arm chair to the right. Tony stands behind the couch, Clint sits on the floor in front of the couch and Natasha sits on the couch with Wanda as the rest of the team fall into a comfortable seating position and distance.
“I’m going out for a little while. When I come back, I don’t want to see a mess. No fire, no prototype testing in unauthorized areas, no using the vents while I’m gone, and no, for the love of god, no using anything other than the microwave while I’m gone. I do not want webs anywhere and no threatening each other at gun point. And whatever other rules I implemented before this moment in time are still in effect. I will find out if you break any of those rules. Oh. Last one: no killing each other. Lord knows that’s a fuckin’ given.” Your rough British accent leaks out at your last sentence as you grab your purse, that carries your keys, phone, wallet, and a concealed gun (not to mention the S.H.E.I.L.D. issue pistol tucked in your waistband).
“Copy: 1, 2?”
“Copy.” Steve replies, the unofficial co-leader of the group reassuring you before you leave. You sigh, your shoulders hunching as you enter the elevator.
“FRIDAY?” You fix your jacket as you speak to the building’s A.I.
“Yes, Ms. (L/N)?”
“I’ll be gone for a few hours. Alert me if they do anything stupid, yeah?”
“I’ll text you if they break any of the rules, Ms. (L/N).”
“Thank you, FRIDAY.”
“Anytime.”
The doors open as the A.I. finishes talking, spitting you out on the ground floor.
As you stroll on the street, checking your phone for the address of the cafe that Price had picked to meet up at. You smile as you approach, just happy to see your old team. “Miss me?”
“Like you wouldn’t believe, lass.” Soap scoops you up and spins you around, before you both join the other members at the table.
What you are unaware of is the constant, stealthy presence of Natasha and Clint, using Stark tech as Tony stalks you with the rest of the members of the intrigued team, wondering why the hell you were leaving the tower you refused to leave so often.
Ghost feels someone staring, and turns his head, just to barely catch Clint looking away.
“Ya know them?” Ghost takes a sip of his black coffee, eyes flicking to Clint and Natasha, as a way of communicating who’s watching.
“They’ve been staring at us for the past three minutes. Long time.”
“You’d know, wouldn’t you, pretty boy? Counting the minutes of a staring woman.” You tease Gaz, taking a sip of your drink.
“He’s actually been missing his shots at the pubs recently. It’s been a little crazy to see.” Roach butts in, eating his pastry.
“That’s priceless.”
Price takes a look at the two assassins as you pay attention to whatever story Soap is telling with Roach’s corrections and inputs. A red haired woman who isn’t bothering to even wear sunglasses. A normal looking man… not normal. His stance… like he’s ready for a fight to start at any moment.
You look at Price, chuckling from the last story. “Cap?”
“Hm?” Price’s eyes flick back to you, breaking eye contact with the woman.
Your eyes trace back where he was looking and you see them. All smile and even laughter falls from your face and eyes as you stand up. “Be right back.” You pat Soap’s shoulder as you walk to Nat and Clint. “Ah! My friends! So good to see you!” The fake smile easily fills the space your deadpan glower was sitting.
You wrap your arms around their shoulders. “I swear to god that this will not go unnoticed,” the whispered threat hangs in the air as Clint gulps a little and Natasha looks away in shame. “Got what Stark wanted?”
“Yes…”
“Great. Then get the fuck out of here and if I ever catch you tailing me again, I will be siccing that big guy over there on you. He’s not very forgiving.” You briefly nod your head at Ghost, who is intensely staring at the interaction. “Get out of here.” You pat their backs as they walk off.
“Clint!” The archer stops in his tracks. “Put it back.”
He sighs and puts the wallet down on the table.
“Now, for the love of god, tell Stark to respect my privacy.” You swipe the wallet back, putting it in your back pocket as you watch them walk away.
The two leave, once again, acting like a couple on the streets of New York. “Sorry ‘bout that, Cap. Won’t be botherin’ us again.” I assure Price as I sit back down.
“Your mothering has gotten worse.” Roach speaks up.
“It’s like handling children.”
“Well, forget about them and enjoy this.” Soap pours a little Bailey’s in your drink before sneakily putting the flask away.
“I will.” You drink and have a good time with your old team, enjoying being in their presence again.
Back in the Tower, Natasha and Clint arrive in the big ass computer lab that Stark set up. “What did you find?”
You had been an enigma since Fury dropped you off as a glorified babysitter two years ago. A veteran who, apparently, couldn’t keep away from danger. Still… a veteran at 34? That’s a new one. Most would either become a vet around 22 or when they have to retire from the military. You never revealed what you did, who you worked for, and what you did in the military. The only real thing they knew about you is that your night terrors were constant and you preferred to not sleep. And you couldn’t be surprised, no matter how quiet they were when sneaking up on you.
As Tony ran your name (your face hadn’t gotten any hits), he came across a social media page of a 14 year old and quickly swiped away. He found an obituary! Of a 78 year old woman who died of cancer… not their babysitter.
“Boss, I have found something interesting you might like to look at.” FRIDAY’s voice comes through the rooms speakers clear as day.
“Throw it up, FRIDAY.” Tony claps his hands as FRIDAY throws up what she found on the screen.
“A British military profile. (L/N), (F/N). Callsign: Cherry.
Home address: Redacted, UK
Birthplace: Redacted, UK
Date of Birth: 1994, 29 years old.
Branch of Service: British Army and Special Air Service, affectionately called SAS.
Rank: Lieutenant.
Skills in Sniper Techniques, Electronics and Software, Covert Reconnaisance, Interrogation Techni-"
"FRIDAY, that's enough now." You stop FRIDAY from speaking anymore.
"Welcome back, Miss Cherry."
"Never call me that again."
"You got it."
"So... anyone want to explain this to me?" You lean on the banister, looking out at the group of superhumans in front of you, looking at your own file.
"Well... you never leave so-"
"Who is '141'?" Tony cuts off Wanda, who gives him a glare in returns. Tony pulls up an image from a long time ago.
"That is none of your business." You motion for it to be taken away.
"Don't know who the Mexican man in the front is, but the other four were at the cafe she was at." Natasha speaks up, also leaning on the banister.
"Keep your mouth shut."
"From what we know, you like it when people spill secrets." Steve walks over, broad chest and all with his arms crossed.
"What I did is none of your business. It's classified. Besides, scare tactics don't work on me, Rogers. You're not my Captain."
"What cafe?" Tony tries to look through the city's CCTV.
"You'll never find them. Natasha and Clint finding them was a fluke. If they want to hide, they'll hide." I try to dissuade Tony from looking for my team.
"Hard to miss a skull balaclava though. Guy looked like he wanted to kill everyone at the shop." Clint pipes up from beside Natasha, breaking away from texting on his phone to deliver the snarky comment.
"He's not a people person."
"Clearly. 'Name: Simon Riley. Callsign: Ghost.' Ooh, scary. Ya like the bad boys, Cherry?"
"You don't get to call me that, Stark."
"But they do? These strangers?"
"They aren't strangers to me. And they aren't dangerous."
"They exploded a subway."
"And you dropped an entire city, killing tens of thousands, trying to save said city from a monster of your making. Your point?"
"Don't have one anymore. 'Rank: Lieutenant'? Fellow Lieutenant on the squad. Ever thought about..." Tony makes a circle with one hand and sticks a finger in the hole. "ya know."
"Tony. Thank you for your concern, but that will never happen." You deadpan at him.
"Everything but the country of his home address is redacted. Just 'UK'. And his birthplace is also redacted. Just 'Manchester, UK'."
"Leave the man alone. He doesn't deserve whatever slander you are about to throw at him." You slouch, tired of Stark's antics.
"Fine. I'll leave it be for now. But you have got to tell us about your favorite mission. I need to know what this 'Ghost' guy can do." Stark puts up his tablet and shuts down the hologram.
"Who says that he was on my favorite mission?" You smirk as you walk away and to the common space.
"Then what was it?!" Peter Parker shouts from the room, jogging to catch up with you.
"Classified."
Author's Note: Thinking between the titles 'Classified' and 'Glorified Babysitter'. Let me know which one you like more.
-Ongoing and already longer than it should be, but I’m extra
-Reader has ice manipulation powers (yes, like Frozen. Fuck you)
-Reader has an attitude and no time for your bullshit because she’s constantly saving the universe from destruction, you know, as one does
-Reader swears a lot, so this is not a fanfiction for the faint-hearted
-I started this project at age 16 and worked on it until age 21, editing some chapters more heavily than others, some not at all. So, there are varying levels of writing and tones in different places. It is what it is until I eventually decide to revamp the whole series.
-I appreciate everyone who has stuck by me through my long-stretched updates, but please know that this is an escape for me and all of your comments, messages, and love really make a huge difference to me. So thank you so much and I wish you all clear skin and tons of energy to get through the daily bullshit. You all deserve it! Please enjoy…if you dare xx
-RECAP : entire series up to Part 7 condensed into a (possibly) easy to read, pocket guide
~Part 1~ The Avengers
Summary: This is the introduction to the series that goes through (Y/N) being thrown into the Avengers by Phil Coulson who saw something in her that no one else did, including Nick Fury himself. Along with her new teammates, she faces Loki in the Battle of New York and succeeds is defeating him (you know, as the movie goes). Instead of going their separate ways after the battle, however, the team remains together afterward for a short period where (Y/N) grows closer to the team, especially Steve and Tony (except one is the basically the older brother that teases her and tries at all costs to make her say, “uncle,” while the other one she fucks, so…very different types of loves, but still the same amount of love). So, in all honesty, consider this the origins story, I guess.
Chapter 1 (Steve’s POV): Liar, Liar
Chapter 1 (Reader’s POV): Liar, Liar
Chapter 2: The Beginning
Chapter 3: Babysitting
Photo
Chapter 4: Plot Twist
Chapter 5: Trust Issues
Chapter 6 (Part 1): Ego Measuring Contest
Chapter 6 (Part 2): Ego Measuring Contest
Chapter 7: He’s a Deadman
Chapter 8 (Part 1): The Battle of New York
Chapter 8 (Part 2): The Battle of New York
Chapter 8 (Part 3): The Battle of New York
Chapter 9: Home, Sweet Home
Chapter 10: The Bombing
Chapter 11: Stevie Nicks Cures All
Chapter 12: Blueberry Pancakes
Chapter 13: Speed
Chapter 14: The Party
Chapter 15: Mario Kart
Chapter 16: No Fear, No Weakness
Chapter 17: The Mission
Chapter 18: I Love You
Chapter 19 (Part 1): The Truth
Chapter 19 (Part 2): The Truth
Chapter 20: Moving Out
Chapter 21: The Birthday That Shouldn’t Have Been Celebrated
Bonus: Dumb and Dumber
Bonus: The Obligatory Christmas Special
early days || playlist
~Part 2~ The Winter Soldier
Summary: (Y/N) goes to Asgard with Thor for a bit of otherworldly adventure to only get her ass trapped in the middle of an alien space war. And if things couldn’t get weirder than that, she time travels to a past incident that holds a key in the future before her as a painful memory brings one of her biggest mistakes back to haunt her. Yay. And, again, if it couldn’t get weirder than even that, she dies. But, like, not really. Only a little bit. But, yeah, she dies. And, then, she gets a dog with her boyfriend. I promise this all makes sense somehow. Or maybe it doesn’t. You decide. But, just know that it was a lot of work, so don’t torch my house or anything. I really tried.
