Shaming of Stay-At-Home Dads

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Institutional example

Public Education:

Here in the United States, basic education is public and available to children across the country. However, for people like Cristobal who do not live in the U.S. and who never finished their education the opposite is true. In “third world” countries, education is not a right but a privilege. Children who want to learn must travel to attend school and a majority of the time their parents pay high amounts of money for enrollment, uniforms, supplies, and books. In places like Mexico, kids are taken out of school at a young age to help their families with work. Ultimately, money becomes their primary focus and school becomes the last item on their list. These kids that grown up, both girls and boys, might have difficulty obtaining jobs which can lead them to being unemployed. Once starting a family, this individual will face the decision to find any job or be a stay at home parent. As a society, this should be of high concern. Many say, to leave poverty, education is the key. But when, education is not available to people, then that key is lost. Living here in a privileged place makes us ignorant to our own privilege. Men or women who have an education in this country who choose to be stay at home parent, most of the time choose to do it. In a country like Mexico, in small towns where education is not a right, the title of a stay at home parent is sometimes forced.   

Work force:

The workforce, is another institution that greatly affects the stereotyping and devaluing of the stay at home parent. Sheryl Sandberg’s book Lean In is cited by Torabi saying “women’s average annual earnings decrease by 20 percent if they are out of the workforce for just one year”. Compared to men who she says “One study found that dads who left work for even a short period of time to cater to domestic matters earned lower evaluations and more negative performance ratings at work than women who opted out”.  These notion brought up by Torobi are rare. Here in the United States, the workforce along with its employers are notorious for  treating women differently than men. Wage gaps and discrimination are all too common topics. However, for the stay at home father and mother to earn less money and evaluations as soon as they return to the workforce is an issue that should be addressed. What if a stay at home parent wants to work during or after, does this mean he or she should be treated any different than any other worker? 

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Analysis of a scholarly source

STAY-AT-HOME FATHERS AND BREADWINNING MOTHERS: Gender, Couple Dynamics, and Social Change.

-Noelle Chesley

     In Noelle Chesley’s study titled, STAY-AT-HOME FATHERS AND BREADWINNING MOTHERS: Gender, Couple Dynamics, and Social Change, 21 couples were phone interviewed by Chesley and her team. With the study, Chesley ultimate goal was to find if stay-at-home dads and breadwinning mothers have any correlations to gender inequalities. Chesley’s finding from the 21 couples from the southern part of Wisconsin seem to have demonstrated that there is in fact correlations that both tremendously affect men and women. Ultimately Chelsey finds that these types of arrangements could be beneficial to change the inequalities found.  

     With their new roles, the 21 stay-at-home fathers that were interviewed found relief in their arrangements. A majority find that they were able to grow better bonds with their children at home. These fathers also were able to work on skills that could be related to child care, for example time management and being able to solve arguments. With their wives, some stay-at-home fathers were able to connect as well. Helping with the care of the home took a load of mothers who felt like they had to do it all. However, the fathers that didn’t help as much found their wives to be stressed. With the care of the children, some mothers also had trouble with jealousy. Fathers would spent all day with their children while mothers would work long hours and not be able to see their kids at all. Mothers who earned less money and who belonged to the lower class seem to be members of this group.  A number of fathers would also be jealous of mothers for not being able to play the provider role. Nevertheless, a majority of fathers reported to that staying at home overall was beneficial for them and their families.

      The breadwinning mothers was another aspect that Chelsey also focused on in her study. Gender inequalities were seen with a few of these women. Chelsey does point out “Intensive mothering”(645). This is an ideology is used to describe mothers who would try and focus as much time as possible to their kids as they could. Women breadwinners in this case, would try and follow these norms despite being breadwinners. Some women would work less hours and less days to spend with their families. This ideology was not prevalent with all mothers, just with the upper and middle classes.  Some women also were caught within the “modified traditionalism” ideology (646). This way of thinking lessens the female breadwinner in status, compared to men who get praised for being breadwinners. Child care is also seen as non equal, in favor for the men. Overall her findings conclude that mixed feelings were felt for a variety of mothers with these inequalities. Nevertheless, Chelsey did find that similar to their husbands, these women were able to benefit in acquiring certain skills that help them be better members of the workforce. With more time at work, women find that they begin to empathize with men in their fields. Doing so lessens the gender inequalities that can happen at work. These mothers also find encouragement to follow their career goals. A majority also found relief with the stay-at-home fathers helping around the house. Mothers felt less stress, and a number of couples reported having better relationships because of this.

      Overall, Chelsey’s study brings to light that not all stay-at-home father couples are alike yet they are not all that different. Data collected does prove that gender inequalities do exist between these individuals. Mothers are sometimes stressed due being the breadwinners and not spending time with their families. And fathers are sometimes jealous of mothers for being the breadwinners. Yet, Chelsey proposes that these types of arrangements can be beneficial to stopping all these inequalities in the long run. Fathers and mothers alike find that they attain new skills that help them be better. It also gives them new perspectives to consider, something that due to certain norms they couldn't before. Fathers can be more nurturing and breadwinning mothers can be ambitious in the workplace. Chelsey promotes these types of arrangements and stresses that in partaking in one, can help “undo gender” and help “promote greater gender equality”(663). However, she point out that further studies are essential.

