description: apothecary! reader finds herself spiraling about her body's response to sevika and she doesn't know what to do.
warnings: emotional unavailability, stitches, blood, emotional vulnerability from sevika and reader? woah we're going places.
a/n: happy pride y'all omg i had to lock in and get this out :p
you stayed like that for some time, your chin rested against the expanse of your forearm in a feeble attempt to ground your racing mind. but your eyes just couldn't help but to flicker and flicker and flicker from sign to street to tank to the ant-sized people below you to the crown of piltover.
nothing was interesting enough, there was nothing you hadn’t seen. there was nothing here that could take your mind off of what just happened and how not okay it was. your heart was thrumming in your chest and you couldn’t help but to think. and think. and think.
you’d let her go, stayed behind even though your body ached for you to follow, and now you’ve been somewhere between kicking yourself and commending your strength for the past hour. eventually though, the unforgiving cold of the wind whipping through the overpass got to you no matter how unaffected you claim to be after all of these years.
and like sevika, it became impossible to ignore.
the overpass had a way of swallowing time whole. you had discovered that years ago. something about the height, or maybe it was because standing high enough above zaun gave the illusion that you had somehow escaped it. up here the city softened around the edges. the machinery below dulled into a distant mechanical pulse rather than an endless roar. violence became something abstract. further away.
you had leaned against the rusted railing long enough for the city beneath you to shift. somewhere during your self-inflicted spiral, bars had emptied and foot traffic through the lower lanes had thinned. steam still curled upward from refinery pipes and the fissures still glowed beneath the city like exposed veins, but everything had become softer somehow.
you weren’t entirely sure how long you’d been standing there. long enough.
far too long, considering your thoughts had long since stopped being productive and instead begun circling themselves with enough repetition to qualify as psychological warfare.
because every road, every firing synapse, every lane… somehow led back to sevika.
not anything useful either, your brain offered you no clarity, no justification, no new information at all- just broken fragments.
the warmth of her hand at the small of your back on the stairs, the look in her lidded eyes when she stared down at your lips like she was in pain- like it hurt to not cover your lips with hers. you think about how it hurt you too.
the rough scrape of her angelic voice saying wouldn’t have climbed six flights bleeding if i wanted to be anywhere else.
the way her hand pressed into your skin with enough pressure to make you-
you physically squeezed your eyes shut and rubbed both hands over your face. humiliating. actually, genuinely, humiliating. because this was absurd. you had spent years carefully constructing a life that required very little from anyone. small routines. predictable spaces. work. music. ekko. aether.
then sevika had arrived at babettes and you thought you had it all under control, then she showed up at your shop with silco in tow and now suddenly your body had developed opinions.
eventually you pushed away from the railing with a long sigh and started toward the staircase. the old metal groaned beneath your boots as you descended through the refinery skeleton, exposed beams creaking overhead whenever the wind curled through them. gradually, the city climbed back around you with each flight. distant voices. machinery. music bleeding from somewhere lower in the lanes. a song you recognized but your brain was too exhausted to place the lyrics.
your thoughts had mostly exhausted themselves by now. or maybe just exhausted you.
either way you rounded the final turn expecting nothing more interesting than another flight of stairs. and then you got caught in between steps- stilled, despite yourself. you felt a million different emotions and thoughts wash over your body all at once, in an instant and you didn’t know how you felt or what to think.
your body simply forgot what it had been doing because sitting at the bottom of the staircase with her back propped against rusted railing- was sevika, sitting with their head tipped back and one knee bent loosely toward their chest.
your feet stopped moving entirely.
and immediately your eyes moved over her automatically because apparently some deeply irritating part of your brain had already developed habits. bandaging, posture, breathing, hands, no fresh blood. no visible strain. cool, good.
your shoulders loosened and you let out a little sigh before you could stop yourself and sevika’s eyes opened instantly. like she’d been listening just for your sigh.
her lazy gaze found yours halfway up the stairs, up your body- shamelessly- and moved over your face once before the corner of her mouth lifted into something lazy and entirely too pleased with itself.
“there she is.” you stared at her, actually stared. dumbfounded.
because what exactly was the appropriate response to finding a woman you had watched leave over an hour ago sitting at the bottom of refinery stairs waiting for you?
your brows furrowed slowly. “...what happened?”
you were already moving before she could answer. your eyes had dropped immediately toward the bandaging at her ribs and narrowed almost on instinct. she shifted slightly against the railing and your attention caught on it immediately, tracking movement before your thoughts could catch up.
