Every Bad Thing

Fueled by ice cream and mental health issues

[everybadthing]

sometimes i just want to walk away from everything but jfc being on a bunch of hard to fill mental health medications is such a fucking anchor

[fandomshitpostsandmore]

What people don't tell you is that as you get into your 20s and 30s, the "It gets better" schtick goes away. Fast. Not only that, but if you have any sort of chronic pain older adults will GLEEFULLY tell you a version of either "it gets worse" or "it is never getting better". But God forbid I even so much as joke about offing myself, though. I'm supposed to just hear about how much worse it's gonna get and NOT show any signs of hopelessness.

[everybadthing]

I feel like if I’d succeeded at trying to kill myself the first time I’d tried people might’ve been like wow they were so young so much potential to live for. Since I’m over 30 now it’ll be more like …oh … well… they had a long history of mental health issues *shrugs*

[everybadthing]

The good news is I guess I have some crafts projects to do during the menty b I’m currently dissociating through. The other news is yesterday was like day #8 this year where … if I could’ve i don’t think i would have chosen to be dealing with today. So many people always say it gets better. It’s crazy that both are true that it has and I’m still waiting for it to

[everybadthing]

There are so many people on this planet it’s a wonder more don’t just disappear off the sides of it

[everybadthing]

It makes sense that drowning

Actually isn’t drama and flailing

But fighting to keep your

Head above water

And finding yourself losing that fight

One breath at a time you just can’t take

Before silently slipping away

[everybadthing]

So crying in the middle of the night hasn’t fixed how overwhelmed I feel and I can honestly say I don’t have a ton of bright ideas about what else to try

[everybadthing]

What’s the point of saying I think

I’m doing really badly again

It’s probably the 57th time I’ll have

Said that again just for this year

And part of me wants to lie down in traffic

While the rest of the world won’t stop

Trying to tell me to try again

lucky number 58

[everybadthing]

So I’m 30 now and still

can’t wrap my mind around aging

Almost three times as old as when I

Started having depression

More than double as old as when I

Started trying to die from it

When everything’s too much

that always sounds like an option again

And it’s always 3am when I can’t stop crying

[everybadthing]

i think im feeling sad again. i think ive even desensitized myself to this reality because its continuously like again? didnt i say this same fucking thing last week? what the fuck is wrong with me and why does this continually keep happening.

[everybadthing]

Oh melancholy back again I see

This time I got two days above water.

I noticed though it is it just me

Whose dreams led them like lambs to the slaughter

I just can’t pretend anymore anyway

The quicksand is too deep to flee

Followed doctors orders but still just can’t say

I feel anything more full than empty

[everybadthing]

There are so many time in life where I was just not nice not kind not stable not any of the things I’d want to have been

[everybadthing]

To be wanted > To be needed

[everybadthing]

today my coworker said I was "getting emotional" for having an opinion on the ai bubble based on researching the economics around it. In a discussion where his opinion is mainly based on vibes. God forbid I have a good day at that place

[everybadthing]

What if again

What if I am the problem

Like everyone has always said

And what if I can’t change

Or don’t really want to right now

[everybadthing]

Have you tried just not being depressed? From the makers of just smile more - everyone says they’re feeling better but suicide rates have never been higher. For a product worse than the placebo try just not being depressed today.

[everybadthing]

Apparently I’m too high risk to learn to feel safe in my body. I’m not trying hard enough to not hurt myself or use substances or just not be depressed too probably.

[everybadthing]

Just wanna drink until my thoughts stop rn fr. Guess I stopped dissociating since I’m drowning in emotional pain