tyson must have said or done something right in all his timid ramblings because the downward curve of wolfie’s unhappiness eases away and is even replaced by a smile. it’s small and nowhere near as radiant as tyson’s seen it, dimples pocking perfect cheeks, but it has its own warmth nonetheless. for tyson, it feels like he’s been frozen for months and is finally getting a taste of the sun’s rays for how he’s craved just the sight of it. he sort of hates that he doesn’t have to say that he’s not okay – wolfie knows he’s not okay. it’s fairly obvious and that’s what he hates. even now, even apart, they both want what’s best for each other, always. his breathing is jolted and uneven as wolfie makes his declaration. it turns something inside of tyson’s head, rights some wrong that had been firmly set in place. “you’d really go through all of it… again?” tyson had been so convinced that he’d led to some of the darkest times of wolfie’s life, enough bad to outweigh the good. he wants to react, if not verbally than at least physically, but he hasn’t the chance. suddenly, wolfie’s mouth is covering his own in a searing forbidden kiss that sends licks of fire from where their lips touch all the way down to his toes and back up again with lightning speed. it’s a kiss that makes him feel alive and though he’ll regret the sound later, a whimper slips from his own lips and into wolfie’s. he knows as surely as wolfie must know that this kiss can’t last long which is why he’s surprised to find wolfie holding back, keeping it gentle and soft and oh-so-sweet when every part of tyson just wants to put his everything into it until he breaks. however, if wolfie is going to show his vulnerability first and foremost, tyson isn’t going to let his own desperation overwhelm what could be their last kiss (though, truthfully, he hopes it wouldn’t be; tyson doesn’t like to think in definitives). instead, the brushing of their lips remains painfully gentle, a tenderness they felt for one another – and potentially still feel – blooming in between them once more. as his eyes flutter shut to relish in this moment, tyson, embarrassingly, feels tears streak down his cheeks, wetting his lashes were they fall onto his cheekbones. he can’t help it, he reasons. it’s been an emotional rollercoaster of a night and now he’s getting to kiss his ex boyfriend who he’s practically just admitted to pathetically still loving, no matter how many hookups he tries to execute. even with this one kiss, tyson can see why that is. no one else could ever make him feel this way. no one else’s soul vibrated at the same frequency as his own quite like wolfie’s. he can’t bring himself to pull away from the kiss – not to take the breath he’s starting to need, not to wipe at his eyes or dry off his tear stained cheeks. nothing is worth ending this, he figures, and instead he goes onto half tiptoes to shamelessly deepen the kiss.
it feels good, in a way, to say what he should have said months ago. it hurts to stand here with him, on the verge of tears, with the inability to take back things he’s said and not meant or done without thinking. but it feels good to tell the truth, to voice the thoughts he’s been too afraid to say, in case they were not well received. this feels like the best possible outcome, despite only scratching the surface of his feelings for tyson. he’s got much more bottled up and packed away, he’s only ankle-deep in an ocean that stretches far enough over his head to drown him if he were to dive in tonight. it still feels significant when compared to where they were. in fact, it feels almost like progress if he were to allow himself to be optimistic. “ of course. wouldn’t you? ” he asks, fingers metaphorically crossed that ty’s answer mirrors his own. his heart is on the line, after all, or what’s left of it anyways. the kiss is enough to take his night from forgettable to memorable, mediocre to milestone. ty has always been able to do that, so it’s not as if he’s surprised, but it has been a long time since he’s felt so uplifted without the help of multiple substances. he can feel the dew on tyson’s cheeks transferring to his own and his thumbs brush away some of the moisture as he cups his face in his hands with all of the tenderness of handling something breakable. he’s broken tyson once, so he’s certain that with the cracks he left it would only be easier to do it a second time. it’s something he never wants to go through again, and he thinks it’s something they can agree on, so it’s best if they just avoid each other altogether. that’s what he’s been telling himself, when this is all he’s wanted to do the entire time they’ve been apart. his lips are what he’s been craving, his touch a luxury he’s slowly come to accept he is not worthy of. he slips one hand into the back of his hair, the kiss growing more passionate with every passing second until tyson is the very air in his lungs, he is all that he tastes and wolfie wants more, more, more. it’s when fireworks start exploding behind his eyelids that the lights come on over him, and for a split second he isn’t sure if it’s reality or illusion. his body is a step behind his brain, which is screaming at him to stop, which he begrudgingly does as the room breaks into a second wave of commotion around them. he puts a safe distance of space between them as he stumbles backwards, blinded by the sudden change, eyes squinted as they adjust to the lighting. it’s a bit of like falling from a high place, having to let go of what he once had, once took for granted, and feeling the fireworks simmer out within him as it all comes to an end. “ i’m sorry, ” he says breathlessly, wiping at his face with his sleeve to get rid of what he assumes are tyson’s tears but could very well be his own as well. “ i didn’t mean to make you cry. i just... wanted you so badly. ” he wants him still, in so many more ways than a hurried stolen kiss under the cloak of momentary darkness. but he won’t push his luck, he knows this isn’t the time nor place to do so. “ i should really go. promise me you’ll let me know that you get home safe. i worry about you, tyson, ” he tacks on for good measure, not to guilt him, but to inform him that he’s cared for. he doesn’t know whether or not he’ll ever have another opportunity to do so.