“the wound?” a brief silence passed between you both and she furrowed her thick brows at you, unimpressed.
you ignored her completely, for the first time tonight, and crouched in front of her- already reaching toward the edge of the bandaging beneath her shirt before you could stop yourself. you found your hand pressing into her abdomen, trying to see if the wound would react.
sevika, knowing she was completely fine, ignored your ministrations as much as her body could allow- just searching your beautiful face, brushing a windswept curl from your face so you can get a better look at her to ease your mind. and it’s not exactly like she dreaded you feeling her up.
very slowly something smug crossed her expression, she saw your concern, your fear. she felt you touching her like it was your gods-given right and she couldn’t help it. you were just so beautiful in her eyes. so funny, so interesting, someone that needed to be hers in ways she couldn’t even communicate to you. in ways that only made sense to her nervous system.
“missed you too.” your head snapped upward immediately.
you sat back on your heels, taking your hand back, and stared at her in complete disbelief. actual disbelief. because now that panic had receded enough for your brain to function properly, you realized not only was she not hurt- but she waited here for howeverfuckinglong you stayed up there for. sitting, idle.
you had watched her leave, you had listened for the sound of her boots disappearing beneath city noise. you had spent the last hour and a half trying very hard not to think about her, definitely not preparing yourself to come face to face with her for a second time tonight.
and meanwhile somehow, somehow, sevika had apparently spent that exact same hour sitting at the bottom of rusted refinery stairs. waiting for you. uninjured, not out of necessity- just waiting, relaxing?
your eyes moved over her again, the jacket folded beside her as she was unaffected by the winds wrecking havoc toward the top of the overpass where you were getting assaulted.
her hand was resting low against your bandaging, her arm was exposed and her muscles were relaxed revealing just how naturally strong her body was- definitely as a result of years and years of her job.
you see her posture and what unsettles you the most is the fact that she had gotten comfortable.
“...you just waited?” sevika shrugged one shoulder, and you took it that that was going to be her full response. casual, like this was somehow normal behavior.
“mm.” she mimicked you, all too easy. you rolled your eyes but something- probably the amused gleam you catch in her eye- tells you she doesn't mind the sight.
“why.” the silence didn’t have time to sit, and sevika didn’t have any time to respond to you before-
“-did silco assign you to keep tabs on me or something?”
she looked at you then. really looked. the grin lingered at the edges of her mouth but something shifted beneath it, frustration maybe.
“you stayed up there for a while.”
you blinked. that wasn’t an answer, noted.
“tried watching you for a bit-” you glared at her voyeurism, feeling a heat you can’t describe crawl up your neck and settle at the tips of your ears.
“do i normally look happy?” you asked her, sarcasm dripping as you play with the hem of your skirt pooled around your ankles. your chest felt tight with your knees pressed to it as you sat opposite her, you pretend it’s because of your position but you know the truth.
“how long did you watch?” you asked, softly. pretending that the answer doesn’t matter to you. that you don’t care. just pretending.
“not long, m’not a creep.” she finds it in herself to say.
you looked up at her from your position on the floor beneath the step she called home for the past hour or so.
“little creepy.” you smile, despite yourself. and she smiles back, like the smug asshole she is.
and then, because your body was actively conspiring against you now, your eyes drifted lower, back toward her ribs where you know her injury to be. sevika saw it, of course she did.
“there.” she says and you frown.
“y’keep doing that.” she gestures to you in the vaguest way possible. you stared.
“checking me out.” immediately your eyes snapped to hers, and you find that shes already looking at you.
“excuse me! you’re injured, i’m checking on you. you sat here for an hour with fresh stitches- which is obviously not what i meant when i said go home and rest.”
“mhm.” she hums noncommittally and you roll your eyes so hard you think that maybe ekko was right when he told you one day your eyes would get stuck like that.
“fucking unbelievable.” you huff, standing to dust off your skirt and make distance from her and her stupid smirk and her poorly-healing stitches.
sevika looked at you for a second after that, really looked. and when she spoke again the teasing had softened around the edges.
“wanted to make sure you got down.”
just like that. simple. no grin attached to it.
you look down at her, eyebrows furrowed and lips pursed together in annoyance or contentment, neither of you knew which. it ultimately didn’t matter because regardless of how you felt- sevika was already pushing herself up with her mech hand and a small grunt to accompany it.
“c’mon.” she says, bending to grab her jacket off the step, shaking it off and throwing it over her shoulder. you look at her for a moment, considering questioning her or debating or being- in her words- difficult, but you land on a curt nod. following her. tired.
she reaches for you and her hand settles on the small of your back as she guides you through the lanes you’ve known and walked alone for years. you notice everything she does, even as tired as you are and as tired as your brain is- you notice her every move.
she walks on the more dangerous side of the street, always. she scans the lanes, above and below where you are- left and right. she towers you with her frame and all of her touches linger in ways that you know are intentional.
“sevika.” you taste her name on your tongue, you say it cautiously as if not to scare her.
she looks at you from the corner of her eye, quickly and then back at the street. she grunts in response and you let out a small breathy laugh.
