arr0w

18 she/her

[colonelarr0w]

next station - colonelarr0w

hi there! my name is arr0w, it's nice to meet you.

find my masterlist here!

read up on rules for requests here!

for those wondering what happened to my older works know that they are now all privated works as i'm trying to branch out and focus more on fandoms that interest me!

[colonelarr0w]

back to me

pairing - bucky barnes x !hydra experiment! reader

sypnosis - the void isn't a very easy thing to pry yourself from.

warning(s) - spoilers for thunderbolts*, mature themes, foul language, canon marvel violence, mention of human experimentation, trauma, reader is lowkey bucky but in a diff font

author note - the only specific thing about the reader is that she's an ex hydra experiment who was called 'grim wolf'.

playlist - we hug now : sydney rose fake plastic tears : radiohead take aim : sleep token

also please give me bucky requests, the obsession from 13 is coming back and i need to be normal.

word count - 0.7k

what the hell was this?

one minute you had been following yelena to get bob back, half-listening to bucky and alexei yelling over your shoulder, and the next, you were back in that godawful room.

the one with sterile lights and a low hum that you still heard in your nightmares.

you exhale quietly, walking into the room, ignoring the churning in your gut and the way that your stomach whispered, "i have a bad feeling about this."

the doctors surrounding your body muttered things in russian to one another, some of them looking you over with interest while a select few licked their lips and not-so-secretly palmed at themselves. a grimace contorts your face as you watch - an audience member to your own traumas.

you hesitantly step closer, seeing now the version of you that you had spent so many nights trying to forget; the one who acted on someone else's thoughts, the one who was an uncaged animal, the one who killed without thinking of who it was first.

the one who had almost killed the people that would eventually become family.

teeth sink down into your bottom lip, drawing a thin line of blood that manages to keep you grounded. the first needle goes in, past you screams.

you wince, brows pinching as you watch the younger you thrash and beg - stringing together words that are barely cohearent over the rushed talking of the doctors. you watch as the younger you begs and pleads and cries, but how no one listens.

your heart pounds against your ribcage, thundering beneath your skin and reveberating against the shell of your ears. your hands curl inward, fists turning white from the pressure that you apply to yourself.

"let me go, please!" younger you begs, voice cracking and body trembling as realization begins to sink in. the doctors don't listen, and as the second needle goes in, you turn away.

-- --

it's not until later that night that bucky notices someting off about you; your shoulders are slumped, your voice sounds tired, and your eyes aren't entirely focused on any one thing in particular.

you weren't really there ... for lack of a better way to put it.

only after the others went to bed did bucky approach you, catching you in the kitchen with a shot of whiskey in front of you. you hadn't drank since the final battle against thanos.

he watches you for a minute, just taking you in. the slump to your body, the unshed tears in your eyes, the pain and hurt that radiated off of you.

"you're staring," you say, placing down your glass with a clink. bucky chuckles, entering the kitchen and sitting down at the kitchen island beside you. "hi."

"hey, doll," bucky responds, taking the glass as you offer it to him and taking a sip from it. you smile softly at him, taking the glass back and placing it down. "you okay?"

"fine." you don't mean to sound as harsh as you do, but being asked if you were okay was honestly the last thing that you wanted. but you didn't know what okay meant, you never did, and you honestly never would.

bucky pauses, tilting his head at you and exhaling softly. one hand cradles your face, tilting it upward so that softened blue could meet (e/c). his eyes roam over your face, taking in everything down to the crease between your eyebrows.

"doll -"

"bucky."

he stops again, glancing at you ... no, looking at you.

the tears in your eyes, the part of your lips, the wrinkle to your forehead, the slight quiver to your chin. you were breaking at the seams, now he could see that.

so he does something about it.

one warm arm and one cool one wraps around you, pulling you forward slightly so that he could properly hold you. you don't protest, sliding into his arms and pressing your forehead against his shoulder. vibranium rubs comfortingly against your back, bucky's cheek coming to rest on the side of your head.

"i've got you."

you close your eyes, whimpering silently but letting yourself be held. bucky doesn't say anything, doesn't try to reassure you with words that wouldn't do anything. he holds you, cradles you.

and maybe you wouldn't ever know what it meant to be okay. but right now, in his arms ...

... you did feel okay.

[colonelarr0w]

oh god, i wanna feel again

pairing - joel miller x !female! reader

synopsis - i feel like y'all already know. but then again, no you don't.

warning(s) - mature themes, foul language, canon TLOU violence, descriptions of depression, main character death, suicide

please do not read if suicide or mentions of the topic will trigger you. your mental health matters more than a piece of fanfiction.

word count - 0.9k

it had been silent for weeks now.

the miller home, that was what was silent.

the big wooden house just on the corner of the street that connected the residences to the main parts of jackson. the house with the hand-painted mailbox with the inking of the word 'miller' messily drawn into its side.

a house that you couldn't bring yourself to look at. every time you found yourself walking that block, you made a detour. every time. without fail. you couldn't even bring yourself to tip your head in its direction.

you didn't want to see the wisps of what could've been. the life that you could have had, the love that you could have held onto if you had been faster. if you had been stronger. if you had been there like you said that you always would be.

but you were a liar.

