Marauders in The Edge of Seventeen (2016) AU.
His world stopped spinning as James' voice cut through, like the first ray of light in a very dark room.
He saw James in his periphery– disheveled hair and lopsided gold-rimmed glasses, and felt a ball lodge itself in his throat. Finally, he glanced over to James with his tired eyes that he couldn't help but leave in it's glower before returning back to his locker that he was dumping his books into now with more aggression.
No response. Only aggressive locker rearranging and clenching jaws.
"I'm sorry... I know you're mad that I forgot about movie night..."
"Never said that," were the first words Sirius said to James after a weekend of nothing.
James was staring at Sirius with that lost deer look that made Sirius antsy with unsettling anger in his stomach. How dare he look sad and guilty and make Sirius feel sad and guilty for something that was his fault?
"I know you, Sirius, and it's okay to be mad, I would be mad too if you ditched movie night for Barty and his lot–" James began hesitantly like he was almost too afraid to talk as if Sirius would pounce on him if he did, and maybe he would. Just to give James that satisfaction. Maybe he would snap just to let James see how angry this entire bloody situation is making him and snap out of it and ditch his brother.
"You wanna know something, James?"
James nodded, blinking his big, stupid eyes at Sirius.
"They don't give two shites about you. My brother's lot? My brother? He's gonna toss you aside once he's through with you and when you come cryin' to me about how he did, i'll tell you that I told you so-"
James just blinked and scratched the back of his head awkwardly. "He's not gonna-"
"Oh, he will," he stared dead at James who now had no trace of guilt in his eyes. In fact, Sirius could've sworn he saw some smugness in there.
"No, he won't, Sirius," James corrected softly, tilting his head to the side only slightly. "Because I just asked him to be my boyfriend and he just said yes, and we're going to a cat bookshop downtown on Saturday."
The ball in Sirius' throat became bigger, more asphyxiating, as he watched James smile softly to himself. In front of Sirius.
James, his best (and only) friend since the first grade was dating his younger brother Regulus. James fucking his brother and Sirius walking in on them. James and Regulus. Regulus and James. James and Regulus. Regulus and James. James and Regulus. Regulus and James-
"You can't date him," Sirius voice was hoarse as his eyes stung. He was desperate now. James couldn't leave. James couldn't leave like Andy. James just... he cant!
James just stared at him like he was nuts.
"You can't date him and be friends with me – you can't have both," Sirius raised his shoulders to his ears, feeling his eyes burn as he watched James' heart shatter in his eyes. Sirius felt the same exact way and it was like he could see a sign at the end of the road that signalled the end of their friendship. That maybe James would actually pick his brother over him.
"It's me or him, James. Pick."
There was hesitation before James started to frantically deny. "No, I- Sirius, this is insane-"
Sirius' nostrils flared and he tucked his shaky bottom lip under his teeth.
James was actually going to pick Regulus.
James was actually picking his brother over him.
"It's me or him. Do you want him? Or do you want me?"
"Why can't you just say me!"
Something inside Sirius snapped. The sign was standing right in front of Sirius. Glowing. The end. It was here. The end of Sirius and James; James and Sirius.
That shut James up so fast he almost got whiplash. They were drowning now. Sirius and James. Sirius was drowning, but James? He'd have Regulus to save him. He'll be fine.
Sirius was filled with dread as finality clicked in James' eyes. He then straightened and his brown eyes hardened.
And suddenly, all Sirius was seeing was James' back. Walking away from him. To his brother and his buddies. He balled his fists and his vision was suddenly blurry and he couldn't see James anymore. He was drowning all alone now and Regulus had pulled James up. He couldn't see anyone.
The blurry fluorescent lights on the ceiling, the red on the lockers. He couldn't breathe. That sign. That fuckass sign. Was staring at him like an echo. Buzzing and gleaming in pride that Sirius had finally reached it.
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