Chapter 1: Welcome to Asgard
Chapter 2 (Part 1): The Cave of Time
Chapter 2 (Part 2): The Cave of Time
Chapter 3: The Plan
Chapter 4: The Winter Soldier
Chapter 5: Half-Naked
Chapter 6: Alive
Chapter 7 (Part 1): The Mechanic
Chapter 7 (Part 2): The Mechanic
Chapter 8: The Real Truth
Chapter 9: Take Me Home
Bonus: What a Dog
MASTERLIST (Part 3)
~Part 3~ Age of Ultron
Summary: After a run-in with a recurrence of her cancer, (Y/N) bounces back to start fighting as one of the Avengers again (of course, with her over-protective team’s ever-present, watchful eyes to make sure she wasn’t dying, or anything). The Avengers face Ultron in a sequence that never should have happened, but Tony is a broken person and just wanted to protect the world. Don’t hate him, people, he actually has diagnosable psychological problems that not many people are willing to acknowledge…anyway, (Y/N) got really drunk in this part and it was really fun to write, so three cheers for Tito’s!
Chapter 1: Requiem for a Dream
Chapter 2: A Suit of Armor and Three Too Many Beers
Chapter 3: Home Run
Chapter 4: Magic
Chapter 5: A Shot to the Heart
Bonus: Let’s Beat Them Into Shape
~Part 4~ Attack of the Aliens
Summary: *Honestly, you can skip this part. It’s mostly an add-in, but I had this idea in my head and I had to write it out. This was the result* (Y/N)’s cancer and government/alien attacks get sorted out by Tony and Bruce in Malibu. Afterward, (Y/N) faces her “father” by only blood in The Raft before he is executed (God, I just keep getting lazier and lazier with these summaries).
Chapter 1: The Mansion in Malibu
Chapter 2: The Killer Surf
Chapter 3: I Need Help
Chapter 4: A Peaceful Sleep
Chapter 5: Goodnight
~Part 5~ Civil War
Summary: Eh, fuck it.
Bonus: Crazy Is, As Crazy Does
Prequel: Into the Rabbit Hole
Yet Another Prequel: Girl’s Day
Chapter 1: LAGOS
Chapter 2: The Kids Aren’t Alright
Chapter 3: I See Red
Chapter 4 (Part 1): Civil War
Chapter 4 (Part 2): Civil War
Chapter 5: The Escape From Earth
~Part 6~ Ragnarok
Summary: All you need to know is that (Y/N) sided with her boyfriend/unsaid fiancee/soulmate(?), Steve Rogers, during Civil War despite her best friend on the face of the planet (and any other planet, in fact), Tony Stark, being on the opposite side of the white line that separated them. During the fight over freeing Bucky in Siberia, Tony accidentally almost killed (Y/N), an event that will haunt him for the rest of his life. On the other hand, now it’s up for Steve and (Y/N) to decide what to do under the guise of ‘fugitives’ in a world that won’t accept them as heroes any longer. And, as any rational person would, they decide that taking refuge on an alien planet is the best route to go. Logic at it’s finest.
Chapter 1: A Champion Is Born
Chapter 2: Smash
Chapter 3: Fear of the Unknown
~Part 7~ Destiny Arrives
Summary: Y’all know what it is. It’s time for the ending of all endings. This part is dedicated to the reader navigating through Thanos’s power struggle against the Avengers and her own struggles fighting with, and possibly against, the power of the Orb. Where do everyone’s loyalties truly lie and will the cliche be broken where the heroes actually die in this one? Only Time will tell.
Chapter 1: The Orb
Chapter 2: Currently Fearing the Reaper
Chapter 3: Earth is Closed Today
Chapter 4: Little One
Chapter 5: Desert Storm
Chapter 6 (Part 1): Make Your Choice
Chapter 6 (Part 2): Make Your Choice
Chapter 7: The Sound of a Dying Breath
~Part 8~ Snapped
Summary: Post-Snap world. The reader struggles with her part in Thanos’s plan. Does she claw her way back up to the battlefield to fight, or run like hell? Like Thanos said, running was in her blood. Other than that, I don’t know, just look at some Thanos memes, I guess.
Chapter 1: After the Storm
Chapter 2: Awake
Chapter 3: The Monster Tells Lies
Chapter 4: Spoonful of Vodka
Chapter 5: Just Shoot Me Next Time
Chapter 6: Alcatraz
Chapter 7: Tempting Fate
Chapter 8: There Is No God
Chapter 9: Green Changes
Chapter 10: Seeing Stars
Chapter 11: Proxima Midnight
Chapter 12: Eden
Chapter 13: Violet Hour
Chapter 14: Assemble
Chapter 15: Back to the Future (Even Though, It’s the Past)
Chapter 16: Broken Limbs
Chapter 17: A Moment of Bliss
Chapter 18: Reclaiming Autonomy
Chapter 19: Defiant
Chapter 20: Penny For Your Soul?
Chapter 21: Mind Games
Chapter 22: Light Me Up, Chief
Bonus: To Banish A Nightmare (end of series)
Will return for Multiverse of Madness xx
The Siren is Calling (WIP)
~Part 1~ Turning the Tides
Summary: Set in first person POV, (Y/N) is a beautiful creature born from sea foam and pixie dust.
Nah, nah. Just kidding. That’s too gay even for me. But she is a mermaid with necromancy on her side and attitude to boot (honestly, not sure if I could ever write an imagine OC without attitude, but who knows). She lost her parents and sister young, and those events have shaped her life in almost every way since, including her decision (HER decision) to be thrown in the middle of a fight between two sides of the Avengers. Good idea? Probably not. Entertaining idea? More than she could’ve ever believed.
{Peter Parker x Fem!Reader x Tony Stark!Dad Vibes}
Chapter 1: She’s a Myth
Chapter 2: The New Recruit
Chapter 3: Dark Magic
You Can’t Outrun Your Demons (WIP)
~Part 1~ The Hidden Ones
Summary: The reader discovers her psychic and telekinetic abilities, then seeks out solitary practice as an Eclectic Wiccan as a way to control and cipher her powers properly {as Scott Cunningham describes Wicca, “a loosely organized pagan religion centering towards the reverence for the creative forces of nature, usually symbolized by a goddess and a god (pg. xii).”}.
Pairing: Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader
Chapter 1: The Smoke Before the Flames
Chapter 2: Wormhole
Chapter 3: Into the Woods
One-Shots
Hush ~ Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader
do you remember last night ~ Stephen Strange x Fem!Reader
He Who Hides Behind the Mask ~ Steve Rogers x Fem!Reader, Bucky Barnes x Fem!Reader *based on Phantom of the Opera*
It’s Been A Long Time // Hold Me ~ Carol Danvers x Fem!Reader
Synopsis: During one of his "jobs," Deadpool gets a call from his favorite gal [GIF Creds: jdsheart]
WC: 1970
Category: Fluff, Major Comedy {TW: Deadpool’s Humor/Nonfiltered Personality}
This man is so hard to write. I’m always stressing the noggin when it comes to planning and plotting 😔
『••✎••』
"And away we go..."
One neck crack and a couple of hip twists later, he was off like Aladdin and his fucktoy carpet, scaling the building similarly to a chameleon on LSD.
The only thing that was missing was some epic music.
He'd been chasing this baddie around the city for almost two days now. Some big-shot mob boss with ties to Hydra, or the Mafia, or the Yakuza, or some other three-letter-acronym organization. It was hard to keep track of them all at this point. They were all the same, except for the name.
They all had their own agenda.
Kill him, keep him prisoner, pay him off...
Wade never cared enough to listen because it was always the same. He just got hired to do the dirty work, and the pay was good.
The killing was better.
This one, however, was particularly good at eluding him. He'd been trying to get his hands on this man for a few days now. It wasn't as though he was trying to be stealthy or anything, either. He'd walked right up to his front door, knocked, and was greeted with a spray of machine gun bullets.
So, the usual.
But then the guy ran and didn't stop. It was like the fucking Roadrunner met Sonic the Hedgehog, and they decided to fuck around and find out.
Wade was getting real sick and tired of being a Roadrunner, too. He had a reputation to uphold. He wasn't known as the Merc with the Mouth for nothing. He was supposed to be the one doing the running and the killing.
Not the other way around.
Finally, finally, he managed to reach the roof where the guy was currently taking cover behind a small brick shack. The sun was rising, but it was still dark, and there were a couple of floodlights shining on the rooftop. It made him think of the night he'd had that heart-to-heart with Blind Al, even though all she really wanted was for him to bring her some of that special brownie mix.
What a night that had been.
But anyway, this monologue is starting to get too long, and we should probably move things along, eh?
Right.
So, the baddie.
His name was something long and non-English.
Salvatore, or Santino, or Salvation... Whatever the fuck it was, it didn't really matter. What mattered was that it was time to make him dead.
He stepped around the corner and was met with a spray of bullets, all of which lodged themselves into his Kevlar vest.
"Oh, come on!" he yelled over the sound of the gunfire. "This is real leather, you know. I'm tired of all the offscreen sewing and shit."
When the spray finally ended, he took a moment to catch his breath.
"…ow," he whispered to himself.
"You shouldn't have followed me here," the man said.
"Yeah, whatever," Deadpool replied. "Look, I'll make this easy for you. You drop down and give me fifty, and I'll let you keep that hideous mustache you're sporting."
The man's eyes widened in surprise.
"It's not that bad, is it?"
"Yes, yes it is," Deadpool assured him. "You got a squirrel living in it or something?"
"It's just a little bit of gray, you dick," the man argued. "What about you? What's with the mask? Are you hiding a mustache under there, too, or something? Maybe some acne scars?"
Deadpool shook his head and stepped forward, his guns drawn.
"Don't come any closer!"
"You know, this would be much more intimidating if you didn't look like a cartoon mouse."
"Stop it with the mustache!"
"Alright, alright," Deadpool said. "Enough with the mustache. But what is it about your hairline? I can't put my finger on it."
The man sighed in exasperation and pulled out his pistol, aiming it right at Deadpool's face.
"Hey now, don't point that at me," Deadpool scolded him. "That's not a very nice thing to do."
He ignored him and pulled the trigger, a loud boom ringing out as the bullet fired. It whizzed by him but missed its mark.
"You really are a dick," He grumbled before aiming his gun right between the man's eyes. And he was going to shoot, honest.
He really was.
But then his phone rang, and he was well-reminded of the current song playing through his head.
I'm a buff baby that can dance like a man. I can shake-ah my fanny, I can shake-ah my can!
Needless to say, he was distracted.
He lowered his gun and looked down at his pocket, where his phone was still ringing and still vibrating against his leg.
"Shit, hold that thought," He said to the guy, and he holstered his gun.
"Wh-what the hell are you doing?!"
Deadpool put his finger up to shush him before pulling his phone out of his pocket to answer it.
If you're an evil witch, I’ll punch you for fu—
"Heyyyy," he said in a sing-songy voice, "you've reached the phone sex hotline. For kinks and fetishes, press one. For booty calls, press two. For your favorite mercenary, press three."
