I love this, though, because my favorite thing about Superman is he isnât Batman. I love Batman too, but Superman isnât a dude who decided to live his life in pursuit of a vendetta against society when he was eight and then just did nothing for the next two decades but get super jacked, become the worldâs greatest detective, and memorize every strategy used by every winner in every field of competition in history. Superman is a very good-hearted person who knows how to bale hay, use AP Stylebook, and break meteors into manageable bite-sized pieces by hitting them real hard. And Iâm not saying Superman isnât smart. Heâs a bright guy, heâs just not like, one of the celebrated geniuses of the DC Universe. The best thing about Superman is he is basically a normal dude who happens to be orders of magnitude stronger than anyone else. Normal dudes have brain farts. Normal dudes are presented with a life-or-death situation they have less than four seconds to resolve and make a decision that is not optimal. Normal dudes arenât typically asked to rescue a child from a 10,000 ton machine bearing down on him at 85mph, but if they were, they would probably sometimes panic a little and do dumb shit like ruin a train when they could have just whisked the child to safety.
I think sometimes Superman makes the wrong decision, not necessarily to the result of extreme catastrophe, but something like this, where everyone is standing around clapping and cheering and the kidâs parents are weeping in gratitude and they want to pose for a picture for the 6 oâ clock news with Superman and the conductor, and in the crowd someone is like âWhy didnât he fly the kid out of the way?â and rather than rolling with the fact that the emperor is naked his friend just says âShut up, Drew, itâs Superman.â
And then, because I also love Batman for very different reasons, I imagine that later on the same day Bruce Wayne gets a phone call and Clark Kent is like âHey, Wayne, I uh, need a favor.â
âYeah, I, uh, kind of owe the Union Pacific Railroad $60,000.â
âOh, and whyâs that?â
âCome on, donât do this to me. It was all over the news.â
âIâm prepared to write you a no-strings-attached check for the full amount on the condition that you explain your entire thought process from beginning to end.â
Anyway, thatâs why I like Superman.
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