honestly, i wish i had never met you. our relationship gave me a screwed up view of love and commitment at an incredibly young age. you cheated on me and treated me like i had to earn your attention and compete with other people, and then played it off like it was healthy and expected. i have suffered in toxic relationships with disloyal partners for years because of what you taught me was normal, and am only just now starting to undo the damage, at 24. fuck you. i deserved better.
Yeah. You did.
I’m sorry.
It’s strange. My dad always told me that it’s best to make mistakes when you’re young. The consequences aren’t usually as large as they are when you get older. But when we’re teenagers, we’re prone to making the worst kind of mistakes, and a lot of the people we affect are going through their formative years. Some of those mistakes become permanent carvings; trauma, neuroses, misguided thoughts that become deeply held beliefs. Some shitty kid’s fuck-ups become the reason we go through hell.
I’m sorry I was that shitty kid. Shitty person, actually. I don’t think I should divorce my adult self from the things I did at that age. This apology gives you nothing and probably means nothing to you, but if I could do it all again, I wouldn’t hurt you that way.
Actually, if I could do it all again, I’d probably do you the favor of never meeting me. You’re probably right. You were better off without me.
I deeply hope you’re able to move past it. Not because it would absolve me, it wouldn’t, but because I believe you deserve to be happy despite all of that shit you went through. It’s hard to work through pain that way, unwind ourselves so we stop perpetuating unhealthy patterns, but if you’re here, it means you’ve made progress. You can do it. Don’t ever think for a moment you can’t.
I’m sorry.

















