Mum Uncensored

  Mother of 5 (lucky me) ~ Student mum ~ I helped Noah build the Ark ~ Slowly losing sanity ~ Good bye credibility ~ Screw the washing ~ Who's cooking?  

[vodkamummy-blog]

Better day

So I used phone a friend and got some badly needed advice. Just enough to be able to get some long needed courage and made my call. The hang up option was a great tip I must say hahaha. 

I’m still a nervous wreck but the tension that has been coiled inside my mind and eating my soul, is now slowly easing, and relaxing looks like it might be an attainable place to be. I still spent the next day between bouts of bawling and being able to breathe. Sleep has become a welcome and much needed friend again, which I am so grateful for. 

[vodkamummy-blog]

oohh shit

So my days lately have been really crappy, I don’t mean just normal crappy I’m talking about not getting dressed for the day kind of crappy. Oh there is good days, you know where I think I got this and I’m going to be flying but (as so often happens) something shitty can set me on a course of non-stop blubbering in my soup kind of days.

Today was one of those days for me, It began kind of ordinary then came the dreaded ringing of the phone and it was my work. I couldn’ t answer that call if my life depended on it. Shit, shit, shit!

You see a few months ago I got sick and then finally I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. It was surgically removed, the kind doctor told me, if you wake up with one drain that means we only took half but if you wake with two, we took the lot.....

Okaaaay. My boss the unhinged, unemotional cunt decided it would be satisfactory not to inform even one of her bosses and other senior staff members that I would be off work for a while. Then to top it off she called me 24 hours after my surgery, and because I didn’t take the call she thought it prudent to message my daughter to find out if she was with me and to let me know that I should call her asap and she would fill my shifts for the following two weeks!

So now I’m going to dear diary my journey right here, good days, bad days and whatever else my mind might spew out like a morning after pissed teen.

[vodkamummy-blog]

Tired

So now I’ve decided that I’ve had enough! What the actual fuck is wrong with everybody or is it really just me? My house has become a half-way home, not only for my children but for my (and I am using the term loosely here) friends fucking pets! And to top it off I’m having to clean up and feed and be responsible for the fucking lot! 

I really think today is the day and things are going to have to change- not my problems and I’m not going to take it anymore. Now I really don’t want to offend anyone either but what about my feelings, don’t they fucking matter. I’m not a sack of shit and I won’t be treated as if that’s what I am! 

It’s high time that I stood up and got counted! 

The Vodka Mummy

[vodkamummy-blog]

Morning

This morning on my sporadic quitting the lung busters attempt, was my very first, that I realized I didn't get up and switch on the kettle and prepare myself to go sit on my perch to dispel the morning craving! Actually not smelling like an ashtray is sounding great too. I worry about offending someone often, and I don’t at the same time..... yep it confuses me too!

 Trying to change the habit is the most difficult part of the process for me, I am going to re-read my book, and maybe contact the quit line or the clinics numbers associated with the book.... haven’t quite decided yet.... my mind tells me that it’s probably all just dribble, that I won’t want to hear. 

Fuck I’m a grumpy cow and not because I am quitting, in all honesty I’m always grumpy below the surface (I hide it well), and listening to others talk is not something that I have even a bit of tolerance for at this stage of my life (chuck in a bit of a grunt here an it is the perfect way to enhance my statement). Also I think spending so much time working in customer service and being treated like shit by the ignorant doesn’t help make me any softer. Here I have gone off topic as usual!

 Anyway now I’m off to have a durrie any complaints email at notlistening.com and happy days to everyone (think a stiff drink might make the day complete to).

The Vodka Mummy

[vodkamummy-blog]

OMG not again

So washing the dishes (because the kidlets just won’t). I am trying to clean up the kitchen and lo and behold I can’t find one fucking tea-towel!  

I know I have some left! Somewhere! Oh I know one was left on the hotplate and half melted, one was used to put out a fire, and some various other uses, like put around the school drink bottle and wipe up spills but this is beyond belief! 

I swear they are washed and re-washed in a never ending cycle and never make it to the kitchen drawer, all in the hopes of maybe having another reason not to have to do the dreaded chore.

I’m not sure why though, I hardly ever ask the kids to do it, because of the inevitable shit-fight this causes, or the half-assed attempt at this shitty task! 

HEY KIDS I will avoid asking you all to do them but stop nicking the tea-towels, or another thought is I could always pack away the pots and plates, the glasses and cutlery too and you all can eat with your bloody digits like the monkies!

The Vodka Mummy

[vodkamummy-blog]

Sooky sooky la la

My younger Mr and I sitting in the lounge room watching the idiot box (communicating during the ads lol), when one of those outside light brown cockroaches lands with a ping on the wall above me! 

I saw it land on the wall and he freaked out! He goes “Aren’t you scared?” I said “No not really, it’s not one of those icky ones that typically live inside” (you know those german cockroaches), so he then replies with “You’re fuckin crazy!” Watching it like a hawk, and because it must have been more interesting than whatever it was we were watching, he freaked out again when it ducked down the side of the couch and between the cushions. He reckons to me that he’d be gone and thinks I’m nutty as a bloody fruitcake. 