“i could’ve gotten home by myself just fine, you know.” you say, to which she hums in response.
“so why did you stay?” you ask, quieter. some part of you probably had hoped that the hissing of the fissures had covered the question.
“maybe silco sent me to keep tabs on you.” she said, flatly. in the dry way her humor tended to be.
“i’m serious.” you said. smaller still.
“i wanted to make sure you got home, my way of paying you for your services.” she said, with a sigh.
“so, it’s transactional then-” you observe, unhappily.
“why are you picking a fight with me right now?” she cuts you off almost immediately and you’re taken aback by her brashness.
“i’m not.” you say, defensiveness woven into your tone.
“you are and i don’t understand why.” she says, matter-of-factly.
she turns into your lane and you see the familiar sign of your shop dangling with the breeze of the wind- much softer than the wind on the overpass. you think on what she’s saying to you, you try to make it make sense but your brain is burnt out and your stomach is running on no food and your feet hurt and your satchel is weighing your shoulder down. and even worse- she’s not making sense right now. and you don’t know how to deal with something that doesn’t make sense, especially not right now.
before you know it, you’re stood in front of your shop with sevika beside you. she leans against the brick beside the door and you look at her with your tired eyes.
“what is that look for?” she asks, with the tilt of her head.
“you’re making my life very hard.” you blurt out, unbuttoning her coat to reach the satchel beneath for your keys to the shop, you fumble with the latch and huff in frustration.
“i just walked you home, and that’s making your life difficult?”
“because, i don’t know what you want from me or why you’re here and it’s stressing me out. what is it? what are you doing?” you question her aggressively, trying and failing to shove your key into the lock embarrassingly, several times before sevika grabs them and does it for you. her fingers are rough and calloused when they cover your smaller fingers.
“i don’t need help.” you snapped at her. and you definitely notice that she used that act to side-step your questions.
“y’sure looked like you needed my-” she begins to joke with you but you feel a flush creeping up your face as your mind can’t seem to get past the lingering sensation of her rough hands touching your hand.
“gods. you’re being impossible.” you groan and push the door open with your hip as you begin to take off your coat and boots at the door. aether is waiting, judgementally, on your workbench. hissing to show her disapproval.
“can you not?” you rhetorically ask her. and you see sevika out of the corner of your eye, taking the key out of the door, closing it and bolting it behind herself.
the lock slid home with finality, and sevika discarded her jacket on the hook by the door and started moving though the shop like she belonged here. looking around, dragging her hand across the leather of the couch, over the wood of the tables and shelves.
you regulate yourself, breathing quietly but deeply and cracking your knuckles as you move over to your worktable. as you do, aether leaps down and goes to sniff at sevika’s ankles as she moves through the shop. she rubs her head against her boot and that gets sevika to look down at her. she smiles, amused and looks up at you.
looks at you with a crooked grin and gestures to your traitorous cat. she’s amused until she sees you reach for a jar of moss- then nothing’s funny and an incredulous expression finds itself covering her features.
“don’t you think it’s a little late to work?” she asks and you scoff. not even dignifying it with a response because when has she ever seen you not working. when has anybody ever seen you not working? and, more importantly, everybody benefits from your work so they should really stop acting like they want you to stop. they don’t.
“hello? venus?” she says, crossing the distance between you both with a few strides, coming up on your side. you press your lips together and keep your eyes trained on the moss in the jar as you prep the worktable with your disinfectant. like you don’t smell her, or feel the heat of her body or the way her thigh brushes against yours.
she takes the rag right out of your hand.
you jerk your head to face her, expression stormy and mouth open to speak. but then you take her in, her arm raised with your rag above her head- muscles taut and pulled tight with the motion. the low light of the shop in all it’s nightly glory cutting across her face making it as angular as possible and you look at her lowly lidded eyes, unhappy with you. but she looks so good and before you can think-
your lips crash against hers, sudden and jolting. your eyes are pressed close with the grace of a hormonal teenager and your fingers are curled around the collar of her shirt and you can’t help but sigh in sheer relief. you feel the scar on her lip against yours, and finally you know what she feels like- lips pressed against yours.
sevikas as still as stone, and you see her frozen in place when you pull back and let your eyes flutter open. she’s wearing an expression of pure shock and her arm is lowered from where it was holding your rag.
just when the reality of what you’ve done becomes to weigh down on you and your brows draw together in concern and confusion- she crashes back into you with a groan. the rag is long forgotten and her hands come to grab at your waist pulling you closer until your chests are pressed up against one another.
its hungry, restless and intense like both of you have spent far too long pretending there wasn't something here. all of that patience, snapping like a wire before either of you can think better of it.
the force of it nearly knocks the breath from your lungs.
and it’s not just the kiss, it’s the certainty. because sevika doesn't hesitate.