"Ey, pendejo—" His opponent started, but he cut him off by snapping and raising his finger.
"Cut it, Tuco Salamanca. Breaking Bad called and wants its meth-cooking mustache back."
"Wha-I-you-"
"Anyways, this is your favorite merc speaking. Who do I have the pleasure of speaking with?"
"Is this a bad time?"
Wade's eyes widened in shock, and his jaw dropped open when he heard her voice on the other end of the line.
"Baby girl! Is that you? Oh, how I've missed your voice. It's like hearing an angel, or an angelic chorus, or a whole bunch of angels, but you're the most important one. Like, the lead singer or something."
"I literally saw you last night." Your voice was always drenched with the most amazing kind of sarcasm, and he'd missed it.
"And?"
"It's only been a few hours."
"And?"
"That's a short amount of time."
"And?"
You sighed, but he knew you weren't really annoyed.
"Anyways, you sounded busy," you continued, "so I'll just let you go."
"What?! No! Don't hang up!" He shouted into the receiver. "I've only fiddled with my pistols! Nothing interesting is happening right now!"
"Your pistols, huh?" You asked a hint of mischief in your voice.
"Well, yeah. They're the most important part of the mission, you know."
In the corner of his eye, he could see his target making his way towards the edge of the building. Quickly and efficiently, without dropping his attention from his conversation with you, he lifted his gun and fired a shot at the man's knee.
"Ah, fuck!" the man screamed in pain. "My knee!"
"Hey! Language!" Deadpool scolded him. "The lady of the house is listening!"
"Lady of the- what the fuck?!"
"I said language, you mustachioed rat!"
"Mustachioed rat?" You asked.
"Sorry, babe," he replied. "You know how excited I get when Downtown Abbey is on."
“There’s gunshots in Downtown Abbey?"
"Gunshots? Oh, no, no. That was… uh, a car alarm. Yeah, the neighbor's car alarm was going off."
"Uh-huh," you said, not sounding very convinced. And, of course, that was right around the time the guy's gun went off again, this time hitting him square in the shoulder. It made the phone fall out of his hand and clatter onto the ground, but the call was still connected.
"Dammit!" He yelled, looking at the fresh blood dripping down his arm. "That's gonna take forever to heal!"
"Who are you talking to?" The man demanded, his gun still aimed at Deadpool's face. "You're working with someone?"
"Hey, now, I don't remember giving you permission to talk," Deadpool told him, holding his bloody arm up to his face. "Look, I've gotta call you back, babe. I know it's been so heartbreakingly long—"
"Again, only a few hours," you said.
"—but duty calls. Love you, bye."
"Love you, bye."
With that, the line disconnected.
"Ugh," he groaned, his heart aching for the loss of your sweet voice. "I miss her already."
"Ey," his opponent growled, drawing his attention. He started speaking in rapid-fire Spanish, which Deadpool didn't really understand, but he didn't have to. The guy was just ranting and raving.
"Alright, alright, chill," Deadpool said. "Just calm down. It’ll all be over soon, little buddy."
"I am not little! I am a giant!" The guy protested, and Wade could practically see the steam coming out of his ears. "And I will not chill!"
"Well, can't argue with that, I guess," Deadpool said with a shrug, and he took aim. But before he could pull the trigger, the guy was running again.
"Hey, what did I tell you about running?!" He yelled, but his voice fell on deaf ears as the guy reached the ledge.
"I am a giant!"
"No, you're a giant asshat!"
"I will not be bested by some masked buffoon!"
"Buff? Me? Why, I never!"
"You're the biggest asshole I've ever met!"
"You know what? I am a big ass! A big, round, bubbly ass." He paused for a second. "Hey, what's your favorite flavor?"
"Fuck you, you red-clad imbecile!"
"You know, I'd ask you out to dinner first, but we're kinda past that now."
"Argh!"
"Alright, enough stalling," Deadpool said. "It's time to end this."
"Yes," the guy said, turning his gun back on Deadpool. "It is."
Of course, Deadpool being the smart-ass he was, he'd already taken a step to the side. As the bullet whizzed past him, he reached for his gun.
"Now, where did I put that thing? Oh, there it is."
He aimed the gun and fired, and the man fell back onto the ground. The bullet hit him right in the middle of his forehead, his blood splattering all over the concrete.
"Ha ha! Fatality. Deadpool wins!" He said, his voice taking on the deep, grounded tone of the narrator from Mortal Kombat. "Flawless Victory."
He stood over the body for a few seconds, reveling in his victory, before he felt the presence of another.
The gun on his right side got ripped from its holster, and the barrel was aimed back into his face, as it always seems to be.
But, he already sensed it was coming, so his fingers wrapped around his other and aimed that right in the golden spot… and let’s just say, The Golden Girls was a little less golden and a lot more crimson.
"Wow, this has got to be a record," He said as he bent down to stare at the new one’s anguish. "Two dead ugly mustaches in the same day. You can call me Sweeney Todd because shit… I just shaved you the fuck up."
He didn’t give the poor bastard a chance to even whimper before he fired another two shots into the man's head. All in all, this had been the easiest payday he'd had in a while.
He picked up his cell phone and slipped it back into its pocket before bending down and scooping up the mustache man's pistol.
"Ooh, lookie here, a nice, shiny new pistol," he said to himself. "Just what I've always wanted. Well, I don't actually need it. It's not like I have any other holes in my body, but you know what they say. The more the merrier."
He stuffed the gun in his holster and turned around, heading back the way he'd come.
"Time to get back to the good stuff," he said. "I have a date with my favorite girl."
He hopped up onto the ledge and looked down, his eyes locking on the window to his apartment.
And when he arrived, bloody and battered, you could only smile while holding up little ole Mary Puppins in all her drooling glory.
SUMMARY | every morning, you see a man and his dog walk past your bakery and all he does is stick his head through the door, inhales deeply, make a comment, then walks out. what gives?
WARNINGS | flirty banter with sexual jokes, none really!
RATING | teen+
“Oh, that smells like unicorn farts wrapped in rainbows!”
At the bakery's front counter, you glance up at the chiming bell above the door. Your first customer of the day... with a really strange comment.
A tall, mottled man stands before you in a grey hoodie holding an equally odd looking dog with a lolling tongue. Definitely not a sight you see every day.
He takes a deep, exaggerated sniff of the air.
“Morning!” you greet with a smile. “Come on in and—”
And just like that, he bolts out the door and back onto the street. His dog licks his face—actually, his open mouth—as they disappear from view.
What the fuck?
The next morning, it happens again.
“Mother of holy Mary and Marvel Jesus, that smells like a threesome between me, a donut, and fuck-me chocolate syrup!”
The man, again in the same coloured hoodie, pauses dramatically, closing his eyes and taking another long whiff as he half-leans into the bakery.
“Would you like to try—?”
But before you can finish, he’s gone again, leaving you standing there in disbelief.
The third morning is not much different.
Same man, same dog, same routine. However, this time, he doesn’t even say a word—just inhales, sighs in contentment, then spins around and exits as quickly as he entered.
It keeps on happening until the end of the week. By then, you've had enough.
Leaning on the counter, arms crossed, you watch from the counter as he comes into view by your window.
His dark maroon hoodie is drawn tight, and in tow as usual is his dog drooling slightly against his shoulder. You brace yourself, eyes narrowing.
The door swings open.
“Wow—”
“You, Mr. Dog Man!” You cut him off and point at him sternly.
He raises an eyebrow, pointing a finger to himself as if saying, “Me?”
“Yes, you,” you confirm, then you jab your finger towards your glass counter. “Kindly get the fuck in here.”
He chuckles, amused. “Did you just tell me to ‘get the fuck in here’?”
“Kindly,” you say, tilting your head with exaggerated politeness, “but yes.”
The man shrugs, complying with a casual stroll to the counter.
“Alright, I'm in. What’s the dealio?” he asks, leaning on the counter with a smile.
“What’s your name, sir?”
“It’s Wade,” the stranger supplies, his smile widening. “Wade Wilson. Is yours ‘The Bitchy Baker Who Didn’t Have a Good Dicking This Morning’?” His words drip with sarcasm, but there’s a playful twinkle in his eyes.
“Ha-ha. So funny,” you reply dryly. “You know, you can't just keep sticking your head in my bakery, make a comment, and then leave.”
“Why not? It's a free country,” he says, feigning innocence.
You roll your eyes. “If you like the smell of my baked goods that much, why don’t you actually buy one? I can assure you that they taste better than they smell.”
Wade smirks. “That’s what many of my ex-girlfriends said, but I could never trust them.”
You ruffle your eyebrows at his offhand comment, but he moves on quickly. “Look, I never carry my wallet on my morning walks. Mary Puppins here would guilt-trip me into buying way more stuff than I need.”
Your gaze drops to his dog, who’s happily panting in his arms and looking up with big eyes. “Her name is Mary Puppins?”
“Yup. Her previous owner—may he rest his soul—named her. Her new baby daddy—that’s me—just kept the tradition going.”
“And she guilt-trips you into buying stuff?” you ask slowly in equal parts disbelief and intrigue.
“Look at this face!” Wade exclaims, holding his dog out closer to you. “Wouldn't you buy her anything she wanted?”
For a few beats, you inspect the dog and its outfit. A little red and black costume that looks awfully similar to something you’ve seen before, but you couldn’t put your finger on it. But yes, her owner was right; she did have something oddly endearing about her.
“Is it okay if I pet her?”
“Oh yeah,” Wade nods enthusiastically, “go right ahead.”
Based on her lack of facial expressions, Mary Puppins seems indifferent to your pats and scritches, but her tail is wagging, so she must be enjoying it slightly. Wade watches you in approval.
You retract your hands, wash them quickly, then grab a tray of goods out from one of the shelves in the counter.
“Well, since you don't have your wallet, have one of these on the house,” you say, placing the tray in front of him.
Wade gasps theatrically, eyes twinkling in delight at all the choices he can possibly have. He takes his time, hovering his free hand over the array of pastries, until he finally decides on a chocolate croissant.
One bite, and his reaction is nothing short of dramatic, but that seems to be this guy’s style.
His eyes flutter to a close, and he lets out a moan that echoes in the quiet bakery. You smile proudly and mentally pat yourself on the back.
“Oh my God, they always talk about having a foodgasm, but my mouth is literally coming with each bite. Oh my fucking God!”
You laugh, shaking your head. “Okay, bring your wallet tomorrow and you can have plenty more foodgasms.”
“What—my handsome features don't get me free baked goods?” Wade leans the rest of his croissant towards Mary Puppins, who’s trying her best to nibble at it, but is mostly just licking it.
“You're cute, but you’re not that cute," you tease. Looking beyond his skin condition, he was a teensy bit handsome, you had to admit.
“I used to wear a wig. I’ll put it on again if it means I get free shit. Would that help?”
It’s hard not to smile in front of him. “No, I don't think so.”
“People say I look like Ryan Reynold’s hotter cousin when I’ve got a full load of hair on me.”
You huff and shake your head in disagreement.
“How about a date?” Wade asks with a wink. “There’s financial compensation in that—that’s gotta count for something.”
