🥀

Ramblings. Photos. Memories. Letters. Ali

[dafancyuhinspiration]

[warmcroissantt]

Bakla, ang lungkot na naman. Sana kasi nakatulog na lang ako kanina nung sinusubukan ko, i even let go of my phone. :c

[remanence-of-love]

[asoadiosjfidfjdhgjfhgjkfdhg-dea]

things i want to get - paid - laid

[warmcroissantt]

I sometimes get annoyed when fam asks me if i got myself a new phone coz uhm, mukha ba akong may pambili? Do i look like i have a sugar daddy? Para kasing sinisilip gastos ko sa way ng paga ask. Pero kanina after bringing my phone to the repair shop, the technician said na mukha pa rin daw bago so medyo kinilig ako coz more than 3yrs na siya sa’kin. Na proud ako sa pagiging maalaga ko sa gamit ko, although may few scratches na siya coz di naman talaga maiiwasan. That Android phone is the longest one have din because usually, 2yrs max lang tinatagal sa’kin phones coz nasisira or nawawala (which is madalas mangyari. There was even a time na nahablot month-old phone ko from my hand), kaya super careful na ako w this one. Kaya imagine my shock when it suddenly stopped working eh hindi naman siya nabagsak or nabasa. 🥲

Super init kanina, everytime lalabas ako sa kwarto, para akong natutunaw. I was planning to bring my eyeglasses coz sumasakit mata ko kapag sobrang tirik ng araw, or a cap man lang, but opted not to coz tamad ako mag salamin, and mas pagpapawisan ako w a cap. So natuwa ako sa helmet ng Moveit kanina because it had this tinted visor, 5 stars sa’kin kahit na nahuhulog siya slight (atp, masanay na lang ako coz even sa ibang angkas, ang luwag ng helmet). Ang mahalaga, parang na release tension kanina sa mata ko.

Instead of going home straight, i went to the mall and got myself a cheesecake. I was starting to feel good na kanina sa angkas palang coz of the helmet thingy and yung dinaanan ay ma puno and free of bustling streets, pero having that cheesecake put the icing on top. Parang onti onting gumaan pakiramdam ko, and nawala ka badtripan ko sa mundo since my phone issue started. It’s probably because of my period din, pero yung irita ko talaga lately, ‘ti. Hahahha may nakakahiya nga lang na nangyari, pero tinulog ko na lang sa byahe.

I’ve always felt like i’m lucky when it comes to weather. Kapag aalis ako or kapag nasa labas, kahit mukhang paulan na, hindi siya natutuloy. And everytime tumutuloy siya, paonti onti lang and malapit na ako sa bahay. That’s what happened tonight. Now na lang uli ako inabutan medyo malakas pero i was less than 5mins away sa bahay na, kaya i kind of enjoyed my walk pa in the rain. Ang ginhawa rin after that scorching heat this afternoon.

Also, masaya rin ako coz maaga ako nakapag prep for sleep, kahit for sure aabutin na naman ako umaga neto, probably insomnia. I’ve been trying to fix it, kaso everytime i try to sleep early, nagigising ako after an hour. Napapagod lang ako lalo. Pero ang point talaga is, i can do whatever i want na from this point onwards coz i’m done w all my kaartehan.

[warmcroissantt]

I have two phones: an android and an iphone, and they have different uses. Iphone - mostly for taking photos lang and for internet coz that’s where i have my gomo sim. Android is where i have my smart and globe na for emergencies, banking, and contact number ko talaga. Last year lang din naman kasi ako nag gomo coz mas mura for data compared to smart’s magic data, which globe doesn’t offer.

My Android phone stopped working the other night. I did all the basic troubleshooting i could find in google but nothing worked, so i called my mom about it kinaumagahan. I was annoyed because when i told her what seems to be the problem, sinagot ako ng “eh ikaw pala may alam eh”. She didn’t even let me finish what i was saying so binabaan ko siyang call, she called me a few minutes after with a milder tone. She told me to bring my phone to a service center instead, after i went to several stores in our local shopping center to do a canvass. When i called the service center this morning, they gave me a price and sinabihan ako na it’s much better to buy a new one. What people don’t get is even if abutin 13k pagawa neto, the new phone i could buy with that price wouldn’t be as good as the Android phone i have now. I’m not an expert, but i know my stuff when it comes to phones because i’m very thorough when purchasing a gadget, and i also have a standard of my own as a maarte—I don’t necessarily need a high-end, but i’m also not for low-budget, nothing wrong w that, i just prefer being in the middle.

Anyway, i convinced my Mom that i’ll just bring my phone to a repair shop para hindi naman ganun kamahal. Good thing i asked one of the stores i went to yesterday if they could recommend me a shop, sana lang magawa talaga. Nag commute lang ako kanina even though i’m not familiar w the area, pero mukha naman they know their thing so i’ll wait for the results na lang.

