Ok so. September is Alopecia Awareness month. I am finally in a place where I can fully share my story about this. This is going to be long.
Anyways, I've never shared these photos before because they are really hard for me to look at. As a woman, a lot of our feminity comes from our hair. Society doesn't care if a man goes bald, it's expected and common. It's not the same for a woman. Even if you cut your hair short, assholes have something to say about it.
I've had thin fine hair since I was a kid. I remember being in 6th grade and my classmates calling me "baldy" for a time before they started calling me "grandma" (but that's a different topic 🙄) I remember in 7th grade, I cut it short and hearing the kids walking behind me in the hall ask eachother if I was a girl or boy. I remember being in drama club that same year and got permission to wear a hair piece because when we were at elementary schools doing little sample performances and classroom visits, a kid looked me dead in the eye and asked "And why are YOU wearing a dress??!" So yeah. This shit started early and had a huge impact on my self esteem.
I started wearing hair toppers (a hairpiece that only covers the top of your head, they clip on) in my early 20s. I got my first full wig when I was probably 25, so I've been wearing them 10 years now. I got to a point where I was tired of all the hair pieces and started to get my real hair bleached and toned as white/silver as we could get it so it camouflaged my loss. After quite a while of doing this, I was going to go back to the toppers because I wanted my hair darker again, so my stylist started putting some low lights in it slowly. After this visit, I took a photo of it when I got home to see what the color looked like in natural light. The first photo I posted was that photo. My heart sank and I knew it was time to shave it. (Ps. It was in no fault of my stylist whatsoever, she's phenomenal at her craft and did exactly what I asked!) I had joked about shaving it for years because it's such a chore and is so expensive to hide. I messaged a few friends and asked if they'd shave it for me, and they did later that night. I sobbed the whole time. It was a mixture of feeling like I was losing my identity and feminity mixed with the relief of just having it gone so I didn't have to fight with and look at it anymore. That was 2 years ago now, and in retrospect, one of the best decisions I've ever made.
The following two photos are what it looks like when I tried to grow it out to a pixi cut. So here's your proof that your hair DOES NOT grow back thicker. Serums, Rogaine and vitamins do not help my type of Alopecia.
The 4th photo was for a friend's project and was one of the first times I've really put it out so publicly before now. I've talked about it here and there, but wasn't ready to show anything. I'm finally at acceptance and peace with it, and if sharing this helps even one person then that's amazing.
I just want you to know that you're not alone, you're not ugly, you're not less than. I'm here if anyone would like to talk about it.
I'm not going to lie and say I'm completely over it, because I'm not. I mean just today I posted a selfie with a new wig lol But now the wigs are more for fun than they are a camouflage. I've been making myself go out more with just my shaved head, and it's helped me feel better about it. I'm the only one that cares about it, no one has ever said anything bad or mean about it. That shit was all in my head. We are our own worst critics. I wish we could see ourselves through the eyes of others.
I'm not posting this for attention or for complements or for anyone to tell me I'm brave etc etc. I'm posting this for Awareness because Alopecia in women isn't talked about very openly and it should be. The more we talk about things, the more things are understood and accepted. In turn making it not so shameful and embarrassing for the people struggling.
Thank you for reading if you got this far!
