what have i been up to? pt2
i was using softer opiates (codine, hydrocodone) for about 3 years up untill maybe 5 months ago i bought some heroin to take my life, but snorting .5g in 2 days didn't work. i'd make what seemed to be a giant line, snort it, pass out, wake up, repeat untill the bag was gone and i was dope sick. a couple weeks later i spent the last of my money on 25 pressed xannax and 4 grams of Fentynal. i bought a oral syringe to start boofing the fent for a better bioavailability than snorting. I took 2 xannax and woke up in the exact same chair, 3 days later with no xannax and about 1/3 of the fentanyl gone. nobody was pissed, my place wasn't trashed. i have no fucking clue what happened in thoes 3 days. not even a single flash. first thing i did was walk to cvs and talk my way into a bag of insulin needles. the first injection of heroin to someone who has been suicidal for as long as they could cum is, well, a terrible force. still didn't kill me. that was the last of my money, so i had to get dope sick again. as soon as i was good enough i found a shitty job in a warehouse, worked there for 2 weeks, got paid and spent it on heroin to kill myself again. I'm so fucking miserable when i'm clean that i talk myself into giving myself a couple days to be high before i die. by then i have a tolerance again and don't die. i've picked up 3 jobs long enough for a check so i could buy drugs and die. Now i' don't know what to do. i'm just now getting over junk sickness from the last bout and i'm stuck. please just let me die.
