Can we talk? Written with @LethalVince
Blay: *It been a week since the incident without a name, where Vincent left our room; or should I call it my room since he never officially moved in. No because my dumbass self had managed to scare him off because I couldn't keep my dark side hidden. How dumb could one person be?! I'd asked myself that dozens of time since last weekend and I still had no answer to and why it was so important to me. All I knew was that those last couple months in captivity had undone me and pandora's box was open and unable to be shut.
To be perfectly honest I couldn't willingly say that I wanted to have it closed. The idea of exploring that part of me, to fully see what kinks I truly enjoyed the most, sent a thrill down my spine, into my gut only to pool right in my groin. I wanted to take him to the Whip and watch him as he watched the shows to see what turned him on and what made him shy away. I wanted to experience it all with him. But that was the thing, it was what I thought I wanted, not what Vincent wanted.
Entering the dining room I had a seat at my usual place, it was time for first meal and I hadn’t eaten since lunch the day before but still I wasn’t really hungry. “Good morning.” I said with a gentle smile trying to conceal that anything was wrong. I was about to sit when Vincent walked through the door and I was caught mid motion standing still just looking at him. I hadn’t seen him in a week and my mind went into overdrive the second I saw and scented him.*
Vincent: *I had a renewed appreciation for the doggen of this mansion since Fritz quietly moved me into a room on the other end of the hall after I left Blay’s room. The servants knew everything that transpired within these walls, and they discreetly went about their business, which was a bonus for me. I spent the week going between the mansion and the training centre with none of my fellow trainees knowing what was doing.
I didn’t want to move back to the dorms, but I wasn’t sure I wanted to move in with Blay after the conversation we had. I avoided him and it worked well thus far, but the queen personally welcomed me to the manse and requested that I join the rest of the household for first meal. It was a request I didn’t feel I could deny and that’s how I found myself standing at the entrance of the dining hall.
Taking a deep breath, I walked in and looked around to see where I could sit. My eyes met his almost immediately and just as I was about to turn and look for a seat on the other side of the large, long table, Fritz came up to me and showed me to the seat next to Blay’s. Both of us stood behind the chairs, looking at each other. My stomach did all sorts of dips and turns and looking into those perfect blue eyes had me yearning for his touch, but I didn’t make a move*
Uh, hey. Beth invited me to join first meal, if that’s okay with you?
Blay: *I couldn’t take my eyes off him, I am not kidding, I simply couldn’t. The moment I saw him I wanted to reach out and touch him, pull him into my arms hug him and tell him I loved him. At the same time somewhere in the pit of my stomach I was boiling with anger for him just ignoring me for a week. If that was how he was going to act everytime we disagreed or wanted different things we wouldn’t make it a year, no matter how much we loved each other.
Still I was happy to see him, that he looked like he was ok. And maybe now if he was forced to sit in my presence he’d realize that I was still me and not some other horrid version of me that he thought.
I smiled. “Why wouldn’t it be okay, Vincent, up until a week ago we shared a bed. Nothing has changed for me in regards of that. You should be safe for the next half hour.” I said with a wink pulling out his chair and indicated with a nod for him to have a seat. As he passed me to squeeze in between the chair and the table I inhaled filling my lungs with his scent and as always something stirred inside of me filling me with his heat and need to claim him. Mark him. Make him mine. I pushed in his chair as he sat only to sit down right next to him. “So, how’s your week been?” I asked as casually as I could. If he wanted to reply he could if he didn’t then I’d know I was still in the dog house. I still didn’t know how to deal with this, no idea at all.*
Vincent: *Agony and delight played across Blay’s handsome features. He was as conflicted as I was, or maybe not exactly the same way, but close enough. I didn’t hesitate as I sat down and watched him take his seat next to me. It was still strange to have a male pull out my chair and treat me this way, but fuck it, I wasn’t complaining. I was however aware that many pairs of eyes were focussed on us. This was the first time anyone had formally seen the two of us together and it caused me to shift uncomfortably in my seat. What if they didn’t approve… What if…
The doggen interrupted my thoughts by placing a plate of butternut soup in front of me, and as I looked up to the side, I saw Blay’s face and realized he had asked me a question. Shit. My nerves had gotten the better of me and now I looked like a fool. My mind raced to filter through the last two minutes to focus on the question. Oh, yeah. Okay*
My week? Well, it hasn’t been great. I got my ass handed to me in training by Axe, and I’m pretty sure Zsadist wants to hang me upside down for ruining his life because he has to keep staying late to give me extra training. Other than that it’s been splendid.
