;) -vi

We should all smile more

[violets-page]

Masterlist

THE ORIGINALS

KLAUS MIKAELSON

ELIJAH MIKAELSON

FREYA MIKAELSON

REBEKAH MIKAELSON

• In her arms | pt.2

KOL MIKAELSON

MARVEL

BUCKY BARNES

NATASHA ROMANOFF

WANDA MAXIMOFF

PETER PARKER

LOKI ODINSON

HARRY POTTER

DRACO MALFOY

HERMIONE GRANGER

HARRY POTTER

CEDRIC DIGORY

LUNA LOVEGOOD

FRED WEASLEY

GEORGE WEASLEY

THE 100

BELLAMY BLAKE

CLARKE GRIFFIN

OCTAVIA BLAKE

RAVEN REYES

Shot down | Pt.2 | Pt.3

JOHN MURPHY

LEXA KOM TRIKRU

Heart on fire | Pt.2 | Pt.3 | Pt.4 | Pt.5 | Pt.6 | Pt.7

RANDOMS

The Hunger Games

Safe and Sound |K.E|

Once Upon a Time

Outer Banks

American Horror Story

Miraculous Ladybug

Anne with an E

The Society

DC

Twilight

Pretty Little Liars

Shameless

Vampire Diaries

Legacies 

The Wilds

[jojaxcola]

"Sam, you menace! Stop doing things! And where are my lucky shorts?!" 👴

[jojamart mockumentary #5]

[ prev || next ]

[itshelia]

My mom to her friends, my aunts, and literally everyone she knows: Yeah, my kid is so smart. She is on her phone a lot of the time, but it's not like you guys think, She is not like how kids nowadays are, She reads a lot of books on her phone!!

Me, a fanfic reader who can survive off nothing but just words and day dreams herself to sleep:

[poltoreveur]

I can’t fix him but I could fuck him.

[helloalycia]

i get smut is popular right, but is it just me who searches for fics or imagines for a character and only sees smut? like i just wanna read me some cute fluff or awkward flirting, not search through a bunch of fics about rough sex, dildos and mummy/daddy kinks for a sprinkle of cute imagines?

it’s actually such a struggle lately lol

[nottyoursbutmine]

twilight #1

my masterlist

favs: ⚰️

masterlists:

masterlist @sethsclearwater

twilight masterlist @atlas-of-a-human-soul ⚰️

the twilight saga masterlist @lexwritings

twilight masterlist @ineedmorefanfics2

twilight wolfpack masterlist @teampaul

jasper hale:

“i don’t wanna be your friend” @euovennia ⚰️

overprotective @joelsgeetar ⚰️

just like me @jimblejamblewriting

crush @slytherbun

edward cullen:

traitor @euovennia ⚰️

emmett cullen:

confidently playful @sethsclearwater ⚰️

carlisle cullen:

okay, that hurt @xmberwrites ⚰️

demetri volturi:

more please @secrettangel

hurt @ssa—holmes

paul lahote:

love to hate you - part two @teampaul

i didn’t want an imprint (series) @teampaul

from love to hate @teampaul ⚰️

hothead - mine @refiwrites

jacob black:

dumbass @refiwrites

pyro-flowers @lexwritings ⚰️

seth clearwater:

first kiss @ssa—holmes

she’s just a friend @teampaul ⚰️

headcannons:

getting high with them @bluetintcore

[jo-constantine]

“Trying To Get To Heaven Before They Close The Door” “F*ck Anyone Who’s Not A Sea Blob”

[djappleblush]

Fanfic authors be like "stay tuned for more" or "to be continued" and then don't update for twenty years, lmao.

[violets-page]

Heart on Fire pt.7

You’re Finn’s half sister and after Lexa kills him you decide to return the favor.

Enemies-to-lovers | word count 3.8k | series

MATERLIST | SERIES PLAYLIST | Pt.6

Disclaimer, this chapter contains absolutely NO Lexa and follows almost the exact plot of the last ep of season 2 (where they irradiate the mountain) Feel free to skip. 

Your heart was practically hammering out of your ribcage as you made yet another left turn in the ever-winding tunnels. 

There was no way this mountain had only one exit, there had to be an air vent, a tunnel, a back door. Something. God, there had to be something. 

You were so caught up in your crazed search that you almost ran right into Octavia. Her hair brushed sharply against your cheek as she whirled around, hand clasped around her sword and a snarl on her face.

 Guess she wasn’t as glad to see you as you were her.

“Octavia. Your still here.” It was a breath of relief, a mist of water in a heatwave. 

 “Of course I’m still here, I know where my loyalties lie.” 

You ignored her complaints with an impatient huff, turning towards the rusted metal cart she had been standing in front of, above it a long shoot. There was no time for petty banter, not when lives were at stake.

“We have to get inside- we have to.” You gripped the edges of the cart ready to clamber over it before hands grabbed the back of your jacket, yanking you towards her.

 “If that was possible you think I’d just be standing here?” She looked toward the bottom of the cart where a girl -one of your girls- lay lifeless. Bruises and blood littered her body and you found you weren’t nearly upset as you were repulsed.

 “Those sick bas-“ 

“Why did Lexa sound the retreat?” You didn’t want to even think about her, much less speaks about her. But Octavia’s grip had only tightened and she wasn’t letting you go until she got answers.

 “She made a deal.” There was a door, a backdoor. Right in front of your face. How had you even missed that?

“Now we’re on our own.” You shrugged out of her grasp as it loosened in shock, rushing towards it. Your fists met the door with angry yells, the rusted metal scratched and flaked off against your palm. Octavia had you buy the scruff of the jacket, pulled away before you could notice to stop her. Your hand banged on empty air before falling dejected to your side.

“Do you want them to know we’re here?”

 “I don’t care what they know! I just- I just need to get inside”

 “And then what. You have what? A pocket knife?”

 You raised the gun you had snatched from the ground and Octavia shrugged. “Okay, that has maybe 6 bullets. There are over a thousand people in that mountain. Even IF you had more bullets you’re a lossy shot, they would take you in seconds. Y/n you can’t go in there like that, Bellamy’s counting on you.”

 “I never asked for that! I don’t know what to do. I just- I can’t let them die. Not after we gave them so much hope.”

 Her finger jabbed into your chest as you flinched back. “You have so much pent-up anger and you let it out at all the wrong times. What happened to killing Lexa when she was going to let a bomb drop huh? You only cared when it suited you. Finn was already dead, long before she killed him.”

You were tired of him always being used against you. 

 “I AM DOING THE BEST I CAN.” Your hands shoved her back, her glare only deepened. 

Octavia wasn’t Finn, she wasn’t Bellamy. Hell, she wasn’t even Clarke. They would have gone easy on you. Some shit about trauma and unhealthy copping as Clarke would say. Octavia?

“Well, I guess that’s not good enough.”

She didn’t give a damn.

The door beeped and Octavia drew her sword while you lifted the gun. The sight of the comforting curls and freckles calmed both girls. His sister’s hands wrapping around his neck as she breathed out a sigh of relief. 

Bellamy glanced at you but you couldn’t make yourself meet his eyes. When Monty and Jasper stepped out Octavia let go of Bellamy and he made his way over to you. 

His hand rested on your shoulder but you remained miles away.

 “I tried- I tried. I swear, I-“ He pulled you close and your eyes slammed shut as your head hit his chest. You didn’t even care that he stank of blood and sweat as you allowed yourself to shake in his arms. 

It was a silent shake, one with no tears and mainly snot. You would save the tears for the dead.

Monty and Jasper had gone silent as they watched you. The tension in the air was suffocating as you coughed on  sobs. 

“Where’s the army y/n?”

 You pulled back and tensed when you saw the blue hazmat suit behind Bellamy. A deep furrow lining your brow as your eyes wisped over Jasper’s hand on the girl. He nodded at you, a reassurance that this was planned. 

“Gone. The one in the mountain too.”

“Do we have a backup?” It may have been a question but the pained whisper of his voice showed he already knew the answer.

Of course, you had backup plans, you weren't stupid. Except well- all of them involved a bitchy Burnette so well...

“Not really.” 

You were thankful that Bellamy was able to hold it together, something you’d never been too skilled at. “I know who we can talk to.” 

The moment Bellamy stepped away Jasper had engulfed you in a hug. Your arms remained tense at your sides as he smiled, Monty piling on top. You had missed them. God had you, but the guilt was stopping you from doing anything more than softly patting them on the back. The beeping of the girls’ hazmat suit drew them both away and you let out a breath. 

His hands fumbled anxiously with the back of the girls’ pack “Thirty minutes left. That can’t be right? We just changed it.” His eyes stumbled over the group and back to the girl.

 “We’ll find you another one.” Reassured Monty but the girls’ breathing only picked up as her voice trembled.

 “All the supplemental oxygen is on level 5.” 

“Then we have to get you to level 5.” Jasper searched the suit for the problem, his hand brushing hurriedly over the girl in a way that if slowed down, might pass as romantic.

“Five isn’t safe for any of us.” Came the girls’ reply. 

Your eyes moved back to the door remembering the dead body mere feet away. 

“I don't know. But guys, we need to hurry.”

The group nodded mumbles of agreement blended in the echoes of the tunnels

“We’ll split up.” The plan had been determined and the groups dispersed.

You took a deep breath tilting your head to let out a sickly crack. If you were gonna die in this concrete coffin...

You sure as hell were gonna go out blazing.

*   *   *   *   *   *   *   *

The halls were mostly stone but the walls of the room Bellamy and Jasper walked into were white, lined with artwork that you refrained from allowing your eyes to drift to.

 A man stood from the bed, he was old with wispy white hair, dressed in a polished suit. He smiled as if you had been old friends for years.

 “Hello y/n, I've heard all about you.” The words were spoken with delicate kindness but it still made your gut twist. 

“Sir we need your help again,” Bellamy spoke shifting so he stood halfway in front of you.

“It’s okay. I took out the camera from the junction box in the hall.” Spoke Monty although you weren’t sure if this was to reassure you or the old man.

 “No one’s watching anyways. Thanks to you they're all on level 5.” Now the kindness was gone and in its place stood bitter resentment.

“Your not.” Your head craned as your brow furrowed.

 His lips grew thin “No… I’m not.” 

Oh, oh. 

Your mind flickered back to the girl who sat at the bottom of the cart in the tunnels. Someone should go back to bury her. 

“Please. We don’t have much time. We need a way to get our people out without killing everyone.” Now that was a good plan. You filed it in the back of your head, right under all the other shitty plans you had. 