"m'here for you," you had said, leaning into the flannel that was wrapped delicately around the tops of your shoulders. "even if y'don't want me t'be."

joel turned back to you, seeing the genuine truth glinting in your eyes like the stars that you were both occupied with watching. your lips curved into a smile when his gaze met yours - just as soft and loving as the millions of times that you'd smiled at him before.

he'd leaned closer to you, calloused hands cradling either side of your face like you were the one things his hands were made to hold. you nuzzled the warmth that radiated up from his skin, smiling as he pressed a kiss to your forhead. his lips lingered, his breath fanned out over your skin, and he'd muttered a quiet, "love you" against your skin.

you couldn't look ellie in the eyes either. you didn't want to see the sadness in her eyes, you didn't want to see the slump of her shoulders, you didn't want to be reminded of what she had lost that day.

because you didn't just lose the love of your life. she'd lost her dad that day. and it was your fault ... it had always been your fault.

you didn't even try. you just laid there underneath nora's legs, her knees pressing into the center of your spine, keeping you pinned down against the ground. you had screamed, sure, but what good would your voice do in the face of a vengeful daughter?

nothing. that was the answer.

it wouldn't do jackshit.

abby still hit the club against the side of his head. still killed him. it didn't matter to her that you had screamed. that you had begged. that you had cried and pleaded and whimpered and shouted. it didn't fucking matter.

joel's blank eyes had stared at you, the sight of them forever engrained into your memory. his bloodied body laid in front of you, his fingers already pale like he had been dead for weeks. his eyes were puffy, blood clung to his skin, his chest was still.

as much as you didn't want to believe it, he was dead.

and you'd been right there, the entire time.

your mind hadn't shut up since then. whispers in the shadows that followed you, echoes of his pain, echoes of your pain. you heard your own voice every night when your head hit the pillow. you heard him gurgling, choking on his own blood. you heard the impact of metal on skin.

it was like a cycle. never-ending. always continuing right from the beginning once it was finished.

you just wanted it to stop.

guilt followed you like a plague. it clung to your skin like a leech, sucking away whatever humanity still remained in your hollowed-out bones. it didn't leave you alone, didn't let you rest. always following, always there.

the gun looked friendly one night. it wasn't yours, it was his. a polished piece of metal that he'd cleaned a night or two before taking that patrol with dina.

you reached for it, not really thinking. you turned it over, seeing his initals that he'd carved into the handle. beside it was a tiny heart, that had been your little addition.

"to remind you of little ol' me," you'd told him lovingly. he'd kissed you after that.

dragging your feet, you found yourself on the porch of the wooden house on the corner. the first time in ... what? two weeks? three? four? hell, you didn't know.

the inside was the same as the day that he left. it was still cozy, still warm, still the remanants of a home. everything was right where he had left it last, clean and organized.

you exhale slowly, standing in the center of the living room. slowly you turn in a circle, taking in the surroundings that seemed to mock you. they remind you of what you could have had, of the domesticity that you had been chasing for years.

of the love that had slipped through your fingers like sand.

the muzzle presses cold against your temple. it makes you shiver.

your finger presses against the trigger, caressing it like the cheek of the lover that you had lost.

one...

two...

bang.

the gun hits the floor before you do. blood sprays the wall behind you, some of it paints the floor beneath you. the breath that leaves you is quick, fleeting.

your hand outstretches, your mind goes blank, and your world ends.

but it didn't matter.

you had been dead for a long time anyway.

you had died in that room with him. the only difference was that only one of you had stopped breathing.

things were quiet now.

the miller house was quiet.

fin.

[colonelarr0w]

Can I request an instance where jjk men have been busy lately and y/n sees jjk men out and with another woman (she doesn’t know the woman is a relative or coworker) and y/n shoots at them? 🤣 preferably Toji, Satoru, Sukuna and Shiu? I feel like those men would be the only ones that would be secretly turned on by their girl shooting at them. Lol

Posted! (Sorry this took so long.)

Baby, what?!

In which you shoot at them to prove a point! Requested? Yes / No Includes : Gojo, Sukuna, Toji, Shiu A/N - Sorry for vanishing on y’all.

[colonelarr0w]

Baby, what?!

In which you shoot at them to prove a point!

