Musings on Legacy, Journey and Purpose:
The last few months have been full of internal strife for me as Iβve felt significantly more introspective than usual. Iβve felt insecure about my standing in life, worried if this dream is unrealistic due to the obstacles that seem to keep preventing me from reaching higher levels of audience for my art; Iβve been in my head about my own self worth as a result. Making art, my jewelry, is the sole thing I am tangibly talented at in this life, and for that reason Iβve always understood it as my ikigai, the culmination of my passion, expression, purpose, and reason for existence. To be vulnerable, Iβve questioned all of this the last few months heavily, and the last year in general.
When I think about my life path and purpose, I see that itβs been challenging terrain to navigate. Iβve had many roadblocks, struggles, Iβve been mired in the repercussions of my mistakes and circumstances many times, but Iβve always been introspective in nature and itβs allowed me to adapt and change myself on an ever-evolving basis, for the better (in my own judgement, admittedly). I refer to my life story as βThe Heroβs Journeyβ, akin to the ones told and retold in myth over millennia. The hero- imperfect, flawed, maybe brimming with mistakes, error, and pain, seeking redemption, undergoes a symbolic journey to the underworld through trials such as Heracles, and has to lose almost every single thing in order to facilitate their growth, to trudge through the trials and from their difficulty, emerge fully transformed and purified, alchemized, at the end of the journey. To prevent mischaracterization, I donβt view myself as anyone elevated in any status akin to what society deems a βheroβ, I more so think this trope applies to me in the sense that I am the main character of my own life as the architect and author of it, experiencing my life and humanity through the lens of my own consciousness, therefore I am the protagonist of my own story. Iβm still undergoing my journey, Iβve had dark nights of the soul and Iβve made it through the other side on more than one occasion. This ever questioning introspection is another trial to me, despite the journey being one of inward motion into my own psyche, questioning my self-testament and what Iβve perceived to be my truth these 30 years.
At this point in time, Iβm in my Saturn return. For those uninitiated or unaware, itβs a time where your natal Saturn placement returns to where it was when you came into this world; this happens around age 30, and whatever house it is located in your birth chart will give you more information regarding the themes and events that may occur around that time. Saturn returns are an initiation into full adulthood and autonomy, with it bringing consistent themes of responsibility, discipline and dedication, structure and purpose, ideas of rest and reward, realism and restriction. Iβve made it through the exact conjunction, and I will continue to explore these themes until Saturn enters Aries next year. This momentous life event is one everyone who reaches this age will go through, I count myself as blessed to be amongst those who have traversed the hardships and lessons of autonomy and responsibility, initiated into this planetary energy. At the time of writing, I near my solar return, my birthday, and I feel a mixture of pride over how much progress has been made on this heroβs journey, but also hesitancy and fear over what the next years of life will entail. To be transparent, this fear and insecurity on the material plane has been playing into the cycles of introspection and the subsequent crisis of faith Iβve undergone with myself. My Saturn is placed in my first house of self, and Iβve consistently struggled with listening to my innermost self knowledge of *who I am* over what those around me tell me I am; Iβve been forced to learn discernment, to be responsible with my energy and how much I dedicate to others and external sources of understanding and validation. This directly ties into what Iβve been struggling with in my inner world and what has seemingly reached a culmination of in recent months: my purpose, my own sense of fulfillment and validation, feeling as if my life and purpose have value in this world.
A labor of my heroβs journey has included fully stepping into adulthood, as the last representative bastion of my childhood and all I knew of the world previously, my childhood home, has been sold, a turn of page from the past onto a future, unwritten. Iβve now lost my grandmother who embodied my childhood and youth, was the guardian of my early life, as well as her home that sheltered us. As Iβve been struggling with these internal narratives, Iβve been finding myself interacting in the dream world with my recently passed Mamaw on a very frequent basis, perhaps a manifestation of my stress and uncertainty has materialized as my psyche forming scenes familiar and comforting. Scenes from my childhood play out with me in the starring role, some scenes and memories are exactly as I recall them to be, others are changed and vary as if from an alternate timeline. Mostly, my grandmother stands or sits silently, almost more of a member of the audience watching the play that is my dream rather than being in a main role. On the rare occasion she emerges from her watchful state, she will sometimes speak as if remembering her lines suddenly. These dreams have been both very comforting and strange, as it means a lot to have her presence to soothe my still grieving heart and mind, but also baffling because I canβt always understand what aspects of my psyche are being explored in this dreamscape and what I should take away from these nocturnal plays.
Iβm holding my still raw and still processing grief near, along with trying to explore and understand myself and my purpose better; overall its culminated to a more disconnected time for me, I feel grotesque and raw and writhing, molting, and as such Iβve just wanted to hold everything within myself and my journal and escape from the hard realities and truths of the world around me. In my vulnerability, Iβve sought out protection in its highest forms, often calling on my grandmother to guide and protect me while Iβm in this transformative phase of life. Through this inward journey, Iβve been ruminating on the conscious desire to channel my grief through memories of my grandmother, to channel my understanding of legacy and protection into something tangible, material and corporeal.
From this rumination and journey inward has emerged this small Summer Collection of jewels. Apotropaic eye talismans of Pearl and gemstone, channeling the milky, opaline qualities of the lunar energy of the season of my birth; drawing upon the archetype of the mother that exists within astrological Cancer, referencing my grandmother and her legacy and her protective presence. Jewels rendered in protective shades of gray and black, gray referencing memories of watching mourning doves feast upon seed and suet in the backyard of my childhood home, my Mamaw and I both loved them and loved the moments of peace held while viewing the scene. Jewels in opaline white and black, like the velveteen sky of midnight in midwinter, the moon impossibly full and bright, held so close to earths orbit that she illuminated the solemn white world underneath. I recall this memory with fondness as Mamaw always instilled in me to appreciate nature, I took on her habits in this way. The last additions, jewels to honor transformation into highest self, the magicians stone Labradorite and milky white onyx stars to guide and channel βThe Starβ tarot energy, energy I hope to embody as I follow this journey of finding my way back to purpose, a guiding light along the dark and winding path.
The collection can be viewed here: https://wyther.etsy.com
Shop For strange and wild souls. by Wyther located in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Smooth shipping! Has a history of shipping on time with tracki
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