A date would count for something, but you didn't want him to be out of the waters yet.
“Come back tomorrow with your wallet and a date could maybe be in your future,” you reply flirtatiously.
Wade nods with a grin and begins to walk backwards towards the door.
“If I’m late though, it’s ‘cause I’m too busy jerking it while fantasizing about having those beauties in my mouth again.”
You sputter a laugh. Feeling brave, you decide to channel his humor and reflect it back at him. “Wow, maybe you’ll be only one minute late, if you can even last that long.”
He gasps in mock horror and jogs back to the counter again to take another baked good.
“This is compensation for that comment…” he says with squinted eyes, stuffing the pastry into his mouth.
“Don’t come too hard tonight, handsome,” you say with a wink.
“I’m legitimately so hard right now,” he says with a full mouth, pointing the half pastry braid towards his crotch. “As the kids say these days, you match my freak, lady. Say bye-bye, Mary Puppins!”
Wade awkwardly adjusts himself to make his dog give a little paw wave, while she simply wags her tail. You laugh and shake your head, amused by his antics.
As he finally exits, you hear him call out, “And if anyone asks, I’m just here for the sweet, sweet baked goods. Totally not because of the hot baker!”
You bite your lip, a smile tugging at the corners of your mouth, as you watch him and his dog disappear down the street. As you return to work, you replay your interactions with Wade over and over, and realize he’s just as endearing as his quirky dog.
You’re buzzing in anticipation to see Wade and Mary Puppins again tomorrow morning.
If it's okay could you make a fic/ hcs of deadpool × kind f!reader + friends to lovers
Thank you in advance ♡♡♡
Everything She Wants
Pairing: Deadpool x kind f!reader + friends to lovers
Tags: Deadpool, fluff, one shot, friends to lovers, anon ask
here ya go anon I hope you like it <3
✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ⊹ ࣪ ˖ ꒰ঌ ♡ ໒꒱ ⊹ ࣪ ˖:･ﾟ✧:･ﾟ✧
You had finally made it home after a long day, you decided to check your mail before heading up to your place.
"Nothing." you rolled your eyes as you slammed your mailbox closed. you made your way up and changed into some PJs then gathered your laundry and made your way to the laundry mat around the corner. you always enjoyed washing clothes at night because fewer people were out and you could sit and wait for your clothes since it wasn't crowded and there were seats.
You sighed softly as you took your purple laundry basket to one of the washing machines, throwing a Tide pod in your load. You put an earbud in one ear as you closed the door to the washer and made your way to some of the black chairs in the corner. The bell chimes signaling that the door opening, you glance up and are greeted with the view of red spandex and what looked like katanas on his back.
"oh great a weirdo" You cursed yourself for coming to the laundry room so late. you were not huge on socializing after a certain time of day, especially after being at work all day. You just wanted to relax as you waited on your laundry.
"weirdo? you ain't see nothing yet" he chirps as he struts across the room to you and sits a few seats away.
"so what brings you here?" he asks a smile clearly behind the mask as he bugs you. now that he was closer you got a better look at his suit. he was decked out in guns and knives and what smelled like dried blood. You could feel him staring as he waited for your response.
"Late-night laundry... fewer weirdos around this time," you said as you continued to inspect him.
"Ah fresh laundry my second favorite kind of load which has my second favorite kind of ball...the dryer ball" he laughs a bit as he sits back with his hands under his head.
you couldn't help but snort at his joke in response.
"Look at me talking about balls and loads when a lady is present, excuse me where are my manners," he says standing up and bowing one hand over his stomach while the other behind his back.
"Pool. Deadpool...and what's your name peanut?" he asked as he quickly sat and scooched next to you taking your earbud from your ear and holding it up to his ear.
"hmm...Everything She Wants by WHAM!" he says emphasizing wham as he bops his head a bit.
"Oh, my name is Y/n...I live in the duplex up the street" you said with a smile not sure why you were telling a stranger where you lived, but it felt like he was safe.
His eyes widened from behind the mask.
"No way! me too!" he said squealing a bit
"Oh my god you should come over we could watch movies, talk about boys..have a sleepover," he says nudging you a bit at that last part.
was he flirting with you?
Deadpool wasted no time talking your ear off, you both talk so much that you forgot about your laundry. This eventually became a routine the both of you and doing laundry late at night. You and Wade became friends after that night and he told you about his job and what happened to him. He was a great storyteller so it didn't bother you when he would go off on tangents or stop a story to make a dirty joke.
***
Since Wade lived next door you gave him a key in case of an emergency or if he just wanted to sleep over and hang out. He wasted no time stashing guns at your place in case of an intruder, you thought it was unnecessary but Wade seemed adamant that they be there.
“Wade, a gun by the toilet is ridiculous,” you said standing at the door of the bathroom as he taped a gun on the side of the toilet bowl
“Y/N the bathroom is where one is most vulnerable you never know when someone is gonna come in here you have to be ready even when you’re taking shit,” he says as he stands up with his duffle full of guns.
he walked over to the couch to stuff a few in between the cushions and taped one under each side table.
“whew I tell ya what.. all good in a day’s work,” he says in a country accent standing back with his hands on his hips
“Thank you, Wade,” you say turning to him with a smile as your hand touches his arm you feel a warmth go through your body as he looks at you. You feel your face flush as he looks at you with his brown eyes. his eyes flicker to lips and then back into your e/c eyes. You reach out to touch his face and that’s when he clears his throat and zips his duffle.
“uuh..No Prob Bob. Hey, I gotta head out I have to go tag and bag a couple of knuckleheads but I’ll be back later. “ he says with a smile before leaving. you felt a bit embarrassed, you knew Wade felt a type of way about the scarring on his body and face but you didn’t care about his looks, he’s always there when you need it. He knows all of your favorite foods and he even took time to take care of you when you were sick not too long ago. You felt your mind race as you stood in the middle of the living room your heart racing.
“Do I like Wade?” You asked yourself as you looked down at your hands before you heard the door open again.
“Oh, Wade I thought you were heading out “You sounded so flustered you’d curse yourself for that later. Wade stood in the door in his suit.
“Right um I forgot something" he said a smile clear from his voice
“Wh-“Before you can even ask he’s quick on his feet as he strides over to you lifting his mask above his nose and kissing you.
the kiss is soft and it makes your heart flutter you were almost worried it skipped a beat but that didn’t matter, you were kissing Wade your best friend and he was kissing you back? you pulled away to breathe and when you looked up he had pulled his mask back down.
“Damn, girl if I had known you were so sweet on me I would’ve kissed you a long time ago” He laughs as he stares at you.
“Y/N do you really wanna do this? I mean I get it ladies love a man in uniform, but I mean when I’m not cracking skulls will you still want me as Wade?” he asks he sounds almost worried your answer will be anything but yes.
“Wade of course! I love you for you not because you’re Deadpool” You smile
“oooo you loooove meeee” he teases as he boops your nose
“I love you too Y/N,” he says as he makes his way to the door
“see ya later Wade” you wave
he gives you a wink and blows you a kiss before leaving and you take a seat on your now lumpy gun-filled couch.
Deadpool & Wolverine w/ Soft but strong Reader Headcanon
Authors Note: @klerns-birdie A request from this beautiful person. Hope you all enjoy this headcanon as I am gonna pair it with a short fic and possibly another headcanon
You first met Wade when you auditioned for X Force. Wade was shocked and wary to see such a delicate flower like you wanting to be apart of something so dangerous and violent
Even though he ended up recruited you, it was really because he wanted you to fawn over him and have him be your savior.
He was surely mistaken when he saw your skills on the battlefield. Truly shocking Wade who never knew you had all of that in you.
"I see you firecracker. Well, Aren't you just full of surprises?"
When Wade was kidnapped by the TVA you were right there with him. Looking for a replacement Anchor Being together. Many of the different Logans had completely ignored Wade or just abused him while when they saw you, they were really sweet and flirty.
Every time yet another Logan from a different universe gives you a flirty remark you could feel Wade's eyes basically sticking to the back of his head. Too many eye rolls had finally got to him.
When you both finally found the "Worst Wolverine" Logan was quick to put all his anger out on Wade once finding each other in the Void. Logan was persuaded very gently and quickly by you to leave your boss alone.
It was hard for Logan to understand what a sweet thing like you was doing with a person like Wade.
"Why do you hang around this loser?" He asked you once. You tilt your head as if in thought. Trying to find the right answer. "He is technically my boss, so I gotta follow him around." Logan looked over to see Wade maskless with his 2 fingers digging in both of his nose holes. Logan grimaces at the sight. "Your boss is a fucking idiot."
Logan just as Wade once was seen you as just a sweetheart who cared about feelings and being kind and soft. Just your typical sweet soft girl.
When it was you all (You, Wade, Logan, Laura, Elektra, Remy & Blade) side by side, thats when Logan realized how much of a badass you truly was.
A proud grin on Wade's face watching you literally rip a man in half. "Isn't she great?" Logan doesn't even say anything, still trying to comprehend how capable you really are. Whole time he was thinking of having to protect you, if anything these men need to be protected from you.
Even though you are a badass, you really don't like fighting girls cause you're a girls girl
At the end of the battle, you are covered head to toe in blood and a sweet smile on your face. Now Logan had a proud smirk on his face.
Request: Hi!! <3 Im not sure if your taking requests for writing, but if you are I was wondering if you could do a Wolverine and Deadpool × S/O who is very strong but doesn't look it? If that makes sense... Like the S/O is very sweet and shorter than them. But she is a total powerhouse! She can easily lift extremely heavy things, or can punch really hard. Like even harder or stronger than the them! I hope that made sense!! I love your writing, thank you!! ❤️
Logan x strong!Reader x Wade headcanons
Reader: she/her
/Logan x Reader x Wade/
A/N: Hey! This request was made by @klerns-birdie, so thank you for your message! Hope you like it ♡︎
Tags: SFW headcanons, poly relationship, strong!reader, they are both supportive!
—
You considered your strength your superpower, never failing to amaze those around you. You were considerably strong for your stature, and that soon would be discovered by your partners Logan and Wade.
When you moved into a new apartment with them, you carried giant boxes all on your own. They offered help but you gently refused, lifting up an insane amount of weight like it was nothing. "I got it!"
They would be stunned, looking at each other in awe as you lifted boxes one by one, bringing them inside. "Holy shit, babe! Look at you, you strong independent woman!" Wade would exclaim while Logan admired the sight of you.
Soon your ability would become target of their interest, they would ask you questions such as: "How much weight can you lift?" or "How did you get this strong?" and you would gladly answer, feeding their curiosity.
And of course, Wade would abuse your power as much as he could, meaning you would have to open many jars and move so much furniture around... you found it funny, doing your best as he watched you with his mouth agape in adoration.
As for Logan, he would definitely try to arm-wrestle you. To his surprise, it would actually be really tough! Your resistance was powerful and never failed to shock him. "C'mon, shorty... give in." He would tease you between gritted teeth, but you never gave up. "Show her who's boss, Wolvie!" Wade rooted for Logan, but neither of you would win the match.
If you went to the gym, they would definitely accompany you just to see you go at the punching bag. One time you managed to punch so hard it sent the bag flying... and they found it so hot. "Attagirl..." Logan kissed your forehead as Wade squeezed one of your biceps, saying: "Remind me to never get on your nerves, gorgeous."
