He is not everything I was looking for in a man; he is more than that ā his good and bad combined. He seemed ordinary but he made me scared. There is something about him that made me think, or may be even believe.
Our time together has been constantly about unraveling versions of ourselves that are foreign to us. He often tells me I am different [from the rest], so is he. Perhaps, this is quite different for us two; this is something new. Our daily routines are different, or even opposite, in nature - he does things I do not usually do and those that keep me occupied do not satisfy him. He is always in motion while Iām content with just bumming out. He lives for the endorphin highs and with the crowd; I live steadily and just with my crowd. Ā But surprisingly, it was working out for us. Maybe our common interests keep us going, the intellectual humor that connects us. Itās like our unconscious minds have already met before. We often end up saying the same things, wearing the same shirt color ā our psychic unity was already strong despite the getting-to-know stage. Ā
Eventually, I started to learn that we share more than common interests, we share similar traits and characteristics. We have distinct habits yet we are so much alike. He is like an embodiment of my animus, as Jung would call it. Itās like having a version of yourself groomed and honed in a different way. From being snobbish to being aggressive, no one would understand him better than I do. Nevertheless, we continuously discovered pieces of ourselves bearing a new skin. With our similarities, we have to adjust and compromise, otherwise we would not grow. And we get amazed by how we accommodate, willingly or not, changes in order for things to work, to satisfy one another. It is difficult yet existentially beneficial.
Albeit, in Summerās words, life does always happen. Somewhere between our petty fights and insistent desire to be enough, we became unworthy of and for each other. We got confused, or more aptly, scared and unsure. This is foreign to us; hence lines couldnāt be simply drawn. We questioned things, feelings, and what we have. Our once proud and profound bond got burnt in its core. Life almost won; we almost gave up, and maybe we did. Pain and anger became our go-to feelings; words became hurtful and ego-shattering. Our fears got in the way. Yet, as we always do, we compromise ā one should stay brave despite the cloudiness. After all, I firmly believe that there is inherent goodness in people; consequently, there is evil. There is always a yin to a yang. Ergo, there is always room for mistakes. We just have to look back and rethink our choices, our beliefs, to help us get perspective. Sometimes, we just have to be reminded of what truly matters.
It kinda makes sense nowā¦ Maybe we got scared because we knew deep down we had given so much and we have something to lose. What we have became home where I felt safe, secured, and protected. This became a place where I can undress my cloaks of pretensions and still be accepted; a place where Iād always put up with the people involved. Thatās how I knew home and thatās how he made me feel. True enough, we are each otherās exception. We have gotten out of our customary ways for each other, to keep each other. I donāt allow myself to feel strongly for another person, he proved me wrong. I never knew I was capable of feeling so helpless yet so brave and fueled. He made me believe. As Diana said, itās not about deserve. Itās about what you believe. [And I believe in love].
Maybe it did not work out with others before because they were all conventional and convenient for us. And Iād like to think that we met each other just in time. Our previous experiences shaped us to suit and soothe each other; I couldnāt be more thankful for them. The you I know today is the kind of you I have been needing all along. Thank you for making my stars shine brightly again. You are my yellow. I do not have much to offer, but by now we know our stars are enough to completely illuminate each otherās constellations. And the heavens fall witness to this.
I donāt know when we hit pause or rewind, but like you always say, we never really stoppedā¦ you never really stopped. And Iām quite sure I like how this is playing. Apparently, the universe rights itself; itās high time we make things right as well.
snowghoul
pixelskylines
s-u-f-j-a-n-s-t-e-v-e-n-s
ellievsbear
baratheonpilled
