I Can, I Will.

Long story short: I lost 55+ pounds in 2013, gained all of the weight back and lost the confidence I gained during that time. I want to love myself the way I was made. My name is Irma. 26. Texas. Aspiring Runner. College. Mostly personal posts regarding struggles and anything that goes on in my boring life as well as progress photos.Goal Weight: Healthy :)(Also, I follow back from iwillnever-let-you-fall)

[hanavbara]

girls selfie time  💖 📸

[keybladesoras]

Look, I don’t know if I’m going to have a career after this but fuck that! - John Boyega

[wasol]

February 23, 2020

Let’s recap on what’s gone on in the last month:

I’ve been on my mood stabilizers for 38 days. I think they are helping! I haven’t had drastic mood swings lately

Out of my 5 classes, I have 4 A’s and 1 C+. I’ll be golden if I keep the A’s and bump up my C by the end of the semester

I picked out my schools for student teaching for next spring (I’ll hopefully be graduating from my university then)

I got to hang out with my best guy friend. We drank a lot of margaritas and I boldly held his hand in the car....

I got a crush on a guy in one of my classes! He has a good vibe and kind eyes; I like talking to him

Still not working out, but I’m at least making myself walk to my furthest inward class and around campus (about a mile) 2 times a week

[wasol]

January 15, 2020:

I met up with the Psychiatrist on campus today to get back on antidepressants only to find out I have Bipolar Disorder instead.

It was a bit of a shock at first but now that I’ve had time to take it in, it makes sense. My irritability, random times I decided to socialize with agreeing to last minute things or doing 4 different social gatherings in a day with 4 different people, the urges to cut my hair and actually going through with it before thoroughly thinking it through... in addition to all the depressive symptoms. Yiiiikes, how did I not see it before?

It just makes sense.

Here’s to hoping the mood stabilizer I’m going to try helps. Wish me luck 🌻🤞

[wasol]

January 6, 2020: HAPPY NEW YEAR

Instead of resolutions, I’ve decided to work on myself and move away from the body-oriented things I tend to tell myself I’m gonna do. For example, I want to become better at saying no to things I don’t wanna do and create firmer boundaries in my friendships.

Also, a friend just texted me “would you wanna get an Airbnb” and internally I’m screaming ｏ( ><)o I feel like I’m not listened to - I’ve told all my friends that I’m not working right now (bc full-time school) so I feel like logically, you’d know I’d say no? Plus, I’m already having regrets agreeing to going out for her birthday because it just seems like too much energy that I don’t seem to have right now

Will I really be able to do this whole no thing?!

[wasol]

December 19, 2019

Ahhhhhhh. I went to go see the Nutcracker with my best guy friend last Saturday and before the ballet we couldn’t find any restaurants without a 2 hour wait so we ended up at a sketch bar. We took 3 tequila shots each and were chatting and he was telling me about some friends who were hanging out regularly without him. I decided to invite him on a whim to a friend’s Christmas party happening tomorrow and he seemed hesitant. Eventually I convinced him to say yes but knew better than to get my hopes up. Monday he texted me saying he’d be there and Tuesday I sent him a pic of an ugly Christmas sweater i found for him to wear and he liked it. I’ve been looking forward to introducing him to my friends alllllllll week and he texted me today, letting me know that he’s been puking all day and that’d we’ll see how he feels tomorrow. Now I feel dumb because I told my friends he was for sure going and let myself get super excited about it and now he’s probably not going and now I’m bummed

I, of course, want him to stay home if he’s not feeling well but I really want him to go with me 😢 I hope he’s feeling well enough to

[helpingg]

[thegoodvybe]

[78-s-deactivated20250512]

there’s so much i wanna say but nah

[wasol]

11/18/2019

Last week was rough -cried literally everyday- but I made it through. On Friday, I went to my first official counseling session that wasn’t the consultation one and we talked about me working on stopping my thoughts about me being a burden when there’s no evidence of such. Made me feel a lot better. Met with a family I’m going to babysit for next week on Saturday and I also met up with one of my best friends. She took me to see Illenium and it was out of my comfort zone but turned out to be super fun. Then I drove to a friend’s party after and had fun there, despite not wanting to go at first. It’s been a decent couple of days and i hope it keeps up

[aimematch-archive-deactivated20]

well this social situation isn’t going the way i acted it out in the shower

[wasol]

November 11, 2019

Feeling uber overwhelmed atm. Have 4 major assignments due this week and my brain is being a jerk and not focusing. I wanted to start working on one of them yesterday but I couldn’t. Instead, I spent my night crying for nooooo reason. Waiting for the counseling center to schedule another appointment with me 🥺 I am looking forward to possibly hanging out with my best guy friend this weekend though, so that’s a positive

[marvva]

queen of getting her hopes up

[harmony-is-happiness]

[wasol]

November 5, 2019

Hi, I’m a clown that’s been in love her best guy friend for the last 3-4 years and have been through a few of his girlfriends/flings/breakups. He broke up with his current girlfriend over the weekend and of course my natural reaction is to perk up like a puppy who hears a treat bag opening 🤦🏽‍♀️ I’ve never taken initiative or have tried to pursue more with him bc I could never see him being interested in me like that. And I mean, it’s not like I’ve just been sitting around doing nothing while I wait and hope for that day - I’ve tried dating apps, danced with guys (which I used to never see myself doing), and just putting myself out there in case I meet someone else who turns out to be the loml.

I don’t want to go through another cycle of watching him find somebody again. I know I can’t force him to see me like I do him... regardless, I’d like to actually take action but am not sure where to go from here... obviously, I’d wait a few months while he heals. What would I even do to catch his attention? Or at least look at us as a possibility?

[wasol]

November 3, 2019

Did some sort of physical activity for like the first time this year, walked two miles at a trail near my house with a friend. It wasn’t that bad and can’t help but wonder why it’s been such a struggle for me to get myself moving. Hoping to take myself walking again this week and get into the groove

[wasol]

October 28, 2019

I just needed to vent to the abyss.

I don’t know how I can keep doing this. I’m trying, trying so hard to keep myself from falling back into the pit. I feel myself falling apart on the inside and seeing it manifest physically around me takes my breath away. I’m somehow managing to hang on with my classes and being “social” enough not to cause worry with friends, but the literal mountain of laundry I still haven’t managed to put away since May says I’m not doing well. I feel it coming and I’ve set myself an appointment at the counseling center at school in two weeks to avoid another mental breakdown, so I’m trying to hang on until then. I made sure to include that i took medication before and took myself off of it and have been fine. But it’s hard. So, so hard. I’ve been happy, I’ve been a lot better than 2 years ago but I feel that familiar despair creeping back in. Those I love know I’ve been better and that made them glad. I’ve let two of my friends know I have that appointment in two weeks, but don’t want them to worry and downplayed how I feel. My heart feels like it’s underwater. I feel like I’m suffocating. I want to be okay. I want the words I tell those close to me to be true. I feel like a speck of dust. I feel nothing. I don’t matter. I need to keep it together. I need to get it together. I can’t worry people. I can deal with this on my own. I should speak up. I don’t want to be a burden, but my brain tells me I am even though logic tells me I’m not. So much inner conflict. Always alone with my thoughts. I have to keep smiling. I know what it looks like. I know what it feels like. I know what steps I need to take to get better. I’m taking those steps. I will be okay. Word vomit.