Keep Calm & Carry On

Rantings and ramblings of a 22 year old trying to navigate a social work job and a big new city all at once.

[walkwithyou6]

Hurricanes, sick, bedbugs, breaking down.

So as some of you may know, a month ago I moved in with my boyfriend. We now rent a tiny, one-bedroom apartment. I'm in a new city, have a temporary job, and this entire month has been full of mishaps.

To start, the first week we were together Hurricane Sandy hit. Our city was not really directly hit by the storm, but it stopped us from going out and celebrating my move or buying things we needed for the apartment. Not to worry, though, because the next day I couldn't leave the apartment anyway due to a disgusting bout of sickness. I'll spare you the details but let's just say I couldn't stray too far from a bathroom.

After that, things started to mellow out. I started to look and smell a bit better and the weather improved. P and I were able to get out and explore our new neighborhood and enjoy each other's company. I even was able to reunite with a few friends.

Fast forward a couple weeks and as we are returning from a pre Thanksgiving visit at my parent's house, our car breaks down just as we arrive back to the city. The car we were supposed to use a mere two days later to get to P's parent's house 4 hours away for Thanksgiving. We made it another way (thank goodness for the kindness of almost-strangers), but when we got back, I found a bedbug on my pillow in our apartment. Cue the hysterics.

It's been an interesting month, to say the least, and all of these issues separately are extremely minor. Looking back and seeing how close together they all happened, I'm surprised that I can sit and laugh. But eventually, the sun came out and my stomach settled. Our car got fixed and (hopefully) the bedbugs are gone for good. If anything this month has strengthened P and I's relationship, and gave us reason to laugh together and comfort each other. It's a month that we will be able to look back on and say "Remember that first month that we lived together...?"

[walkwithyou6]

Change of Pace

Currently working at home for a social media monitoring company. The change of pace between this temp job and my social work job is insane. I like it.... but I know soon I'll be sick of it and need a greater challenge. My brian is happy for the vacation though.

[walkwithyou6]

:(

I finally started to tear up yesterday morning, and again last night. So many goodbyes! I'm going to miss all of my kids so much. Like it or not all of these families have become my families over the past year.

[walkwithyou6]

Wow.

Today, I started to pack up all of my belongings. In just one week, I'll be moving to another new city. 

I've been battling a lot of mixed emotions lately about the whole thing. I am extremely excited to be moving in with my boyfriend, and closer to my family and a lot of friends. However, I'm leaving behind a caseload of incredible kids, as well as my only sibling who's been my roommate for the past year. 

But rather than focus on the negative, as I packed today I started to reflect on the things I've managed to in this past year. Here's just a few.

Find/Keep a job. There were a million times that I was ready to scream my brains out and quit, but those beautiful, amazing children kept me coming back every day. I interviewed for this job literally the day after I moved to this city, and I knew when i interviewed that it was a good fit for me. Now, 13 months later, I'm passing it off to someone else.

Live with my brother. I was never quite worried about this one, but one never knows what they're getting themselves into with this type of situation. It turns out that I was right about this one... Moving in with him for this year turned out to be the best possible thing for the both of us, and I'm going to miss him like crazy.

Navigate the city. Because my job required so much time in the car, I learned a lot more about this city than I probably care to know. Not only have I travelled to all corners of the city, but I also have a fairly good knowledge of the bus and subway system as well. 

Not puke when baby puked. That time that one of my kids got carsick in my car was probably one of the grossest thing I've ever encountered. The will power that it took to not vomit all over the place was incredible. Not gonna lie, I'm proud.

Maintain a long distance relationship. Since I graduated in May 2011 my boyfriend and I have never lived in the same place. It's been the most ridiculously frustrating ride, but it's something that we got through and now are being rewarded for by moving in together. It was pretty terrible sometimes, but the distance made our mini-vacations and visits together all the more special.

Become financially independent. For the most part. After I moved I got my own insurance through worked, sent my mom money for my phone bill, and got a credit card. When my car broke down and my brother offered his, I helped him pay for the car in return. I paid my own rent and my own utilities, AND my outrageous student loans. While it sucks to see all that money go away, it feels pretty damn good to say that I paid for it all.

Not kill a natural parent/DHS worker. If this was the only thing I managed to do in the past year I'd be happy. 

Last August, I was just this 22 year old girl moving to a big city for the first time with no job who had to borrow money from her brother to pay last months rent and the security deposit. I was terrified to drive anywhere in the city and i celebrated for a whole night when I managed to get to Trader Joe's two miles away without a GPS. I was also the girl who started a new job not knowing a thing about the city's foster care system. Now, I barely ever need my GPS. Now, I'm in the middle of training my replacement for my job. I did what I wanted to do: I got out of college, moved to an exciting new place, got a job and started paying my own way. I'm so happy that my brother was here to support my and that my parents were wonderfully cheering me on the entire way. Not to mention that my cat was here to give me warm snuggles after a tough day at work. 

