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2p!Hetalia as The Smiths Songs

2p!America: Rusholme Ruffians

2p!Russia: Girlfriend in a Coma

2p!China: Cemetry Gates

2p!France: Bigmouth Strikes Again (mentions Joan of Arc)

2p!England: The Queen is Dead

2p!Germany: The Headmaster Ritual

2p!Japan: Still Ill

2p!North Italy: Shoplifters of the World Unite

2p Hetalia Characters as Chapo Trap House Bits

2p!America: Hot Couch Guys

2p!Russia: Large Adult (Fail-)Sons

2p!China: kratom & ketamine

2p!England: The Caleb Saga

2p!France: extremely divorced

2p!North Italy: phrenology

2p!Japan: The Baseball Crank

2p!Germany: business perverts of Berlin

#im not dead btw

dykecostanza-deactivated2024112

2p Hetalia Characters as French Pastries

2p!America: Chocolatine, eaten by the handful

2p!Russia: Unsatisfying tarte tatin made by my summer school classmate (it turned out his cat had been run over so he was super stressed)

2p!China: Trader Joe’s frozen macarons. You have to wait an absurdly long time for them to properly thaw, and I never have the patience.

2p!France: White-chocolate champignons I get whenever I go to Montréal because they’re so damn good

2p!England: Kouign Amann my parents get whenever we go to Montréal for some reason even though it’s kind of bad

2p!Germany: Homemade maple-bourbon mille crêpe cake for my summer school project (I got the most votes for both my cooking vid and the flavor)

2p!Japan: Éclair I regrettably spent 5 USD on

2p!North Italy: Strawberry layer cake I got in Québec and brought back to my hotel room, only to realize I didn’t have a fork or any other utensils, which I then ate using my hotel room key card like some kind of feral beast

#si tu veux me dire que quelque chose sur ma liste n'est pas français #suce-moi #food mention

2p Hetalia Characters as Soups

2p!America: Lobster Bisque

2p!Russia: Beef & Mushroom Soup

2p!China: Beef, Beef, & More Beef Soup

2p!France: A Single Cigarette In A Bowl Of Merlot

2p!England: Canned Beans

2p!Germany: Half A Canister Of Eggshell Paint With Some Noodles (white people food)

2p!Japan: A Pint Of Human Blood

2p!North Italy: Potato Leek Soup

#this is a joke btw #food

2p Hetalia Characters as Stupid Shit on Tumblr

2p!America: white people arguing that they can still celebrate the 4th of July without glorifying a white-supremacist nation built on chattel slavery and genocide, bc “thats not all America’s about”

2p!Russia: The reactionary resurgence of adoration towards Stephanie Meyer, an anti-sex pro-life cultist who wrote racist caricatures of Native Americans

2p!China: People’s continued inability to fact-check themselves or recognize obvious fake news

2p!France: 25 year olds decrying “cringe culture,” then turning around to make fun of high schoolers who recently started liking Moomin

2p!England: Well-known bloggers popularizing “feral,” “horse scawy,” or “im a cryptid” jokes, only to decry anyone who makes them The Moment the joke becomes popular with people younger than them

2p!Germany: Men who don’t get “men will see a mouse and eat it” jokes

2p!Japan: Staff

2p!North Italy: anyone who still cares about Hamilton

#this is not a joke btw

2p Hetalia Characters as Uncomfortable Teenage Moments

2p!America: That girl I had a crush on got suspended for showing up stoned and now we don’t even make eye contact

2p!Russia: I don’t know how to do laundry. Am I spoiled?

2p!China: The overwhelming social pressure to have sex VS Only bad options at my school and body image issues

2p!France: I’m almost seventeen and I’ve never been to a party, been on a date, or kissed someone

2p!England: Someone finally told me they had a crush on me, but I’ve got two years and three grades on her

2p!Germany: The music my parents listen to is actually pretty good

2p!Japan: Extreme Problem Avoidance moments that make everything worse

2p!North Italy: Literally every other teenage moment

#this is barely a joke tbh #i dropped out of high school to go to college a year early because I've been mildly awkward at school

2p Hetalia Characters as American Roadside Attractions

2p!America: World’s Saddest Ball of Twine

2p!Russia: Combination Dairy Queen/Burger King/Taco Bell/Graveyard/Convent/Orange Julius

2p!China: The Gator From Billy Madison In A Pit

2p!France: Gas station that dispenses blood (possibly yours?) instead of fuel

2p!England: The Petrified Forest: Just TRY Not To Steal Some!

2p!Germany: Tent-store eagerly trying to sell you cheap fireworks. You see its billboards hours before you come across its actual location. Maybe it’s because I’m from up north but I don’t understand why the rest of this country loves buying firecrackers from a roadside pop-up with a racist logo.

2p!Japan: Precariously Balanced Stones...Ohoho...Will They Crush You? i fucking hope so

2p!North Italy: this isn’t technically an attraction, but, like, those billboards advertising vasectomies.

#this is a joke btw

The 2p Hetalia Characters as BabyCenter Child-Naming Polls

2p!America:

2p!England:

2p!France:

2p!China:

2p!Russia:

2p!Germany:

2p!Japan:

2p!North Italy:

#this is not a joke btw

2p Hetalia Characters as Colleges I’ve Toured

2p!America: There are no classrooms, only Greek Life. No dining hall, only buffalo wings. No parking, only yachts. Just fuckin Fratboys everywhere in their shite polos and winkle picker ass shoes. There aren't even professors any more jfc

2p!Russia: The campus occupies over 1,526 contiguous acres. You didn’t think there were even that many acres total in Rhode Island, but you’ve been so wrong before.