The man just stared at Bellamy. You sighed glancing between the door which was tossed open and Bellamy. 

“He’s not going to help us.”

“You cut the power, risking the lives of everyone in this mountain. My people, even the ones who helped you.” 

“Because you're letting my people be tortured and killed. Children. Clarke knew yours would be safe. Can you say the same about my people?” You were practically shouting at this point.

“Tell me y/n, if we released your people and theirs what would happen to mine?”  You chewed on the inside of your mouth, turning to Monty who had his eyes trained uncomfortably on the floor. 

“Is there a control center or something we could get to?” 

“No problem.” 

“Then let’s go.” Bellamy grabbed the man, pulling him along out the door. 

 You were off. 

*   *   *   *   *   *   *   *

You peaked around the corner, hand clasped firmly around the gun and finger on the trigger. When no one was there you stepped out.

“I told you there’s no one here.” the old man talked too much and you had to refrain from knocking him upside the head. Then he really wouldn’t be of help.

“Sorry if we don’t take your word for it.” You snorted.

“Why aren’t you with your people.”

“Deliverance comes with a cost. I bear it so they don’t have to.”

 It all clicked.

“It wasn’t Cage. It was your idea to make the deal with the grounders.” Bellamy spoke your thoughts. 

Dante nodded and you glared at the guilt that passed his face. If he felt bad he would help. He was just upset that he got caught.

 “We’re in. got them.” Monty breathed out, turning your attention away from Dante. 

Bellamy went first, gun raised as he scooped the room. “It’s clear. He was telling the truth.” 

“That doesn't mean much.” You watched Monty fiddle with buttons until the monitors lit up.

 “The command centers live.” Your eyes flickered through the multiple screens before your eyes landed on the one you had been dreading. Bodies lined the walls, some struggling, some almost lifeless. All faces you recognized.

Harper lay strapped to the table her, body dangerously still. You were the only reason she was in here. Bellamy’s hand jutted out to grab a nearby radio, shoving it into Dante’s face. 

“Tell them to stop. Now!”

“I won’t do that.”  Your eyes surveyed the mountain men till you saw one you faintly recognized from the attempt on your life. 

“Him. what’s his name?” You pointed, turning to face the group. Monty looked over, happy to tear his eyes away from the torture. 

“Carl Emerson.”  

You lifted the radio to your lips, hitting the button. “Emerson, Mount Weather security detail, come in.” 

You eyed him on the screen as he froze before lifting the walkie. 

“Who is this?”

“I’m sure you can guess.” He glanced at the camera and you saw his posture go rigid. “Give the radio to your president.” His body disappeared from the picture but reappeared in the larger monitor with a few clicks from Monty. 

You watched the dark-haired man lift the radio to his lip. “This is President Wallace.” You knew how much family meant to someone, even someone who hated theirs.

 “I have your father. if you don’t let my people go…” You glanced at the old man who watched you as if he could care less about your next words. “I’ll kill him.” 

“How do I know you have him?”  You shoved the walkie towards him, half expecting him to ignore the walkie and stay silent. That would have been the smart thing. Instead, he grabbed it, yanking it and your hand close.

“Stay in the course Cage.” The silence that followed was sickeningly sweet as you watched Cage’s face go grim.

“You won’t do it” You almost smiled at the tremble at his voice.

“You don’t know me Cage, and trust me, now’s not a good time to start. Release my people.”

 “I can’t do that.” His response came so quickly and so did the sickness in your gut.

“It would mean the end of our people y/n.” Dante’s voice rang out from behind you. God would it make things easier to just kill him. You turned, pointing the gun at him. 

Bellamy moved away and Monty quickly stood, rolly chair wheeling away.

 “Wow! Wait a minute y/n we need him.” Bellamy raised his hands trying to calm you. 

“And I need the boy to believe me.” You raised the walkie to your lips “Is this really the time to test my word?”

The seconds of silence that followed seemed to take hours. “Dad, ill take care of your people.“ The old man’s eyes widened but you couldn’t tell if it was in shock or anticipation. 

“None of us have a-“ you pulled the trigger, silencing his sentence. He stared down at the hole in his chest, eyes flickering back to you.

“We always, have a choice.” Bellamy watched you cautiously as you shoved the gun quickly into your waistband. You didn’t want to touch it anymore. You didn’t even want it on you but tossing it would have been stupid. 

Your fingers trembled as they slid over the walkie-talkie button. “Listen to me very carefully. I will not stop until my people are free. If you don’t let them go. I’ll take down the whole damn mountain.” 

You watched his hand shoot out to steady himself against the wall. You paused for a second. afraid if you spoke now a tremble in your voice would betray you. You let yourself think of Lexa. Only for a moment, you let your mind be consumed by her. By her calmness in the face of war, of her reassurances and close loped smiles. Lexa would be smart about this. and if needed, she would have slaughtered them all. Then she was gone, tucked away in the darkest corner of your mind.

 “Stop the drilling and we can talk.” No voices came back but on the monitors you could see Emerson take off down the hall. 

“He’s coming after us.”

“They disabled my keycard can you do that to his?” Bellamy questioned Monty hopefully. 

“That one’s easy.” 

“Where’s he going?” You looked up at Bellamy’s words to see Cage waking in the opposite direction. You trailed your eyes across the monitor until he flung open the door to the drilling room. 

Oh god.

“Monty. Can we irradiate the level?” Your voice came out hurried and anxious. Walls made of false beliefs and heled together with broken promises could only hold for so long.

“I can do it.”

“Wait y/n,” Bellamy’s hands were on your shoulders, spinning you around to face him. Early his grip had been gentle, worried maybe even loving. Now it was full of fear and anger. He was afraid.

“You need to think about this there are kids in there.”

 “I know.” the tears floated to your eyes as you tried not to look at the one camera that had been trained on a group of them. Tried not to look at the one with the shaggy brown hair or the girl curled up next to him. Of course you knew, you were one of them.

 “There are people that helped us.” 

“Then give me a better idea Bellamy. Because right now it’s us or them and they sure as hell aren’t giving up now.” Your eyes flickered to Dante’s lifeless body in the corner and the pool of blood creeping towards you.

He opened his mouth and closed it again turning to search the monitors. Your eyes peered back up to see Cage removing Harper from the table. His hand raised as he motioned to Raven. 

You watched as they pulled her off the wall, she struggled, latching her teeth into the neck of a guard before he stunned her with his taser. You watched her head lull to the side as they strapped her to the table.

Raven, who had been through hell and back and still had time to suck up her tears to dry yours.

 “Dammit.” The loud sound of your fists meeting the metal desks made Monty jump. Bellamy seemed unaffected but spared a concerned look. 

You should have known that in studying you they had learned everything. Including weaknesses.

 “Y/n if we do this there is no going back.” They were watching you both with furrowed brows and worried looks. 

“There was never anything to go back to.” 

*   *   *   *   *   *   *   *

Your eyes watched the screens as you waited for Monty to work out the switch. You could see people running as guards filled the halls. Octavia. 

“They’ve got to get out of there.” Bellamy stepped close as if that could somehow protect his sister more. You watched Monty hit a few more buttons silently begging him to hurry before the banning on the door dragged your thoughts away.

“He’s here.” Monty eyes widened at the screen, face going grim. 

“Jasper they caught him.” You watched in horror as guns surrounded Octavia. Even she couldn’t take them all. She raised her hands as she was shoved to the floor.

The clicking of keys stopped and you scowled at Monty “Why are you stopping we have to-“

“It’s done y/n. All we have to do is..” He pointed to a lever inches away. “Pull.” The bags under his eyes seemed darker than usual, maybe it was just the lighting but-

“Hatches and vents will open and the scrubbers will reverse pulling outside air in.” You were barely given a second to think before Bellamy had his gun trained on the door. You eyed Emerson on the monitor. 

“He’s gonna blow the door.”  Your hand gripped the handle. Tears clouded your vision and you quickly blinked them unable to stop your eyes from finding where Raven lay almost lifeless on the monitors.

“I have to save them… I promised.” Your lip quivered as you glanced hopelessly back at Bellamy. You expected his face to be some type of reassurance but he looked just as scared as you. His hand reached out to grasp yours and he nodded.

“Together.” You closed your eyes and together you pulled. With your eyes clamped shut you could almost picture it was Lexa’s hand, clamped over yours as you pointed the button and the door.

Alarms blared around you as yellow lights screamed warnings. Monty’s fingers resumed their click on the keyboard. You watched Emerson outside the door shoulder his bag and take off down the hall. Barely sparing a final glance at the door. 

Your eyes trailed over the bodies on the monitors. If it wasn’t for the blisters and peeling skin you could almost convince yourself they were sleeping. Your fingernails scratched and dug into the skin of your palms. The blood gathered under your nails and dripped down your palm. 

*   *   *   *   *   *   *   *

Your whole body went still as you entered the dining hall.

Most had fallen forward, faces hitting their plates, but a few had leaned back, head skyward as if in prayer. You tried to ignore the soccer that sat inches from your feet and the small body that accompanied it. 

Jasper looked up at you, tears staining his cheeks as you stared down at the girl’s lifeless body.

“What did you do?” You tilted your head up slightly, one of Lexa’s many defense tactics you had picked up.

“What I had too.”

 “I was gonna kill Cage” His fingers trembled as he brushed Maya’s hair away from her face. You opened your mouth but Bellamy beat you to it.

 “Jasper, they never would have stopped.” 

“We have to get to the dorms.” You spoke it softly stepping as far away as you could to walk around Jasper. 

*   *   *   *   *   *   *   *

You watched as a blonde-haired boy gripped Raven’s elbow helping her to sit up on the chair as she grimaced. You barely let that stop you as you pummeled towards her, arms snapping around her neck as you let yourself sob into her shirt.

 Her arms snaked weakly around your back as she shushed you.

 “I’m sorry Raven. I’m sorry for what I said, for not being there for you for-“ Her voice shushed you again as you quitted down. Sobs shaking both of your bodies 

“I know y/n. I know” Her face was sticky with sweat. Maybe seeing the bodies had finally broken you because all the sudden there wasn't enough air in the world.

 “I wanted- I wanted to save them. There was more I could have done. I didn't, I didn’t do enough. I should have- oh my god I should have-“ She tugged you back into her arms as your tears soaked her shirt. When they had finally subdued to soft hiccups you spoke. 

“I miss Finn”  

*   *   *   *   *   *   *   *

The new camp was massive. They must have built it up more when you were in Tondc. Now it looked like a small city.