      I enjoyed analyzing this article. It is something that I never thought about in detail.I agreed with Chelsey in the need for further research based on race. I am sure that not all races and not all locations in the world would be similar. I also agreed with the idea that these types of arrangements could help change the way we view gender. In my opinion it gives the other side a glimpse at a new point of view. However I’m not sure every single person will want to do it.

      One thing that i disagree with would have to be the fact that children were not at all interviewed. I thinking children would have given a great insight into their parent’s relationship even more.

       A question that a thinking person who cares about justice on the basis of gender would be, What implications do other types of relationships, same sex couples go through? Would it be parallel to these finding or completely different? It would be my wild guess that the differences that set these relationships apart would be the differences that make these relationships less likely to suffer the same way as heterosexual couples.

CHESLEY, NOELLE. “STAY-AT-HOME FATHERS AND BREADWINNING MOTHERS: Gender, Couple Dynamics, and Social Change”. Gender and Society 25.5 (2011): 642–664. Web.

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 Analysis Of a Web Source

"Don’t Let Your Husband Be a Stay-At-Home Dad"

-Farnoosh Torabi

  This article is an excerpt from When She Make More:10 Rules for Breadwinning Women, written by Farnoosh Torabi, a female writer. TIME magazine published it online in their opinion section on May 7, 2014. The piece gives a brief warning to all parents of the risks one could suffer if they become a stay at home parent. It also tells of the effects a single income family can go through and the higher risks that stay at home fathers represent.

    According to Torabi, a study conducted by Brigham Young University states that “The stronger the relationship between father and child, the happier the family is”. However, Torabi does not seem to believe that 100%. She goes on to talk about leaving and returning to the workforce after child care. Torabi cites Sheryl Sandberg’s book Lean in, stating that men suffer “lower evaluations and more negative performance ratings at work than women who opted out”. With her explanations on the matter, Torabi ultimately wants to point out that if men become stay at home fathers and after return to work, they will likely suffer harsher means that if women were to take that role. Torabi, therefore, belittling the importance of the conclusion provided by the study conducted by the Brigham Young University.

    Torabi, in her article ultimately sides with breadwinning mothers. As one herself, she states that women like her sometimes fantasize about the husband switching roles. Women who are breadwinners, according to Torabi, also face pressures to meet the home care and child care roles at home. Meeting these roles according to Torabi can be stressful for this group.

     With the growth of child and home expenses in today’s society, Torabi also proposes jobs from home such as “part-time freelancer or entrepreneur while you commit to raising your family”. However, Torabi points out the difficulty in balancing the two acts can cause severe stress and ultimately might not be successful. Therefore, Torabi concludes that working in this society is a necessity that should be followed. Not only for the care of the children, but for the parent’s self fulfillment other than being parents.

   With this piece, I can agree that childcare is growing tremendously. The prices of necessities seems to be increasing everyday. Unlike in history, taking full care of one’s family is getting harder.

   However, I cannot agree with Torabi’s conclusion that parents have to keep working not only for their kids but for themselves. This thinking relates to the discussion about suburban housewives in the mid 20th century. And how working and doing other activities besides home life  and childcare  helped them find fulfillment they so longed for. In my personal understanding, Torabi is thinking similarly to the housewives, but the parents she is talking about are not at all in the same realm. Most of the stay at home parents, unlike the suburban housewives, choose to stay home. The suburban housewives were almost forced to fulfill that society role. Forcing parents to fulfillment they are not longing for makes these examples a bit different.

   The first questions that a thinking person who cares about justice on the basis of gender would ask would be: Would the difference in money and evaluations in the returning to the workforce between fathers and mothers have anything to do with the wage gap? It seems that the statistics that Torabi provides completely opposes the idea of there being a wage gap, it would be interesting to see her point of view on it.

    In the article Torabi make a remark about adding responsibilities to her home life, for example more children and adding a dog while her husband was the stay at home parent. With all the added pressure she says she would call him “Mr. Mom”. It would be interesting to ask Torabi herself, Is altering your husband’s title as a male/father raise your own female motherly role? Does your joke belittle his masculinity? I found this joke a bit insulting and not funny at all, why not call him Super Dad or Mr. Dad, why Mr. Mom?

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Introduction:

Biological determinism, according to Encyclopædia Britannica, is the theory that “human characteristics, physical and mental, are determined at conception by hereditary factors passed from parent to offspring”. This well known theory, in Women studies, suggest that women’s reproductive labor is an activity of nature, meaning, the duties of taking care of kids and caring for the home are part of a woman’s societal role. This labor is not considered productive labor. In economics, this means no type of revenue is produced. In a world where money is central, this labor is not made important. This theory therefore, puts women and such activities in a lower position than men in the societal hierarchy.

In 2016, however; certain men have broken the expectations of this theory. With the creation of the Stay at Home Dad. A concept that has slowly but surely made its way.  Within a heterosexual marriage, the male/father, due to various personal or economical reasons, would take on the house roles the female/mother would be expected to fulfill. This would include, child care, child rearing, home care, food preparations, etc. With males taking on this role, stay at home dads now face oppression from society in not being able to fulfill their original role. The questioning of their masculinity as well as their importance in the family seem to have come about in discussions.

In my own experiences, I have encountered a few stay at home dads that have experienced such oppression. Some question, in a society so bent on feminism, why are men treated unfairly for doing the same work? I myself have asked that same question. The need to understand this in more depth has led to me to this research project.