who: nix & open ( @willowpeakstarters )
where: chicago river boat architecture tour
when: tuesday afternoon
Logically, as more or less a native of Chicago, she knew it was borderline too cold for one of the architecture boat tours on the river. It was still a little bit of a volatile season and you never knew what you were going to get from one moment to the next.
Still, it had a way of clearing her thoughts. It was reassuring, the way the buildings stayed so similar, so familiar, and she liked it. Plus, the volunteers who gave the boat tours were usually pretty hilarious.
There weren't a lot of people on board, but enough, and she wasn't against talking to any of them, the motion of the boat and the breeze seeping through her sweater making her feel alive again. She decided to see if she could meet someone new.
"First time here?" she said to the person next to her, hoping if she kept it neutral it wouldn't disturb their peace and piss them off.
Eliza was in a bit of a world of her own imagination, pencil in hand and sketchbook across her lap. Whenever Eliza's mind got a little too much, she took solace in taking a good ole boat tour in the center of the city, spending an hour sketching the buildings as the idly past them on the boat. Using sketching was a healthy way to distract her brain from the constant loop of anxious thoughts. It was a coping mechanism that one of the nurses had recommended during one of her last hospital stay and the habit just kind of stuck.
Eliza had gotten on fairly friendly terms the boat driver from the frequent visits that he even stopped charging her from ever ride. She had gotten so used to blending into the crowds that she almost didn't notice when a voice had spoken up in her direction. "mm, oh me? no no very much I local, this very boat ride is in fact probably number six..in the last few weeks, something about being surrounded by these giant buildings is quite soothing no?" She asked softly as she tucked a couple of loose strands of hair that had fallen out of her ponytail behind her ear shutting her sketchbook timidly.
goldie couldn't remember the last time she had an actual day off. her shifts at lapinou, while no longer than any normal job, were inconsistent and changed week to week depending on the availability of her coworkers. and when she wasn't at work, she was a home trying to wrangle her daughter into a bath or to dinner or trying not to pull her hair out as she listened to the baby shark song for the twentieth time that day.
but today, she was free.
her grandmother had noticed the bags under goldie's eyes and had suggested that she treat herself to a nail appointment or something along those lines if only try to relax. that's not exactly what she was doing. instead she was just trying to run some much needed errands (which honestly was similar to treating herself).
currently she was at a local thrift store, trying to find some clothes, and smiled brightly as she found something cute and affordable. "thank god," she sighed. "this is the third store i've come into and the first one that isn't ridiculously expensive. when did shopping at thrift stores become just as expensive as shopping at abercrombie and fitch?" she wasn't even talking to anyone specifically, mostly to herself, but noticing someone nearby she turned her attention to them fully. "i'm not crazy, right? i found a pair of jeans at the last shop that were $70." an eye roll and huff left the other person know just how irritated she was by the increase in secondhand clothes.
Eliza sorted through the different racks looking for pieces that seemed out of place so she could drape it over her arm and look for more suitable places for the garments. It wasn't the most exciting of tasks and honestly there wasn't many tasks that working the local thrift store really entailed. Yet, here Eliza stayed. Despite the mundane she did actually like the job quite a bit. She got along well without the owner, got a decent discount on the merchandise, and the work never required much mental work. Of course, Eliza could probably find a different job and any point but there was something peaceful to him in the familiarity, seeing as she maintained the same job on and off since the age of tender age of eighteen right out of high school. The pay wasn't incredible, yet she made up for it but a majority of her wardrobe coming from this very store.
It was a slower day, truthfully less than a handful of people had come in the store which had left Eliza feeling a little stir crazy. She did her best to occupy her time, deciding the store could use a much-needed renovation and reorganization, and so she began the task of sorting through the many racks searching for inspiration on her project. The owner wouldn't mind much and there was only one person in the entire store. Every now and then Eliza looked up to check on the blonde female in case she needed anything when one of the times she looked up she
heard the female speak not necessarily to her but out loud nevertheless.