Raven was slugged forward on a stretcher while you stood back with Bellamy. Many of the people wore clothes raided from the bunker. You however couldn’t even bear to touch them.

 You watched as people piled back into the camp. Hopefully, things would only get better from here. When you remained frozen outside the gate Bellamy turned to walk back at you. 

“I think we deserve a drink.” Age no longer mattered when the face of death smiled at you every morning.

“Me and alcohol don’t mix well. Who knows I might go off and kill a village.” It had been a joke but Bellamy just glared at you.

 “Kidding... kind of.”

 “Come on.” Bellamy motioned for you to follow him forward but you just shook your head.

“I can’t go back. Not now at least.” 

“If this is about forgiveness y/n... I’ll give that to you.” You stared up at him. You had cried up all your tears and now you just felt, empty.

“Your forgiven.” You glanced back at the camp as he placed a hand on your shoulder.

“Please, just come inside.”

 “I can’t Bell, I need to forgive myself and- and I can’t do that in there.” 

“Where are you gonna go?”

“I- I don’t know.” You had a few ideas but you didn’t wanna risk him getting smart and trying to follow you. His arms wrapped around your shoulders as you rubbed gingerly on his back. 

“May we meet again.”

________________________________________________________________

Taglist: @samustar @chicken-wang09 @helloalycia @panikpansexual @mmmmokdok

[violets-page]

Heart on fire Pt.6

You’re Finn’s half sister and after Lexa kills him you decide to return the favor.

Enemies-to-lovers | word count 3.6k | series

MATERLIST | SERIES PLAYLIST | Pt.5

Your throat burned, it was hot and too long since you last drank water. Self-care had always been a worry for a different life. Your eyes surveyed the grounders, trying to spot a canteen or a pump you could smooth talk your way into getting a sip. You nearly collided with the broad chest of a grounder man as you turned around- for the fifth time- in a desperate search.

You opened your mouth to ask him about water and maybe even apologize. His snarled lip and yellow- no, brown, teeth made you think better off it.

“Lexa wants you.” His voice was somehow deeper than you expected and your teeth clenched down on your lip to stifle your gag as you caught a whiff of his breath. Grounders like this made you realized how well Lexa took care of herself. 

Not that that was something you considered often or anything.

You had been momentarily distracted from your thirst but now it was back at full force. The spit in our mouth was forming faster than you could swallow it, and you barely noticed when the tent’s flaps fluttered as they were lifted for your entrance.

The cup was practically shoved into your chest (mainly because you hadn't  responded when she lifted it seconds before). The cool liquid was emptied in seconds and you eyed Lexa expectantly. She nodded towards a larger jug on the table and watched you down your second glass before you remembered why you were here. 

“You sent for me?” A drop of water escaped from your mouth and trailed its way down your neck. Lexa watched it with widened eyes before uncrossing and re-crossing her legs.

The clearing of her throat was the only reason you didn't go back for a fourth glass. 

“Octavia has nothing to fear from me.”

 You froze unable to hide the surprise on your face. Lexa was not one to bend to the wishes of others. Especially if others were you. When her gaze didn’t leave yours you looked down to examine the cup in your hand. Was this drugged?

 “I do trust you y/n.”

It hadn’t been about trust and you both knew that. Whatever her motives may be, you were thankful for them.

The silence was almost as uncomfortable as her unmoving gaze. She was watching you, waiting for a response you didn’t have. 

“Okay.” 

She scoffed with a closed-lipped smile, and you rushed to add a ‘thank you.’ She had sided with you this time and you didn't want to ruin the chances of that happening again by being petty and ungrateful.

“I’m sorry about what I said earlier.” She raised a brow and leaned forward a bit. “About you not being fit to command.” 

You looked up at her from where your gaze had been forcefully trained to the chalice to see her rise, staring at you intensely.

The black warpainted on her face made her green eyes spark and stand out against the dark tones. She seemed closer to you now than before, or maybe it was you that was closer to her?

Her lips were parted slightly and your eyes rested on them a moment longer than you should have. You could see yourself falling for her, in another life. She was stunning and fierce, protective yet gentle. 

But this wasn’t another life.

“I have to go”

You were still standing there facing her when the shouts rang out, most in her language with the exception of ‘the signal’ which you heard loud and clear.

 You both rushed forward, her hand moving to the small of your back to push you forward. 

 A long red spark traced through the air, alerting you that all was set and ready. 

“He did it.” That knot that had been building in your stomach for days unraveled and you couldn't stop yourself from grabbing Lexa’s hand. Maybe it was the knowledge that soon you would finally be able to relax, maybe you just needed something to squeeze.

Everything that followed seemed to move at light speed.

She nodded at you taking off towards the edge of a cliff. Directly below sat thousands of grounders all waiting for her word. Cheers of “Heda” sounded at the sight of her and her hand raised to a group of men not too far away. She yelled something that you couldn’t understand. 

Your heart was beating out of your chest and all the thoughts of how this could go wrong circled your brain. 

A loud horn was blown by the men and the grounders erupted in cheers. You didn’t miss the small smile on Lexa’s face, she shouted something, her fist in the air as her eyes scanned the warriors below. The shouts that followed shook the ground. 

“Heda. Heda. Heda...”

There were so many of them, warriors, all cheering for her. Your mouth parted to mumble the words. A whisper lost in their shouts.

*   *   *   *   *   *   *   *

This was everything you and your people had been working towards. You stood next to Lexa as she welcomed the sky crew into the war room. The room was small and you watched as people tried to find a spot against the wall. Only two of Skycrew’s picked people were from the original 100. Not that you even knew their names. The rest were adults ones that, in particular, had made life hell on the Ark.

You tried to keep it cool and internalize your bubbling frustration, but you must have been doing a pretty shit job because in the next second Lexa’s elbow was digging into your side. 

One of the nicer guards approached to hand you a thin silver tube.

 “From Raven, hydrocortisone.” 

Good

“Thank you.” The tube was warm in your hands and you couldn't help but feel like you were holding your death certificate. 

“Clark said she wanted me to leave you a message.” You nodded for him to go on, even if you weren't particularly interested in anything Clarke had to say.

 “She said she’s proud of you, for all you’ve done.” You sent him a tight-lipped smile, letting him know to tell her you said thank you. You hadn’t talked to Clarke since the explosions went off and didn’t want to start now either.

“She said she sorry she couldn’t make it today, but the wounded in Tondc need her more.”  

The people she wounded. You dipped your head and he moved away.

 Lexa surveyed  the group. The two of you along with other grounders and sky people stood around a large table housing a war diagram of the mountain constructed from scrap metal and debris. 

“Field commanders, today’s the day we get our people back.”

*   *   *   *   *   *   *   *

The conversation had mainly been from the sky people since they had the most information with Lexa occasionally chiming in. Your ears perked up when one of the 100 girls mentioned Bellamy.

“Besides we lost Bellamy.” You looked over at her completely forgetting about the situation your eyes filled with worry.

 “What? We did? When?” Lexa turned to you quickly, negativity created discouragement she had said to you once.

 “Bellamy is a warrior he’ll be fine.” You looked at her and she gave a curt nod.  

She rose to the front to give a speech.

“As for the guilty jus drein jus down.”

*   *   *   *   *   *   *   *

You stand outside the large metal doors reading ‘Mount Weather Complex’ Lexa at your side, watching as one of the girls from the original 100 drilled through the door. The drilling process has already taken 20 minutes and you had no idea how long it would be till she's finished. Finally, after a few more seconds, she pulls out the drill, turning to you in Lexa

 “That should do it. Bombs away.” You flinch at the words.

Lincoln advances towards the gate and the sick feeling in your stomach makes its graces. The bomb practically slides through the hole and you find yourself waiting for something... more. 

“Archers watch the gate” cried Lexa. Your  heartbeat echoed within your head and you opened your mouth to breathe out.

*   *   *   *   *   *   *   *

Night had a fall and as you paced back-and-forth beside Lexa. She stood unmoving, eyes trained on the door hands clasped in front of her, but your bubbling anxiety won’t let you stay like her. You paced back-and-forth, chewing on your thumb before it got too short and you moved onto your index finger. 

“It’s taking too long”

Her voice is groggy as she replies “It takes as long as it takes.” 

You didn’t understand how she could be so calm. But then again, she was a leader, you were not.

 There is a pause before she speaks again, never even looking your way.

“What will you do when it’s over?” You ponder this realizing that your only purpose so far has been to rely information about the war. After it’s over you will no longer be made to live with Lexa, you can go home.

 Home had been the dropship, home had been Finn. Home was gone. 

It would be nice to have your friends back but… “I have no idea.”

 “Well, what do you want?”

My brother... My mom...maybe a cupcake.

 “I don’t know, I can’t even think straight right now.” 

You saw her jaw flex as she spoke again “You could come with me to the capital.”

You eyed her in astonishment. You had forgotten she didn’t live in Tondc. It wasn’t just you that would be going home, it was her too. You found yourself at a loss for words upon this realization. Do commanders get homesick?

The usual tension that hung in the air between you and Lexa was replaced with solemn understanding. It was rather strange but somehow; comforting. 

“All this will change the way you think about us.”

 Us. it took you a moment to realize that she meant the grounders, not just her and you.

You and her.

The air stayed heavy with unsaid words, you quickly glancing to your feet with a small unthinking nod. 

Gunshots went off and you turned to watch the forest. The anxiety that had faded with Lexa was hurtling back. Lincoln approached, his eyes uneasy as he shuffled on his feet.

 “It’s coming from the damn.” The realization hit you like a bullet.

“They know we’re going for the power.” Lexa added on “They know we’re going for the door.” She looked nervous shifting her weight between legs and glancing back at her warriors.

 Lincoln turned around shouting something at the people in Trigedasleng.

“Raven will get it done. She’s one of us.”

“As soon as the lights go off you push that button, we’ll do the rest.” 

The two sentences came from different people but you were too nervous to distinguish who. Maybe it was a good thing no one had asked you to lead.

Your shaking thumb hovered over the button ready to click it at a moment’s notice.

When the lights went out you couldn’t press the button. Lexa watched you for a moment, her hands going over yours.

No words were said but her eyes held all the questions. You nodded and her fingers pushed down on yours. The button clicked but the door stayed intact.

 Your nerves disintegrated you yanked it out of her hand pushing the button again, and again and- 

She turned to you in confusion and frustration 

"Why isn’t it working?” 

“They’re jamming the frequency I have to get closer.”  

You stood in front of the door, hitting the button waiting for something, anything to happen. You didn’t even realize the danger of the gunshots when they started blazing from the top of the mountains and continued jabbing the stupid button until you were tackled to the ground.