Requested? Yes / No

Includes : Gojo, Sukuna, Toji, Shiu

A/N - Sorry for vanishing on y’all. College sucks; yada yada. Leave me some SMAU requests ‘cause I love seeing everyone’s ideas!

[colonelarr0w]

You had never been the biggest fan of love.

That was until you met the bundle of nothing but love that was Satoru Gojo. A man who, on the surface, seemed childish and immature, but in reality, was a man who would lay down his life if it meant seeing you smile for all of eternity.

A man who would hold you as if you were made of glass. You'd lost count of how many nights you'd spent curled in his arms on the couch. His arms around your waist and one of his hands carding through your hair.

A man who spoiled you to the high heavens. Anything you stared at, even if it was for a millisecond, was suddenly pushed into your hands. Each time you denied it, Satoru pushed it further and further into your hold, a wide smile plastered onto that beautiful face of his.

Satoru Gojo was a man who loved with his entire heart, holding it out to you and smiling once you took it into his hands. You had returned his love with a love of your own, and for a long time, everything was absolutely perfect.

But now, staring down at the rain-covered headstone, you fell back into a mindset that had once debilitated you. With clenched teeth, you place down the bouquet you'd brought with you, exhaling slowly as you stand and turn away from the words carved into the stone.

After Satoru Gojo, there was nobody you'd ever love again.

[colonelarr0w]

I really love your writing and smaus :) how do you think the jjk guys would react/care to reader being sick/injured and hiding it from them/acting strong?

I apologize in advance to any Choso fans…

Tell Me!

In which you don’t tell the JJK men that you’re injured. Requested? : Yes / No Includes : Gojo, Geto, Nanami, Ino, Toji, Shiu, Sukuna, Meg

[colonelarr0w]

Tell Me!

In which you don’t tell the JJK men that you’re injured.

Requested? : Yes / No

Includes : Gojo, Geto, Nanami, Ino, Toji, Shiu, Sukuna, Megumi, Choso, Itadori

Feel free to leave requests for future SMAUs!

[colonelarr0w]

Not Today … Please?

In which you feel as though the JJK men are with you only for sex.

Requested? - Yes / No

Includes - Gojo, Geto, Nanami, Ino, Toji, Shiu, Sukuna, Choso

[colonelarr0w]

Your Boyfriend is Here!

In which you need your boyfriend to hug you after a long day/week.

Requested - Yes / No

Includes - Gojo, Geto, Nanami, Toji, Shiu, Sukuna, Choso, Yuuji, Megumi, Inumaki

[colonelarr0w]

Oops .. sorry!

In which you accidentally ignore the JJK men during a nap!

Includes - Gojo, Geto, Nanami, Toji, Sukuna, Yuuji, Megumi, Choso

[colonelarr0w]

JJK SMAU Requests!!

Hey everyone, I understand it’s been a very long time since I’ve uploaded a piece to this blog. But I thought I should try my hand at SMAUs, considering that they don’t take nearly as much time as writing and editing a full piece (for me anyway).

If you’d like, you can leave a request for any kind of SMAU that you’d like to see, I’m open to any and all suggestions.

- colonelarr0w

[colonelarr0w]

hihi! im a newer follower of yours, so I apologise if you've already done this, but if you haven't would you mind doing an smau of the jjk men if their child took their phone/ took your phone? no pressure at all, and thanks! your writing is amazing :)

Phone Thief

Includes - Gojo, Geto, Nanami, Toji, Sukuna

[colonelarr0w]

Hi hiiii I love ur writing sm, can u maybe do a Smau with the Jjk characters where they accidentally raise their voice at us and we run into a different room crying and they try and comfort us? Thxx ^^

I Didn’t Mean It

Includes - Gojo, Geto, Nanami, Toji, Sukuna

A/N : Realistically, I can’t see Yuuji, Megumi, or Choso ever yelling at their S/O, so they’re not included.

[colonelarr0w]

You’re okay … right? (2)

In which your mission ends, but are you okay?

Includes : Gojo, Geto. Nanami, Toji, Sukuna, Yuuji, Megumi, Choso

Tag List : @klynne , @an-ever-angry-bi , @namjooningera , @abcdbleh

[colonelarr0w]

You’re okay … right?

The JJK men messaging you during a failed mission.

Thank you to @klynne for requesting!

Includes - Gojo, Geto, Nanami, Toji, Sukuna, Choso, Megumi, Yuuji

[colonelarr0w]

I feel like Geto would mesh really well with a !Non-Affectionate partner.

Personally, I don’t see Geto as the biggest cuddle bug or being the biggest fan of PDA. I feel like his love languages fall more in line with quality time and gift giving. That doesn’t mean that he despises physical affection or anything of that sort — I just feel like he would rather use other methods in order to display his undying love for you.