be the change you wanna see

i know ur here to snoop n that's okay 'cause i do it too. but just know that if you use anything on this blog ic w/o my permission i will burn this website to the got dang ground :)

[vxxghns]

I just...can't believe she's finally here. She's here and she's exactly what I wanted her to be. She's perfect. Her twin didn't come, but I'll take one absolutely healthy baby over two devastatingly sick ones.

I've never seen a more beautiful little baby girl. I've never been so happy to hear a baby cry. We named her Journey. It's so fitting, too. In more than one way. The journey we've been on as a married couple. The journey we had making sure that she would even live. The journey I've taken to get to this exact moment in my life, and Joe too. And then, of course, because Journey the band has such good music. She's unbelievable. I can't stop staring at her.

It made me so mad when he did it, but if Joe hadn't done what he did then his would never have happened. I'll have to thank him later. Right now, I'm gonna go back to staring.

[itsalla-masquerade-deactivated2]

The most frustrating thing is not being able to explain what the fuck is going on inside my head

[11-515]

you are always in my head

[vxxt]

[kristina100000]

GOD i was born to be domestic like i love to wild out here and there but i love being grounded and just like… at peace doing peaceful things… relaxation

[vxxghns]

I just want what I say to be respected and taken seriously and I want to feel like I'm being heard and that what I say matters. that it's not just about the person listening. I just want someone to be like "okay. let me help you figure out why you're feeling that way. your solitary feelings are important to me and I care about making you feel better, and I realize this is about you and not myself."

I feel like I'm gonna cry and throw up but I won't. I won't.

[lubricates]

i’m ok

i’m ok

i’m ok

*starts crying*

[666-rueful]

relaxed? me? hahahahahah never

[vxxghns]

Sometimes I don't know if I'm doing stuff to please him or if it's something I would actually do on my own. It's really hard to tell the difference sometimes. I don't like it. I love being Joe's husband but I don't want to lose Patrick in all of that. I wanna still be myself.

Compromise is one thing but changing my whole demeanor is really bothering me. If it had been a year ago, would I have given in that easily? Would I have given in at all? Not likely.

[hirxeth]

“I can’t see anything that I don’t like about you.”

“But you will.”

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004) dir. Michel Gondry

[aidashakur]

[vxxghns]

why would you even tell me about an amazing date you're not going to take me on? awesome. love that.

[mjalti]

I hate it when people ask “do you trust me” like …don’t call me out like that ……..the answer is no

[fiberglassbunny]

the fact that i don’t have heart shaped pupils is a fucking tragedy

[latenights]

autumn

[vxxghns]

I'm not gonna tell him that it reminded me of the executives. He worries enough about inducing PTSD in me that I know this wouldn't help.

But they used to do the same thing. Promise me something one second and take it away as soon as I did or said something they didn't like. They'd always say I could have the surprise the next day or night, if I was really good and on my best behavior, but you already know. The surprises never came. I never got the shit they promised, just more horrors to lock away and try to forget about.

I don't really know what triggered that because I know Joe isn't like that. He's never lied to me about something sexual before. I don't know why I was so bothered by the playfulness this time. Maybe just the tone of his voice or something, I've really got no idea.

That's why I'm not gonna tell him. I don't want him to start thinking he can't tease me, or that I can't handle this sort of thing. I'm just gonna try to let it go.

[vxxghns]

I don't know...what to think, sometimes. On the one hand I'm so happy about Joe's new life now. I know that he deserves it, more than anyone else I know. But on the other, he can speak to the gods any time he wants. He wants to change millenniums-old rules... And that would be fine. But the gods offered me immortality a long time ago, for enduring the executives. For getting through literal hell alive. And I said no. I said I didn't want to live forever. I didn't want immortality. I didn't want to watch my family die, my friends, my future kids. That never interested me and I detested the idea. If Joe wasn't immortal now, I still wouldn't want to do it.

He is though, and I'm not. I know the gods won't offer again. I have to get ambrosia, somehow. Someway. I have to take it even if I know it might kill me. And I can't tell Joe. He'd try and stop me. So I guess this'll make us even, if it goes wrong.