Welcome To Hell

i need to pee but don't want to get up

[thebronyguardian]

when i was a lil kid my mother and father and my lil sis died in a murder i was sent to a mental instatution untile i was 18 i then went to the army then i became a royal gaurd i had a child but the child died and over the years insainity took over

Sorry for your lost.. May they find peace… Wait you’re in the army right.

[m4ck4pp1e]

why?

[thebronyguardian]

Just asking. Like have you heard any war stories?

[m4ck4pp1e]

i have been in one

[thebronyguardian]

* salutes*

[m4ck4pp1e]

*salutes back* so your apart of the army too?

[thebronyguardian]

Yes. Mostly in the Lunar Army and The Crystal Resistance.

[m4ck4pp1e]

i seved them all

[thebronyguardian]

How long do your wars last?

[m4ck4pp1e]

4

[violaslayvis]

I didn’t know johny & his family live with a giant ice cream monster. Also why is johny’s dad saying breakfast is bad???

[tariqah]

I’m delirious this is too much

[terrapincentury-deactivated2018]

this sounds like a new brian jonestown massacre song. or a drab majesty song!

[cheaphalloweencostume]

the gasp sound bite when papa sees him eating breakfast is what the fear of god sounds like

[xxziggystardust]

[psyducked]

I remember the second time I ever bottomed the guy used something he called “love garden” which was supposed to help with the pain because I said how much I hated bottoming the first time—and I was amazed! Although it still felt like taking a shit I at least didn’t feel like someone was digging in me like they were looking for a spoon in the garbage disposal. But the morning after I went to go poop and everything fell out of me with no push or anything and I noticed I had a one inch gape! 9 hours later! I spent the next 12 hours having panic attacks and considered how I would call my mom and explain to her that I needed my hole sewn up when at last I regained control and clenched back up.

Anyway, my man Elmo here is looking exactly how I looked when I went to inspect myself that morning and could slide 4 fingers in without blinking

[cobaltdays-deactivated20210208]

What in god’s name did I just read,,,,

[shitty-car-mods-daily]

I’m pickle shift via Shitty_Car_Mods

[the-x-button]

finally living up to your url i see

[chunkecheeks]

[identificat]

This is the most bizarre yet pure thing I’ve ever encountered on grindr

[psyducked]

Are you going?

[tomaturtles]

I can’t believe i’m getting called out by a bot

[tomaturtles]

Update: i’m calling the police

[metalslugx-deactivated20220413]

can i get directions to the pussy factory

yeah it’s down here, follow me

[pocmemes]

Drake was playin fortnite with ninja on his sons birthday 💀💀

[hustlerose]

my next guest is……… rick and morty!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(band plays)

haha hi rick and morty. ya look great. wow. rick and morty right here on my show Late Night with Conan O’Brien. it’s great to have you, rick and morty. 

well conan it’s great to be here. lemme tell you this is aBHURRP a gRRHeat opportunity for me. i’ve always wanted to be on a stupid lame talk show for idiot sheeple. 

enough talk, rick and morty. we both know why you’re here. my intellect is superior. i will destroy you, rick and morty. 

haha! you, conan? you’re even dumber than your audience and i can prove it with science. no further comment needed. 

(band starts playing battle music) 

[pleasestopandrew]

What do you do

[neopoints]

take the Dad out for a date instead

[nymphodeces]

why does dennys have a tumblr

[dennys]

why do you

[mamasynth-deactivated20160730]

[thrud-deactivated20210605]

excuse me i just saw a sign that said “nut then what?” and i almost had a heart attack while driving

[thrud-deactivated20210605]

     NUT

   T HEN W   HAT ?

[snoopingasusualisee]

[heartfuzz]

[heartfuzz]

i saw my own post on my dash for the first time so here’s some explaination:

1. “The foos are fighting now until 10pm” is dad’s way of telling me “foo fighters are on austin city limits for a full hour”

2. he does not call me pops he calls himself pops and he signed the text

3. he types in shorthand and uses as little punctuation as possible hence the “baked tater”

4. to this day he’s rly proud of this. i told him he has 180k notes and he giggles and says, “what was my line again?” and i tell him, “don’t like that pic” and he gets a kick out of it

[buge]

[franny-squalor-glass]

Literary Prints

[taestysuga]

Cosmo, even tho a little problematic, teaches me so much about blow jobs than porn ever had I give my life to Cosmo

[90snokia]

the lil dude from the fairy odd parents?

[binches-deactivated20220521]

yesterday i went to the library to read because im a nerdy girl and i love to read, unlike most girls. (: anyway i was reading twilight and tHEN I SAW ANOTHER GUY READING TWILIGHT AND HE CAME OVER AND STARTED FINGERING ME AND THEN HIS MOM SHOWED UP AND LIT HIM ON FIRE OMG THEN I ASKED HER IF SHE HAD TUMBLR AND SHES LIKE “SUPERWHOLOCK” AND GAVE ME HER URL AND IM SCREAMING