Last weekend was my birthday. (Whoo-hoo. Happy Birthday to me!)
Looking back on the last year, my twenty-second year of life, I canât decide if it was a good year with bad moments scattered throughout, or a bad year with good moments scattered throughout. Sounds melodramatic, I know, but hear me out.
Hereâs the deal. For the past year, Iâve been dealing with the effects of Post Concussion Syndrome (PCS); most of that time, unknowingly so.
I started my relationship with concussions in 7th grade wrestling practice after engaging in a drill session with a gangly, uncoordinated ogre of a child. The ogre proceeded to lift me up above his shoulders, and then slam me head first in the mat.
I remember lying on my couch at home, nauseated and unable to escape the constant ache between my temples. Now, eight years later, I have endured 9 more concussions; half of which were attained in the last 2 years.
Some peopleâs response when I tell them that I am in the double digits with concussions goes something like this:
âOMG!! ARNT U like ⊠SUPPOSED TO BE BRAIN DEAD BY like⊠SEVEN?! Or something?â
No, you adorable little monkey. You must have been misinformed.
Most people donât realize is that every single concussion is different; even for the same person. There are no rules to concussions. Symptoms may last a week, or a year. A hit to the head that may be traumatic to one person, may not even affect another. All cases are completely separate, and there is no magic-number of concussions that one can endure before their brain no longer functions.
However, just because some concussions may be less traumatic than others, does not mean they are in fact less serious. All people suffering from concussions are at risk of Second Impact Syndrome. A concussion on top of another concussion can be fatal. This is why it is absolutely imperative that you let your TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury... and yes, a concussion qualifies) heal before returning to daily activities.
Let's say you have a concussion. OH NO! Well guess what? The brain is plastic. This is amazing! This means that our brain is ever-changing, and has the capability to heal itself (if given the chance). All you have to do is snuggle up in bed, disable all electronic stimuli (iPhones, iPads, iPods, uGetThePicture), wear sunglasses when you must leave your quarters... and wait. Yes, wait, wait, wait until your head has had enough time to recover.
Yeah, it's boring as shit, but there's no easy fix for a concussion. And trust me, you don't want to test your head's boundaries (like I have).
I've had instances of concussions on top of concussions; my longest lasting about four months. It really put a damper on life for a while. I had to cancel my itinerary for three overseas wrestling trips: Sweden, Russia, and China. Instead I spent those months alone, cooped up in the confines of my dorm room, and only came out of hiding to forage for food in the caf (with my sunglasses on). The headaches were treacherous, and seemed like they would never end. My speech slurred, and I couldn't remember basic things. I wondered if I would ever go back to normal.
The answer turned out to be yes... and no. I recovered from the concussions. I would even say I felt 100%! But as time passed, things began to surface, telling me that my battle with concussions was not over yet.
Back to my original mention of PCS. The headaches have passed, but for the last year I have been dealing with symptoms associated with "Post Concussion Syndrome." Symptoms like... Anxiety, Paranoia, Depression, forgetfulness, and being horribly irritable and bitchy to the people close to me.Â
"Sounds like PMS to me." Yeah, I've heard it all. But that's not me. I am not shaken easily. Cool as a cucumber, that's who I am. Yet this past year, I've been on a bi-polar roller-coaster, complete with panic attacks, tantrums, and the want to destroy everything in my path, including my own life.
Yeah, it's been that bad. I abhor medication, so when I told my doctor, I asked for an alternative method... and he sent me to a sports psychologist who specialized in biofeedback. Basically, she hooked my brain up to these little sensors and uncovered that what I was feeling was very common for someone who had a history of concussions. My brain was not "gating" properly... which means it is not filtering out all of the unnecessary stimuli with each influx of new information, every second, of every waking moment.
Example. You and I are having a conversation. You hear me talk, you see my facial expressions, you think about what you are going to say.
Now during this same conversation, I don't just hear you; I am conscious of everything going on around us; the noise of the air conditioner, the color of the walls, the last time somebody washed the floors, the couple's conversation next to us, how dry my hands feel, the sound of music in someone's headphones across the room, and what you're saying to me... all at the same time.Â
It's never-ending. My brain cannot filter out what should be "background noise." Sheeeesh.
There was good news that came from my visits with the sports psychologist. She said this condition was not permanent, and that my brain would continue to heal itself. Halle-frikin-lujah. We've been doing a lot of "brain-calming" exercises, which do help, since the problem lies in my brain becoming increasingly overactive.
In the meantime, I feel bad for my boyfriend. I am visiting him for the week (long distance, ya dig?) and try as he might, he could not avoid the explosion of stress that was building in my brain throughout that day. Good thing he's a trooper and loves me anyway.
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