Eliza chuckled to herself when she heard the female mention a store that her younger self died to shop at but never had the money to afford. She begged her mother for a pair of jeans or at the very least a cheap graphic tee but money was always tight or her mother had more important things to buy, like alcohol for whatever loser boyfriend she was dating at the time. "well I'm not sure if we have any abercrombie and fitch but I'm sure we have some jeans that would pass for some, and I promise not to tell if you don't."
the flickering of a lamp by his bedside was the only thing amiss in the space as he clicked the off and on button obsessively. the light, on one moment and gone the next, washed his silhouette in warmth before it disappeared with a click of his fingers to bathe himself in total darkness. he thought of nothing, truly, and yet he thought of everything; he was practicing thinking of himself and the people in his life instead of seeking warm bodies to occupy a space in his head. it made him feel shit about himself, sometimes, but had always been an unhealthy coping mechanism to stop the thoughts. if he was around people, he found that he didn't think so much about himself. except with one person...
shoes could be heard squeaking up his fire escape then - a coincidence or just a smattering of fate entering his life again. he didn't turn around because he knew the window was open for her - always open for her. if on the off chance it was someone who shouldn't be up here, a burglar or something, he didn't want to think about why he wasn't afraid. he could hear her sliding the window back, stepping into the room, and then, at last, her perfume... he shut his eyes to it, the clicking off the lamp bathing him the warmth of the light again, allowing her to see her way around as he selfishly took big gulps in through his nose. a squeeze of his heart followed, and he spoke into the night then, turning onto his back to start at first her shoes then the rest of her. he took in every inch with a delicate kind of precision, a warmth settling in his gaze before his eyes even met her own. she was so beautiful.
"come to bed," he requested, holding up the covers where some of the chill from outside of them seeped into, causing him to shiver. he tried to catch a glimpse at her mood tonight, but the shadows cast across her face made it difficult. "or there's pasts in the fridge, if you'd like to eat first; i'll join you either way."
Despite in being the middle of the night and the darkness over taking a majority of the city, Eliza was wide awake. Blame it on her overactive mind, blame in on the fact that her flat always seemed too quiet somehow and the buzz from the sporadic traffic outside wasn't enough to soothe her, or maybe her bed always felt much too empty and stiff anytime she tried to close her eyes. Her apartment always felt too still, too cold during the colder winter months and it kept her mind circling at a constant buzz keeping her awake. Whatever the excuses for her inability to fall asleep she sat letting out a defeated sigh and sat up throwing the ratted quilt off body. Grabbing a loose worn out hoodie she slipped it over her tender frame. Taking in it's familiar scent as she felt it cling to her body as if the person it belonged to was wrapping his arms around her in a tight hug. She felt instantly a little comfort surge her body. It wasn't enough and she knew it wouldn't be long before she found herself at the only place she could find enough comfort to silence her brain for sleep.
Grabbing her keys from the top of her dresser she grabbed a tiny narrow perfume bottle that had contained the same subtle scent she had used for as long as she could remember. She found the scent in a magazine as a child and swore one day she would own her own bottle, it being one of the first adult things she ever purchased with the first paycheck from her job. Placing a little behind her ear she dabbed a little before grabbing her phone. A little after two in the morning and she bite down on her bottom lip nervously. Would he be frustrated that once again she found herself in his home. Placing her pinky nail along her lips she nibbled nervously wondering if he would tire of her constant presence. She could call him but she didn't want to risk disturbing him more. She figured if she wandered to his flat and the window found itself locked this time that she would take it as a sign.
Taking the brisk walk to his place she let herself up the fire escape that she had done more than a handful of times over this last year. Giving the window an small push it effortlessly opened and for the first time she allowed herself to let out a sigh of relief. Jut the calm buzz from his apartment, the way it had a soft glow from the city lights below, she instantly felt her senses calming. It was unhealthy how just the mere knowing of his presence being near was enough to calm her. Trying her best to slip her shoes off gently she slipped her coat of and draped it over his couch running her fingers over its soft fabric. She opened the door gently she peeked in and heard his voice softly and at the sound of it, it brought both a peace and an excitement to her heart. She slipped her jeans off and did as she was told laying next to the male taking in his familiar scent of his soap and aftershave engulfing her. "did I wake you?" she whispered softly, despite knowing he lived alone it still felt necessary to keep her voice low. "no, let's just stay here in this moment can we?" she said turning to face him searching the eyes she found such comfort and solace in. Letting out steady and slow breathes she felt herself quickly relaxing just by being near him again.
FULL NAME: Elizabeth "Eliza" Barrett
NICKNAME(S): Eliza, Liza, ElizaBee, Lizzie
FACECLAIM: Daisy Edgar Jones
GENDER & PRONOUNS: Female, she/her
AGE & BIRTHDAY: 26 & Jan + 3rd.