To sum things up, they would find you super cool and definitely be attracted to your strength! And they would make sure you knew that!
prompt: anonymous: “I would like to request a story where teen!reader x Wade Wilson/Deadpool (platonically OFC). Where the reader was already in the ice box when Wade and Russel show up. Her powers are super dangerous (you can pick them) and all the prisoners just kinda leave her alone cus they’re low key scared of her. Anyway, maybe like Russel decides to talk to her, which leads to her and Wade talking, and he just thinks she’s a good kid.”
You sat quietly at your empty table in the cafeteria of the Ice Box—which, to an unsuspecting observer would look like you were just a lonely little kid who didn’t fit in with all the scary criminals you were surrounded by. Obviously, you were scared and miserable, keeping your head down and you picked apart your food with a plastic fork.
“Wonder what they’re in for.” Russell comments to Wade, who felt like he was in the same boat. Or at least wished he was since Russell was still sitting with him.
“Poor, poor kid. You know, Russ, you should go over there and make a friend. It’d be good for you on account of the fact you’re a little orphan boy. You probably have a lot in common.” Wade rambled endlessly until Russell felt pressure to get up and walk away, feeling maybe this was a chance to make a new friend. Soon after, you were disturbed at your table when an unfamiliar boy sat across from you.
"Hi!" Russell greeted with a surprisingly chipper attitude. "I'm Russell, just got here today."
"Thats nice." You bluntly replied.
"And you are..?" He tried to ask politely.
"Y/N." Another short answer from you. You peered over at the horribly scarred man staring at you two from another table and thought it weird, possibly that they knew why you were here and were looking for some kind of alliance or something. "Why are you sitting with me?"
"I don't know, you looked lonely." He replied honestly. "You're the only other person my age, I thought we could be friends."
"'Friends' don't really happen here." You responded, poking at you food with your fork, you'd lost your appetite as you were disturbed by this uninvited guest at your otherwise empty table. "We're all the same, but very different. I want nothing to do with you or anyone else here." Before Russell could respond, you waved him away and saw the scarred man roll his eyes and look away. The young boy wandered back to his former table--obviously defeated--and soon after, his scarred friend was at your table instead.
"Really? Way to hurt the kid's feelings. What'd he do to you?" Wade asked, almost mockingly.
"You guys really can't take 'no' for an answer." You shoved you tray forward and stormed off, which would piss off most, but you put a smile on his face. "Well, Russ," Wade started when he returned, "I think we made a friend."
Authors Note: Since Yall finally see the beauty of Poolverine, you finally get some stupid fluff. Here ya go
Sum: You were neighbors with Blind Al, and that chaotic son of hers. Recently you’ve been hearing alot of noise, and figured you check on them both. Like a good neighbor. Seems to have been just the right time
Warnings: Fluff, canon typical violence, Logan and Wade being so gay in their own way, Blind Al being a total wing woman, dogpool aprecitation post, family fluff because god dammit Mama Blind Al and her sons boyfriend with their new dog domestic fluff is needed!
“Will you two knock it off! I don’t need another damn couch in this house-!” You would hear Al shout. Not the first time, but the noise seemed so much more wild as of recent. Like some kind of badger was joining the party. Couldn’t help it with your worry. She was blind after all. So, here you are. Knocking on her door.
“Get along-! Well, or like STOP GETTING ALONG-!” You heard her snapping, before yanking the door open. “The hell you want?” She asked, before you would clear your throat.
“Hey Miss Althea-!” The moment she heard your voice she had softened into that motherly state she always had for you. Not many people in the complex really enjoyed her company, or her son’s, but you always took the time to say hi to her. Not treat her any less inferior because of her blindness.
“Oh hey baby! Come on in, get in here-!” She just beamed, and laughed. Happy to have someone new to talk to. Can get lonely, after all. From many of your conversations with her, when helping her take the groceries to her apartment, her son Wade was often on business trips. Nice to have some company.
Inside was certainly a chaotic mess. You swore someone ran around like a Tasmanian Devil in there. Pictures asque, cushions everywhere, a couch shredded like it was thrown in a blender. You were wondering what the hell happened. Was it a break in? Had you worried sick, before a bark caught your attention.
“PUPPY-!” You couldn’t stop yourself from squealing, as you knelt to the floor. Right next to the dog in her dog bed. All snuggled with plushies of what you guessed were her favorite heros, and seeming to be the one area of the apartment that escaped this fire. Least whoever attacked the home had some kind of morals.
“That ugly thing? That’s ’Mary Puppins’ as the dynamic duo calls them. She that ugly kinda cute. She always knows when you need someone to cuddle, that’s for sure. I ain’t complaining. Nice having company.” Al would explain to you, as you were hypnotized by her cuteness. Had her cradled in your arms, and giving her all the belly scratches.
“She’s perfect.” You cooed, as you gave her fluffy head a kiss. Had her barking happily at your attention. Seemed said barking finally got the attention of the two rascals in the home. A bickering of panic French was held, before you turned your head. As to see what the French was going on.
“Hey-“ A burly man would wave, before seeming to shove the other person into a bedroom. In some kind of mad panic, as if to hide them from you. For some reason.
“Oh, hey. Uh, hi.” You would stand up, Pup in hand, as you registered what you were looking at. He wasn’t the tallest man around, and honestly? Might be even shorter than yourself. Didn’t take away the fact he was built like a truck. Somehow all tucked away behind a torn up wife beater and jeans. Looked like he had been fighting someone with a set of knives. On top of knives. With more knives.
“That’s Logan. My kids new boyfriend.” Al would brush off casually, as she would find herself towards the couch. Just to sit there, and most definitely keep an ear out for the drama to happen now.
“We aren’t….It’s complicated-“ He tried to explain, before said Wade popped his cheery ass out. Having been in such a rush to join the party, he was wearing his shirt backwards. You would argue his boxers to, but a puppy keeps anyone’s attention.
“Oh hey! Peanut, that’s our neighbor. About time you met the sweetheart. Don’t do anything Logany. Or do, kinda a freak. Just saying-“ He would nudge at the shorter man, as said man rolled his eyes.
“Hey Wade-! When did you get this little girl? And uh, the hell happened here?” You were pretty used to Wades insanity at this point, hence why he called you a freak (in that sweet way endearing way) so maybe there was an explanation on all this.
“Thats Mary Puppens. The sweetest shit stain around. We got her from uh….A cousin. Passed away. Terrible terrible. Can’t have her left alone.” Wade would explain, as Logan would walk over. Gave the pup a gentle scratch under her chin that made her shake her leg just right. She clearly loved her new parents dearly.
“And the mess here?” You would raise a brow, before Wade tugged at his collar. That’s when he noticed it was backwards, and kept himself busy with fixing it. Left Logan to have to bite the bullet.
“….Redecorating…..” Logan offered, as you just stared at the two. A brow raised, as you didn’t buy it for a single second. You weren’t stupid. You weren’t going to fall for the ‘put on a hat and jacket and suddenly you can’t make out a superhero from a crowd’ trope. Something suspicious was going on.
“Just be direct, will ya?! If anyone can be trusted it’s gonna be that there sugar.” Al would practically scold the two little dumbasses. Just like a mother would to her so , and his boyfriend, who were trying to dance around a topic.
“Are you two super humans of some kind? You don’t have to tell me more. Just….Dont wanna worry about little Pup here and Al. Ya know?” That seemed to make Logan pause. As if your kindness, and realness, was a shock to have. A welcomed one, but you’ll still get caught off guard if you ate trash and suddenly had a pallet cleanser of lime sherbet shoved in your mouth.
“Do you mean super human as super human, or super human like mutant powers, or super human like experimented on, or super human like as a-“ And Logan promptly smacked the back of Wades head. Treating him like a skipping record. Had you giggle, since now you didn’t have to worry about the violence. Able to comprehend they just don’t feel pain like others.
“Super human is all that needs to be said, bub.” Logan warned him, as he held up his fist. You thought to punch, but you swore the top of his hand was twitching. Not like a muscle spasm. Way too uniformed. As if three veins were bulging. Maybe it was better not to question it.
“Now, why are you even here?” Logan would try his blunt coldness on you, but living next to the likes of Wade doesn’t really phase you. This was a world of super heros and inhumans. Can’t scare you that easy.
“Came to check on Miss Althea. Heard a ruckus, that was louder than normal, so I came to check.” That had Logan scoff. To hear you being so ‘brave’ and coming over to the source of the noise. A admiring ‘so dumb but in a brave way’ admiring.
“He’s still grumpy from the turbulence, if you will-“ Wade would jazz hands, as if knowing things that no one else shouldn’t. He always did act like that. As if he just knew how the world worked better than others. You found it more so endearing than creepy, like others did.
“Oh! New here? Well welcome! Oh, maybe I can show you around? Wade and I know some pretty cool places. Oh! There’s a dog park that’s built for dogs who need more special care than others. We can all go there with Miss Puppins!” You were rambling like Wade, but had the clarity of Logan. A beautiful combination. One that had the two men smitten.
“Fuck yeah we can go to the dog park. Get dressed, Showman, come on-!” And Wade was running off to get changed. The typical attire of hoodie, face mask, glasses. Just layering. You didn’t find his skin disgusting, but given the world’s issues with pandemic it can’t be helped.
“Great, now you got him started again-“ Logan would complain, yet was already grabbing his leather jacket. Complaining, yet clearly willingly excited all the same. Just in his own way.
“Would you like to join us, Miss Althea?” You asked her, which gave her a bit of a surprise. You wanted her to come along? She normally never tagged along on things like this. Yet, you offered. Even though most times she would say no. Not this time.
“Someone needs to make sure you assholes don’t get into more shit.” She smarted off, but was already standing. With the help of Logan, of course. Just in time for Wade to return.
“Come on disabled gang! Let’s go!” He would clap, as Logan just kept rolling his eyes. You yourself were excited, and leading the charge now. All with Miss Puppins happy in your arms. So happy to have a big family to take her on adventures.
I think it would be cool if you wrote a DP & Wolverine fic w/ a Spiderteen!(preferably fem)reader, w/ some comfort from Logan, the reader gets hurt and Logan goes all scared overprotective dad mode and off Wade does too. Thank you!!
The Spiderling.
pairings ; Wolverine x Deadpool x Teen!Spidey!reader
warnings ; hurt/comfort (yay), she/her pronouns. Tell me if i missed anything yayayay
a/n ; yall have the best ideas ever, they are so cool rahhhh, ty for the req!
"Couldn't this wait until next week? I have a test tomorrow that I want to start studying for toda-" You were cut off with a piece of debris flung at you, your spidey-senses alert you and you flinch out of the way.
If it wasn’t obvious enough, you were in the middle of stopping another petty crime. It was the act, people thinking
"Rude! You shouldn't interrupt people when they're talking." You say with an offended tone.
"Stop fucking talking!" He yelled, seemingly vibrating out of pure anger. "You know there's kids around here right. No bad words." You wag a finger, angering him further.
You flicked your wrist and a web 'thwips' out, hitting the robber in the face effectively shutting him up. You smirk and continue to cover him in webs, you pick him up and run off. Hanging him so that the public can see, and shame.