 You could feel the anxiety in your heart as the seconds ticked by. This was going to be it, you were going to lose them all. You looked up as Lexa rolled off of you before turning to the grounders behind her and shouting at them. 

She grabbed your shaking elbow, dragging you behind the rock where Lincoln was crouched. Nate‘s father approached you, his hand lifted to your shoulder before looking back at the door.

“If I can get to the door I can trigger it manually.” Your head shook quickly.

“You can’t get to the door.”

“For Nate, I have to try.”

You could see the sadness and the fear in his eyes and you found yourself wishing your father was still around. But this was no time for thoughts like that.

 Lexa called something at the army behind her and six men with shields came forward, lifting them to make a small dome into which they ushered Nate’s dad.

Your eyes caught on the timer and felt your nerves jump at the site.

“30 seconds.”

Your fist hit the dirt and sent rocks scattering .

“Damn it. Damn it.” Her hand was over yours before you could land another punch on the Earth. 

“This is no time for that.”

 A shout from ahead turned your attention away as you saw the men from the makeshift shield fall one by one till they were gone. Your hand shot up to cover your mouth.

Oh, Nate, I’m so sorry.

15 seconds.... your breath came out in ragged gasps and you could feel the tears brimming your eyes. 

Lexa was still holding your fist and her thumb brushed across the knuckles.

“We’ll find another way in.”

You couldn’t hold back your shouts as you yanked the hand back, cradling it against your chest.  “There is no other way in. You know that.”

“We don’t need one” Lincoln’s voice came out from behind you as he panted heavily. 

10 seconds..

The seconds clocked down as Lincoln grabbed a bow and arrow dipping the tip into a small piece of fire and loading the bow, aiming at the door

 3.. 2.. 

He released the arrow and it went hurtling towards the door hitting the bomb dead center and blowing it. It felt like you could breathe again as you cried out. You weren’t given time to revel in the excitement before Lexa was shouting more orders. 

“We need to get to that ridge and take out the shooters” Lincoln stood to move but she grabbed him.

“You stay with Y/N.” Her eyes flicked down to you, she looked at you like you were made of glass in the moments before it topples over the edge. "When the shooting stops, you get that door open.”

Her eyes softened as her fingers reached out to brush a thumb against your chin. You told yourself that you were going to push her away, not that you would ever get the chance. Her hair fluttered behind her as she took off behind her army. You peaked around the rock trying to catch one more glimpse of her but Lincoln yanked you back to avoid the rainstorm of bullets cascading from above.

When the hail storm came to a stop Lincoln slowly stood. You looked at him, gripping his sleeve afraid at any moment he would topple to the ground. When he didn’t you rose.

 “Lexa did it.”

You bit back your rising smile, afraid to jinx it.

“Y/n look.” Nate‘s father moved from underneath the metal shield. Everything was going to be okay. The smile on your face waived in-between tears as people rushed to help.

“They’ll be waiting just inside the door.” As much as you wanted to relish the victory was only half of the full plan.

He shouted at the grounders behind him and motioned with his hands’, a group quickly advancing towards the door.

 Sky people and grounders alike ran to the door tying ropes around it and tugging desperately. Everyone else had their fire trained on the door. The pulling looked to be doing nothing for a while and you found the skin of your lips peeling under the tug of your teeth.

At last, the door opened just a sliver. Cheers rang through the field as people raised their fire and weapons. Caught up in the moment you found yourself yelling ‘attack’ before Lexa’s familiar voice cried out with words you could not understand.

You turned to her with a grin. Everything went quiet as weapons lowered. The smile fading into a frown of confusion.

She advanced through the crowd, a man you didn’t recognize as one of the Skypeople but too different to be a grounder following suit behind her.

 “Lexa, what is this?”

The door opened inches more, but it was not the work of your people. You saw the blood on her face and looked to the door as people stumbled out. Her people, wrapped in orange blankets and half-naked all of them holding wounds and stumbling as if they could barely walk straight.

You could almost convince yourself that they were surrendering. But you knew the look of guilt that lingered on Lexa’s face far too well. 

Although in the past it had been accompanied by false promises.

“They’re surrendering?” Lincoln appeared at your side. He looked exhausted, a relived half-smile ghosting his face.

The mountain man next to her spoke up. “Not quite.” he smirked as his eyes landed on you.

Lexa’s eyes were on the door, but you knew she wasn't watching her people, she was just avoiding looking at you.

 When she wouldn’t meet your eyes you looked at him awaiting an answer or something, anything to confirm that your nightmares were not true.

But nothing was ever so easy.

“What did you do?”

She spoke her voice slow, “What you would’ve done. Save my people.” It felt like a low blow and you felt sick, all of it, all of it for nothing at all. Your friends were going to die. 

“How do you know what I would have done. I would have found a way!”

Green eyes pierced into yours as a silent tear cascaded down your face. 

“Where are my friends?” 

“I’m sorry Y/N. They weren’t part of the deal.”

 You felt your lip tremble and quake as you glared at her in horror. 

“You’re not fucking sorry. You never were.”

You watched in horror as she cut the restraints off the mountain man and he smiled at her. Her face had gone blank at your words. She was shutting down. 

“You made the right choice Commander.” 

You felt the anger bubble within, rising up until you couldn’t stop. You hated when this happened but the feeling was too familiar and too powerful to push down. Even if you wanted to.

 The feeling of your fist colliding with her cheek would have been sickeningly sweet if it hadn't hurt so bad. Her head turned to the side before turning back to you she raised her hand and you fully expected her to hit you back. Instead, the grounders stopped advancing towards you. 

You lowered your fist and clenched your teeth as the tears came down your face. You tried not to look at the grounders or prisoners exiting the cave because no matter how hard you tried you couldn’t stop the hope that it would be one of your own too.

 Lincoln approached you, a confused look on his face.

“What is this?” Your eyes trained on Lexa, lips curling into a snarl

“Your commander made a deal.” 

“And what about the sky people?” He asked you found yourself barely able to say your next words. 

“They’re all going to die. Because fuck anyone who isn't herself.”

 Somehow in your time with her, you had forgotten how brutal she was. How evil she could be. Murder was just one of her many hobbies.

“I do care Y/N. But I made this choice with my head, not my heart.” She glared at you as if it was your fault like she had a reason to be mad at you. 

The blood coating her face and smeared war makeup didn’t help your image of her.

“I need to protect my people first.”

The anger cracked.

“Please, don’t do this.” You would have gotten on your knees, clasped your hands, and kissed her feet if it meant she would change her mind. If it meant she could, change her mind.

“I’m sorry Y/N” 

You knew she wasn’t. 

Lincoln spoke up again moving towards her commander.

“Not like this. Let us fight.”

“No,” She pushed him away, 

”The deal is done.” The click of the door shutting made you whip around in horror. It was sealed, like the fates of every person you let go blindly into that mountain, like Raven who was still in there. 

You watching in horror, silently falling to your knees in front of Lexa. Hand clamped so tight over your mouth to hold back the screams.

You couldn't breathe. The only thought stopping you from pummeling the brunet into the ground was that if the grounders tore you apart your friends would surely die. 

She paused for a moment, watching you. Your eyes stated at her boots, avoiding looking at her at all cost.

She spoke in her native tongue and a man behind her blew a loud horn sounding throughout the woods. You knew it meant retreat and you knew it meant that everyone else was going to die

All of the grounders turned away, none of them cared about what happened to your people they only cared about there’s.

“They’ll be slaughtered, let me help them.” He spoke to her desperately. You were glad that he was there for you but you knew it would make no difference as she snarled words to those around her. 

“All grounders most leave, those are the terms.”

They grabbed Lincoln dragging him along as he punched and kicked. You watch him fall to the ground before he was taken prisoner, knocked out by another man.

Lexa stood in front of you and you finally looked up. You couldn’t see her face clearly through the tears but maybe you could make out a blur of desperation. 

She reached down to caress your cheek and you couldn’t find it in yourself to swat her hand away. Your eyes fluttered shut as she pressed a soft and slow kiss against your forehead. 

“May we meet again.” She turned around to leave and you squeezed your eyes shut even tighter. You weren't going to watch her leave.

Her words meant nothing to you. You prayed that she would never have to see you again because if she did you would kill her. 

And this time you would not fail.

——————————————————————————

Pt.7

Taglist- @samustar @chicken-wang09 @helloalycia @panikpansexual @mmmmokdok

(Love you all!)

[violets-page]

Any clue when we are gonna get an update?

Yes! I am getting back into my writing game. Had to take a mental health break but this chapter should be up in the next two days!! (If your referring to HOF).

[violets-page]

Heart on Fire Pt.5

You’re Finn’s half sister and after Lexa kills him you decide to return the favor.

Enemies-to-lover | word count 2.6k | series

You guys, I almost didn’t post this because I lost inspiration and life was really stressing me out. But after I went on Tumblr and saw all the positive feedback and kind words the motivation kicked back in. This wouldn't be possible if it wasn’t for you lovely readers! 🖤

MASTERLIST | SERIES PLAYLIST | Pt.4

 You sighed in frustration, there is nothing you could do to change Lexa. She was born and raised to be a commander, to kill now and think later.

Your eyes moved around the makeshift tent, though it was only a temporary set up it seemed filled with memories of Lexa.

An array of weapons lay spewed about, from the swords you trained with to your stolen dagger. It was like every part of your world was utterly consumed by her. Your eyes trailed away from the weapons and to the bed where blankets lay thrown about. You moved back to it, lying down in hopes that you might be able to get a few more minutes of sleep before the war.

It was strange to think about, how quickly your life changed. From worrying about dolls to worrying about if your food was going to be cold to worrying about if you would be the next to die.

You turned your head into the soft pillows, trying to clear your mind from the wretched thoughts. Instead, you found yourself surrounded by a new variety. Thoughts of Lexa, her scent soaked the blankets, giving you a faint headache as you tried to breathe regularly.

The whole room made it impossible, everything was hers.

You scrambled up and off the bed, moving to exit the tent in a flurry of anxiety. The sight of Octavia’s familiar braids steadied your heart, if only for just a moment.

You jogged over to her, a relieved look on your face. She sat on the log in front of a blazing fire. It had earlier been used to cook meat and had been surrounded by grounders, but they had long since cleared. She didn’t even glance your way as you lowered yourself onto the bench next to her.

Her silence made your brows furrow. Even after she became more Grounder than Sky Person, Octavia had always made efforts to keep up your ever-crumbling friendship. Now it seemed she had given up.