Sadly, I've decided not to continue in a social work job when I move. At least not right away. At some point during this crazy ride I realized that I was 23 years old, too young to only be thinking about work. I decided to get a lower key job for now until I can go back to school and get a master's in something I'm really interested in. 

The next hurdle to tackle besides learning a whole new city? Studying for/taking the GRE. Suggestions are welcome! I'm sorry that I won't be posting much about social work anymore, unless I hear of anything newsworthy that I'd like to pass along. But feel free to check in and read about my discoveries in a brand new city: Boston!

[judahandalexb]

You can’t try and rationalize irrational behavior from an unstable person. It’s a self-destroying activity.

Every second of the last 72 Hours. (via johnandedwardplustwo)

YES. every. day.

[walkwithyou6]

History repeating

After a long day with many phone calls and crisis, we got a referral last night for one of my baby's siblings to be placed with our agency last night. The reasons for this baby coming into care are almost identical to the reasons for her sister coming into care. It's like history repeating itself. Mom cannot get it together, and has a pattern of almost getting it together, and then losing it.

The thing that sucks about this case is that mom herself was in the system as a child. She's younger than I am and has two children under two. She has slight mental health issues and possible cognitive delay (or she could just be immature due to her unstable childhood). She also never has stable housing. It's just awful to see the system fail someone so badly, as it has for her. This is just one of those cases that shows clearly that the system is very, very flawed.

[walkwithyou6]

$7.00 shoes. Rockin' that social work salary swag.

[walkwithyou6]

Professionalism...

..In the social work field is severely lacking. At least in my city. The DHS worker that was on my case in court today showed up wearing a velour pantsuit. I spotted another with bell bottom jeans and sneakers on. I can't even deal.

On the opposite side of the spectrum, the adoption worker couldn't get over how neat and intact our agency's files always are when she comes to review them. Go us.

[walkwithyou6]

I'll admit I used to watch this show, but it was with the same mindset that I usually watch shows on TLC: with complete astonishment and disgust. This article explain everything that has ever circled around my brain about the Duggars in a clear, calm way that I never could. Because usually when I talk about the Duggars (Which is honestly not that often, but still) it's very loudly, with bulging eyes, hand gestures, and trouble enunciating because I'm so enraged.

[walkwithyou6]

(Almost) A Funeral.

I was at a home visit yesterday with a Seven-year-old girl when I spotted two plastic hermit crab containers. "Did you get hermit crabs on your vacation?." Seven lit up and raced up the stairs, returning with a bigger cage filled with hermit crab shells. "Are these ALL hermit crabs?" I asked. "No, just these two," She replied, pointing at the biggest shell, which was her brother's crab, and the smallest shell, a hot pink shell with white stars on it, which was hers.

"Do you want to see them?" she asked, simultaneously ripping open the top of the cage and reaching her hand inside. The big one was too big for her, and scared her a little, so she reached instead for the smaller one. "OH NO!" She said, "He's dead!" Filled with surprise and dread, I craned my neck so I could see into the cage. "I'm sure he's not, Seven."

But he was. Lifeless and falling out of his shell, the hermit crab had died. "Oh no." She wailed. She then began listing all of the things that might have killed the crab. Her cat liked to bat him around on the carpet, her brother was too rough for him. I told her that sometimes, like people, hermit crabs get sick, and it's nobody's fault. I helped her wrap the tiny body in a tissue. "Goodbye, hermit crab. I hope you have a wonderful time up in heaven."

I looked frantically around for Seven's foster dad, not wanting to ask the next question, "what should we do with his body?" I pictured myself, an hour later, still at the home, with a freshly dug hole in the backyard, reciting a made up eulogy for the hermit crab I never knew. I took a deep breath, wanting to phrase the question correctly and ask it as gently as possible. "Seven, what should we do with him?" Seven looked me straight in the eye with a look of confusion on her face.

"Just throw him in the trash. But not inside, or he'll stink up the kitchen."

[walkwithyou6]

After picking up a child from respite and bringing him to his new foster home.

Child: Ms. K we gotta go to Ms. T's house

Me: No, it's okay, I went and got all of your stuff before I picked you up. It's in the car.

Child:No, but there is probably something she forgot to pack.

Me: What?

Child: In my room, in a folder, I had a piece of paper that I wrote all of the lyrics to Gotye's "Somebody I Used to Know."

Me: "....yeah, I'm not going back to get that."

[walkwithyou6]

Excuses

So I guess I've been lacking inspiration lately for posts. I've only been back from vacation for two days though, and I've already heard more excuses in those two days than in the entire 9 days I was away.

For the population I work with, excuses are everything. They are what they hide behind, how they justify their actions not only to me but to themselves. "His bike got stolen, but it was only out there for five minutes, I was going to bring it in." "My house is dirty right now, but I was going to do laundry as soon as you left." Most of the time, it's about stuff THAT mundane. I think that my parents feel like I'm scrutinizing every single thing in their life, when really all I'm worried about is their child's safety. As far as I know, dirty laundry has never killed a child.

