se viene se va @vicless - Tumblr Blog

Simmer down simmer down

Now that the strike is over, that my little break is almost done, I’m feeling a little restless aimless overwhelmed by the things I know I need to work on. Now that I don’t have wrk as the excuse. And just looking at all the aspects I need to pay attention to give love to help grow, I’m like fuck that’s a lot. But all while still working. I’d love to quit and have a solid month to recover. And not think

With my faith in you nothing can befall me

*death is always harder for the living*

I’m sorry for not appreciating you more when I had all this time to

All these times I thought ill of you instead of appreciating you for who you are

We are not perfect

But that doesn’t mean we aren’t worthy

Of this life and the love and connections that can exist within it

I am sorry for not seeing the good in you always

Maybe all this time, as with other people too, it’s a projection of my feelings towards myself

I hope wherever your spirit or atoms or whatever it be wander to

That you’ll carry a wisp of the love and tears that will now and forever exists solely for you

Everything is fleeting and that’s what fucks me up about this human life

Knowing the ppl that nurtured me into who I am don’t generally get to stay through my whole life’s journey

Saying bye to Yaya as she goes back to mx and lowkey worrying about if this will be the last time

It really fucks me up

I don’t think I’ve had a year as tough as this one mentally. The middle of this year definitely felt like a black hole that I wasn’t sure I was gonna survive. But look at that I’m here. We survive anything. Really. Like my dad told me this past weekend, it’s all in the head.

Trying to get by the only way I️ kno to, but knowing I️ got a lot of work I️ have to learn to do.

Life is hard, understanding your feelings about life is harder

Maybe it's just the mercury retrograde, the seasonal sadness, or the fact that I'm 25. Thinking that I should be in a better place with myself by now. But realizing that happiness doesn't come from outside events changing or getting better. I've always thought that one day I'll just snap out of it, that I don't have any solid reason for feeling generally unhappy. But it's there still. Even with the good things I know I have in my life. The good people, the "good job." I hate my job. But I know I can change that. But will that make me happier? I cried so much yesterday and woke up feeling so drained, not really knowing how to begin this process of making my situation better. Frustrated with how this affects my relationship, how it makes me feel about myself, with how weak it makes me feel. I'm not hopeless and I know that I won't always feel this way, but it just sucks that after all this time, all the supposed self love I learned, all the supposed growth, that I still end up in this weird place periodically. Over the years I have catalogued my feelings for myself through diff platforms. I had a xanga all through high school. And I've had this Tumblr since I was 19. And every now and then I look back to old posts and I just feel like, fuck, why do I keep taking a step back. Come back to this place in my head that makes me feel like nothing is okay when logically everything is fine. Blah

I'm no longer in a long distance relationship. I'm still looking for a job. I wish i didn't live at home. But I'm glad my best friend/love is closer. Still anxious tho Still feeling not complete Which is reassuring somehow Bc it shows me that being in a relationship isn't everything to me There's still the me outside the relationship The me that hasn't found what I'm looking for Whatever that might be It's nice to feel supported along the way tho