Loose Change
Hey hello, bonjour to all my people, my family (biological and metaphorical), my besties, my worsties (jk I used to have two haters but now I have none so if you have beef with me that’s so sad because I don’t know who you are!! I will pray for you. (“you” as a concept, I don’t think of you.)), anyone perusing tumblr in this big year, those of you who clicked the link in my bio most likely not expecting this, any person or persons who has/have been sent this link for any reason, hello. You too are welcomed. And any of you merely looking for a holiday wish list curation, or to know more about my capitalistic interests - or otherwise!
As always it’s time for me to dance for you, to tell a little tale, to share some words made into sentences, as an opening act to $1,000,000.00 worth of e-commerce links.
Without further nonsense:
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“What piece of advice would you give your younger self?”
I find this question so funny because it’s exclusively posed to people perceived as successful or inspirational in some way. If that person is successful, why would you think they’d give their younger self advice that would inevitably alter the entire course of their life, and not simply follow everything they’d done to get right where they are - on stage, on tv, in front of a mic, in an interview - answering this question?!
Before I descend into mania, let me be clear that I understand exactly why the question is asked. I understand its primary purpose is to inspire others listening / watching / reading, but I find the question inherently flawed because if the person answering this question got to where they are without this advice, why would anyone be compelled to follow advice they haven’t taken?
Anyway, I’m going to do a 1500 word bit on this so just pretend that question isn’t rhetorical and I can’t fathom an answer.
(But sorry, just once again, I can fathom many answers. I swear. I’m using the question to highlight a contradiction and set up my critique!!)
Enter that universe with me…. Thank you. Enjoy the discourse.
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A reflection.
First of all, the question is a bit rude. You’re blessed with the opportunity to speak to, for instance, Jeff Bezos, and you deign to inquire what advice he’d give to his younger self? Why? Did he not create Amazon fast enough?
Did you need something overnighted in 1992, you ungrateful little bird?
What about this man’s success indicates that there’s advice he needed?? He built a trillion dollar company, revolutionized global commerce, put these cutie amazon vans that look like they were conceived by the mind behind the jetsons on our IRL american streets, and the question you’re asking is: how could you have done it better??
The question implies there was some flaw in the path taken. As if avoiding the mistakes is the goal. As if the blueprint he created should be revised.
As if the hurdles are not the very reason this man is 5’7 but 6’5 when he stands on his wallet!! As if the hurdles have not led us to this very moment in time where you can get taco seasoning, a hamper, and a pair of clogs delivered in 7 hours (likely within the same packaging which sometimes, unbelievably, is a bag?!)
You want to know what Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen would have done differently? Nothing. For a $500 tee shirt could only have been created through the unique symbiosis of excessive nicotine poisoning, unhealed family trauma, and having your first steps taken on the WB lot.
Like, what are you hoping to get from asking this question? That Drake’s answer would erase the Degrassi canon?!
And stay away from Mark Cuban, I’m so serious!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok that’s my first issue!
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My second issue is how presumptuous it is to assume your younger self would take the advice. At 20 years old, you’re not listening to a God damn word anyone is saying, let alone a morsel of advice.
Imagine 2025 Elizabeth Holmes telling 2003-2015 Liz “Quick piece of advice from your incarcerated future self: Whatever you do, don’t. None of it. Mainly the blood stuff, that’s most important, but also kind of the turtleneck for other reasons. Also get a job at Pfizer and stay there until the second Trump presidency…. There will be two, yeah.”
She would have been like, “Are you crazy?” in the deepest voice you’ve ever heard and pricked 2025 EH’s finger with a safety pin.
(wait, that’s actually someone we need to ask this question to.)
Thinking back to a time when I would have loved to give my younger self advice I wouldn’t have taken, I can see vignettes of myself engaging in behavior that would have me arrested in the Sims.
To give you an insight into the climate of my life when I was 22: I was drinking vodka like I held equity in Grey Goose, and running around clubs like they were obstacle courses in video games and the only way to gain points was by puncturing men’s feet with your heels, pouring drinks they bought you onto the floor, and telling incredibly elaborate lies.
Here’s some advice I would have offered my younger self: Turn around and walk out of Westway (a club on the Westside Highway. RIP) before you meet a man who is going to try to ruin your life!!
And here’s how I would have responded: “No! And on top of that, I’m going to date him for 2 years!!”