*Lies. It hasn’t been splendid. I’ve been miserable without Blay, but I wasn’t ready to admit that just yet. And me being miserable had quite the impact on my training this week since I couldn’t focus on anything*
Blay: *It was obvious that Vincent was nervous he fidgeted and jumped at simply being near me and maybe even being the dining room with the others. I realized as I looked around watching my family around us that this would be the first time for Vincent having a meal with all of us which in its own way was sad since things weren’t great between us. I didn’t even know if there was an us any longer all because I had this notion in my head, this dark need of… of owning him, making him mine and being his everything.
My eyes met Qhuinn's across the room and he was smirking, I stated back growling at him pointedly asking to back off. I knew Qhuinn and his sharp tongue and I didn't want him to embarrass Vincent or make the situation worse. I grabbed my napkin placing it in my lap using it as an excuse to touch Vincent’s knee with my fingers. “Don't let him or anyone psyche you out. You belong here just as much as them.” I gave his knee a squeeze before reluctantly removing my hand once more. I could feel the annoyance surge under the surface but I swallowed it down for no other reason that the one I was truly angry with was me. This was all my fault because just being with him wasn't apparently enough for me. “I'm sure you're overreacting. You're a great trainee and will be a even greater warrior. We all need that extra training at times… trust me I know.” I offer with a steady smile and wink.
Vincent: *My heart skipped a beat, or two, as Blay’s hand brushed over my knee. His touch bought a spark to my body and soul. A spark I wasn’t prepared for or ready for. Or maybe I was ready for it, but I was unsure of my own reactions to this unfamiliar spark.
My eyes watched Blay’s reactions as we spoke and his reaction to the Brother Qhuinn ignited a surge of jealousy in me. It was the kind of reaction Blay only had to the one male and I knew they had history and he was Blay’s crush and lover for a long time, but it bothered me that the male could still spark a reaction from Blay even while sitting across a crowded table.
Taking a deep breath and picking up my napkin to look casual, my words were hushed and laced with irritation*
Let’s drop the small talk and finish eating so we can have the conversation that’s overdue, shall we?
*Without waiting for a reply, I started eating like my life depended on it. Luckily I didn’t look like a starved wolf next to the large Brothers as they scoffed their food down in a way that made them look like dangerous wolves with etiquette*
Blay: *The sudden annoyance and rebuffness from Vincent surprised me and I sat there looking at his poised profile for a long time ignoring the food in front of me. Vincent was giving Qhuinn the stinky eye, why I don’t know unless it was for the fact that Qhuinn tested. It was what Qhuinn did, it was what we all did, even if I’d wanted to comfort Vincent with that information, hence my earlier statement. But I don’t know how well it sat with me that he was pissed at Qhuinn… not that Qhuinn needed my help to defend his honor. He never had needed it so why start now. But Vincent being jealous, or whatever it was that he was, was now irritating me. What was this he didn’t want me or the version of me that I portrayed so no one could have me? Again not that there was no having between Qhuinn and I, but still. Or was it that Qhuinn and I had a past?
I turned my head to study Qhuinn for a moment. I couldn’t put a word for the feeling that made itself known inside but it wasn’t what it once was but Qhuinn was Qhuinn. He was my past and if Vincent couldn’t deal with that or me this new old version of me because I was changed since my bump in with the Omega and Lash, then what chance would Vincent and I have?
Looking back at Vincent I pick up my coffee mug and take a sip. I didn’t reply to Vincent, the way he was acting he didn’t want a reply either. I would let him lead on this conversation and just shut the hell up. With the way I was feeling at the moment I was ready to just snap right back and that would lead us nowhere. I loved Vincent but I felt trapped inside of myself and everyone expected good ‘ol Blay, and I didn't know if he existed anymore.
