....

my posts are posted while im intoxicated

[violentwavesofemotion-deactivat]

…and nothing would have pleased me more than never to have woken up again.

Vincent Van Gogh, from a letter (via violentwavesofemotion)

[vodkaquotes]

or maybe just nobody cared

[vodkaquotes]

I just want to know did it make you feel good to take advantage of me? Did it make you feel like a man? Did you go home proud knowing what you did? Were you proud knowing that whatever you did, it was okay because I would never know. I drank too much but I wasn’t asking for whatever was done to me. Yes I made a mistake drinking that much but you made a choice knowing what you were doing. You took advantage of me vulnerable, unaware, and incapable to protect myself. I don’t even feel like myself anymore, when I look in the mirror I don’t even see myself anymore. When you made that choice you took me away from me and now I’m just an empty shell of who I once was. I feel so stupid to let that happen to myself.

[vodkaquotes]

My mind is so awake but my body is so tired. My heart is so empty. My body aches from the pain I feel. I never knew I could feel so much but yet feel so little.

[vodkaquotes]

The world is just all black and white to me. I don’t want to be in it any more.

[vodkaquotes]

Depression is being in the deep end of the swimming pool and not knowing how to swim. Depression is waiting for the sun to rise but it never does. Depression is having so much to say but not being able to say any of it.

[vodkaquotes]

I’m drowning and I just can not figure out how to swim so I just drown and the sadness fills my lungs. It's all I can feel.

[vodkaquotes]

I'm staring at a black screen. You're getting tired of my sadness and you're mad. But I'm mad too because I don't wanna be sad I want it to go away but it won't. I don't want to lose you but the sadness won't stop and you're getting close to your breaking point.

[vodkaquotes]

I used to do things to feel alive. But now I just don't know. I can't tell if I'm even feeling at all anymore

[fdsfjdsfjkf93723679267-deactiva]

being mentally ill + suicidal at a young age (before 18) is. strange, because you grow up with this idea that one day you’ll finally snap, turn off, be brave enough to kill yourself, so you don’t really plan for the future. adulthood- further life, it isn’t for you, nor do you feel included within the future of it. it isn’t.. it isn’t part of your life plan.

and then before you know it you’re 18 and you’re an adult but you never thought you’d get this far and sure it’s great that you’re still alive you guess but also. you feel so alone + lost in a world you never expected or planned to be a part of.

[vodkaquotes]

A special message to all those hurting tonight,

Pain. Everybody percepts it so differently. Maybe the first thought that comes to your mind is when you broke your arm when you were twelve, maybe you think about when somebody told you that you weren’t good enough and how it made you feel, or maybe you think about the time the future you dreamed of with somebody crumbled in front of you with the five words, “I can’t do this anymore.” Everybody has their own kind of pain they carry. Emotional pain. Physical pain. But it is all pain and it is all very real. Because pain whether it be physical such as a broken bone or something so invisible but still so real as a heartbreak, it is all pain. The physical pain of a broken bone, it hurts when you move it for a while but it gets better and it may seem like the pain will never end but it does. It is the same for your heartbreak or any emotional pain you’re going through. It hurts when you think about the guy that you feel just wrecked your future and took the ground from beneath your feet with a few words. Whether it be heartbreak, people tearing you down and tearing you apart with their words, your own family not being the family they should be, somebody taking advantage of you in a way that is unerasable. Whatever emotional pain you’re carrying, it gets better.  I know everybody is telling you it gets better and it still hasn’t and it seems like it’s never going to get better, but it is. You will get your ground back beneath your feet because you never lost it. All your broken pieces will go back together, because you were never broken but just in pain. You will be you again because you never stopped being you, you just didn’t feel like you with all the pain you were fighting. Just like a broken bone, your heart will heal. It may take time just like a broken bone takes time to heal. But you will heal and it won’t be the same for a while but eventually the pain you’re feeling will be a memory. It’ll be a story to tell as well, about the time you thought you couldn’t make it but you did. Life may not seem like it’s worth living right now but it is. You just need allow yourself time to heal. Time to mend what is broken and time to heal. You can do this.

[vodkaquotes]

What you do is not right but being in the wrong never stopped you

[vodkaquotes]

I always find such beauty in everything and everybody, except me.

[vodkaquotes]

As hard as I try I'm never enough and it's so hard to never be worth anything to anybody.

[traumatisedd]

☨

[vodkaquotes]

I want to just disappear and get away from everybody. I’m sick of being hurt by people. I’m sick of hurting other people. I’m sick of being here.

[vodkaquotes]

I can't find my feet anymore in the tears I'm drowning myself in.