OCCUPATION: Retail Associate at Spindle and Spoon
RESIDENCE: The Loft District, The Heritage Apartments
CHARACTER BUILDING
THREE POSITIVE TRAITS: Magnetic, Captivating, Devoted
THREE NEGATIVE TRAITS: Emotional, Unpredictable, Temperamental
MUSINGS: coming soon
Growing up with the sounds of screaming echoing along the thin walls and bouncing off the brick accent. It's number six on the long list of boyfriends your mother insist is the one, despite that the fact that just like many before him, he has a tendency to raise his voice after one too many beers, and let's face it you haven't seen the male hold back anything let alone another beer. Your mother, often emotional, very rarely rational seems to only attract men with tempers. Your father, a man who left before you even had a chance to turn two has only ever been referred to as that asshole and the only thing you can say he ever gave you was your eyes. You grow accustomed to the sounds of shouting and now the sound of silence feels foreign and wrong to you. You learn quickly was to avoid the conflict, make a charming comment while fighting the urge to roll your eyes, keep the flat as tidy as possible, make sure your mother eats something before she passes out on the couch. You realize quickly to make yourself as small and as invisible as you can at home. While you are at school you are terrified of the other kids knowing what it's really like at behind the closed door of your mother's apartment, how you were forced into the role of adult at a very tender age. You begin to mask any pain and underlying hints of sadness with a baseline of cheerfulness and smiles that could fool even the most perceptive. You really do begin to fall into this role of two different personas, the happy go lucky girl who is bigger than life and captivates everyone around her and making yourself as small as possible at home.
As you grow into young adulthood the constant juggling between these two differing identities leaves you feeling more times than not an emptiness. You learn to take care of the people around you yet keep a very firm wall between you and any other person from getting too close. It leaves a lot of your relationships at a surface level or one where you feel a deep responsibility to take care of the other person. Sometime down the line a therapist will explain that your deep desire to be cared for stems from feeling like you never were, craving the care your mother failed to give, the love your father a stranger never even attempted. It will be right before your sixteenth birthday when you realize that not every person struggles with a deep sadness underneath their happiness. That most people around you don't have these "episodes" where the energy to leave your bed and brush even your hair for school seems to be too much. The weight of the world feels too heavy, and you feel as if you are sinking. It's not the first time you miss a week of school and retreat to the comfort of your bed, but it is the first time someone takes notice. A counselor at your school notices that every month or so like clockwork your shiny personality begins to dull, and you begin to miss school and fall behind on your work. You don't have the words to explain what you are feeling and assure the worried over worked school employee that you are more than fine, but you know your lie can only last for so long.
This is also around the time you start to hurt yourself intentionally. You never do it too much but it's just as a way to try and comply the nagging feeling inside of you. This is also what ends you up in the hospital for the first time. There were whispers between concerned teachers and finally your mother was confronted with getting you help or possibly losing custody. So off to the mental ward of the hospital you go, with your mother swearing up and down to anyone who will listen that she has no idea where your feelings came from. Surprisingly you take well to the hospital, the beds are horribly uncomfortable, and it takes weeks to get used to the silence at night, but it's the first place maybe ever you feel taken care of. The doctor you see tells you one day after a talking session the words bipolar and manic and the heaviness of the words are not lost on you. They prescribe you some medication that makes you a little jittery at first but after a couple months makes it easier to keep your roles at bay and easier to juggle.
You'll have an easier time managing and the home you made in the hospital walls comes to an end. After your stay you move out of your mother's rent a way too small studio apartment and get a shitty minimum wage job right out of school. You don't care you just need a start, a start away from your mother and the overwhelming heaviness that comes from being around her. For several years you are doing well, sure you still have episodes here and there, but you feel the mania of your disorder balancing for the most part. You keep your mother at a distance which does wonders for your mental health until suddenly her physical health comes to a decline. You are thrusted into taking care of her again and as a result you stop taking care of yourself. You stop taking your medication and it doesn't take long for the weight of everything to weigh on you. You fall so deep you realize you are deep in it but don't know how to get up again. Friends begin to worry, your boss you have grown close to start to show concern. You check yourself into a facility the structure of it feels familiar and safe to you, and for the first time in years you start to put your life back together.
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