was that I wouldn’t leave behind
I’m ace so there’s no kids coming
and that’s what so many people settle for
that I could make a difference.
I believed them until I didn’t,
Until I realized that I might not
leave anything of note behind.
The first time was when I missed out
on an award at my primary school that
always got the winner’s name engraved on it.
I moved on to high school
but nothing worth noting for the school.
but there was nothing I could leave behind.
No mark to make there either.
Thats why I cling to the tiny things.
When I can spot a mark on the wall and think
‘I was here when that happened,
I was in that discussion’
We keep a database of quotes,
things said that sound strange out of context.
The first entry there that I was part of,
That club won’t last forever,
although it’s almost 'too big to fail’
I’m desperate to do something worth noticing
To be the kind of person with a wikipedia page
Or just a shitty post telling my story
To leave some kind of impact behind
Something that can be traced back to me
To something I made or did or thought of
The thought that it might never come
That nobody in three generations will care
or know my photo or remember my name?
won’t be worth anything in the end
that I’ll be done on this planet
and there won’t be anything left of me.