“Everything okay?” You asked it hoping she would reply with reassurances and a soft smile. Instead, your eyes met her harsh glare as she lifted her head. 

Her gaze returned to the fire as she took a deep breath.

“I’ve been going over it and over it in my head just trying to figure out how-” her gaze moved back to yours and the fire on the ground became no match for the one in her eyes. “-your still alive.”

There were many things you were awful at. Making friends, bonding, killing, and apparently lying.” 

“I just- no. I didn’t-” She spared you the burden of trying to form a complete sentence.

“I saw you in Tondc before the missiles hit. You were in Lexa’s building. There was no way you could have survived the direct bombing.”

You watched her carefully, searching her eyes to see if she knew already or if you were about to give it all away. You bit your lips and tried to think of what Lexa would say.

She’d probably just kill her.

Which of course was not an option for you.

“I know you y/n, somethings wrong.”

You moved your gaze to where your hands were grasped tightly together in your lap. You blink quickly, to push away the tear or dry them out before she could catch their glitter under the firelight. 

She was too smart for that.

You flinched at the snarl in her voice. “You knew?!”

“I'm sorry, I didn’t know what to do, I couldn't stop it.”

That's a lie. You could have fought harder you could have-

“You let all those people die.”

That was your fault? All of them? The old woman, the little girl? The-

“You were going to let me die.”

no no no.

Your voice couldn't seem to find the words to defend yourself. There was always so much anger in you, untapped fury that made you lash out and hurt people. But sometime during your time on the ground, it had slowly started to go out. Lexa had lit it back up again, maybe not in a good way. But now you were exhausted and all that seemed to be left was sadness. The fight was gone.

Like the people you killed. Like your friends.

Octavia had stood, her frame towered over you but you didn't dare look up at her.

“Guess it runs in the family.” Her hands spazzed and you almost reached out to grab her. Whether it be in begging or anger you would never find out, because in the next second she was gone.

You took deep breaths, box method before allowing your gaze to drift upwards, toward the moon. Your hands trembled and nothing could seem to slow the painful pounding of your heart.

Think about something else, think about-

Lexa.

She was watching you from the other side of the fire pit. Her gazed flickered to wear Octavia was still marching away.

You stood quickly when you saw Octavia near the grounder queen. Whether fear for Lexa’s life or Octavia’s, something carried your feet forwards till you were standing feet away from the pair.

Lexa gave Octavia a command, neither one acknowledging your presence until Octavia had long gone.

You could read her, you weren't quite sure how but you knew exactly what she was thinking when she watched the girl go with a slightly furrowed brow.

“She won’t say anything.”

Her eyes rested on your face and you felt your spine straighten.

“You can’t be sure.” 

You would not allow Lexa to kill her, to kill any of the 100. Mountain men, fine, she could have her pick. but sky people, your people. She would have to go through you.

“If you even touch her, I’ll burn this army to the ground.”

It was her turn to straighten up. Her mouth parted, lips pulled back ready to scold you into place. You were gone before she ever got the chance

*   *   *   *   *   *   *   *

You trudged around the camp like a half-dead zombie, scuffing your boots across the dirt and tripping over fallen sticks. Not too far away sat Indra, sitting in the same manner Octavia had but at a different fire. Your mind fluttered back to Lexa, her command for Octavia to go scout the woods with Indra. But if Indra was here... where was Octavia?

You approached the woman and she watched you carefully. Saving her life during the attack had lessened her hatred towards you but you could still see it spark occasionally in her eyes.

“Where’s Octavia?”

She shrugged, looking back to the fire. Her tense back showers she hadn’t let her guard down yet.

“Aren’t you supposed to be scouting the woods with her?”

“We don’t scout.” She practically spat the words out before turning to face you again. She furrowed at your widened eyes and watched in confusion as you turned and raced into the woods. 

You wandered through the woods as silently as you could. She could be anywhere. That wasn't necessarily true. She was scouting, which means she would be closer to the camp. You trudged along quickly, staying close to the edge of the woods.

A shadow ahead made you freeze. Much to large too be Octavia, and unless there was an ongoing attack, the bow raised wasn't a good sign either. 

You assessed the man and your options while you moved silently to stand behind him. The small pocket knife Lexa forced you to carry around was strapped -thank god- to your forearm. 

If you didn't do this right you could end up killing you both. You hurried when you saw him draw the arrow back. You pressed the knife against his neck. You had to stand on your tiptoes a little to reach the right spot but it worked and he lowered the bow.

“Don’t move.” You tried to stay quiet, Octavia deserved peace of mind. If she knew that the commander was trying to kill her, well, that would be your fault too.

“I have my orders.”

“I don’t care.” 

Lexa would be proud, maybe not in this situation though.

*   *   *   *   *   *   *   *

His back was bent because you had grown tired of walking on your tiptoes. You went through the paths least lit by torches and prayed no one would try and stop you. You both had been silent except for his occasional grunt and your anxious breathing. A gun would have been so much easier.

The flutter of the flaps felt like the finish line of a too-long marathon.

Lexa sat on the familiar throne, her legs dropped carelessly over the edge as her hands toyed with a plank of wood and a small dagger. She was carving something, too absorbed in the process to notice your entrance. 

You jutted your leg out, aiming it at the man's knee joint and resulting in his pained cry. Lexa looked up with raised brows, not in shock more… in curiosity. She had known you were there, she just hadn’t cared. 

When her eyes met the eyes of the guard, her face fell blank.

“You sent him to kill Octavia?” It wasn't a question, you knew the answer, you just wanted to hear her try and deny it.

She cast a frustrated glare at her guard who stared at her, saying nothing.

Her silence was the only answer you needed. “I told you she’s not a problem.”

“Leave us.” She pulled her legs from the edge and placed them firmly on the ground. Her fingers curling around the armrests of the magnificent chair.

The guard clambered roughly to his feet, probably sore from the weird angle you had trooped him around at. He stepped to the right of you, trying to leave but you aim the knife at his chest. He hisses as the blade tears through his jacket and starts its journey into his flesh.

“No, I’m not letting him out of my sight”

At this she stands. Her position on the platform makes her tower over you. Her face is calm but her eyes are trained on the knife.

“Stand down for now and wait for my command.”

He shoves your arm away sharply and walks out of the tent. You realize he could have done that the whole time, he was a warrior with years under his belt .Nothing was stopping him from ripping you to shreds. Nothing but Lexa.

“What the fuck Lexa. You can’t just kill everyone you don’t trust.” You waved the knife around wildly in the air as you yelled these words at her. 

You were seething with rage, a rage so dark and red that only she could bring out. She remained calm and collected. You hated how she was always calm.

“Yes, I can.” her eyes flickered up and down your body. The look lasted a mere second but that mere second made you freeze. 

She took this as the end of the conversation, turning away from you and moving toward the back of the tent where her room sat.

You watched her fleeting figure in shock before quickly chasing after her.

“Well I won’t let you.” Her long dress trailed behind her as she let out an agitated sigh.

She turned around watching you as she started undoing a pair of metal cuffs to her wrist. You pressed your lips tightly together, tongue flicking out when you noticed how dry they'd become. Her eyes darted down at this action but her speech didn’t falter like yours. 

“Octavia is a threat. if you weren’t so close to her brother you’d see that.”

“It’s because I’m close to her I see that.” You had grown annoyed quickly at Lexa’s assumptions about you and Bellamy. “Her brother is more important to her than anyone. She wouldn’t risk him.”

She fasted the cuffs, but instead of looking at them her eyes watched you.

“Are you willing to bet your life on that? Everyone’s lives? On your feelings?” Your mind raced back to the bombing. The old woman, the little girl, Octavia’s friend. Finn.

Your argument fell on dead lips and she took this as an answer, resuming her walk away from you. Her hair brushed your face as she walked by, its soft strands lulling you from your trance. 

“Dammit, Lexa!” Your hands were on her back, pushing her forward before you could think better of it.

She stumbled a bit, caught off guard by your outburst, it had been too long since she’d been at the receiving end, before whipping around to face you with a murderous glare.

It didn’t even phase you at this point. Instead, you continued.

“You say my feelings make me weak, but you’re weak for hiding them.” 

You knew there was something she felt for you. Not quite hate but maybe not love. She protected you but you pissed her off to no end. She wanted you to be able to fight for yourself but didn’t want you to fight. All of it at once.

 At least you knew how you felt, you were straightforward with your hatred-grown tolerance. She was back and forth like a metronome.

 You took a step close and for the first time, she took one back.

 “I may react on my emotions, but you’re a liar Lexa.”

 Another step forward. Another back.

 “You cared about Gustus, you still care about Costia, and-” you care about me.

Her sharp intake of breath had made you halt your sentence, which was probably for the better. You continued forward her matching your steps back.

 “You want everyone to think you’re above it all but I see right through you.” 

She was pressed up against the table, her hands turning white under her grip around the edges as her eyes moved around your face.

 “Get out.”

 It came as a low hiss, you had never seen her so angry. Her eyes burned with rage and you found yourself realizing why people feared her. But then again, you never did know when to stop.

 “250 people died in that village. I know you felt for them.” You hadn’t meant for it to, but it came out as a soft cry, as if begging for reassurance or confirmation of your thoughts.

 When she neither came, a single tear splashed down your cheek.

 “You let them all burn.” You gritted your tears back as her face softened, eyes meeting yours.

 “Not everyone.” There was a pause in the air as you watched her, grief-stricken and angry. She took a step closer and you could smell the wine on her parted lips. It has stained them a soft red and your eyes couldn't seem to leave them

 “Not you.”

 “If you care so god damn much then trust me. She’s not a threat.” 

“I can’t do that y/n.”

 “If you hurt her...” You wracked your brain for a solution to your ever-growing problem. “You will never see me alive again.”

 You turned before she could speak, hurrying out of the tent. The sun beamed across your face heating your already warm cheeks as your heart beat frantically out of your chest. 

You put a hand over it trying to still the feeling as you remembered how close she had been. Close enough that you could see the tiny scar at the corner of her lip. Close enough that you could see the gold flakes in her eyes and practically feel the heat radiating off of her.

Your anger issues had always put you in tough situations.

__________________________________________

Tag list: @samustar @chicken-wang09 @helloalycia @panikpansexual​ 

Part 6

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Heart on Fire pt.4

Your Finn’s half sister and after Lexa kills him you make it your goal to return the favor

enemies-to-lovers | word count 4k | series

This ones for @helloalycia​ cause she made me cry happy tears at her comments. (╯°□°）╯︵ ┻━┻

MASTERLIST | SERIES PLAYLIST | Pt.3

Walking through the camp was like walking through the fiery bowels of hell. Screaming filled your ringing ears as smoke clouded your vision and filled your lungs. There were so many people you didn’t know who to help first.