I knew there’s gonna be a hiccup in my on-going seemingly normal life. I was feeling good lately tapos bigla akong tinapunan ganyang stress ng Uni, just when i was trying to be more prudent with my spending. Ngayon panibagong gastos na naman. But i’m good na, i’ll kwento it in a diff post coz this one’s too long na.

[warmcroissantt]

What’s the use of your ear if you won’t use it to listen first? Kairita.

[warmcroissantt]

This loneliness and yearning shall pass.

[kosmogrl]

[warmcroissantt]

During times like this, i am oh, so grateful for manhwas with interesting plots, good art/good looking men. Nasasapawan inis ko ng kalandian. Minsan it’s a blessing na i can easily make jokes even when i’m deeply disturbed by something or even when i’m annoyed.

On a lighter note, yes, dzaddy.

[warmcroissantt]

The desire to defy expectations is the only thing that forces me to have a clear mind. I just hope that there’s nothing building up inside me that i am not consciously aware of, that shit would be much more difficult to handle.

[warmcroissantt]

I stress easily over the little things—mostly about things my own mind creates. Pero kapag seryosong bagay na, it’s amazing how I can calm myself down and think about things logically. My first thought would be to look for ways on how to fix it; this is why it’s rare for me to be unable to resolve things myself, ang lala lang minsan ng crash out ko once i realize na there’s nothing i can do by myself, and this makes me so fucking annoyed.

[shebutta]

a love you don’t have to heal from.

[warmcroissantt]

Giirl, ba't naman ako nagc crave ng goto? Kagabi pa 'to. 😭 Init ng panahon eh.

[warmcroissantt]

For someone who plans to lessen her game time, i sure keep buying stuff for my laptop that i use for my gaming. Hahahh pero kasi i’m sure naman na those will be useful pa rin naman even when I don’t play na, and tech shopping really makes me happy and excited!! Hahahh

Anyway, i got myself a laptop stand w fan coz nag iinit talaga laptop ko everytime i play, kaya laging nakatutok fan eh, nasanay na tuloy ako na hindi nahahanginan. Hahahah i also bought a usb hub coz naiirita na ako na dalawa lang usb port ko, sana dumating na siya bukasss, super excited lang talaga na ako. Hahahha

Sana dumating na rin leggings ko, baka sakaling bumalik na kasipagan ko tumakbo. Wala na akong any form of workout. Wala naman nagpu push sa akin din na maging active, kailangan ko talaga kakaladkad sa’kin madalas. Hahahha excited na rin ako sa new strap, black para matchy matchy na sa outfit ko, pwede na uli ako mag feeling masc paminsan minsan. Charot hahahah

[warmcroissantt]

Gen sent an event for July 19 in the gc and Mae replied na she can’t come coz she’ll be in Pangasinan that day. Idk if my thinking is just too advanced, but since then mas lalong nabubuo sa isip ko na possible yung bagay na ayaw ko sana mangyari. Alam ko naman na that we can never get back together again, what we have right now is better—just friends, and maybe darating din araw na hindi na kami madalas makakapag usap, since ngayon palang sobrang bawas na. We only get to talk when we’re playing and it’s always about the game, parang wala na personal connection naming dalawa. So maybe, my life will eventually go back to the way it was before her, although it makes me really sad and still so hard to accept, wala naman magagawa. And feeling ko rin darating araw na pipiliin niyang bumalik ng Pangasinan and dun na tumira, mas lalong low chance for me. And darating din araw na she’ll find herself loving someone new, and that someone won’t be me again. There’s really just zero possibility for us.

I’m learning to accept all these now, albeit slowly, i think i’m making progress naman. I’m starting to get back to my old hobbies kaya medyo nae entertain na uli ako sa life, not that I didn’t try before, pero ngayon ko lang uli kasi sila na feel? I was just in a slump.

I still miss her everyday. Kung hindi lang siguro limited resources, i’ll accept any yaya or maybe even do the invite myself, but for now i’ll choose my other friends. Hindi tayo masyadong magpapakabaliw na sa isang tao. Lol and the thing i thought was impossible before? I think mas kaya ko na. Before kasi parang sasabog ako from the overwhelming feelings i have for her, but they’re more manageable now. I still can’t see myself with other people, pero hindi na ako deulu na siya lang pwede kong makasama hanggang huli. I’m starting to like myself better now uli, idkw or how i did it, i left it all with time. Nasanay na lang din siguro after i exhausted myself. This is why i never force anyone to move on, may mga tao kasing kailangan sinasagad sarili—speaking from my own experience.

[warmcroissantt]

Open up opportunities for me—I think i’m ready now.