Vincent: *I finished my food and picked my napkin up to wipe my mouth when I noticed Blay hadn’t touched his food. The instinct to hand feed him was so incredibly strong, I had to double check myself to make sure I wasn’t following through on the instinct. The last thing we needed was for the Brotherhood to focus their WTF glares at us. Luckily my hands were tightened around the napkin on my lap. After taking a long deep breath, I spoke soft enough for only Blay to hear*
*As I said the words a thought sprung to mind that maybe I was the distraction and that’s why he wasn’t eating. Or was Qhuinn the distraction. Fuck. What the hell was wrong with me? I wanted to leap over the table and wipe that occasional grin off the Brother’s face. Why the hell was he annoying me this badly?
Everything went silent. The chatter stopped. The clinging of cutlery on plates stopped. The only thing I could hear was growling. Loud growling. MY growling. SHIT.
My lips were curled up, fangs bared. At Qhuinn. Who annoyingly still had a grin on his face.
I clenched my fists and turned to look at Blay, who looked like he was silently praying for the earth would swallow him in. The word MINE was all my mind could muster and before I could help myself, I growled* MINE
Blay: *I was completely lost in thought, more or less spaced out, seeing Qhuinn but not really seeing him… he was just there as my thoughts of Vincent swirled in my mind. I was torn between stalking Vincent being on his heel til he changed his mind… demanding him to face his fears, facing me.
I was torn between that and wanting to strangle him for thinking I'd hurt him, for running instead of talking to me and making me feel more of a freak.
Somewhere off in space I heard him speak but instead of doing what he asks I open my mouth to speak but closed it again as I saw the look on Vincent’s face. His otherwise blue eyes are dark and angry, he's ready to tear someone's throat out and as I follow his gaze my own gaze fall on Qhuinn who of course smirks and wags his brows just to push Vincent further.
“Qhuinn” I warn but it was to late as a loud roar sounded and Vincent growling at Qhuinn stating his claim. Pushing out of my seat I put curl my hand around Vincent's arm pulling him up and start dragging him out of the room.
All eyes are on us, some concerned some amused. Qhuinn still smirking and holding Vincent's gaze. Vincent growls a warning taking a few steps towards Qhuinn.
“Qhuinn, enough!” I point a long finger at him before pushing Vincent towards the door. “And you snap out of it. He is not a threat to you.” Finally out of the room and alone I let Vincent go. “What's going on, talk to me?”*
Vincent: *This wasn’t going to end well. But I wasn’t backing down. The male has height and weight advantage over me. Nevermind stealth, strength and stamina, but I didn’t give a flying fuck. I saw him eyeing Blay the entire time and now he kept up his not so subtle provocation.
I was about to lunge over the table at the Brother, when I felt Blay’s arm gripping mine and I turned to see the look on his face. What was I doing? Why was I reacting this way?
We were halfway out the door when I turned to growl at the Brother Qhuinn once more before turning my back on the room and walking out with Blay. Once outside, Blay stopped to talk but I shook my head and kept walking, up the grand staircase and down the corridor to Blay’s room. I wasn’t having this conversation where others could walk in on us. Once inside, I turned to face those blue eyes*
I don’t know what came over me. I got annoyed with him.
*I didn’t add in that Qhuinn was the type of male that could walk into a room and grab the attention of any male or female if he wanted to, and he had Blay’s attention before. Fuck, he had the attention of the trainees in my class and I saw the affect the male had on them*
I didn’t mean to embarrass you. I... l lost control and I should’ve known better.
Blay: *I glared at Qhuinn silently telling him to fuck off. There was no reason for him to provoke Vincent and yet he did for no reason but… what….boredom. I was going to kill Qhuinn, not at this very moment, because now it was more important to get Vincent out of there before he jumped across the table. Attacking a brother wasn't a good idea no matter how much of an asshole he was being.
In the hallway, Vincent slid out of my hold like a snake shaking off its old skin and I winched at the instant reaction a sting burn boring into my heart only to seconds later make me feel annoyed at myself for letting it affect me. But for a minute there I thought that Vincent changed his mind about us… about me and giving us a shot.