You sat, perched on a random rooftop as the sun sets on the city. Another day done, you took of your mask and took a deep breath. Was it satisfying? Of course, you wouldn't give this job up for anything. But fuck was it tiring, you had barely any time for school, or anything really.
You looked at your discarded bag and walked towards it, picking it up and swings back to your house. The sun sets and the night takes over, another day of being a vigilante is over.
--
A knock raps on your window. You stir in your sleep but you don't wake, turning away from your window as you groan.
It knocks again, this time more persistent. You slowly get up, and stared at the window. A man sat there, waving at you.
"What the fuck." You muttered groggily. You walked to the window.
"Deadpool. What the fuck are you doing at my window." Your eyes were barely open. It was too early for this shit.
"It's noon my little spiderling. You slept in." He tutted. Your eyes widened and you whipped your head to check the clock on your wall.
Shit. You somehow slept through your 7 alarms.
"Where's my thank you?" The masked Mercenary called out after you, as you ran towards your bag that kept your suit. "Fuck you!"
"Stop swearing like a drunken sailor! Babies shouldn't use bad words." He gasped, clutching his imaginary pearls. You glared at him and went back towards your window.
"Ah, back to say-" You shut your curtains on him and went back to scrambling. "How rude!" His voice muffled. Wade stood back up, shaking his head as he grumbled about you having no respect for your elders.
You quickly run down the stairs, and run to greet your aunt, who was currently cooking up some lunch.
"Y/N." She says. You knew she hated people who slept in. The early bird gets the worm, she would say to you when you were younger. Her voice is laced with disappointment as she turns to look at you. You gave her an awkward smile back.
"Why are you waking up so late?"
"Studied too much. tests and all that, y'know?" You shrugged. "I gotta go to school can't miss anymore classes, amiright?" You quickly say, giving her a quick kiss on her cheek before running off.
"It's Saturday."
You skidded to a stop. Oh. "Riiight, I knew that. I'm going out tooooo study. With a friend." You call out. "Don't wait up!" You shut the door behind you. She was definitely pissed off.
The familiar sounds of the city snap you back to reality as you rush to an alleyway, changing into your suit and rushing out. Hiding your bag behind a giant bin so that it wouldn't get stolen, wouldn't be the first time that happened.
"Yoohoo! Spiderling!" A familiar voice echoed in a sing-songy way. You looked up, Deadpool.
"I'm gonna do a superhero landing, watch, it's gonna be good." He rubs his gloved hands together as he teeters on the edge.
"You're going to get hurt." You looked up, the man waved you off.
"You sweet summer child, you truly know nothing about me," He jumps off, landing on the ground with an iconic pose. You could hear the cracks in his bones.
"You jumped off 20 stories, I don't know what you expected to happen." You spoke through his groans, you walk over to help him and he stops you.
"No, no. Give it a second." You hear the bones healing again and he let out one last groan before standing up. He gave you a thumbs up. "Good as new."
"Why do you insist on following me around?"
"Because you're my idol. My favorite webslinging kid." He says, placing his hands on your shoulders. You rolled your eyes and shrugged him off.
Deadpool. You had noticed the vigilante after you followed a string of dead bodies. To you this was a murderer on the loose, definitely not an insane Mercernary who would end up stalking you.
"It's because you're so cool! Seriously, sticking to walls? You can't blame me for being curious."
"...That's your reason for following me home?"
"Mhm!"
"I'm going to throw you out now."
And it's been like that ever since. He follows you around as you patrolled and sometimes for the better, it allowed you to (try) to stop him from murdering as much. This earned you the nickname of his 'sweet baby angel.' which earned him a punch to the face.
But the company wasn't that bad.
--
Becoming the friendly neighborhood Spidey was fun, but it wasn't all fun and games.
Like now, for example. You're slumped against a wall, actively bleeding out. Your labored breaths were the only thing keeping you company.
Another threat was nullified, but it came at a cost. You had a tendency to jump to action without thinking twice, now add a child who was in danger into the mix. The child stood there, right in the middle of all the violence. You didn't see or sense bullet as you swung, taking her out of there.
You only felt the pain after the adrenaline wore off, you had never been shot before. The pain was unbearable.
You had your had your hand covering the wound, trying your best not to bleed out in a random alleyway, you looked at your hand and cursed. It was too much blood.
"Kid-" A familiar voice. You thanked the universe and looked up.
"Wolverine, holy shit am I glad to see you." You sighed. His expression was a mix of worry and concern. "What the fuck happened?"
You stared at him blankly. "Oh I'm just here, chilling. With a wound in my torso, the average Tuesday y'know?"
"Don't give me that right now, smartass." He knelt down beside you and slowly moved your hand away from the wound. "How long have you been shot?"
"Enough to make me woozy." There was a noticeable slur in your words now. He immediately moves to pick you up.
"Woah." You muttered as he held you. "I'm getting you help, alright?"
"Thanks old man."
--
The pain reduced to a dull throb, you felt slightly better. You blinked a few times before opening your eyes fully, taking a good look at your surroundings. An unfamiliar, cozy apartment. You were situated in a bed and covered in a blanket.
"Feelin' better kid?" You turned your head and it's-
"Old man?" Your voice strained, he nodded, handing you a glass of water. You gratefully take it and took a sip of the water. Wait. You felt your face and panic starts to seep in. You were maskless.
"If you're wondering where your mask is," He says after reading your panicked expression. "Wade took it out for a ride." He takes your cup back and places it on a nearby table. You rolled your eyes, of course, and laid back down, wincing when the dull throb comes back.
You shook your head. "D'you know where my phone is?" He hands you your bag and you dig through it. You grabbed your phone and saw 99+ messages from your Aunt.
"Wait," You turned to Logan again. "How long have I been...here."
"Few days. You had to rest up."
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
You opened your phone and read the flood of messages from her, all panicked. Rightfully so.
"I-I need to go, my aunt must be worried sick." You mumbled, trying to get up. Logan places a gentle hand on your shoulder, urging you to lay back down.
"You can barely walk, kid. Call her, tell her you'll be away for a few weeks." His voice deep with concern.
"She will personally end my life. Few weeks? No, no. I can't, I have to go back now." You try and get up again, but he gently pushes you down.
"I told you. Stay down, you're hurt." You opened your mouth to argue. "I'm not asking."
"Fine." You crossed your arms and huffed a sigh. "Where's the red guy."
"Wade?" He chuckled. "Said he was getting something that would cheer you up."
"With my mask?" He shrugged, sitting down next to you. "You gonna lecture me?"
"I'm not your father. Just a concerned friend." You snorted. "A real old one."
"How could you be so reckless?" He starts a lecture anyway, you groaned. "I thought you weren't gonna lecture."
"It's a genuine question." He looked at you, expecting an answer. You huffed a sigh. "There- there was a kid. In the middle of it all. The asshole purposefully aimed for her and I couldn't just let her get shot. So i jumped in, took her away."
"And you got the bullet instead." He finishes. You shrug. "Better than a kid getting shot around me."
"You're a kid too." His voice with an uncharacteristic gentleness. "Just- be more careful. Don't give this old man a heart attack."
"Yeah, yeah. Thanks for saving my life I guess." You patted his hand.
The comforting silence for a few beats before the worlds most annoying guy bursts through the door. Who else but Deadpool could fit that title?
"Heyooooo- woah did I miss something? Feels so parental in here, peanut? You acting fatherly?"
"What'd you get, Wade." You asked, cutting Logan off before he could cuss the Merc out. He pulled off your mask and tossed it back to you and lifted up some plastic bags.
"Shawarma! Suuch a throwback, but slaps so fucking hard." He shakes the bags and made his way to you.
"Did you have to take my mask for that?"
"Duh! It's so fun being the Spiderling."
"That's not what I go by, asspool." You playfully glared at him. "Asspool, how original."
A weird group, but it was comforting. It was like a little family, a very weird and murderous family, but still a family.
--
a/n ; coolest idea ever!! but also i might go dark for a bit because of work stuff but i'll try to write more often!
can i get a Deadpool x reader x wolverine where reader is making them watch asmr with them at bedtime :3
🍒
ASMR Cuddles
Deadpool X Reader X Wolverine
Content: Some cursing, Wade being a yapper as always, Grumpy Logan, Fluff, Cuddles, Slime!!, Small Blind Al content
Word Count: 827
Warnings: None
a/n: This request was just too funny not to write, just thinking about these two men and their different reactions. Wrote this super fast on a whim so hopefully it's ok! Short and sweet :)
“Hurry!” You whined, getting all cozy. This has become a daily routine with the three of you, you get comfy in bed while the other two men stall sleeping. Little did other people know, Wade and Logan were huge insomniacs. Perhaps it came with the profession of being a superhero, you didn’t know, but you were determined to help soothe their minds into sleep. The first tactic that came to your mind? Asmr.
You had the perfect setup. Bunches of pillows to support your heads and backs into a half-sitting position, mountains of blankets to keep you all warm and comfortable, and finally your laptop at full charge ready to go. Now all you needed was your eccentric and grumpy boys. “Wade hurry up!” You groaned as Logan stepped into the room, finally in his sleeping clothes.
“Hold on baby girl, I’m doing my skincare routine!” Wade yelled from the other side of the apartment.
“Why? It’s obviously not doing anything for you.” Logan retorted with a smile as you playfully hit his arm. He just grinned wider at your scolding as you heard one more knock on the walls.
“Keep it down, fuckers! Some people in this place like to sleep!” Blind Al shouted from her room, which was only a few thin walls away.
“Sorry, Al!” You apologized, sending Logan a look to shut it. He only rolled his eyes as he crawled into bed next to you, wrapping a strong arm around your shoulders. As he got himself comfortable, Wade burst through the door with a smile, two shirts in hand.
“Ok, be honest. Which shirt is more ASMR-y? Pink with rainbows,” He held up a hot pink t-shirt to his chest. “Or, yellow with the X-men logo?” Wade’s arm lifted the other shirt, which was just some old X-men merch he stole from Colossus not too long ago.
“Asshole it doesn’t matter, let's go.” Logan groaned, blankly looking at the two options.
“I like the pink Wade.” You said with a smile, watching him put the shirt on and patting the seat next to you. Finally, the three of you get comfortable, Wade on your left and Logan on the right. With the way you three were situated, it almost felt like a puzzle.
“So, what do you want us to watch exactly?” Logan questions, eyeing the videos you’re scrolling past.
“It’s videos that make funny noises! They’re supposed to relax you and help you sleep. It even makes some people tingle.” You respond, smiling a bit at the man before resuming your search for the perfect video.
“What kind of tingles exactly?” Wade smirked at your side. Before he could wait for an answer he hastily pointed at a video on your laptop. “Oh! Let’s do that one! Slime.” Sure enough, that was the video you put on. Within the first two minutes, Wade was completely enthralled, commenting on every little thing.
“What kind of slime is that?”
“Fluffy, dear.”
“How does it sound so delicious?”
“Beads!”
“Where can I find the things to buy this?”
While Wade was now distracted on Amazon buying the various ingredients for slime, Logan was not so impressed. You could tell the only reason he was currently staying in bed was for the free cuddles. The slime clearly was not of his taste.