Had I taken the advice, who knows where I’d be. I likely wouldn’t have moved to LA to free myself of that toxicity, which in turn led me to meet to two to three men who would try to ruin my life in different and ultimately more exhausting ways (jk we love them) meet a man with whom I would create a very prolific and robust digital athenaeum of little bits that would change my life.
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Third issue.
The knowledge you have as a person being asked the question “what advice would you give your younger self” has come from the very mistakes said advice intends to mitigate.
The reason you have the knowledge of what to do differently is because you lived through getting fucked.
Because of that, the way people usually answer this question is like: Set boundaries. Know your worth. Don’t settle…
These are great pieces of advice. And yes, we need young people to hear this because we need to empower younger people to set a precedent for themselves. However, if I told myself in my twenties to hire a lawyer to negotiate a contract so that in 8 years I would be fairly compensated for the inconceivably comprehensive amount of IP that largely contributed to the success of a company, I wouldn’t have been part of that company. (and btw someone did give me this advice, and it was my dad.)
If I’d spoken up, someone would have told me to shut the fuck up… and sometimes there’s a time to shut the fuck up… and quite frankly, it might be when you’re 22.
You can’t come out the gate making demands, you’re not alec boss baby baldwin!!
No one’s handing you equity because Tik Tok told you to know your worth and you wanna stand on your business in a WeWork; They’re handing you more responsibility and less pay and waiting for you to be grateful for the opportunity.
The bliss and allure of youth is that you’re learning and exploring and people are giving you advice and you’re ignoring it, and so you make your mistakes and you navigate around them and the reward of that, is that eventually you get to be the person to whom this question is posed.
This is the time you’re working toward becoming someone who has the right to demand things, to stand firm in your boundaries, and to speak up for yourself. The silence of shutting the fuck up can be edifying if you’re pragmatic.
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What advice would I give my younger self?
Bit aside, yes, I’m aware it’s a question intended to inspire those around you to heed advice (that you likely wouldn't have taken) so here’s mine:
Recognize the blessing of being alive. Find something to be happy about every single day. Make joy a priority. Celebrate every win. Be kind. Be generous. Try to learn something new every day. At least pretend to read the contract. Get a lawyer. Be less shy. Get a good handshake going! Be quick to identify the lesson in the challenge. It’s okay to cry (not that much though omfg.). Be your own guardian. Love yourself first and best. Always do what feels right. Don’t stop.
Life is so beautiful and so full of perfectly timed miracles, and perceived catastrophes, little nothings, explosions of joy, minor moments of tumult, and huge blessings that all ultimately give way to some of the most expansive moments. Being able to realize this is a privilege.
The gift is the journey, so lock in.
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ok, here is my wishlist!!!:
A gorgeous luggage rack. Of which I have found two, but please be aware I am open to others.
Rimowa luggage (putting this up top because if you act quickly I can have before I go to London and wouldn’t that be so nice for me!!) I have requested rimowa luggage before (and was blessed to receive!). However, I unfortunately, unknowingly asked for the genre that rly can only fly private. Revised asks: A trunk. Another luggage also a trunk. A carry-on. I think I think this is ugly (not sure) but maybe my ipad needs a straight jacket. Idk!
Some impractical boots I’ll pretend are for the snow. Maybe these could be for the snow tbh. Unlikely… Maybe these too and if not at least they kind of look like it’s a yes. Size 8!!!!!
A travel pouch. There are a few thank you. (LV calling them a packing cube is obscene.) (PSA: I will accept from therealreal.)
A reservation at Polo Bar that isn’t at 10pm on a Wednesday. I can’t believe I’m exposing the fact that I don’t know a single person who can pull this for me. How gauche.
Seven million dollars.
A Hastens. I can be more specific. Inquire within!
I bet you thought I was going to put that Max Mara coat on here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This watch. (heheheheh)
Urgently this dress.
Some things from my mytheresa wishlist! (This which is different.) Some of these are reasonably prices I stg. Not this in the grand scheme of things but…. In some cultures this is considered reasonable. Yeah these, too!
Tragically the Hermes bag (in black) that I wanted is no longer available. Oh actually all the bags are unavailable online. Ok. An attack on me.
This. They don’t make it anymore and that’s very annoying to me.
A gorgeana vase. Here are three options.
Yes, a luminous velvet throw. Yep.
Um, these… and also this. And this is insane. As is this. Sorry so many great affordable pieces!!
Sneaking this in here.
Speaking of (from issue 1).










