Last week I went on my 27th annual visit to North Korea, and as always the hospitality of the nations wonderous leader was at its best. It's hard to believe that 27 years has passed since I first sat my foot on their sacred ground. Of course, back then I was no more than a simple tourist ot the north-koreans.
On my first visit I stayed for a 3 days before deciding to take my leave. Unfortunately I faced some complications at the border, for some reason I was registered as a South Korean citizen and was immediately arrested. After 15 days of testing, North Korea's top scientist were able to conclude that I was not of korean origin, and I was set free. My passport and bank account got confiscated in the process, so I was at the time unable to leave the country. In order to raise some money I started to host my own magic show at the streets of Pyongyang. My "tricks" consisted of everyday things like playing various instruments, not getting executed and trying out different kinds of clothing. All of this was very new to the north-koreans, it was very unlike their own ways of life. Over a period of 4 months my magic show slowly gained popularity, but my pockets remained empty most of the time. At this point I realized that something needed to be done or else I risked starving to death. On the next magic show a large amount of people had gathered to see my performance, and it seemed like the perfect day to try out my new "special" trick. First I warmed up my audience with some simple tricks my dad thought me such as how to make a hammer and sickle out of a napkin, changing the colour of ones clothes to red, summoning Rasputin's ghost, and so on. Then, when the audience seemed entertained enough, I raised my right arm in the air and shouted; "Show me capitalism" at the same time as I pulled a paycheck out of my right sleeve. The poor people were terrified, which I guess is a pretty normal reaction when seeing something so unfamiliar for the first time. I have to admit that I was at the time quite surprised by the crowds chaotic behavior, and for a second I accidentally dropped the paycheck which was caught by the wind and sent directly against the crowd. People started running in all directions, they threw themselves through windows, the entire city was in complete chaos. I would have used this distraction to my advantage by escaping the country, but I had a slight feeling that I was probably too late. To the right I saw a line of tanks that continued into the horizon, and to the left I saw a similar line consisting of soldiers, the sky was covered with attack-helicopters and right in front of me stood Kim Il-Sung himself. Knowing that I could be annihilated at any second I closed my eyes and waited. But instead of recieving a nuclear missile to the head, I recieved a hug from a north-korean. Apparently, a north-korean tv channel had been broadcasting my show for the past few weeks, and my biggest fans was Kim Il-Sung and his sons. After being saluted by each member of the north-korean army, I was invited to spend the rest of the evening with the Kim family. I was shown the finest examples of north-korean cuisine, which was basically american food that had lived a life of oppression. I was also shown the daily activities of the average north-korean citizen, such as throwing hand-grenades over the south-korean border. Then I was shown alcohol, and wierdly enough I cannot seem to remember much about what happened next. What I do know is that when I woke up I was told that I had signed a contract which demanded me to spend a week in North Korea each year, and in exchange I would be able to leave the country at any time. In addition to these news I was also told that the occasion had been named "Labour October Visiting Event." Even though the name did not make much sense since I visited from January to May, I was required to use the name when referring to the event.
Kim Il-Sung's death did not bring this tradition to an end, since the right of keeping me as guest passed on to his heir. Unfortunately, I did not share much in common with North Korea's new leader, and after a few years I spent most of "Labour October Visiting Event" or the "L.O.V.E" week with his son, Kim Jong-Un.
Now, since his father got Kim Jong-Ill And Kim Jong-Died, Kim Jong-Un has inherited his rightful position as Eternal Ruler of North Korea, and I no longer feel like I'm wasting a week of my life each year. He has really turned my life around, and he got me through some hard times.
I now propose a toast for Comrade Kim Jong-Un, in the name of Order, public oppression, and socialism!
theartofmadeline
pixelskylines
andulkaphoto
germansingergirl
snowghoul
2087
origamiaround
dededos
kianamaiart
tangentwithtanner