So, I followed him up the stairs and to my room so we could talk.
“It is fine, it isn't unusual for this sort of thing to happen you know. And you didn't embarrass me.” For a long time we stood there me right inside the door him by the window neither of us saying a word. Finally I can’t stand the silence anymore and I take a deep breath before speaking.
“Look, Vincent, let's just forget about everything I said about D/S. We can start over or pick up where we left off before I fucked up. The other part, it isn't important. You are.” I held my breath, because I didn't know how I'd react if he turned me down again.*
Vincent: *There were a few things in life I held dear to me, and this male standing in this room with me, was one of those. Our relationship moved at lightning speed and at snail pace all at the same time. It was mind boggling and I didn’t expect to understand what this was. This was my first relationship with any gender and my inexperience undoubtedly showed.
The few moments of awkward silence gave me time to think about what I wanted and Blay’s words cleared up a few more things for me*
I don’t want to forget about what you said. I want to understand you better, and I can’t do that if I don’t know you. All of you. Not just the parts you think I can handle. But the dark and twisted parts of your soul too. Give and take on both sides. I can’t promise a smooth ride, but I can say that we will go through this together for as long as you want us to be on this journey as a team.
Blay: *I started shaking my head as he was still talking. “No, that's not what I said and I'm not sure that's what you really want.” I could see him getting ready to argue and I knew putting words in his mouth was wrong but I knew I was right. “You ran Vincent. You ran like you had a killer on you tail. I think that says all that needs to be said about how you feel about this.” I sat down with a silent tired sigh allowing myself sit relaxing shoulders front and back bowed. I looked at my hands as I continued to talk. “You don't have to feel bad. It was a stupid idea. It means nothing really to me. I saw a couple thing once that just sort of stuck with me. It's not a huge deal.” It wasn't a complete lie I just left out the part of the things I seen was memories of myself from before that caused me to check it out for real just to see my own reaction. But Vincent didn't need to know that. He didn't need to know. I couldn't lose him too. I couldn't let that happen. I lifted my gaze to meet his “I love you and I can't lose you. I'll give you anything you need. Name it and it is yours.”*
Vincent: *Lost in those blue eyes for a moment, I took it all in. Took him in. He was holding something back and I wanted to know what it was, but there was a cautionary warning alarm bell ringing in my head. Blay’s eyes were sad as he spoke about what he wanted. He truly would give me whatever I needed, and all I needed was him. His past was his past. If he didn’t want to tell me his darkest, twisted life story yet I was okay with that. But I needed him to know I would face his demons with him*
You won’t lose me, Blay. I’m here. I’m staying and we will figure this out together.
*As I spoke the words, a part of me cautioned that this was a lie, but I wasn’t sure which part of that sentence it was referring to. Me staying, or us being in this together. Only time would tell*
Let’s start with getting my clothes from the room I’ve been staying in and moving them back into your room, okay?
Blay: *It wasn't until Vincent started to speak, with words securing me, at least momentarily that he wasn't leaving, that I started to breathe again. I took a deep breath and then another my gaze locked with his. He wasn't leaving me… oh, Scribe, he wasn't leaving me…the relief of his words made me feel almost light headed. I couldn't take my eyes away from him, it was like I saw him again for the first time or allowed myself to really let myself feel how important he was to me. “You're not leaving me…” My voice broke, I could feel my eyes tearing up a bit so I blinked a few times to hide it. Reaching out carefully, I hesitated for a second, before taking his hand in mine and pulled him gently towards me and didn't stop until he was standing between my legs. When he did I wrapped both my arms around him burying my face in his stomach. The scent of him was instant, dark, woodsy and sweet all at the same time. Scribe, I loved this male, the mere thought of how close I’d come to lose him made me sob and my arms tightened around him. Sunk into his embrace as one of his arms came around my shoulders and one of his hands carded through my hair. I allowed myself to be comforted by his presence and his scent, neither which I ever thought I feel again.* #CanWeTalk? #BondedBrothers