atleast im funny

I'm sorry, I'm just a highschool student who really wants to go to COLLEGE OK. SO STICK AROUND FOR ME BULLSHIT AS I UNLOAD MY CHILDHOOD TRAUMA, POST. BY. POST.

[wakeupitsme]

Throwback Tuesday to the day 8 years ago whrn my mom dunked her nokia in water and my dad panicked and fucking microwaved it and the fact that the phone deadass still works to this day

[wakeupitsme]

You know what’s real embarrassing tho..

... it’s telling your brother how useless he is for not being able to find even an eraser and proceeding to look for an eraser for twenty minutes (in vain attempt to show him how it’s done) after that and still not be able to find an eraser

[wakeupitsme]

the ex incident

So today me and my close friend were standing and i was eating bread with some girls and suddenly my close friend’s ex just pops out of nowhere just going “HAIIIIIIII” and everyone sorta went quiet and the atmosphere became real tense. So guess the smartest thing I did? I fRIKIN SAID ‘BREAD’ TO EVERYONE.

[wakeupitsme]

Thug Bubblegum

That moment when you’re trying to blow a bubble and your bubble gum just plops out of your mouth and you’re just standing there just contemplating all your life decisions until that point of your life.

[wakeupitsme]

NO BUT WHAT IF ALL PIGEONS SPEAK GERMAN BUT THEY HAVE SUCH A STRONG PIGEON ACCENT THAT WE CANT MAKE IT OUT

[subconsciousmindposts]

“The only person you are destined to become…

is the person you decide to be”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

[wakeupitsme]

so when am i becoming a unicorn?

[wakeupitsme]

But like guys what about a story where one person is like all lovey dovey and uses words like “honey” and “my jelly bean” and the other person is like an introvert who hates that kinda stuff and pretends they are really embarrassed and angry about it but on the inside they enjoy it

[wakeupitsme]

so yesterday my mom was sorting out the fruits and stuff, and she handed me four apples and she’s like, “keep them over there.” and i was like where and she was like, “here or there. or anywhere.”

so i walk up to her and roll an apple inside her t-shirt and she's like “what the heck”

well you said anywhere mom