"Let's do a friendly, SFW RP blog for a change!" I said, then immediately created a spin-off of my grossest fanon character interpretation ever.
This'll just be a low-interaction in-character blog to figure out the life & exploits of Mundane Human AU Wallace as a "fandomless OC" for my own amusement. I cannot imagine anyone wanting to roleplay with such an offputting little bastard so for the moment considering this a semi-private blog, but future threads aren't off the table entirely depending on how attached I get to this loser shithead.
🎃 @coffinbreath
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Wallace James Punch
Alternate stage moniker: Wally DeLarge
Birthday: 5/22/1993
Voice: if Genesis P-Orridge constantly smoked cigarillos, with a little Sid Vicious
5'/145 lbs/stereotypical angry redhead/fishbelly pale/cold dead blue eyes/terrifying smile/trash fashion sense/trashier tattoos
Basics
A shock-comedy "performance artist" born in Cheshire, England, Wallace Punch's Variety Act has been described by the few critics brave enough to stomach its entirety as "a one-man pantomime of The Aristocrats"---to paraphrase the sex-shop owner in Se7en, "the sort of guy who pisses in a cup on stage and then drinks it". Lots of prop-based humor and dead baby jokes, once landed himself in the hospital with salmonella after biting the head off a plucked dead chicken, another time was banned from the premises for bleeding all over the place when he pierced his nipples with safety pins. He has a small but dedicated fanbase of edgy groupies and is notorious for being mediocre in the sack whenever he does bed them; while not an outright rapist his incel energy is OFF THE CHARTS and if he starts joking about roofies that unfortunately means he likes you. Surprisingly not a drinker given his hair-trigger temper, Wallace prefers club drugs and is very casual about being hooked on amphetamines, definitely not above buying adderall from teenagers despite his age---very "Hello fellow youths" at whatever party he's crashing.
Though as crass and lecherous as his puppet blueprint, Wallace Punch is a complete 180 in other aspects---melancholic as opposed to violent, masking his insecurities with deranged jokes and a pathological need to have all eyes on him, secretly terrified of most animals because for some reason they tend to attack him, masochistic to a point that he's almost too kinky to torture and charismatic in a skanky way that keeps him surrounded by similarly-othered people, topped off with the type of personality disorder that no matter the size of the crowd egging him on, he tends to feel like the loneliest man in the world. Puts the "bi" in "bipolar"---eh, probably, there may not be a straightforward diagnosis for what's wrong with him, and he had a normal-enough childhood that there's no Freudian excuse for his antisocial behavior. Perhaps Wallace is just what happens when a mildly emotionally neglected 10 year old with unsupervised internet access starts stealing his mom's cigarettes and finds that negative attention is better than none.
Backstory, Etc.
The first major turning point in his life was being arrested at age 20 for assault with a weapon, and Wallace was lucky to only spend a year in prison for breaking his flatmate's jaw with a metal juggling torch as soon as he walked in the door---the judge was very lenient, taking into consideration that Wallace's motive was finding "fucked up photos of kids" while snooping through the guy's room for weed; however the case brought so much negative publicity to the Punch name & family restaurant that his father Harold disowned him, with the final comment "you always ran with a bad crowd, why don't you stick with them". This insult on top of the injury of a very rough stay in Wormwood Scrubs broke something in Wallace (it's the one aspect of his criminal history he won't brag about) and led him to start ramping up the show's indecency while using his real name as if to send the message that he wouldn't be so easily forgotten; beyond that he's a registered sex offender due to the number of times he's stripped on stage or taken a leak in public, had to crowdfund bail from fans when he was arrested for soliciting a prostitute while touring the United States, been fined for possession and public intoxication multiple times, regularly steals and engages in prostitution himself despite being quite comfortable from his eccentric aunt's inheritance "because it's fun", and had his license revoked for reckless driving because he's near-sighted yet refuses to wear glasses.
Despite these charges and the general misogynistic bent of his humor, there are quite enough women willing to ignore his many red flags out of sheer curiosity from the rumors (and video clips) that circulate. He's more popular with men, seeming to take pride in making other guys question their sexuality and having lost track of how many times he's heard "you look like a girl from the back"---with his short stature, alto voice, fat ass and flamboyant wardrobe the question as to his sex occasionally comes up, which he'll happily answer with a visual demonstration. Trans fans give him the t-slur pass because for all that he refuses to label himself, he does seem to have quite a fondness for skirts, stockings and tacky jewellery, and while he's definitely chaser-y about it his admiration for transsexuals' "commitment to the bit" in his words is genuine. Wallace isn't particularly bigoted towards one group more than others and will use whatever derogatory language comes to mind first, defaulting towards homophobia (because irony) and antisemitism (because I'm Jewish & comfortable "reclaiming" that, plus I think he'd say some funny shit about us controlling the entertainment industry) or just trash-talking a target's appearance ("Ya call that a moustache? It looks like you're eating a rat!") if sexual and racist epithets don't stick. He gets real enjoyment from audience members heckling him right back, seeming to consider a show a failure if there hasn't been at least one argument or disgusted walk-out.