“Logan, do you want to try a different video?” You offered, determined to make the man sleepy through ASMR at any cost. Slime probably wasn’t the best fit for sleep time, not only because of Logan’s disinterest but it only seemed to rile up Wade more as he was currently talking your ear off about all the things he bought for his upcoming slime creations.
“Eh, no offense bub, but I don’t think any of these videos are gonna do it for me.” You felt bad, you needed to find something that would soothe Logan, and you knew just the genre.
“How about some general tapping ASMR?” You hastily typed the words into YouTube, much to Wade’s dismay. You found the perfect video, turning up the volume ever so slightly and allowing the ASMR to do its thing. Five minutes into the video you felt sleepy yourself, before realizing that the last few minutes have been in complete silence, which was strange when you lived with Wade Wilson. Turning to both your sides you see Wade completely asleep and Logan fighting for his consciousness.
“This one good, bub’?” You whisper to Logan, teasing him slightly.
With your words knocking him out of his trance, all Logan could think to say was, “Shut up.” Before returning to the video, his arm still wrapped around you. Within ten minutes the three of you were out cold, a mess of limbs all sewn together with soft tapping in the background. For the first time in years, Wade and Logan were able to get a good night's sleep and all it required was some cuddles and ASMR.
Well gee, guess who’s not dead?! :D I know I’ve been silent for awhile, since school and everything has been eating up my time—but I recently got a burst of creativity, and I decided to go through the prompts in my inbox. (Which, by the way, are still open if you have any ideas!) So here we are!
Note: The titles says Avengers, though it focuses on Tony and Steve!
Warnings: mild cursing; being trapped; panic/spiraling thoughts
Heyyyyy :) I've got an idea for a one-shot that you could write~ (you don't have to write it if you don't want to, no pressure😅) I'd just love to see the moon boys be worried and bring food to the London Sanctum while the reader is too busy to go out, and the boys get entirely fascinated by the magical artifacts in there (maybe steven is geeking out 🤣) and they secretly love watching the reader do their magic spells.🤭
Delivery
relationships: moon boys x avenger!witch!reader [gn]
word count: 0.7k
warnings: reader skips meals because they're busy, protective moon boys, nerd steven, using food as a love language, nsfw joke (reader moans when eating lmao)
a/n: introducing a new character ;) i focused mostly on the food part and less on the magic so i hope you still like it, conejito = bunny, cariño = dear
chaos in us masterlist
Marc wonders if this is a good idea.
You guys aren’t even dating but here he is at your door. He hasn’t even known you for that long but fuck it, he misses you but he doesn’t know how to say that so he hopes your favorite meal will get the message across.
You have been very busy lately, spending all your time at the sanctum. Normally you were free to leave during the day, relying on multiple security measures and your powers to alert you if anything were to go wrong, but an evil sorcerer on the loose means you have to be extra cautious. You’ve been going to New York a lot lately to discuss the issue with other Avengers.
He cautiously knocks on the large door, eyes widening when it opens by itself. “So, you’re the boyfriends?” A feminine voice, that definitely isn’t yours, asks. He almost drops your food. He doesn’t see anyone inside.
“Hello? Are you one of Y/N’s friends?” He asks hesitantly.
“Kind of. I’m Cheeky Home Assistant Reliable Multipurpose, or Charm. I’m an AI that helps run the sanctum and assists Y/N. I’ve heard a lot about you, Marc.”
He freezes, not knowing how to respond to that. Meanwhile Steven is geeking out in the headspace. “Oh, uh, that’s nice.”
“Y/N is in the library, although they have some gifts for you in the kitchen.”
Marc is about to ask for directions when you’re suddenly materializing in front of him. You look adorably domestic in a cheesy ‘I heart NY’ tee shirt and sweatpants. “Isn’t this a nice surprise?” You smile tiredly.
Marc fiddles with the takeaway bag. “Sorry for just dropping by. I tried calling but I know you’ve been busy.” He shrugs dismissively, like this isn’t incredibly thoughtful. “I don’t know if you’ve had dinner yet but I was on my way home and I was going past that place you like so I decided to get you something.”
You cross the distance between you two, pressing a sweet kiss against his mouth. “Thank you honey. I’m starving.” You stroke his cheekbones fondly as Steven fronts. “Hi love. How come you never told me about Charm?”
You smile at his excitement. “I’m sorry darling. I’m so used to her, sometimes I forget that most people don’t have an AI. She was a gift from Tony.”
You start pulling him through the Sanctum. He doesn’t even ask where you’re going, too entranced by his surroundings. The fact that you didn’t teleport where you wanted to go tells him how drained you really are. “Don’t touch anything,” you warn without turning around.
“I wasn’t-”
“You were thinking about it.”
He shuts his mouth. You come to a stop in a large, modern kitchen. “I think food might be our love language,” you joke. That’s when he notices the pile of American snacks not available in the UK.
“Goldfish!” He gasps, putting your food on the counter to grab the crackers. “And snack cakes!” You smile at his reaction. You take a seat, using your powers to pull your dinner towards you. “Marc and Jake have some drinks in the fridge.”
“Ooh, I’ve never tried these,” Steven observes, looking at the unfamiliar sodas. He doesn’t even react as a beverage flies over his shoulder to rest in your hand. He’s becoming pretty accustomed to your magic by now. “Hey, these are mine,” Jake warns his alter, grabbing one of the cans of Dr. Pepper.
“Play nice, boys,” you advise, only half joking. You dig into your takeaway with an almost pornographic moan. Jake’s face reddens but you’re too busy eating to notice. “Are you sure you aren’t the telepath in this relationship? I didn’t realize how hungry I was.”
He looks at you in concern. “Have you eaten anything today?”
“I conjured some protein shakes.”
“Aren’t you the one who told me conjured food barely has any nutritional value because it’s made with magic.”
“That, uh, must’ve been another witch who told you that.”
He looks at you unimpressed. “You need to take care of yourself, conejito. How are you gonna save the world with no energy?”
New topic of interest huh? Deadpool? Niceeee. How about some fluff headcannons about Deadpool and a reader who’s in the same line of work as him? I think that’s pretty interesting.
Love you toots 🥰
- 🫁
Oh my goodness me, it's the anon that I don't regularly talk to. I'm gonna kiss you on the mouth I love this request (and my babygirl).
Hehe I was called toots, not me kicking my feet.
Wade Wilson x ! Mercenary ! Reader
Warnings - Wade (yes he deserves his own warning), sexual mentions, light smut, too many pet names, general violence, gore, mentions of death
Word Count - 1.4k
Oh when Wade finds out that you're a mercenary? He is absolutely over the moon.
"Wait wait, pump the brakes. You're a mercenary?" Wade asks, jaw practically on the floor as you simply nod at him, leaning back on the couch and throwing your arm over the back. He blinks slowly, the gears in his head turning as his brain visibly works to process the information you've just provided.
"Yes, I don't remember stuttering. I've been one for...I'm gonna say seven years now?" you reply with a raise of your eyebrow. Wade turns to you, eyes the size of saucers as he stares at you. If his jaw was on the floor before, it was now sinking beneath the floorboards of your shared apartment.
"Oh my darling baby, I'm so proud!" Wade suddenly yells out, throwing himself forward and wrapping his arms tightly around you. You let out a grunt at the impact of his body against yours, hesitantly wrapping your arms around him as he buries his face into your chest.
Almost immediately after you tell him, he'll start begging you to bring him along on your missions. Even when you tell him it's dangerous to come with you because of who you're dealing with, he'll still find a way to skip at your side and work with you.
This doesn't always go both ways though. Wade knows that he can hold his own in a one-to-one fight, and while you might be a capable mercenary, he doesn't want to run the risk of you being hurt if you joined him on one of his missions.
But once he's comfortable in knowing that you can hold your own, you bet your ass you're joining him on most (if not all) of his missions. It's more to enjoy your company than the idea of actually working together, he likes having someone to joke around with.
Sometimes while you're working, you'll hear a girlish giggle and turn to see Wade laying stomach-down on the ground with his feet in the air, chin perched on his hands as he watches you work.
"Answer the question dipshit!" you yell angrily in the face of your target, lifting your leg and pushing your foot against his chest, leaning his chair back. It wasn't enough for him to fall, but it was enough for his body to think that he was going to fall. His eyes widen and his body jolts as he glances over his shoulder, already swallowing the obvious lump in his throat.
Just as you open your mouth to yell at him again, you hear what you would think is a giggle from a high school girl. Slowly turning your head, your eyes fall on Wade, who lies on his stomach facing you. His feet kick back and forth, chin leaned forward so that it rests comfortably on his palms. Once your gaze meets his, he raises one of his hands, wiggling his fingers at you in an odd way to say hello.
"Seriously?" you ask flatly, raising your eyebrow at him. He nods in response, returning his hand to its previous position as you turn back to the man in the chair, clearly exasperated. You reach for the holster on your thigh, removing a handgun and holding it to the man's head.
When you return home from missions that Wade didn't join you on, he greets you at the door like an oversized puppy. Immediately he's grabbing at you and kissing any bit of skin that he can reach at in that moment. He's just happy to see you back, that's all.
But god forbid you're covered in blood when you walk in the door, Wade is all over you for an entirely different reason. He's grabbing at any bit of flesh he can (most likely your ass), and trying his hardest to get into your pants as quickly as he possibly can.
You never complain though, he worships you late into the night and the aftercare is immaculate.
Wade hopes that you don't have a weak stomach, mainly because when he returns home from missions he's always covered in blood. Is it always his? No. But he just hopes you wouldn't mind scrubbing it down for him while he takes a power nap.
Branching off of that idea, Wade also hopes that you know a thing or two about patching an injury. He's prone to getting hurt while he's out, so when he returns home, he hopes you don't mind spending a half hour or so simply patching him up.
"Oh honey, I'm home!" Wade announces with a flourish of his hand, practically swinging off of the doorhandle as he slides into your shared apartment. You turn your head slightly to him, eyes not leaving the opened book on your lap.
"Get the gauze on your way here, that and the hydrogen peroxide and everything else I need to stitch you back together," you respond nonchalantly, dog-earing the page in your book and turning your body to fully face Wade. The sight catches you off guard, but only for a passing moment.
You lean forward to slide your book onto the coffee table, turning again just in time to watch Wade approach you, the needed materials to patch his wounds gathered into his arms. You fight the urge to roll your eyes as Wade sits himself down on the couch beside you, already looking like a kicked puppy when his gaze flicks to meet yours.
"Thank you honey," Wade says quietly, his lips turning upward in a smile as you tend to his injuries, carefully tying gauze around the open wounds and dabbing hydrogen peroxide against them so that they don't infect. You nod quietly at him, lifting your head just enough so that your gaze meets his.
"Don't mention it," you reply softly, patching his last cut and leaning forward to peck his cheek. He all but melts at the contact, practically lunging for you and pulling you into a bone-crushing hug. A light gasp escapes you, but you lean into him nonetheless.
If the roles are switched and you're the one who returns home injured, Wade is thrown into panic mode. Mostly because he knows that you're not like him in the sense that he can regenerate any part of him and bounce back from serious injuries. You cannot.
