whats your fat story? how and why did you want to gain all that weight?
I wasnāt always like this.
Before all of thisā¦ I was disciplined. Structured. Controlled.
Runway, dresses, face modelingā¦ even ballet, several sports and sports clothes model. My body was part of my work, my routine, my identity. Everything about me was intentional, the way I moved, the way I stood, the way my body looked from every angle. I had a regimen. I knew exactly what I was eating, how much, when. I lived in control.
Before Covid, I was around 120ā130. Light. Defined. Predictable. āSexyā.
During Covid, without even realizing it, I softened. I went up to 150ā¦ then 170. It didnāt feel like losing control at first, ust comfort, just change. But I still believed I could go back anytime.
After Covidā¦ I didnāt go back.
Food stopped being something I managedā¦ and became something I experienced. I started enjoying it fully, not counting, not restricting, not holding back. And thatās when my body really began to change.
Around that time, I was with someone who hated it.
As I moved between 160 and 190, he started fat shaming me. Comments, looks, constant reminders of what I was becoming.
And thatās where everything changed in a way I didnāt expect.
Because instead of feeling ashamedā¦
There was something about being seen like that. About being told I was getting bigger, softer, losing that āperfectā body, becoming less of a woman, useless. It pulled something out of me. I started showing my belly on purpose, waiting for his reaction, almost needing it.
Those years, 2022 to 2024, were intense. Messy. Addictive.
But then I tried to go back.
At the end of 2024, going into 2025, I try to force myself into discipline again, I genuinely thought I would be able to go back. Dieting, structure, routine. I got back down to around 150, something not even remotely close to the version of me I used to be.
And I couldnāt hold it.
Little by little, I started gaining again.
Until one day (like 4 months later) I looked at myself in the mirror and saw it clearlyā¦
I wasnāt just āa little bigger.ā
My belly wasnāt something I could ignore or hide anymore. It was round, present, part of me in a way that feltā¦ undeniable. Everyone noticed it, my friends, my family, everyone told me āyou used to look so pretty, keep dietingā but I couldnāt and to be honest I also didnāt want toā¦
Instead of wanting to fix itā¦
Thatās when everything changed for real.
In December, I opened Feabie. At first it was just curiosity, a way to explore, to share a little, to see what it felt like to be seen in this version of my body.
I didnāt expect it to go anywhere.
I fell deeper than I thought I would.
Now itās not just something I tryā¦ itās something Iām drawn to. The eating, the indulgence, the softness, the way my body keeps changing, growing, becoming something completely different from who I used to be.
I donāt have the same control I used to have.
I am addicted to food, I canāt live my life without eating, I just enjoyed the feeling of a huge stuffed gut, of a round big fat bloated and in pain belly, of how useless and hopeless I am now, I am addicted to be praised for being a good girl and eating my food, but teased for the obese huge monster I have become.
Iām not sure if I can ever go back, I donāt even want it anymore.
Because this version of me, the one that lets go, that feels, that grows, that enjoys, feels more real than the one who was always trying to stay perfect.
And the story isnāt over.
And Iām only getting deeper into it.
Way deeper, into more fatal, darkest, amusing, degrading, ways of this kink.
Thatās why I opened tumblr as well, I find it one of the best places to share my story.
And I am now in a non return point, there is no way my heart can handle a bariatric surgery, there is no way I can pay for Ozempic after all of my money is spent in food and buying clothes almost every 2 weeks because my body doesnāt stops growing, I am hopeless now and I must keep going, I wanna be huge, thatās what I need, I need to be dependent, hopeless, useless, just a fat blob waiting to be fed and used.
jacobvanloon
snowghoul
blakekathryn
ellievsbear
andulkaphoto