one moment she's staring at you like you've lost your mind and the next she's pulling you closer with a low sound of disbelief, as if she can't quite believe you've done this either. but the disbelief is not enough to begin to outweigh the need.
your worktable presses into the back of your hips. and glass rattles softly somewhere behind you. neither of you cares.
your hands migrate from their place on her collar and find themselves tangled in the hair at the nape of her neck, pulling her ever closer with a sigh spilling from her lips in the microsecond that you two aren’t connected.
her body is oppressive against yours, and you really get to feel her against you for the first time- like this. you crane your neck up to meet her lips and kisses you like she has something to prove to you. her teeth nip at your lower lip and it’s like you’ve finally found something that can shut your brain up. you think of nothing, nothing but her lips and her hands.
and when you finally pull back for air, it's only by an inch.
her forehead drops against yours and her eyes stay closed. but you, you’re searching for anything on her face. contentment, bliss, confusion… regret?
you stare at her, and your fingers work at the hair on the back of her neck, twirling the hair there. when she doesn’t make a face you find your head dropping, eyes closing. your foreheads stay pressed, and you feel her tighten her grip on your waist holding you tightly to her chest. it feels like a hug, and you don’t remember the last time you’ve really felt that.
you feel a wave of…sadness…start in the center of your chest and spill outward at the realization. she has a way of making you think, not that you aren’t always thinking, but she has a way of making you feel and think things that you haven’t spared a thought for in years. it’s annoying.
“i can hear you thinking.” she says, her voice is breathy in a way that you’ve not heard her even after she was freshly stabbed.
“what am i thinking then?” you say softly,
“that i’m annoying.” she said, and you could hear the self-satisfied smile in her voice.
“thats a given.” you roll your eyes with a scoff and finally allow your eyes to make contact with hers.
“but what you’re really trying to figure out is what happens next.” she says. you avert your eyes immediately.
the words hit harder than expected, because they're true- painfully so.
you lean back just enough to look at her, taking your hands back to rest yourself on your worktable but sevika’s hands stay on you, moving from your waist to the curve of your hips. resting, casual.
her mech hand comes to grab your chin, tilting you back to face her. her eyes meet yours immediately, challenging you to look back.
there’s no teasing, no smug grin to hide behind. just honesty, she’s giving her all to you and you don’t know what to do with that. you never have.
you hate how quickly your chest tightens because the reality is that you've spent most of your life planning for things to end, for people to leave. one of the most important things that you’ve learned is to plan for disappointment before it can surprise you.
and now she's standing here looking at you like the possibility hasn't even occurred to her. like this doesn't have to be temporary. like she's sure.
your gaze drops briefly to her lips, to her jaw, her shirt all bunched up from where your hands were parched on her. anywhere but her eyes.
"i… don't like not knowing things." you admit with a kiss of your teeth. the admission escapes before you can stop it.
sevika scoffs, "yeah. i noticed."
you roll your eyes and she smiles. a new smile, it's quiet and unsure and you’re certain that nobody else has seen it.
"you know what's really irritating?" you furrow your brows and tilt your chin up at her.
"to you? lots of things, i’m sure." she quips.
"venus." you can't help the laugh that escapes you. you hate her, she’s difficult. she’s also probably thinking the same thing about you. sevika's smile only widens at the sound. she leans into you, crowding your space.
the sight does something deeply unfair to your nervous system.
"what's irritating?" she asks, with a tilt of her head and a furrowed brow in a show of mock pity, messing with you.
you stare at her for a moment and your brain plays that game where you have a whole conversation in your head in a split second on whether or not you should be sincere or not. then you answer honestly.
"you…stayed." the words leave you before you can dress them up, and you wince at the sappiness of what you just allowed to come out of your mouth.
"yeah." she agrees. doesn’t push or argue.
"you just..." you struggle for the words, it’s embarrassing and you hate that anybody has the ability to see you like this.
"i kept trying to figure out what you… wanted."
sevika's brows pull together slightly, confused.
as if the answer has been obvious this entire time. as if you've somehow, despite all of your brain and analysis and observation, still missed it. and maybe you have.
because when she speaks, it sounds legitimately ridiculous.
"i wanted to spend time with you."
the room goes as silent as it can with all of the noise of the lanes outside and the shop's steady humidified breaths. you stare at her, eyes shifting back and forth, scanning her eyes for a hidden answer that you’re so sure is there beneath it all.
she says it like it's obvious.
like waiting beneath a staircase for over an hour is a perfectly normal thing to do when you like someone. your laugh escapes before you can stop it, disbelieving, a little broken around the edges.
sevika's expression softens immediately and for the first time all evening, you don't look away.
you just stand there, held against her chest, looking at her.
and allowing yourself, however briefly, however ill-advised, to believe her.
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