He just doesn't want to go through that pain of losing someone he cares about. The guilt that he feels when it's him patching you up is radiating off of him, so much so that you've had to verbalize that you were okay and that you were still breathing.
"Wade, Wade stop," you say firmly, reaching out to take Wade's shaking hands into your own, squeezing lightly. He freezes, body standing rigid as his eyes flick to finally meet yours. The tears in his eyes make your chest feel tight, but you understand his worry.
"You're bleeding, let me just-" his voice trails off as his body turns from you, shaking hands fumbling to grab the needed gauze and disinfectants to treat your injuries. You follow his movements with your eyes, eyebrows furrowing together as you notice the shake in Wade's entire body.
You reach for him, arms wrapping around his neck as you bring his body closer to yours, his chest pressing flush against your own as his arms wind tightly around you. In any other circumstance, you would complain about the tightness of his hug. But as of right now, that didn't matter to you.
"I'm alright Wade, just a little scratch," you mumble to him, allowing him to pull away just enough so that his eyes meet yours. He nods, but you know that he isn't quite convinced yet. "I'm breathing, so quit it with the puppy-dog eyes."
Your teasing earns you a chuckle from Wade, and he scooches forward to lean into you again. You nod to yourself, holding him against you. Sure, it aches when he leans against certain parts of your body, but at least you made it home in one piece.
All in all, Wade is extremely proud to call you his and shows you off like there's no tomorrow. He never thought he would live to see the day where he would fall in love again, and to be honest, he's glad that he did.
You mean the world to him, and he isn't afraid to tell you that every single day, no matter how tired of it you are.
You were just starting to repair the damages of a recuperating career and then the Blip happened. You were dusted away for five years and appeared back into your shitty apartment – your old shitty apartment that was occupied by someone else – and were left with nothing. Your clothing and furniture were all thrown away and your renewed show was trashed because everyone still alive was trying to cope with the loss of loved ones.
To those that stayed, you were considered lucky. Is it lucky to have nothing to come back to? The banks refused to help and getting any loans needed minimum of five years of income. Obviously that’s impossible as you were dusted for all five of those years making the institution useless. No one was willing to hire either as you were often overqualified or lacked any recent experience in the workforce.
Unlike some of the others who also disappeared, you didn’t have a family to help you adapt to the new culture that flourished whilst you were gone. There was still a semblance of the old but you were on your own.
Waiting was the worst. The United Nations were scrambling to provide provisions, documents, and other essentials for those who came back. It was a real shit show and at times, made you wish you never came back.
You had to worry about scavenging enough food for Venom or else it’s your organs that’ll be on the menu and you want your organs to remain intact and uneaten. You also don’t want to watch Venom bite someone’s head off again. You had to work fast as Venom was most likely going to starve and the government wasn’t working fast enough.
You heard murmurs of an underground tournament that pays very well for winning contestants. You weren’t a stranger of questionably immoral activities. You and Venom needed this. It was a saving grace in the waiting game of darkness. The United Nations were behind on provisions and housings, and you couldn’t wait for the miracle of them hurrying along the process.
So you left. The world didn’t need to know you were back, undusted and alive. It had moved on without you and there was no point in sticking around. The world would believe you were the unlucky ones to be at the wrong place during the Snap.
The world would get to learn of the existence of Venom, see the both of you as more than a blurry black figure from security cameras. See the two of you reappear after your hiatus. Your reappearance will be on that podium, hundred of eyes on you, seeing you, and cheering for you.
You had arrived to your brand new start. A new beginning to the end of a shitty chapter. “Welcome to the Golden Daggers Club! We’re a multi-platform global operation. Every fight live streamed on the dark web. Thousands of viewers placing bets as we speak.” The ringmaster, Jon Jon, explained as he handed you the sign up sheet. You read carefully, not wanting to be screwed over in the end, and when you deemed everything acceptable you signed on. It was fast and easy. Pen on paper and suddenly a new door opened.
There must’ve been hundreds of people in the unfinished building. Small cells, containing smaller fights, lead up to the giant podium where the grander fights and higher betting stakes take place. Within the club, you had to earn your place. Starting in those small cells and work your way up to become a favorite.
Your first opponent was no one memorable. They were enhanced to some degree but nothing remotely close to be able to take the two of you down. It was almost too easy but Venom adored the attention they’d garnered. On the other side of the cell were many onlookers, wanting to see more of the alien creature. It was itching more for fights, more advanced opponents, and scoring chocolate money. The club loved Venom. The fame and attention caught the curiosity of the club’s founder.
Xu Xialing was cold, complex, and a fighter. Her coldness was strictly targeted to men but once she saw the person beneath Venom, she’d lighten up around the two of you. You became her friend. You’d learn bits and pieces of her past while you shared yours. She’d given you a chance to start anew even if she didn’t know it. You felt like you owed her for providing a way to provide for Venom in a way your old job couldn’t. You and Venom took it upon yourselves to take out the trash, people who were trying to shut her operation down. The club meant so much to people and you didn’t want anyone to shit on the empire she’d built.
It was a night like any other. Bets were placed and the money just kept coming. The bar was filled as always and Venom was itching for its turn. “Take it easy on the chocolates, it’s about to be your turn.” You were currently watching the fight between Abomination, who was broken out of prison by his opponent, and the current Sorcerer Supreme, Wong. Wong seemed overwhelmed at first but managed to get Abomination to punch themselves.
“I’ve worked up an appetite.” Venom grunted as they bit the whole chocolate bar in its entirety. You could feel it buzzing with excitement.
Wong had won his fight and you were walking towards the main stage. “Doing what, sitting?” You replied as Venom’s pitch black skin covered you fully. Your thin arms concealed by its large muscles and build. No one in the crowd would ever guess who was underneath its skin.
The name of your opponent was called Flux. You had seen his fights before, seen him climb up ranks. You nor Venom were worried though. You’d let Venom take full control as it was its moment not yours. Venom tore onto the stage, hyping up the crowd, and waited for the fight to begin. The lights, the cheers, and the overwhelming anticipation riddled your being. It was exhilarating and you couldn’t wait for Venom to have the time of its life.
Flux wasn’t overpowered by much. Having superhuman strength, stamina and durability assists in keeping up with you and Venom. You’d been lucky no one has caught on to your weaknesses. As Venom controlled your body, you thought about how different your life had become and how thankful you were for being the right match for Venom. Feeling the immense happiness originating from it makes you happy. You knew Venom felt miserable hidden within your body, not allowed to stretch till night fell. Here in the club, it didn’t matter. Almost every fighter had some enhancement that made them different from everyone else. Had skills most didn’t possess.
Once the fight was over, the club’s staff members dragged Flux away towards the locker room. Venom, after celebrating its win with the crowd, followed afterwards. A giant teeth-filled grin dwelled on its face until its skin disappeared into your body.
You opened your designated locker and pulled out a box of chocolates and a 12 pack of diet soda. Opening them one by one you feed Venom by placing them into its mouth and congratulating them on its win while you consume the diet soda. In moments like these Venom resembled a puppy. Craved for your attention and wanted to feel loved.
You’d notice Jon Jon speaking to someone you’d only seen on your phone. The Bus Boy video that’s been dominating the internet. Venom had dismissed the guy as he wasn’t anything special except for maybe his delicious brain but you didn’t want to find out.
“[Reader], Venom,” Jon Jon yelled, “the boss wants to talk!” The guy next to him watched curiously at the Venom head appearing out of your side.
“If anyone steals even one chocolate or soda, I’ll bite your head off and feast on your organs.” Venom made sure to show off its teeth to the remaining contenders before going to Xialing’s office. You sat down on a chair waiting for her to arrive. Jon Jon left the dubbed Bus Boy in her office as well. He stayed standing, not knowing what to do. He was nervous, that was evident, and a bit awkward.
“Do you know who we are supposed to meet?” He didn’t know how to talk to you or Venom. If he were being honest, Venom kinda scared him. The threats given did not help at all. “I need to find my sister. Do you know her, Xu Xialing?” You noticed he kept a white tissue around his nostrils. The metallic smell of blood allowed you to know the reason why.
You stayed quiet not knowing the reason as to why he was asking. Knowing he was in her workplace, she’ll show herself eventually.
She walked in, taking her place behind her laptop.
“You run this place?” He talked in Mandarin.
“I own it.” She replied back.
Another woman was let in by Jon Jon, counting the stack of cash as she walked into the room. She was adorable when she was caught red handed. Having bet against the man, her friend apparently. “Did you bet against me?”
“No.” She lied. “I bet on that Venom dude earlier.” In an attempt to change the subject, she turned the attention on you and Xialing, “Hi Xialing and stranger. I’m Katy. You’re, like, such a badass. Everything that you do is, like, so cool. That was really cool.” She walked towards one of the seats next to her friend, which you still did not have a name for.
“This is [Reader].” Xialing replied, “The Venom dude from earlier.”
Katy gasped excitedly, “No way! I thought Venom had more muscles. Love the costume by the way. What fabric do you use?” She shook your hand frantically and laughed, “Your fight was so amazing. You made me a lot of money.”
You had never integrated with someone who had so much shameless confidence. She had seen you and Venom fight and she was treating you like a hero. Most run away at the sight of the two of you. It was a nice change of scenery. “Alien, I guess? Venom come out and say ‘hello’ to a fellow fan.”
“A fan…” He muttered as he moved his head towards her, “So unafraid, so courageous. You shall not be eaten.”
She chuckled nervously, “Thank you.”
“I like your pants.” Xialing turned the conversation towards herself.
Katy blushed, “Thank you. Thanks. Yeah.” She was obviously flattered by the compliment as she smoothed out her yellow pants.
“What do you want?” The coldness of Xialing’s voice appeared suddenly. A certain sharpness you had never heard, finally making its existence known.
“The Ten Rings ambushed us in San Francisco.” San Francisco was the place where you once lived. The tomb of the life you once had.
“I saw the video.” Everyone had seen the video. It became a viral phenomenon which was rare as it raced against hero and alien sightings, and meet and greets with international heroes.
“They took my pendant. They’re gonna come for yours next.” You had learned about the pendant Xialing never took off as it was a gift from her mother. To learn he shared the same or similar pendant must mean only one thing. “I don’t know what he wants with them, but we both know it can’t be good.”
“You know what he said to me when he left?” You heard this story only once. It was a painful memory of abandonment and the loss of a sibling. Not in death, but in spirit. Lost of hope while living in the fragments of an once happy family. “‘I’ll be back in three days.’ And after three days, I went to our mom’s shrine and waited. Three days turned into a week, a week turned to a month, and a month turned to six years. That’s how long it took me to realize I didn’t need him any more. I built this place on my own. I didn’t need you then, and I don’t need you now.”
“I volunteer to eat him.” Venom liked Xialing. She snuck chocolates to it and was the first person, who wasn’t [Reader], to not be afraid of it. She gave you and it a home. “I’ll make it painful.” He licked his lips to scare Xialing’s brother even more.
Xialing smiled at Venom. It was the thought that counted and Venom meant well. He inched away from you and asked, “Then why would you send me the postcard?”
“What postcard?”
He got up from his seat and reached into his pockets. He slowly walked towards her before handing it to her.
“I didn’t send you this.” After she spoke those words, everything went to shit.
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