 Children screamed as warriors scrambled around, some missing limbs and some barely able to walk. The stench of burning flesh and death surrounded you as people screamed for their loved ones. Splattered, sticky blood coated the bottoms of your shoes as you looked around in horror.

You tripped, quickly looking down. It was a hand, a small hand. You followed it up to the lifeless body of a little girl. She looked so young, maybe 6...12? You couldn’t think straight enough to figure it out. 

Her eyes lay open, a permanent look of fear frozen onto them. You reached a tremoring hand down to pull her eyelids closed, brushing a hair away from her face in the process. You stood quickly, not allowing yourself to mourn for those already dead.

Lexa was nowhere to be seen but you spotted Octavia. She and the other seconds stood grabbing at rubble in an attempt to pull it away from an entrance. You jogged over, wrapping your hands around a large rock and tugging.

 You ignored the painful way in which the rock scrapped against your fragile fingertips. No one else seemed to be bothered by the feeling. But then again, they had grown up on the ground, raised with calloused fingers while you sat around the ark, the heaviest thing you lifted being your own hand.

 You stood, turning to Indra when the rock wouldn’t move. You opened your mouth, ready to ask her what you could do to help when the first gunshot rang out. It whizzed past you, ripping the material of your jacket before embedding itself into Indra’s chest. Her body toppled over with the impact as she went sprawling onto the ground.

  Brown eyes, messy hair shielding them from the soft glow of awn as he slumped down the pole.

You pushed the memory back as far as you could, letting out a surprised shout before ducking down in front of Indra. Your hands moved to her chest trying to examine the wound before she slapped them harshly away.

“Do not touch me, killer.” Your anger was weakened by the fear gripping your heart.

“You have more blood on your hands than I do.” She quieted down at this statement, watching you carefully as the sound of gunshots continued all around you.

*   *   *   *   *   *   *   *

When the gunshots rang out Clarke and Lexa froze. Clarke took a step forward ready to continue, but turned around when after a few paces Lexa had not moved.

She watched the brunet in confusion. She was staring over her shoulder, watching the flames consume the camp as screams were cut short, new ones taking their place.

“Y/n is down there.” There was a hesitated pause where Lexa looked back at Clarke before scanning the mountains. “We have to find the shooter.”

Clarke sighed in annoyance, they had already risked the lives of every person in the grounder camp. By exposing themselves that sacrifice would be for nothing. Clarke loved you but, more people were at risk than just you. At least with a snipper, your death would be quick. 

“Lexa you said it yourself, if he tells the mountain where alive we’re done.”

Lexa stepped forward, her eyes ablaze as she snarled at Clarke, who quickly took a step back.

“If she dies, this alliance is over.”

“Why do you care so much. She hates you.”

Her glare faltered at Clarke’s furrowed brow a small flash of grief coated her green eyes. She stepped back, creating distance and resuming the stance and emotional reaction that a commander of her status should have.

Clarke pictured the young girl, She wasn't really that young, maybe a few months younger than Clarke and a year younger than Finn, seeing as how he turned 18 a few days on the ground. She had seemed so young, full of life and anger, a spitfire of emotion. Her fiery eyes alight as she tried to murder the commander in public. Her un-shed tears as she pushed back her feelings for the dead so that this alliance could live.

“She reminds me of someone.” 

Lexa’s words drew Clarke from her trance.

“Lexa, even if we find him... If he tells Mount Weather she's as good as dead.” Lexa turned quickly away from the camp, storming past Clarke and sharply pushing her with her shoulder as she did.

“He won’t. because I’m going to kill him.”

*   *   *   *   *   *   *   *

Everyone had separated when the bullets started. You were stuck with Indra, who was dying but refused to let you touch her. The smoke made you cough and her wince in pain when she did the same.

Every time you reached for her she would slap your hands away and mutter a harsh and breathless ‘no’.  You looked around for anyone who could do something. Your eyes met those of a healer who nodded at you before attempting to run towards you.

The bullets resumed the moment he was out of cover,  he quickly turned around, scurrying back. Another kid tried, younger, his long hair reminded you of Finn. 

Octavia’s faint voice reached your ears as she screamed his name. A single bullet zipped through the air. He was dead in 3 steps. 

You turned back to Indra, the blood was falling down her chest. She was trying to put pressure on the wound like you had instructed but her grip was weak and doing absolutely nothing to help.

“If you die that’s gonna be on my hands, and I can’t have that.”

You tore off a piece of your shirt and held it to her bleeding wound. The echo of her palm meeting your cheek seemed to echo though the field. It was slow and weak and barely turned your face. You said nothing but sharply bit the inside of your cheek, biting back embarrassment and insults.

She made no further attempt to remove your touch.

From the corner of your eyes, you could see another grounder you didn’t know the name of try to take off. The gunshots followed his distant figure and Lincoln took this as his chance to swoop in and grab Indra. He ran, her in his arms with Octavia behind him and you closely behind her. The bullets whizzed by your ear and with each one you thought;

This is it

*   *   *   *   *   *   *   *

Lexa stalked along quickly but silently in front of Clarke, who stared with frustration at her retreating figure. The glow of the rising sun burned her eyes as she squinted to see ahead.

“When the sun rises we won’t have cover.”

“Neither will he.” Lexa had refused any of Clarke’s suggestions or pleas to wait it out and now she was forced to accompany the angry commander.

“You know y/n hates you, yet you protect her. She tried to kill you and yet you are always protecting her. Why? What are you trying to get from it? She has suffered enough. If this is some sick game you have going on-”

She abruptly stopped, making Clarke’s words halt

“What makes you think you know my goals? By having her close it is easier to prevent another assassination attempt.” Clarke flinched at the sharp whip of the girls’ words. She continued, never turning around to look at her but she could picture the fury painted across her face.

She was saved the stress of answering by the nearby rustle of leaves. Lexa was quick to crouch down, leaving Clarke to figure it out and follow Lexa’s movements on her own. She grasped the gun tightly, aiming it at the dashing figure as Lexa watched.

“Is it him?” She didn't miss the malice dripping from her voice as Clarke squinted at the figure, a small shake of her head sent Lexa huffing in annoyance.

The familiar hunched-over figure of Lincoln emerged from the bushes and they rose.

“Lincoln.”

He edged forward, pure confusion on his face as he studied the girl, the confusion deepened as Lexa emerged.

“Commander, wha-” His gaze shifted back to Clarke’s anxious figure

“Octavia said you were-” She cut him off before he could finish.

“You’ve seen Octavia?”

“She’s with y/n helping Indra and taking care of their wounds.” Lexa’s breathing hitched at the word ‘their’. The group ignored it, but it was not missed.

“Their being pinned down by a sniper, that’s why I’m here.” 

The conversation was cut short as more gunshots rang out. Lexa wasted no time hurrying the group along.

“Come on, we need to get to high ground.”

*   *   *   *   *   *   *   *

You hadn’t realized it at the time but the gunshot that had grazed your sleeve had also managed to slice your arm. More than just slice actually because you were pretty sure you could feel the bullet still inside your arm. The blood was seeping through the borrowed shirt and you found yourself more annoyed at the fact that you would have to ask Lexa for a new one than the fact that you were injured.

You drowned out Octavia and the other seconds as you ripped yet another part of her shirt to tie a bandage around the wound. You made it rather tight, tugging at the fabric with your teeth to get it as compressed as possible.

You would have left it alone but there was too much dust flying around and you weren't too found of disinfection via alcohol, Clarke’s preferred method. Besides, Lexa had taken your family and your dignity. What was one of her shirts in retrospect?

The screaming and your intense concertation- or maybe it was your thoughts of Lexa- caused you to lose track of all around you. When you glanced back up all the seconds were gone.

“Ah, shit!”

You peered around trying to locate them. Octavia's familiar braids and war paint were nowhere to be seen. Your eyes landed on the curled-up figure of a woman lying not too far away. Her eyes were trained on you.

At first, you figured she was dead but when you noticed her moving lips you realized she was calling for you. Besides her lips, she lay unmoving. The ricocheting of bullets clouded your mind before you could think about this logically. The bullets were suddenly slamming into the ground around you. One pierced your calf, the bullet embedding into your soft skin as you huddled next to the woman.

You ignored the fiery burning sensation in your leg as best you could and tried to focus on the woman.

She was dying, you were not.

Her terrified eyes looked straight into yours as you set to work examining her. You were not the healer of the camp, hell, you didn’t even know what the cream Lexa gave you was, much less how to make it.

You examined the woman, her blood-coated hands led you to believe that it was a hand injury but if that was the case she wouldn't be laying unmoving like this.

“Hey, I’m gonna lift your shirt up okay?”

She just stared at you her blinking eyes and rising chest were the only display that she was alive. When you lifted it you saw three gunshot wounds to the chest. Clarke would have trouble healing this without all the necessary supplies provided on the Ark. For you? It was impossible. 

She was going to die. You reached for her hand, grasping it tightly in yours as she watched you. Her breaths were already becoming shaky and rough, it wouldn't be long now. You sat there, holding her hand and whispering reassurances until her breathing slowed to an abrupt stop.

You held it for a few moments longer after that, watching her before moving her hands to lay criss-cross over her body.

“I’m so sorry.”

Your fists met the ground with an angry shout, ponding on it till your knuckles bled, only stopping when the world started to sway and you remembered the bullet in your leg.

*   *   *   *   *   *   *   *

The sun was high in the sky by now and Clarke could see the billowing smoke cloud for miles. Lexa trudged quickly in front with Lincoln behind her and Clarke following last. It was quiet, the only sound being the light crunch of leaves under Clarke’s foot, their eyes scanned carefully for the shooter. The silence was ripped apart as a bullet ricocheted past Lexa’s ear. She flattened herself quickly against a nearby boulder, Lincoln quickly following his arm reaching out to  push Clarke against the boulder. Two more bullets rang out before the woods grew silent again.

“So much for the element of surprise.” Hissed Clarke, who was still thoroughly annoyed with the whole ordeal.

“I’ll draw out their fire” Lincoln shifted to the edge of the boulder preparing to run out from behind.

 “No I will.” 

 Clarke stepping out, firing multiple shots towards the twisted jumble of wood the snipper was hiding behind. She gave a quick nod to Lexa who dashed out in search of the man. Clarke fired a few more shots before he fired back, the bullet whizzed past her and she quickly cowered behind the boulder.