In a way, I don't think I'm much different than them. "I wasn't going to eat those extra three pieces of chocolate, but I skipped dessert yesterday." "I want to go for a run, but I worked so hard today and I'm tired, I'll go tomorrow." Excuses are human nature. Maybe I just notice them more from my parents because of how silly and mundane the topics they are trying to "cover up" are. I've had to sit down many a parent and just tell them to take a deep breath and relax around me. I tell them that they don't need to be perfect, they aren't robots, they just need to do the best the can and work as hard as they can. That's all they need to do to earn respect from me.

Do other workers in the field experience a lot of excuse making?

[walkwithyou6]

So a birth mom walks into an agency....

Me: Girl you didn't call to confirm until after 5:00 yesterday!!!*

Birth Mom: No I absolutely did not!

Me: Okay, well because you didn't call in time your baby's not here.

Birth Mom: Well you better go and get her!

Ba dum dum CHHHH.

[walkwithyou6]

Hello! So I was so happy to come across your tumblr and to find someone so young in the social work field! I'm just starting school this upcoming fall and I'm pursuing getting this degree, and even though I know I have a long road ahead of me - do you have any advice for anyone pursuing this degree and fieldwork?

Hello! Sorry this took me so long to answer... Tumblr never gave me a notification that I had a message!

My advice is to take things slowly and DON'T take your work home with you. When I first started this job I had a really tough time setting work aside at 5:00 and not A) thinking about it, B) making phone calls that could wait til the next day, or C) taking phone calls on my personal cell after hours. Now, I'm much better about saying,  "ok, its 7:30 I need to just let it go til tomorrow" or "It's Saturday and I'm at the beach, and I'm going to enjoy it." Remembering to breathe and do things for yourself and not let a social work job consume your life is going to curb burnout and hopefully keep you sane so that you can work in the field for however long you want.

My only other advice to you is to stay open about what type of social work you want to get involved in... There are so many options, and just because you don't like one aspect doesn't mean you won't love another!

Good luck and let me know if you have any other questions!

[walkwithyou6]

Horrible Blogger Award

So I admit that I get the horrible blogger award for the month. Or two or three months I guess. Things have just been so crazy with work and real life that I haven't really had a chance to sit down and update. Now, with less than two weeks until my vacation, I find myself completely caught up on all of my paperwork at work. All of my home visits are miraculously planned out for the rest of the month. Apparently I should go on vacation more often, because the pressure of it puts me into panic mode and turns me into a crazy planner.

So what to update you on? I managed to advocate for one of my children and get her visits switched back to supervised in the office rather than unsupervised overnight in the community. Things were just getting too crazy and too shady, and we were all getting nervous for the baby's safety.

I also successfully transferred two of my older youth to a kinship home. Both of their kinship homes that they were previously in put in their 30 day notice (for them to leave their homes) fairly close together, so my agency was scrambling to find a place for them in their neighborhood together. Luckily a kinship resource came forward. She was already set up with another foster agency though, so they are no longer on my caseload.

Other than that and the other usual insanity things are pretty calm. Out of my 11 cases (plus 2 aftercare cases) five of my children are in the end stage of the process of adoption. At least two more are headed in that direction. It makes me happy that these children are finally getting some sort of permanency and closure, however it also saddens me that seven sets of parents on my caseload failed to get it together for their children. Most of these cases were already with our agency before I started in September though, so it has been a large chunk of time since the cases were opened.

[walkwithyou6]

I do think that the SW degree is necessary for most people who want to get into the field. I agree with you about the burned out, terrible social workers - but the education can be invaluable in terms of learning how to deal with the whole big social work world.

Thanks for your response/input. I agree that it's invaluable... in fact I've already stated that. However, I think experience in a related field or just life experience can also be invaluable. I don't regret going to school and getting my BSW, and I may someday get my MSW, so don't get me wrong, I think education is important. My main point/issue is pointing fingers and judging based solely on amount of education.

[walkwithyou6]

degree or no degree.

I'm getting a little sick of reading posts or hearing comments about a social worker's degree or lack of degree being the reason why they can or can't do their job.

Let's just set the record straight right now. I've met plenty of MSW's since working here/throughout my years at school that do their job terribly. I also know several social workers in the field who don't have their BSW who do their job incredibly well.

Ladies and gentlemen, it's not about the degree. YES, having the training that is required to get your BSW is invaluable information and experience. YES, having the training that is required to get your MSW is even MORE invaluable. But let me say this: if you are not passionate about your job as a social worker, if you are burnt out, if you don't care and treat this job as any other career,you are going to do a terrible job no matter what degree you have.

And that is the difference between workers. It's not how much education one has. Yes, in a way it absolutely is about the amount of experience. I can easily say that I am a better social worker now than I was 9 months ago. But I've had a BSW this whole time, and I can't confidently say that I do my job better than all Social Workers with a different degree, and I can't confidently say that I do my job worse than all social workers with an MSW.

So stop generalizing. This type of judgement and stereotyping is what gets everyone in trouble all the time. It's no different than stereotyping any other group of people.