Okay Banks did something fucking hilarious for once

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@violent-delightsviolent-ends
Okay Banks did something fucking hilarious for once
Just introduced a kid to her adoptive parents. They brought her a dozen roses. We met at a restaurant. I arrived early to get a private booth and told the waitstaff what was up. So all the servers were having a cry in the corner. I’m at a coffee shop a few miles away, giving them space and having my own cry.
Adoptive mom clarified to me later: roses were pink because pink means forever.
What’s more important than the roses, though, is they also brought her a luggage set so she wouldn’t be moving her things in garbage bags. The luggage matches theirs, cause it’s family luggage for family trips.
okay the luggage one got me
“It feels as if life suddenly set itself ablaze and the flames silently ate away my troubles.”
— @lavieentristebleu
Quick Hamilton Facts
Y'all need to realize that:
Lafayette is YOUNGER than Hamilton by a couple of months.
Aaron Burr is about a year older than Hamilton.
Hamilton had an older brother, James Jr. Hamilton
Angelica once BITCH SLAPPED Jefferson so hard that Jefferson would sometimes refuse to go to events if he thought Angelica was going to be there.
Jefferson also feared Eliza because of this incident.
Lafayette was the last of the Hamilsquad to die in 1834.
Lafayette was rumored to have an affair with Antoinette. Leave the affairs to Hamilton.
Aaron Burr died 2 years later in 1836.
Peggy died in 1801.
This means that Eliza lost her father, her husband, her son, and her sister from 1801-1804.
Angelica only lived 10 more years after Hamilton died.
Eliza forgave Hamilton BEFORE Philip died.
Eliza liked to tell stories.
Anytime anyone tried to apologize to Eliza for Hamilton’s death (Monroe, Burr, etc), she would scold them.
Lafayette had couldn’t dance to save his life. Marie Antoinette knew this and made fun of him by inviting him to a dance.
Aaron Burr remarried in 1833 and they remained together until his death.
His wife’s name was ELIZA.
Aaron Burr was the lawyer in Maria Reynold’s divorce procedures.
Aaron Burr AND Hamilton WORKED TOGETHER in 1801 for a murder trial.
Monroe tried to duel Hamilton over the Reynolds pamphlet only to be stopped by BURR.
Aaron Burr sucked with money.
Aaron Burr tried to created AMERICA 2.
THIS WAS ONLY A 2-3 YEARS AFTER THE DUEL.
HE THEN RAN AWAY TO ENGLAND.
SERIOUSLY WTF BURR.
Quicker Hamilton Facts
Y’all STILL ALSO need to realize:
Lafayette go soooo drunk once that his brother-in-law had to drag him home
Hamilton’s ship caught on fire coming over to America
Jefferson had a mockingbird named Dick
He also owned a goat that killed someone
After being told about Hamilton’s death, Jefferson became quiet and aloof as he quickly found Burr to arrest him.
EVERY. FOUNDING. FATHER. HAD. DADDY. ISSUES
Which is why Hamilton didn’t want to get close to Washington in fear he would be a father figure and let him down.
Washington refused to respond letters from the British because they didn’t address him correctly.
Hamilton was announced dead after destroying British supply and trying to cross a river with British gun fire only to show up soaking wet later while everyone was drinking to his memory
When Lafayette came back to America before his death, he and Jefferson hugged and cried with each other
They said God Bless to each other
AND Jefferson and Lafayette did a lot of weed and a lot of alcohol
Washington liked to pretend his knife and forks were drumsticks and play music on tables
Despite common belief, Hamilton would often make time for his family and would write home to Eliza about how homesick he was
Martha Washington outlived four children and two husbands and said the worst day of her life was went Jefferson came to visit.
Laurens was getting out of bed when he hit his head on the ceiling
Hamilton was supposed to go on Washington’s boat while crossing the Delaware but he wasn’t used to this thing called “winter” and often got sick a lot.
Thomas Jefferson told his grandchildren to flirt with everyone despite their gender so everyone would like them
Jefferson had an expensive bust of Hamilton in his house for no other reason than he wanted one.
Burr set himself on fire trying to lite a candle on fire with gunpowder.
TWICE
Hamilton was not only gay for Laurens, but also for the spy John Andre.
He said Andre was too pretty to be hung
Franklin and Adams shared a bed and fought over whether a window open was good for your health while you slept.
Franklin won because he ranted so much that Adams fell asleep.
Lafayette often joked about his name, saying “It’s not my fault, I was baptized like a Spaniard, with the name of every conceivable saint who might offer me more protection in battle”
When George Washington was 17, a girl stole his clothes just to see him looking for them while naked.
Eliza had a mourning ring which she had on a ribbon around her neck which contained a strand of Hamilton’s hair
Engraved inside the ring was the day he died and how old he was
Lafayette was buried under soil from Bunker Hill in France
During World War 1, General Pershing and a parade went to Lafayette’s grave and said “Lafayette, we’re here!”
Sooo…America help Lafayette in a war, just a little toooo late.
After Hamilton’s death, Eliza referred to her late husband as “my Hamilton” and “my Alexander”
When giving tour of her home, she would stare at a bust of Hamilton for a few seconds and would whisper “my Hamilton”
Burr bought a coconut for about $40 today because why not.
Hamilton was called “The Little Lion” because of his mouth and small stature.
Burr would often refer to Hamilton as “my dear friend Hamilton, whom I shot”
Burr was attacked by bedbugs and then proceeded to sleep on the floor for 6 hours
Burr’s daughter, Theodosia, was lost at sea.
Burr had sex with A LOT of ladies in Europe…after he killed Hamilton
Australian comedian Jim Jefferies points out the ridiculousness of American pro-gun arguments. x x
Welp
someone has waited their entire career to use this headline
Scientist should say something else
“I still care, but I’m done showing it.”
— 8 Word Story.
So I was the perfect girl
You had finally found the one
I was nothing like all of the others
Guess that was because I wouldn’t fuck you
I didn’t want to play your games
Fucking up my grades to be with you for hours
Being late to class to hold your hand and walk
Fucking you in the parking lot because YOU needed to feel something
Maybe the reason you can’t keep a relationship
Is because you don’t realize
That it’s not just about you
And your mommy issues
Its about giving a fuck when I talk about my anxiety
Its about being okay with waiting because I just met you
It’s about not offering someone drugs and alcohol when you know they shouldn’t have it
Because guess what
I danced with him and not you because you didn’t ask
I let him wrap his hands around my waist because you didn’t ask
So fuck you and fuck making me feel bad
I wont be your friend because you’re a bitch
I won’t be your friend because you broke up with me over text
I won’t be your friend because you wanted to fuck mine the day after you broke up with me
I won’t be your friend because you don’t want me to have my own
You’re sick. And you will never find the right person because there’s no right one for someone who needs to give love then take it away
You couldn’t take blame but called me insecure
An 8 word story
“Your one true promise to me was goodbye.”
— thoughtsofthedeepeststems