2p!China: UC Santa Cruz! My neuro teacher went there. He told us they have a serious STD problem.

2p!France: It’s in New York City. Tuition is eighty thousand a year; room and board are twice that. “What about my grants or scholarships?” You ask. She smiles patronizingly. “They’ll add about another fifty grand.”

2p!England: The students? Wack. The professors? Wack. The campus? Wack. The library? Wack. Those cunts with their bowline tightropes on the quad? Wack. The way that their teams always lose every game? Wack. The way that they funnel all their money into sports? Wack. The statue of their mascot-dog? THAT’S TIGHT AS FUCK!!!!!

2p!Germany: BYU fight me irl mormons you pasty lil farmboys

2p!Japan: Somehow, you can see the lake from every window, even the ones that should only look out on the quad.

2p!North Italy: PSYCH its BYU again im all hopped up on forbidden caffeinated coffee and ready to throw hands with a protestant DM me if ur down

#this is a joke btw #guess who got into colleggggge

2p Hetalia New Year’s Resolutions!

2p!America: gain enough muscle mass to beat up my stepdad

2p!Russia: get ribs removed so he can su

2p!China: Just Start Haunting!

2p!France: Stop eating so much asphalt

2p!England: Befriend the frogs in the yard!

2p!Germany: build a bunker for when the cops come a-knockin’

2p!Japan: get on at least 2 federal watch-lists

2p!North Italy: remove dick from toaster

#this is a joke btw

2p Hetalia Characters: How Did They Celebrate New Year’s?

2p!America: conked out at 11:24 pm and slept through the whole thing

2p!Russia: Miles and miles, he traveled. Through the snow, sifting down like powdered sugar, he could almost make out the shape of a pony-drawn carriage.

2p!China: His lambskin boots sank straight through the whiteness. Ice water sloshed at his ankles. His mother’s wool socks were irreversibly ruined. It didn’t matter; he wasn’t going back.

2p!France: He had stopped shivering a few miles back. That couldn’t be good. He remembered his grampa telling him about the stages of cold-death when he was small enough to bounce on the man’s knee.

2p!England: He stared keenly where the carriage could be. Was this like the desert mirages in the adventure books? The drifting snow muffles any reverie he can manage.

2p!Germany: It’s just one foot in front of the other, now. Great tree roots try to stumble him. He will fall in the snow and he will not get up again, because he cannot.

2p!Japan: If he falls, his body will disintegrate and become part of the trees. He will be the trees for centuries to come. His mother wouldn’t bury him as she had buried his father and his sister.

2p!North Italy: Now knee-deep in the snow, his thoughts flicker like a match’s flame. In his foggy breath before him, he sees the pony come closer. The passenger stares him down. It’s been long enough.

#this is a joke btw #Happy new year to all of you who survived

2p Hetalia Characters as Things I Am Not Doing Today!

2p!America: getting dinner

2p!Russia: college apps

2p!China: history essay

2p!France: sleeping

2p!England: getting my hair dye situation fixed

2p!Germany: my art hw

2p!Japan: my lit hw

2p!North Italy: reading A Separate Peace

#this is barely a joke tbh #im a lil bit done bby!!!#gonna see if i can stay home tomorrow

2p Hetalia Characters as Sins

2p!America: Listening to Slayer in 2018

2p!Russia: Wrath

2p!China: Eating cereal with a fork

2p!France: Horny on Main

2p!England: Cutting your own bangs

2p!Germany: Owning a Ukulele

2p!Japan: Acedia

2p!North Italy: Insulting a gamer

#this is a joke btw

2p Hetalia Characters as Los Angeles Haunting Spirits

2p!America: Forever 21 lich

2p!Russia: The spirit of mountain snow

2p!China: Those green eyes in the alleyway by your house at night

2p!France: The ghost of Buddy Holly

2p!England: Fountain Selkie (drowns you in the your rich friend’s water feature)

2p!Germany: Zombie trying to convert you to Scientology

2p!Japan: Guy on the metro holding a little goat

2p!North Italy:

#this is a joke btw #possums

2p Hetalia Characters as Little Fall Things

2p!America: Suddenly caring about football

2p!Russia: Watching your breath fog in the mornings

2p!China: Wanting to own three hundred decorative gourds

2p!France: The sounds of leaves crunching in your mouth as you much them

2p!England: Eating apple cider donuts to prep for hibernation

2p!Germany: Exploring new parts of the woods, looking for that perfect cave

2p!Japan: Feeling utterly impermanent, unconnected from your surroundings

2p!North Italy: Letting go, allowing deep slumber to reclaim you until the winter breaks.

#this is a joke btw #happy autumn!

2p Hetalia Characters as Jury Duty Outfits

2p!America: “Fuck Cops” t-shirt and Nothing Else

2p!Russia: full-on fursuit

2p!China: full-on fursuit (with cardigan)

2p!France: Assless Chaps

2p!England: Historically accurate Captain Ahab cosplay

2p!Germany: speedo+crop top+GoGo Boots

2p!Japan: David Byrne Big Suit

2p!North Italy: Sexy Judge Halloween Costume

#this is a joke btw #dicks out for jury duty #!!!

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