Hahahaha I reckon he just might be right there, but it’s strange that some things can give you the heebie jeebies but sometimes you just know that you are going to come out of it on the other side and be totally fine!

Oh and just so you know if it was a spider I would have probably burned down the house! 

The Vodka Mummy

[vodkamummy-blog]

Quitter

So at my last doctors appointment I brought up the subject of chucking in the towel, giving up, and how I have had enough....yesterday. 

I was given a script and given a number to call to get a bit of help. So I took everything home and waited for the new day to start (and hopefully the new me). 

Woke the next morning and started my day the same way.... with coffee, because something has to kick start me. Woke on day two and began the day putting on the kettle and finding the morning durrie. Woke on day three and my morning began the same but not quite the same. I put on the kettle and a heaped spoon of coffee in my cup, but I felt less like the first lung buster of the day!

So yep I’ve begun my journey into quitting the cancer sticks! Bloody hell it’s way expensive! I am looking forward to sticking on my patch in the morning, but it’s early days yet. I’ll probably fall off the wagon more often than not but hey I’m going to give it my best go. AND these patches make it taste like shite!

Someone, anyone give me strength to keep going, even when the billy lids start fighting or I just might resort to lighting up again!  

In the not so famous and sometimes notorious words of Granddad you better give up smoking because without lungs you’ll have nothing to hold your fun bags up! 

The Vodka Mummy

[vodkamummy-blog]

Ohhh Yuck!

One of these nasty little cretins just followed me into the house last night. I think it’s really time that I give up smoking.... and bloody sooner rather than later!

I came out of the toilet and it was hopping across the floor! Woke the ruggies to come fetch it out of the house, I remember the farm days and letting the kids shoot them with an air rifle (only under strict supervision), or driving over them and listening to them pop! 

They say that you have to kill them humanely buuutttt there is no way on this earth that I would ever, ever put one of these disgusting things in my freezer. So shooting the ugly bastards was a good option. Apparently they have been known to eat lit cigarettes but I’d rather just stop smoking than have them hop in for a visit.

The Vodka Mummy

[vodkamummy-blog]

Yeah Thanks Mum

So after being nagged by a squidlet for 2 hours on the subject of dinner..... at fucking lunch time, to which I thought maybe a sandwich would shut the noise up..... and as he is a young man and quite capable of doing this tedious task unaided, I threw this observation his way. 

After getting an order for pizza placed (because after all that, I wasn’t in the mood for the “Sunday Roast”), no-one wants to go get said order without first moaning, groaning and huffing and puffing..... I mean how hungry are you little beggars anyway??? 

Okay now I get to pack it up and put the leftovers in the fridge, if I don’t it would probably sit there until bin day and by then it will probably be able to walk out by itself. I would love to try and just let it sit until someone notices, but I’m not sure I could stand the stench, or the maggots just to try it. While my little shit-bags go their way to the PlayStation and YouTube, and some shitty movie on the idiot-box that isn’t even slightly amusing.

I do know that I didn’t have much input into dinner but a thanks for dinner mum would be welcome.

AND the lawn’s still not mowed!

The Vodka Mummy

[vodkamummy-blog]

Phew Heeeellooo!

Wow I’m new to tumblr and what a ride just to get here! (still pretty new to computers and on-line stuff too)

I was looking for a place to vent about living with teens and young adults, study and work, and this seemed to be as good a place as any to start. 

A few things about me before I begin and excuse me, to anyone who may be witness to this, but my spelling can sometimes be rather atrocious and my language can be nasty, I will probably offend some but that’s okay, right now that isn’t illegal, so I’m good with that, and correct me if I’m wrong but I don’t think being an as**ole is illegal either. 

I really don’t like spiders (or peas) - I think I saw a magpie kill one this morning, so he can stay! I have a pretty good slang repertoire and I put it to good use. I love the thesaurus (it’s often one of my go to’s), Lucille Ball and alcohol. I smoke too much and am heading to the doctors to try to quit. Food, before kids, coffee, before kids; let’s face it, everything comes before my children. My house is often a war zone, even though the lug nut and the drop-out don’t live at home anymore, the mega-Hitler, serial killer and the stripper can create a giant shit-storm, just by breathing next to each other. 

I work in customer service and right or wrong they can be right pigs sometimes! Get your shopping done at a reasonable hour and if you got out of the wrong side of the bed stay the f**k home!  One day (I’m looking forward to) I’m going to let them know what I really think, that will be a fantastic day. 

I have oodles of hobbies, none of which are completed, but hey I have a life-time right!?!?  I don’t exercise/drink enough water but I really try. 

I don’t have time for nasty or selfish people and detest people who belittle others for their own narcissistic pleasure. I truly love my family even though I can sometimes hate them (yes I can live with that too). I love having fun and laughs with them and often stick it to them all with my shenanigans. 

The Vodka Mummy