No one considers me a surgeon, which I suppose is fair. I haven't had formal training, I've never even been to a medical school. There are real surgeons here. Trained professionals. What made me think I could do that?
I admire my father greatly, he was a genius. I wanted to be just like him. If he had a son, would he have allowed him to study medicine? I will never know. I don't wish I was born his son. I wish he had a son instead of me. I was too much to deal with. I know all the stress I put him and my mother through. However, I would do it all the same if I had to do it again. This is why he should have bore a son. I will never change. I am selfish.
My mother had wanted a daughter. She wanted for me what she didn't have. Her parents did not approve of her marriage to my father. She wished for me to be the socialite she was meant to be. I could never be that person. I don't understand the other people in royal court enough. I don't want to be that person.
When I was younger, I would wish to be struck with an illness, or assassinated. Then they would be rid of me, and could grieve me instead of having to live with me. But now...I can't even do that. Not that dying now would change anything.
I left both of them, on separate occasions, right before their passings. I didn't know they would die, but I should have been there. The first time, I left to help my father. But when I left my mother? It was not so generous a reason. and yet, if I had the choice, I would do it all again.
I am truly selfish and wicked. I should have died by now. There is one reason I'm still alive, when everyone around me has died. And even to her I am not as kind as I should be. I get her into danger, I argue with her, I am generally unpleasant. I will not die. But it should have happened a long time ago.
janainaart
vaporwave
tangentwithtanner
izzy806
yousharknotpass
theartofmadeline