When she heard Lexa scream she peaked out to witness the scene. The man stood no chance, Lexa was behind him in seconds. He was mid-turn as she plunged one dagger into the center of his chest, slowly dragging it down through him as he fell to his knees in front of her.

She leaned in, whispering something in her native language before kicking him backward and off her blade. He fell backward coughing up blood as he starred forward, his eyes consumed by fear.

Clarke watched in shock as Lexa stood over the lifeless body her breath heavy and eyes dead.

“Did that make you feel better? “

Her eyes turned to Clarke in a stony glare.

 “Yes.”

*   *   *   *   *   *   *   *

You don’t know how long you sat there staring at her dead body and struggling to keep your eyes open before the fog horn sounded.

You didn’t know what to do or how to treat people, and you sure as hell weren’t going to ask Clark for help, even if you did manage to find her. You joined Octavia as she tugged on the rope pulling the rubble out before quickly hopping down the tight hole in search of more survivors. 

It didn’t matter that every time you moved your body’s attempts at clotting the blood were ruined, or that your leg was staring to feel numb. You had to keep going.

Her face was so covered in dust that you almost didn’t recognize her, and you definitely didn’t recognize Kane until she looked at him, caressing his cheek with a worried smile.

“Abby, Kane. where going to get you out of here”

With Abby’s help, you were able to lift the cement off Kane and bring him up.

He was laid on a stretcher as Abby hurried off after him, desperate to confirm his safety. On your other side, you saw Lincoln and Octavia run to each other, both letting out heavy breaths of relief as they pulled each other close, clinging on for life. Your heart tugged at the sight and you found yourself wishing for the familiar touch that came with the feeling.

You looked up and away in an attempt to banish the feeling. Your eyes locked with her green ones a small look of relief played across her face before she turned to face her people. Clarke stood next to her atop the hill looking at her mother with a worried glance.

You glared at them both. The blood loss made you sway a little but you wouldn’t allow it to dampen your anger.

Around you rose a steady chant, quiet at first but growing louder and more dramatic over time. You watched in silence, lips pressed into a thin line as you bit your tongue.

She raised her hand and the field went silent. Her power was strong over the people, even if you were to expose her there was little chance anyone would believe you.

“What happened here will not stand.” her gaze moved slowly over the grounders who had stood, turning to look at her with hopeful eyes. “The mountain will fall. The dead will be avenged”

By the end she was shouting, the cheers of grounders filled your ears as she raised her sword in the air, a look of anger and triumph displayed across her features.

You drowned out Abby as the stinging in your leg intensified. You glanced down to see the blood steadily gushing from your leg. You wasted no time tearing off yet another piece of the top. 

At this point it had become a crop-top it’s elegant pattern no longer as delicate. You crouched down fastening it around your calf, the bullet shifted at your actions and you gritted your teeth. You’d go to Abby as soon as she finished getting everyone free.

The sound of nearing footsteps, halting in front of you made you look up. Lexa’s eyes were trained on your injured leg. You rolled your eyes, casting your gaze back downwards to double knot the bandage before wrapping it again.

Her hand was on your chin, turning your head sideways as she examined your face for cuts. Her brow furrowed as her thumb brushed against the right side of your face, where Indra had slapped you. You didn’t think it had been hard enough to leave a mark.

You stood up abruptly, shifting all your weight onto the uninjured leg and successfully removing your face from her grasp.

Her gaze followed you, you could see the shifting of her jaw before she raised her head a little higher.

“With our people working together we will when this war y/n.”

You glanced around at the scattered bodies and discarded limbs, although the grounders had cheered, the sound of screams still lingered in the air. You watched tear-stained faces as people searched for missing family members who they may never find.

“At what cost?”

You avoided her eyes as she sat you down on a large fallen rock, soft tears slipping from your eyes. You allowed her to bandage your arms and lead you towards Clarke for your leg injury. You couldn’t look at either of them, it wasn’t like you were completely innocent in it all, but you blamed them for the majority of it.

You didn’t even want to be near them, but yanking away or breaking down into a screaming fit like you so desired to do would raise suspicions. So you walked silently next to them jerking away every time Lexa brushed against you or Clarke tried to speak. As you passed the wreckage and the dead, the discarded and the wounded, you thought about something you hadn’t thought about in a while.

Lexa’s death.

*   *   *   *   *   *   *    *

The attack on Todnc had advanced the attack plans and now all of the grounders were situated in camps just outside the range of the acid fog.

You were laying on the bed in Lexa’s tent. You weren’t given your own and you were too exhausted to argue. Clarke had to dig her fingers into your leg, prying out the bullet before stitching and wrapping it. You were too tired to move when Lexa laid down next to you, but you managed to give a disapproving grunt and scoot far away from her. She let out a sigh of annoyance and you scoffed.

The last thing you remember before dozing off was Clarke stressing about the locking mechanisms of Mount Weather before proclaiming ‘I need a break,’ and rushing out of the tent.

When you awoke Lexa was asleep, her back turned on you. You were still in plenty of pain but at least now your head felt well enough to think straight. You stood careful not to shift the bed, you were still annoyed and avoiding conversation with Lexa.

Gliding over to the table Clarke had been standing at as silently as you could manage, you leaned down to study the maps.

Bellamy was now the closest thing you had to a brother. He took care of you, after Finn died he made sure you ate and left the camp, and comforted you. Now he was in there risking his life because someone had suggested it should be him. Your head ached again as worry crept into your chest.

You heard shuffling behind you and the sound of footsteps as Lexa rose, advancing towards you but staying out of arms reach. Your anxiety had completely pushed your anger out of its way.

“Have you and Clarke come up with any plans?”

You pestered her over your shoulder only to revive a look of annoyance. Nonetheless, she walked over to peer at the map over you shoulder, quickly dismissing the idea.

“Plans don’t last very long in battle.”

Her familiar lavender and cedarwood scent was faint and tinted with the smell of dirt and dry blood. Most likely yours. You could feel her gaze burning on the side of your cheek.

“Tiring yourself with questions already asked and answered is a waste of energy.” You didn’t understand how she could care so little about the people risking everything for her.

“People died for this.” Her face remained bored and faintly annoyed but you saw the twitch in her fingers at your accusing words.

“It has to work.” You spoke more to yourself than anything, but that didn’t mean she hadn’t heard.

“You spend too much time thinking and worrying. You need a distraction until the fight arises.” She lifted a large canter and poured some wine before taking a slow sip, her eyes never leaving yours.

“Are you offering?”

Your tone was a snarl and you meant it in a cruel and disrespectful way but you felt the heat creep up the back of your neck. Her gaze remained on your face unwavering as if considering the idea.

You had to look away before the heat crept up into your cheeks. She moved to sit back on the bed and you eyed her carefully keeping your distance. She reached an arm up and out towards you, motioning you towards her

“Come.”

You ignored her and turned back towards the map, your cool hands against your cheeks in an attempt to cool them down.

“What if he can’t do it, what if he gets killed?”

There was a pause as you waited for her words. You expected her usual talk about commanders and how they needed to be strong and brave in the face of terror, instead what you got was a soft almost wounded whisper.

“You care about him.” 

“I care about all of them.” You felt defensive all of the sudden, a need to prove that Bellamy didn’t mean anything and you just cared about saving your friends.

“You care about him more.” Of course you did, but you didn't want to tell her that. What if she choose to kill him next?

“I don’t want his blood - any of their blood to be on my hands. They’re all I have left.”  Her gaze dropped from you to the cup in her hands, she swirled the liquid before knocking the rest of it back.

“This is what it means to be a leader y/n. The truth is we must look in the eyes of our warriors and say go die for me.”

“If it’s that easy then their lives mean nothing to you. You don’t deserve to be a leader.”  The words came out cruel and with more malice than you intended. She didn’t even flinch, just snarled at you. You felt your anger drawback like a wounded dog as you turned back to the maps. 

“Sorry, can we just get back to the plan?”  You knew she wasn’t deserving of apologies but you couldn’t help it as it slipped out of your mouth.

"No.”

You turned around ready to pummel her face into the table. Your lip was clenched tightly between your teeth as you stared at her.

“You could be a leader, someone your people look up to. Someone people are willing to die for.”

“I don’t want anyone to die.”  You turned away from her sharply gripping the table as tears gathered on your lower lids. You slammed them shut and a few cascaded down onto the map in front of you. You prayed Lexa would get the message and leave you alone. The rustle of a tent flap signaled that she had. 

______________________________________________________

Part 5 

(me comforting you about the long wait between chapters: 

( ´･･)ﾉ(._.`) )

Taglist: @samustar​ @chicken-wang09​ @helloalycia​

@panikpansexual

[violets-page]

Hiiii 😊

I absolutely love your stories. You are an incredibly talented writer 🥰. I was wondering how many chapters your amazing story "Heart on Fire" will have 🤔.

I wish you a wonderful day 🤗

Love,

a German potato 🥔

Hello, my lovely german potato, Thank you so much, it makes me so happy to hear from readers💕 I'm not 100% sure but my best guess is around 16, I write 1 chapter per episode but if I come across an episode that doesn't have enough material for it to be a whole chapter I might squish it with another. So like max 16 min 12. Have a lovely day yourself!

[violets-page]

I have to say I absolutely love the Katniss one shot, much better than I ever imagined it would be!

I’m so happy you sent it to me to write! Send any other requests at any time, I love getting them💜

[violets-page]

Gonna be the first to send in a request for my wifey katniss. I would love to see a relationship between katniss and a fellow district 12 person before and after she is sent to the hunger games. It can be platonic or romantic even though I prefer romantic (I’m a sucker for a gooey love story). I was thinking how either the hunger games changes their relationship for the good or bad, it either pushing them closer once she returns alive or the show she had to put on at the capital with peeta making the reader push her away. I love all your fics and your writing is so good, I would love to see what you come up with but no pressure!

Up now! 🥳

[violets-page]

Safe and sound |K.E|

Katniss Everdeen X Reader request

MASTERLIST

If you want to get super in the feels listen to ‘Safe and Sound’ by Taylor Swift and/or ‘Lover, Where Do You Live?’  by Highasakite

Gonna be the first to send in a request for my wifey katniss. I would love to see a relationship between katniss and a fellow district 12 person before and after she is sent to the hunger games. It can be platonic or romantic even though I prefer romantic (I’m a sucker for a gooey love story). I was thinking how either the hunger games changes their relationship for the good or bad, it either pushing them closer once she returns alive or the show she had to put on at the capital with peeta making the reader push her away. I love all your fics and your writing is so good, I would love to see what you come up with but no pressure!

In the woods, you could pretend like you two were the only creatures on the whole planet that existed. That the world was your jungle gym, where you swung carelessly and laughed freely. You wandered through the woods alone, It didn't scare you, Katniss was somewhere close by. She had promised to knap you a bunny or two so you could make a new sac for foraging. 

Your fingers trailed along the vine of wild raspberries. They were not ripe yet but in a few days... You should make sure to point them out to her so she can come back and get them.

The cracking of sticks behind you made you whip around, a sigh of relief escaping your lips when Katniss’s smiling figure hopped towards you. She pointed to her sack a grin on her face

“I got three,” You shot a smile to match hers before grasping her hand and dragging her to another part of the woods.

“Where are we going?” Her hand was warm in yours and you let yourself soak up the memory.

“I need to show you something.” 

Her hand was warm in your cold and dirty one, you hope she didn’t mind the dirt now staining her hands, transferred there from your fingertips.

You brought her to a bush, putting your hand up to stop her from walking into it. You raised a finger, pointing at it but carefully avoiding touching it.

“That's stinging nettle, don't go walking into it, you’ll get a nasty rash.”

You looked up to find her peering off in the distance her eyes squinted to see through the sunlight. You glanced around her to see a deer munching on some grass a few yards away. You huffed, nudging her sharply in the side.

“Katniss! come on, what if I'm not here one day to tell you this stuff.” She looked at you quickly a small frown on her face.

“Why are you so worried about not being here?” You quickly looked down and away from Katniss. As far as she knew your name was only in once.

“Y/n? how many times is your name in?”

“42.”

The silence was physically painful as she stared at you. You fiddled with the ends of your sleeve, actively avoiding her gaze.

“Why?” This was the part of the question you had been dreading.

“You were so sick last winter, so I...” It dawned on her, all the medicines you brought and the food, the firewood, and the clothes. She never questioned how you got them. She should have. You turned around once you had gotten enough berries, keeping your eyes trained carefully on the ground.

Neither of you spoke.

*   *   *   *   *   *   *   *

When Prim’s name was called you were shocked, You truly expected it to be you. When Katniss volunteered you were even more shocked. You should have expected it though, she would have done anything to save her sister. You didn't even get the chance to grab her hand and tell her you loved her before she was standing on the stage. Tears pricked your eyes as hers met yours. You were to busy staring at her to hear the boy’s name.

*   *   *   *   *   *   *   *

When her lips hit his you froze. You had to put your hand on your chest because you weren’t sure if your heart was still beating. Every detail seemed imprinted in your mind. The way her eyes flickered down to his lips for just a moment. The way you did when you kissed her.

You had never hated anyone, you despised watching the games and felt your heart aching for each dead kid. But when the blonde boy came on the screen. you found yourself silently cheering at each step he came closer to death. And each night you would feel guilty, wondering if in the morning her might be gone. But every morning you awoke to find him alive the guilt would disintegrate.

They were the last two left, you felt a sick sense of pleasure at the thought of watching her kill him. All your fears and pain would die with him. Wipe that innocent smile that everyone seemed to love off his face. You hated how he looked at her like she loved him. Heck, maybe she did but you wouldn’t allow yourself to think in that direction.

You watched them stand in the center her bow loaded with an arrow but not pointed at anything. Your brow furrowed when she tossed it to the ground.

When she grabbed the berries you froze.

*   *   *   *   *   *   *   *

You shoot through the woods in search of Katniss. Tree branches scraped at your arms as you brushed them away, she was crouched down in front of a bush of dark blue berries. Your eyes darted over to her fingers where she was observing one. Your eyes widened in horror as she raised it to her lips.

“KATNISS!”

You flung yourself onto her, pushing the berry away and causing you both to topple down the small hill. She looked at you in scared confusion. You were on top of her, your body sprayed flat against her, knocked there when you went tumbling. You didn’t allow yourself to think about the scratch on your forehead or the leaves in your hair as you started scolding her. 

“What the hell are you doing? trying to kill yourself?”

She shook her head quickly, brows furrowed.

“What, no.”

You glanced up the hill where the innocent-looking bush lay untouched.

“Those berries will drop a 300-pound man in minutes.” She quickly looked to the small pouch attached to her hip, when you looked at it you noticed a pile of the berries tumbling out.

“They were for you.” she stared at the berries in horror, quickly turning the bag upside down to dump the rest out. You let out a soft chuckle, relieved she was okay.

“You’re not getting away from me that easy Katniss.” She rolled her eyes, snorting softly before tangling her fingers in your messy hair, pulling your head down to place a deep kiss against your upturned lips.

.*   *   *   *   *   *   *   *

Those berries.

You knew them. You had shown her them, and now she was going to kill herself to save a boy neither of you cared about. Or at least neither of you should have cared about. You watched her raise the berries to her lips and wanted to scream at her. Your breath caught in your throat, you could get any air in. You were drowning in heartbreak. Instead, you let a soft no tumble from your lips.

This was the end. She was gone forever.

Your hand rose to your mouth as you let out a choked sob. It felt like you were dying. The breaths finally came as you coughed on them. Breathing in short strangled breaths as your fingers trembled, the tears would never stop.

You watched her stand there with this boy. He was going to be her last kiss. The world faded away as you watched her stare into his eyes. Those should have been your eyes. She whispered something to him as they lifted the poison berries to their lips. Those should have been your lips.

And then the voice came on. You couldn’t hear a word over the ringing in your ears. Your hand gripped the fabric over your heart as you cried out in relief when their hands dropped. She was alive. She was okay. This should have made you feel better, but the image of her staring into his eyes, their bodies nearly pressed together as they held hands, wouldn’t leave your mind.

*   *   *   *   *   *   *   *

When she came back everything felt strained. You couldn’t meet her eyes and every touch felt forced.

The kitchen was silent other than the knife scraping against the potatoes and the soft crunch of you grinding herbs. It was giving you a headache, the stress of it all. Pretending like nothing was wrong when in reality you were breaking at the seams you had carefully sewn around your torn heart. It was too much for you. The silence. The pain in your heart. 

“Katniss.”

You were with her in your family’s shack, you had refused to go to her house. Even though it was large and warm with beds and working furniture. She hummed in acknowledgment not looking up from where she sat peeling potatoes.

 “What happened in there?” You knew what had happened, you’d seen it. What you didn't know was how it felt, the whispers and secrets off camera as they struggled to survive.

 The sound of the scraping knife came to a jagged halt but you couldn’t bring yourself to look over and gauge her reaction.

The silence grew too loud and you forced yourself to gaze up at her. She was staring down at the knife in her hand, when you glanced at it you could see bright blood against the blade. “Did you cut yourself?” You rushed over to her, lifting your apron to wrap it around the slice on her thumb. She just kept staring at the knife, her face frozen in a horrified expression.

“Katniss?”

 The anger and frustration faded when you saw her broken eyes shoot up to you. She looked petrified, her hands still holding the knife trembled under your grasp. The silent unshed tears shattered your heart as you ran your fingers through her hair. She hadn't worn it in a braid since she came back and your fingers kept catching on small knots. She leaned her head against your stomach and sobbed. You pulled the bloody knife out of her tight grip setting it on the table behind you before turning back to look at her. You shushed her, untangling her hair as her tears soaked through your blouse. Her hands slowly  moving to wrap around your waist.

Katniss didn’t cry, not in front of you or anyone else. Not when her dad died and not when she left for the games. They had changed her, that much was obvious. You’d been so fixated on her with a boy that you had failed to think about everything else that was going on in the arena. 

The people she had to kill, the people she had to watch die, knowing there was nothing she could do to help them. And then, at the end with Peeta, Maybe that was her trying to save them. Maybe she knew that they wouldn't let her die. It didn’t matter to you anymore. She was here with you, in your arms. She was yours. She had been before the games and she remained when she returned. It didn't matter what had happened between her and Peeta in the games because, in the end, she had chosen you.

 You swayed slightly as her sobs quieted down. You bent down to kiss her forehead, your hands cupping her cheeks as her hands gripped your wrists.

 “Your safe here Katniss. No one can hurt you now, or ever again. I promise.”  She nodded her head a few times, trying to reassure herself of your words. You gripped her hands, rewrapping your apron tightly around the cut on her finger. 

You hadn't wanted to examine it till she calmed down, afraid that the blood would send her into another frenzy. You kept her hand clasped tightly in yours, Her eyes were glazed over as you led her to her house, yours lacked the medical supplies needed in the case that the cut was worse than you thought. The gated community was huge and quite intimidating. You felt your heart pound as you neared the large black gate of the ghost town.

Primrose stood in the kitchen washing vegetables, she looked shocked when she saw you, opening her mouth to speak but quickly snapping it shut at the sight of Katniss. “3rd room on the left, 2nd floor.” You nodded at her with a small smile before leading Katniss ever so slowly up the stairs. The appearance of her bedroom seemed to snap her out of her daze as she straightened a bit and turned to you.

“I'm okay.” Her smile was sad but she was trying to brighten it up. You frowned at her.

“Don't lie to me.” She sighed, she knew you and knew her lying skills. There was nothing she could get away with.

You sat her on the bed peeling your apron off her wound. The blood had dried and stopped but you wanted to make sure it wouldn't get infected, It was deep and spanned from her fingernail to the base of her palm.

Primrose appeared carrying alcohol and gauze, setting it on the nightstand before hurrying out. You watched her retreating figure before turning back to Katniss, who was staring up at you.

 “Hand.” She held it out and you grasped it carefully, as to not rub your fingers against the exposed wound.

 You soaked a piece of the gauze with the alcohol before wiping the blood around the cut. You were avoiding the cut itself because that would be the hard part.

“I thought of you.” You looked up at her with a furrowed brow, the gauze slipping over the cut causing her to hiss and you too look back down.

“When I kissed him. I thought of you, and how all I wanted to do was come back.” You chewed your lip remembering the way your cried yourself to sleep, repeating in your mind that you never wanted to see her again.

 You wanted to forgive her, to shove the memory away and embrace her with open arms, to kiss her like you used to. But the image wouldn't leave your mind. You closed your eyes and tried to picture something else. Katniss, alone in the woods, falling asleep to the memory of your lips. Your heart calmed and you opened your eyes to find her eyes desperately searching your face.

You leaned down a soft kiss against her lips as your hand reached to cradle her neck.

“I'm with you, always.” With time the memories would fade, until then you let her lips bring you comfort and her hands bring you peace.

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